Archive of Our Own

“Mmkay Wonder Twins, knock it off. No one really wants to watch you suck each other’s faces off for the next hour,” Santana drawled as she slowed by the choir room only to spot Kurt and Blaine making out for the third time that week.

Ever since the WMHS production of West Side Story had ended, quite successfully she might add, they had been pretty much inseparable. Santana had it on good authority - i.e Mercedes and Tina being not only close friends of Kurt’s, but also two of the biggest gossips in the school - that they had finally ‘done the deed,’ so to speak, so she knew it made sense. It didn’t make it any less irritating, though.

The boys pulled away from each other and threw her embarrassed looks while Mercedes just waved them off and frowned disapprovingly at her.

“Leave them alone, Santana. I think they look cute.” She flashed the pair a sweet smile before turning back to the cheerleader. “Besides, at least it’s not Finn and Rachel again.”

Santana started walking again with a disgusted scoff. “Ugh, true. They’re so gross.”

As if on cue, Finn and Rachel passed them on their way to join the rest of the New Directions, Finn’s arm wrapped tightly around his girlfriend’s shoulders while they made stupid lovey-dovey heart eyes at each other, and Santana gagged. She had started out just faking her reactions to annoy them, but by now it came naturally to her. If they hadn’t been walking, their tongues would’ve been shoved down each other’s throats instead. Definitely not a pleasant sight for anyone, but it somehow kept happening everywhere she looked.

“Apparently, they did it too,” Mercedes offered, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. “Right after the first show. Must’ve been the same night as Kurt and Blaine.”

“Nasty,” Brittany mumbled. Her eyebrows were scrunched up in distaste, but her expression immediately smoothed back into her usual cheerfulness as she skipped into the Troubletones’ practice room to hug Sugar.

The two girls bounced around excitedly while Mercedes talked with Mrs Corcoran, and Santana couldn’t stop the fond smile from forming on her lips. Brittany and Sugar both had very infectious energies, and no matter how shitty school usually was, she would still find herself feeling much lighter by the end of glee rehearsals. Although, whether it was the Pierce-Motta dynamic duo that cheered her up, or if it was actually just the fact that she and Brittany would usually hang out right after rehearsals and get their cuddle on in the safety of her bedroom, was really no one’s business. 

Getting one of the leads in the Troubletones’ Adele mash-up did make it a bit harder to stay happy throughout an entire rehearsal, though. It didn’t have anything to do with Adele herself - Santana was actually quite grateful that Mercedes chose those songs, because they were so good, but she had ended up with the solo for ‘Someone like you’. Yes, it was iconic, but the lyrics always got to her. (Not that she’d ever admit that, obviously.)

‘Guess she gave you things, I didn’t give to you,’ was the line that stung the most. Even when they were practicing the mash-up with its choreography, she and Brittany would somehow manage to lock eyes, and she’d wonder if Brittany could see the fear and longing in hers because those words hit a bit too close to home.

They didn’t talk very often about their situation, mainly because Santana didn’t want to think about it. She kept telling herself that tomorrow, she’d be ready to come out publicly as a lesbian and tell everyone that they were dating. She genuinely wanted to be able to hold Brittany’s hand when they went out together without feeling the need to hide their interlocked fingers, or to kiss her whenever she felt like it even if there were people around, or even just to tell her she loved her without being scared that someone might overhear her. She saw what Kurt and Blaine had, and she desperately wished she felt comfortable enough that she and Brittany could have it too. But what if Brittany got tired of waiting and gave up on her? People can only be so patient, right? Yet every morning, she would swallow down the two words trying to claw their way out. I’m gay. They burned her throat the way she imagined poison would, but her overly bitter coffee was enough to drown them back down for the day and the cycle just kept going.

It didn’t help that the sight of Ladies Hummel and Warbler constantly making out had etched itself into Santana’s mind, and was playing on a loop throughout the entirety of the Troubletones’ rehearsal. It had gotten to a point where she was just moving around and singing based on muscle memory alone, without processing anything - not Mrs C’s feedback of the performance, not Sugar’s rambling about god knows what, not even the worried looks Mercedes and Brittany were both throwing at her.

She finally snapped back to reality over an hour later, when she and Brittany reached her car - but only because Brittany nudged her to remind her that she needed to unlock the doors, and she realized she had just been staring blankly at it for at least a full minute without moving.

“Are you okay, San? You’ve been super quiet since rehearsals started,” the blonde asked nervously as she buckled her seatbelt.

“Um, yeah. I just-” Santana sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “Do you mind if I take a raincheck today?”

Brittany knitted her eyebrows, her gaze flicking from Santana to the greying autumn sky outside. “What, like checking the weather? Cause it’s not raining…”

“No, I know, sorry - that wasn’t clear. I meant, I know it’s date night but would it be okay if we reschedule this? I’ll drop you off at home and stuff, but I think I need to go talk to someone.”

“Oh, right. That’s totally fine.” She didn’t seem entirely convinced by her own words, but she nodded reassuringly anyway. “Can I still get a sweet lady kiss when we reach my place, though?”

Santana smiled, pulling her phone out to send a quick text before she started the engine. “Of course, Britt-Britt.”

***

Kurt walked into the Lima Bean, his insides churning as he spotted Santana sitting alone at a table, drumming her fingers impatiently against her coffee cup.

“You’re late, Hummel,” she grumbled as he sat down, but she nudged a second cup towards him anyway. “Nonfat mocha, right?”

The boy nodded and surveyed her carefully over the rim of his cup as he took a sip of his coffee. She was avoiding eye contact, instead frowning hard at the table as if trying to burn holes in it. And she was uncharacteristically fidgety, shifting around awkwardly every few seconds. He decided to go for a casual approach first.

“So what’s going on, Satan? You never text me.”

Santana rolled her eyes at the nickname but didn’t answer immediately, more focused on her erratic finger tapping.

After another silence, Kurt sighed. He wasn’t used to this side of her. Usually, she knew exactly what she wanted from people, had a list of witty insults up her sleeve, stared everyone dead in the eyes until they looked away, and didn’t text him for anything since they weren’t that close in the first place.

“Okay, you’re starting to stress me out. Is there something wrong, Santana?”

She finally looked up to meet his gaze, but not for long. Her eyes were darting around the cafe and they eventually fixed themselves on the exit. She looked like she was regretting inviting him here and considering making a run for the door.

After a deep breath, Santana locked her eyes with his and he was so taken aback by how small and vulnerable she appeared that he almost missed the words that escaped her lips. “I need your help.”

He sipped at his coffee again, waiting for her to elaborate. What kind of help could Santana Lopez want from him, of all people?

“I’m -” She glanced around quickly, her eyes wide and fearful, before leaning across the table. “I’m in love with Brittany,” she whispered.

Oh. 

Kurt immediately reached over to cover her trembling hands with his and was pleasantly surprised when she didn’t pull away. Her news wasn’t particularly shocking; he was pretty sure everyone in the New Directions knew something was going on between the two cheerleaders, but he didn’t say anything. Her demeanour reminded him of the time he came out to Mercedes, scared and desperate for some kind of support.

“I don’t want to hide it anymore, Kurt. It’s so exhausting and Britt keeps saying she’ll wait until I’m ready to tell people, but she deserves to be with someone who loves her proudly and openly and I want to be that person for her, I really do, but I’m scared of what people might say behind my back if I come out. I mean, Karofsky made you so fucking miserable last year that you literally changed schools because you felt so unsafe and I don’t want to put Brittany through that. People at McKinley can be so cruel and she should never have to experience that - she already deals with so much judgment from everyone. I don’t know what to do.”

Her voice was hushed and the words were tumbling out of her mouth so quickly it was a wonder Kurt understood it all. It was like the titanic dam Santana had built around herself had broken and was releasing a massive flood of water all at once, and he nodded because he knew exactly how she felt.

“Thank you for trusting me with this, Santana. I know it’s scary but you’re being so strong and I’m here for you now.”

The emotions were swimming around in her eyes; a mixture primarily of panic and relief battling each other for dominance as she tried to even out her breathing. She squeezed Kurt’s fingers so tightly he expected to hear his bones crack, but he didn’t complain. 

He stayed silent until Santana had calmed down enough to relax her grip on his hands and gulped down about three-quarters of her coffee. She still kept looking around them like she was expecting someone to lean over and insult her even though no one was actually close enough to overhear their conversation, but at least she wasn’t on the verge of tears or a panic attack anymore.

“Okay, do you have an idea of how you want to handle this?”

She frowned, confused. 

“Like, who do you want to tell, how do you want to tell them, how much do you even want to share, that kind of thing.” He caught the slight flash of worry in her eyes and almost kicked himself. Dammit Kurt, don’t overwhelm her, she nearly cried just telling you about it. “You don’t have to tell me right now, obviously, take your time. I don’t wanna rush you, I was just wondering if you had anything specific in mind,” he added quickly before she could spiral again.

“I think… I wanna tell everyone in glee. Some of them probably already know, but that could make it easier to tell them, right?”

Kurt nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. Anyone else?”

“My parents and my abuela, obviously. And… the Cheerios. They might know too, I guess, because Britt and I are so close.”

He nodded again, running his fingers over her knuckles. “I know you’re not a huge fan of actually talking about your feelings -” Santana snorted despite herself and rolled her eyes. “- so maybe singing might help? At least when you tell the glee clubs? I can’t really picture you singing to the Cheerios or your parents, but everyone in glee will understand if you choose to express your feelings through song.”

“I guess that could work. But I don’t have any song ideas. I sang ‘Landslide’ and ‘Songbird’ to Britt last year but I feel like it should be something different.”

Silence enveloped the pair again as Kurt leaned back in his chair and racked his brains for music suggestions, while Santana busied herself scratching little patterns into her cup.

Kurt was close to calling it a day and heading home to think about it some more until a specific musical popped up in his head and he perked up. 

“Hey, Santana, would you be down for a movie tomorrow? I think I have an idea you might like.”

She eyed him carefully and he knew he was taking a risk by even suggesting a song from a musical because she always jumped on the opportunity to diss them - yet still enjoyed performing in them and did an excellent job, go figure - but she just shrugged.

“I guess so.”

He beamed as they both stood up and headed out to the parking lot. “So, your place tomorrow afternoon?”

She nodded and made to open her car door, but paused before she got in and turned around.

“Kurt?”

“Mhmm?”

“Thank you.”

Kurt caught sight of the shy smile ghosting across her lips and reached over to squeeze her hand one last time before they went their separate ways.

***

Santana opened her front door the next day to find both Kurt and Blaine smiling cheerfully at her, a bag bulging with junk food in Blaine’s arms.

“I brought Blaine,” Kurt declared unnecessarily and stepped inside. “He loves this movie and I figured Britt might be here too. Nice PJs, by the way,” he added with a smirk, nodding at the cartoon unicorn on her shirt. It was technically Brittany’s, because Santana would never buy anything unicorn-themed clothes for herself, but she couldn’t be bothered to correct him.

The other boy offered her a hopeful smile paired with wide puppy eyes and she sighed, closing the door behind them. Kurt had assumed correctly, of course, because Brittany was currently building a pillow fort on her couch, and it would be rude to kick his boyfriend out. She just wasn’t sure if Blaine actually knew why they were having this movie night, because he gave absolutely no indication as to whether he was aware of her sexuality or not.

“Britt, the Gay Twins brought more snacks,” she called as she led them to the living room.

The blonde glanced up from her construction work, her mouth stuffed with marshmallows, and waved excitedly at the new arrivals. She tried saying something but the noises that came out were garbled and entirely incomprehensible (if Santana had to guess, it would be something along the lines of ‘hi Kurt and Blaine Warbler’ ) - not that Blaine cared, because he immediately joined her in pillow fort and pulled a family-sized pack of gummy bears out of the bag he was carrying.

Santana watched them absentmindedly as Brittany launched into a very serious discussion about the ethics behind eating gummy bears, her face scrunching up adorably, and Blaine nodded along as if it was the most important conversation in the world. (Supposedly, you have to bite their heads off first instead of eating them whole so that they suffer less.) The girl had a way of getting along with everyone, which Santana had always chalked up to her innocence and warmth, and it put everyone at ease so effortlessly.

She didn’t realize she was staring again until Kurt cleared his throat right behind her and held out a DVD box. 

“Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” she read aloud. “What the fuck is this, Hummel?” 

“It’s an off-Broadway rock musical,” Blaine piped up while she prepped the TV. “This is the movie adaptation, though, so it’s a bit different than the original.”

“I didn’t know there was a musical about an owl,” Brittany mused with a confused frown. “Do they use an actual live owl on stage? Ooh, does the owl sing? ” Her eyes lit up at the thought of it and Santana cracked a smile because an owl singing rock seemed a whole lot more entertaining than whatever the movie was actually about.

The two boys exchanged baffled looks. “Um, what makes you think this is about an owl, Britt?”

“Hedwig? Isn’t that the owl from Harry Potter?”

Blaine, who wasn’t as used to Brittany’s references as his boyfriend, opened and shut his mouth, seemingly at a loss for words. Santana just chuckled and handed her the DVD box. 

“There’s no owl on the cover, so my guess is that this is a different Hedwig,” she offered kindly, squeezing her way into the pillow fort while Brittany examined the cover art with a disappointed pout. She fought the temptation to kiss it away like she usually did when the two were alone, instead settling for her cheek, before grabbing a handful of popcorn and the remote to start the movie.

The screening was occasionally interrupted by quiet comments. ‘Why would anyone be named after pasta… or is the pasta named after him?’ Brittany had mumbled when Tommy Gnosis was first mentioned. ‘The pasta is called gnocchi, honey,’ Santana had answered with a soft kiss to her girlfriend’s shoulder. Kurt and Blaine would occasionally talk in hushed voices, comparing their thoughts in regards to the outfit designs, or Blaine would explain the historical context or religious symbolism in scenes that no one else quite understood. Santana made a mental note to ask him more about that at some point, because he seemed to know a lot and she was actually sort of intrigued at the way the story melded religion with a non gender-conforming character. 

The most important comment, however, was when Kurt leaned over to catch her attention and whisper excitedly. “This is the song I was thinking of, so watch and listen carefully.”

Santana obediently directed her full attention to the screen, shutting out any potential distractions as the music started. She wasn’t really sure which aspect of the scene had enraptured her the most; it could’ve been the raw emotion in Hedwig’s expression and voice that shook her to her very core, it could’ve been the animation illustrating the lyrics in a way that reminded her of a picture book, or maybe it was just the story itself that captivated her so much. Whatever it was, it kept her almost breathless in anticipation. 

Her eyes were glued to the screen as the story unfolded, intensifying in parts before dropping to a gentle and intimate lull. She didn’t even realize she was crying until the song ended and a tear made its way down her cheek - one she quickly wiped away before anyone could notice.

*** 

The rest of the movie was a blur. She was too caught up thinking about that one song to actually pay attention to anything else, entirely wrapped up in her own world. Maybe she had even fallen asleep, because when she snapped back to reality, the credits were playing and the others were chatting quietly. 

Brittany, who had adjusted so that Santana could rest against her shoulder, smiled sweetly when she felt the shorter girl stir.

“Morning, sunshine,” she whispered. Her blonde hair tickled Santana’s face, falling like a curtain between them and the boys as she shifted to place a quick kiss against her lips. “Now that you’re awake I really have to go pee, though. I would’ve gone earlier but I didn’t wanna wake you up,” she added sheepishly and Santana chuckled hoarsely before slipping off her lap.

She was still blinking the sleep out of her eyes, her gaze absently trained on the way Brittany’s hips swayed with a dancerly grace as she walked away, when Kurt leaned over and shook her out of her thoughts.

“So? What did you think?” His eyes were wide and hopeful, trying to read her expression for a hint of an opinion.

There was a silence as her eyes flickered from him, to Blaine, to the empty chocolate wrappers and packs of candy strewn around the coffee table. She was willing to talk to Kurt because she did actually have stuff to say, but she still wasn’t entirely sure how much Blaine knew about the current situation.

“Um, I…” She hesitated before just slumping her shoulders and gesturing awkwardly at the mess before them. “I should clean this up first.”

“I’ll help you then,” he offered immediately.

From the corner of her eyes, Santana watched Kurt shake his head at his boyfriend when the other boy tried standing to assist them, and she bit her lip guiltily before fixing her gaze on plastic wrappers she was picking up.

“You do know Blaine would never judge you, right?” Kurt asked, his voice soft as he followed her to the kitchen. “I didn’t tell him anything because I thought you might prefer to do it yourself, but he’d support you just as much as I do.”

“No, I know,” she sighed, dumping the wrappers in the trash can before straightening up to lean against the kitchen counter, her arms crossed defensively in front of her chest. “It’s just hard. I’m not exactly used to opening up.”

He hummed in understanding, and she felt a twinge of disappointment when she noticed what looked like sadness in his eyes. It didn’t last long, though, because he changed the subject before she could really dwell on it.

“So, the song? Thoughts?” 

Santana didn’t hesitate this time, the usual assertiveness in her voice returning earnestly. “It was beautiful, Kurt, it’s a perfect choice. But I can’t sing it alone…” Her eyes shifted to the hallway, from which they now could hear peals of laughter. “Do you think Blaine and Britt would join us?”

He didn’t even need to answer. The smile he gave her was so wide that she felt herself mirroring it instinctively.

They walked into the living room to the sight of their respective partners sitting on opposite ends of the couch, trying to toss popcorn into each other’s mouths despite their uncontrollable giggling. Brittany seemed to be the better thrower, Santana noticed with a rush of pride as she watched the blonde lob a popcorn kernel directly into Blaine’s open mouth and whoop enthusiastically. He was just about to throw one back at her when Kurt cleared his throat and he whipped around.

“That was a pathetic attempt, Blaine,” Santana commented drily, her eyes having followed the kernel’s trajectory into the pile scattered across Brittany’s lap, but there was no real bite to her voice. 

His boyfriend nudged her with a disapproving frown and she promptly ignored him so she could join Brittany back in the now-crumbling pillow fort.

Blaine didn’t seem too bothered by her teasing, though. Instead, he sat up a bit straighter and crossed his legs. “Alright, well, as enjoyable as this has been so far, I can’t help but feel like we didn’t just watch Hedwig ‘for fun,’ as Kurt claims we did.” He shot a glance at the boy in question, who was hovering in front of an armchair. “I don’t mean to intrude or anything, but if someone is willing to explain what’s going on, I’d really appreciate it.”

Kurt curled up on the chair, looking at Santana, but didn’t say anything. He seemed a bit nervous, as if he was expecting her to deflect and back out of the entire plan now that she actually needed to share her feelings with more people, and she couldn’t blame him for thinking that. For a minute, the silence in the room was only broken by soft crunching sounds - Brittany had taken advantage of the break in her game with Blaine to catch up on all the popcorn she didn’t get to eat while Santana sorted through her thoughts.

Eventually, she took a deep breath. It was now or never. And she’d managed to tell Kurt the day before, so surely telling one more person would go fine.

“I’m a lesbian,” she declared. “Britt and I are dating, and I love her so much - like, more than anything or anyone else in this world.”

The three pairs of eyes trained on her, making her chest and throat tighten with momentary panic until she realized they were accompanied by proud smiles. She barely even cared about Blaine’s reaction, because Brittany’s eyes were mesmerizingly bright, like a clear lake sparkling in the sunlight, and she felt like a crushing weight had been lifted off her shoulders. The blonde’s flushed cheeks and radiant smile gave her the incentive she needed to continue.

“I want to come out to the glee clubs next week, and Kurt suggested we use a song from Hedwig - although I do think watching the whole movie was a bit unnecessary, Hummel, you could’ve just played the song for me.” He rolled his eyes at her and she ignored it again. “Anyway, I’d really like it if you guys all performed it with me. I’d feel safer that way.”

An excited squeak escaped from Brittany’s mouth and before anyone else could react, the blonde had leaned over to crash their lips together, beaming into the kiss. Santana almost backed away instinctively because fuck, there are people watching us and that never happens and it’s terrifying, until she realized two things; first, she didn’t actually need to hide a kiss from the openly gay couple she literally just came out to, and second, she didn’t even want to hide it. Brittany’s lips tasted of popcorn and chocolate and candy all at once and erased everything else from her mind - even the presence of the two boys a few feet away from them - and she wanted nothing else but to stay in this moment forever.

Brittany must’ve remembered they weren’t alone, though, because she pulled away before things could get too heated, and pressed their foreheads together.

“I love you too, Santana, more than you’ll ever know,” she murmured breathlessly. “And of course I’ll sing with you.”

Santana bit her lip, trying and failing to hold back a smile of her own. She was already losing herself again in the pools of crystal blue that were her girlfriend’s eyes, still oblivious to the other people in the room.

“Um, yeah, same here. About the singing part, obviously,” Blaine added after a short silence. He looked beyond embarrassed to interrupt their moment when they pulled away from each other to look at him, but he grinned anyway. “Also, I’m really grateful you trust me enough to include me in this. Even though I don’t think you would’ve asked if Kurt didn’t bring me here.”

Santana smiled back appreciatively. He was right, in a way; she wouldn’t have reached out to yet another person on her own, but she couldn’t think of a better group of people to have supporting her for this. No matter what happened, the three people in the room with her would have her back.

“Ooh, you know what we should do now?” Brittany hopped up from the couch to stand in front of the TV, excitement plastered all over her face. When no one answered, she gestured around the room. “We still have plenty of snacks, it’s not super late yet, and we’ll have to prep our performance at some point later or tomorrow, so…” 

The two boys exchanged confused looks yet again, but Santana nodded encouragingly. “She’s going somewhere, just wait for it.”

“I think we should watch the real Hedwig...” The blonde paused dramatically, twisting around to grab a box from Santana’s DVD collection. “... with a Harry Potter marathon!” She twisted back to present the set, holding it triumphantly over her head and humming the opening song from the Lion King.

Santana shrugged thoughtfully, trying not to laugh at her girlfriend’s enthusiasm. “Honestly, I’m down if you guys are. You could probably all sleep over, we have a guest room and stuff.”

Kurt and Blaine both hesitated, their eyes darting back and forth from each other to a very hopeful Brittany, bouncing up and down on her heels with big sparkly eyes that no one could ever say no to. “I think my dad would be fine with it, but we might have to go get a change of clothes and stuff first,” Kurt suggested, and the raven-haired boy nodded.

They headed off, both texting their parents to double-check they had permission and coming dangerously close to walking straight into the doorframe as they left, much to Santana’s amusement.

When she walked back into the living room, still smirking, she found Brittany staring at her, partway through her giddy reconstruction of the pillow fort, and she raised her eyebrows quizzically.

“San, you’re not doing this because you feel pressured, right? You know I’m willing to wait if you’re not ready.”

“I know, Britt-Britt. But you aren’t pressuring me at all.” She crossed over to the couch and reached out to cup Brittany’s face in her hand, brushing away a few strands of hair from the blonde’s eyes. “I’m just tired of hiding this, us. I want everyone to know that I love you and I’m so lucky to call you my girlfriend.”

“Us, huh?” The taller girl hummed softly, the corners of her lips quirking up into a fond smile as she leaned down for a kiss. It was softer than the last one, more deliberate and paced this time. Santana felt her eyelids flutter to a close, blocking out everything except the feeling of Brittany’s lips trailing up her jaw to whisper huskily in her ear. “I’m really proud of you, Santana.” She sucked in a sharp breath, her mind going completely blank when they made their way down her neck to suck on her collarbone, and was about to try getting in some kisses of her own when Brittany pulled away abruptly to continue restacking pillows on the couch as if nothing had happened.

“Wh- Britt, I… Seriously?”

Her staring was met with a pair of wide, innocent eyes. “What? We have to build the fort again before the guys get back. It completely fell apart during Hedwig.”

“You can’t just- we were-”

“Ooh, actually, could you make some more popcorn while I finish this? I think Blaine and I had most of it earlier.”

Santana gaped at her girlfriend’s unfazed attitude - it was like she hadn’t just made her forget how to breathe or go weak in the knees, except the blonde didn’t even try to hide her teasing smirk. She even had the audacity to wink flirtatiously and lick her lips before pulling on her innocent pout again.

“Popcorn?” Brittany repeated, prodding her arm.

A stream of flustered Spanish escaped from Santana’s mouth as she grabbed the almost empty bowl and stomped off to the kitchen, Brittany’s giggling following her down the hallway.

***

Kurt spent all of Monday trying to catch glimpses of Santana, or even Brittany, to figure out what headspace they were in. Santana had texted him a few hours after he and Blaine had left her house the previous day, saying that she planned on telling her parents that night. She never updated him, and he wasn’t sure whether to take that as a sign it went badly, or if she had just genuinely forgotten to get back to him. Either way, he desperately hoped she was feeling okay but was somehow unable to spot her.

Blaine nodded in her direction at lunch - not very subtly, because Tina and Rachel both followed his gaze in confusion - and he saw her engaged in a conversation with Mercedes while Brittany and Sugar were bent over one of their phones. She seemed pretty cheerful, he noted, but she had always been good at keeping her expressions impenetrable so he couldn’t be too sure.

“Why are we all staring at our friends like we’re some creeps?” Tina eventually ventured.

“We- uh, I just miss Mercedes,” Kurt mumbled, waving at the girl in question when she made eye contact with him and smiled.

The rest of his table seemed convinced by that - after all, he and Mercedes had been close ever since sophomore year - so they dropped it, but he still cursed himself for not being more discreet.

Every other time Kurt had seen Santana that day, either she was with both Britt and Mercedes, or he was with various members of the New Directions, and he was starting to get anxious. He couldn’t just go over to talk to her without raising questions from anyone who wasn’t part of the ‘Unicorn Squad,’ as Brittany had affectionately dubbed them that weekend, but he was desperate for some news. By the time their last class of the day rolled around, he caved and tried texting her.

To Satan:

Meet at your locker after class?

She never actually answered the text, but he knew the girls would have to stop by their lockers before Cheerios practice anyway, so he just had to make sure he got there quick enough to intercept them.

Sure enough, they were both shoving their bags into their lockers when he got there.

“Hey, why haven't you been answering my texts?” he hissed as soon as he got close.

Santana swiveled around and rolled her eyes. “Relax, Lady Hummel. Everything is fine, my parents were pretty chill about it.”

Kurt frowned. It was good news, but something about her demeanour suggested there was more to the story. Her tone didn’t sound quite genuine and she seemed unusually subdued. Brittany reached out to squeeze her hand encouragingly and she sighed, training her eyes on the tiled floor.

Her voice was barely audible when she finally spoke. “My abuela kicked me out of her house when I told her.” 

She lifted her gaze to meet his and his heart sank immediately. She’d had him fooled into thinking she was fine all day, but right now her eyes were betraying her. They were so dull, devoid of that playful twinkle he had learned to associate with her teasing and snarky comments. Instead, she looked absolutely devastated - broken, even. And as someone who was accepted by his family, he had no idea how to help her. Being bullied by classmates was one thing, but being rejected by a family member, especially knowing how close Santana was to her abuela, was a feeling he had always been grateful he didn’t experience first-hand. 

“Oh god, Santana, I’m so sorry-”

She shook her head and smiled bitterly. “I don’t wanna talk about it. Not right now, I can’t.”

He watched sadly as she turned back to her locker and pulled her sports bag out, taking a deep breath. When she spoke again, her voice was more even but she kept her back to him. “We’re still going through with this. I’m gonna tell the Cheerios when practice ends, and we’ll meet you guys in the auditorium at 5. I’ve already asked Mrs C and Mercedes to get the Troubletones there, so you just make sure the New Directions show up. Got it?”

She walked away without another word. Brittany glanced back over her shoulder as they made their way to the gym and gave Kurt a reassuring smile, one that said ‘She’ll be okay, she knows we’re here for her,’ and he nodded. 

***

Kurt wasn’t really sure how to go about convincing the New Directions to come to the auditorium. Well - actually, the issue wasn’t getting them to show up, it was getting them to stay once they saw the Troubletones and got suspicious or hostile. The two groups didn’t hate each other, per se, but Mercedes and the cheerleaders splitting off had caused a rift to form between them and the rest of the NDs. Especially with Santana’s defensive nature encouraging confrontation with some of the equally strong personalities like Rachel and Finn, and pushing away those that still tried to remain friendly with Mercedes and Brittany.

He found himself distracted the entire time they were supposed to be practicing their own mash-up, deep in a hushed conversation with Blaine in the back corner of the choir room as they brainstormed ways to lure the group to the auditorium.

As it turns out, they were subtle enough that no one could figure out what they were saying, but definitely not enough that people wouldn’t notice something was wrong.

“Guys, what’s going on over there?” 

Ohhh no. 

They had missed their cues yet again, and everyone was staring at them with a mixture of confusion and annoyance.

“Um…” Blaine threw Kurt an anxious ‘what do we do now’ look and he shrugged back helplessly.

“Look, you guys are cute together and stuff but we really need to focus if we wanna beat the girls,” Finn declared, crossing his arms. “If this is something important, fine, but otherwise just save it for later, okay?”

Kurt frowned at his step-brother. If only you knew how important this is, Finn. Who cares about a stupid mash-off when Santana is hurting? But it wasn’t his place to share, so he slumped back in defeat.

“Sorry, we’ll focus. But we all have to go to the auditorium at 5.”

At the sight of everyone’s baffled expressions, he decided to elaborate ever so slightly. “I can’t tell you why, but I promise it’s very important. Just please be there, and don’t start any drama with the Troubletones.”

A chorus of confused, maybe even upset voices rose up almost immediately and he grimaced. Maybe this was a lost cause, but he couldn’t give up. Santana was counting on him and he was not about to let her down, especially not when she was already barely keeping herself together. He wondered briefly how she was even able to go about her day as if she wasn’t breaking down inside; how she still had the courage to put herself in that vulnerable position again twice in one day after what happened with her abuela. 

“Guys! Calm down!”

Blaine’s voice sliced right through the hubbub, commanding the room in a way Kurt had always admired, and he almost sighed in relief when the chatter stopped.

“We know this is a lot to ask,” he continued patiently. “But we need to be there. It’s not up to us to explain, but you’ll understand soon enough. Just do it as a favour to us, please?”

Kurt flashed him a grateful smile before waiting for the rest of the room to make a decision. It was already 4:45pm, and they were running out of time. His stomach was churning into one massive knot and he found himself praying silently, to a God he had never believed in, that at least one of them would listen. Just one. Preferably one capable of swaying the rest of the group to their side.

Eventually, Mr Schuester got them all to quiet down, checking his watch as he waited. “It can’t hurt to go. Shelby didn’t mention anything about it to me, so I’m guessing this isn’t related to our mash-off, but if it’s as important as Kurt and Blaine claim it to be, we should go see what they want.”

The knot in Kurt’s stomach loosened slightly, but apparently that wasn’t enough to calm his nerves because he was now painfully aware of his heart pounding against his ribcage. He needed to get out of the choir room.

“Blaine and I will go on ahead so we can make sure everything’s ready,” he stammered, already jumping to his feet and pulling his boyfriend along with him before anyone could object.

He was practically running as they reached the hallway, and Blaine had to sprint after him just to keep up.

“Kurt, slow down!”

He didn’t stop until they reached the auditorium and were standing backstage, both breathing heavily.

“Kurt… why are you… so stressed,” Blaine gasped out between pants. Once he was able to even out his breathing, he continued, his voice gentle and reassuring. “Everything is gonna go fine, you know that. Santana said it herself, the song is perfect for this, right?”

“Yeah, but- you didn’t see her earlier when she told me about her abuela. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her that vulnerable and I’m really worried and I know she has Britt and us supporting her but she doesn’t like asking for help and -”

Blaine pulled him into his arms, cutting off his anxious rambling with a soft kiss to his forehead.

“I know, Kurt.” He hummed soothingly. “But she trusts us enough to reach out like she did last week and she knows she has our love and support. And we both know the glee clubs are gonna be just as supportive as we are. Right now, we just need to be strong for her.”

He paused to let Kurt process his words before speaking up again. 

“Also, I think it’s kinda cute how much you two care about each other. You’ve come a long way since sophomore year, from what you’ve told me.”

Kurt chuckled softly at the extra comment. They really had. He was more proud and open than ever before, and she had learned to show a softer side of herself - albeit only to a select few people, but it was a striking contrast to the Santana Lopez who tore everybody down without hesitation and never let anyone close enough to realize she was actually sweet.

“Speak of the devil,” he mumbled as she promptly appeared, her fingers laced with Brittany’s. They had both shed their Cheerios uniforms and were now sporting casual wear, as well as soft smiles he didn’t quite expect to see.

The blonde skipped over to peek out at the auditorium, nodding in satisfaction when she counted all of the Troubletones and New Directions members, as well as their respective coaches. Santana, however, closed the distance separating her from the boys, and wrapped an arm around each of them with a sigh of relief.

“The Cheerios were all super accepting,” she murmured, and Kurt returned the hug with a reassuring squeeze. The churning in his guts was finally slowing to a stop.

“That’s great, Santana!” Blaine whispered excitedly. 

Kurt nodded, a smile of his own forming across his face. “One more group to go. You ready?”

She nodded, her eyes full of resolve. Brittany leaned over to kiss her cheek quickly, and she walked onstage.

***

As soon as the stage lights hit her, Santana heard a collective chatter rise. She couldn’t see much, but based on the deeper voices, she gathered that Kurt and Blaine hadn’t told the New Directions why they were here. It was probably just as well, she thought, because she’d been nothing but rude to most of them after joining the Troubletones, so why would they show up if they knew this mystery was related to her?

She blocked it out, though, focusing on the faint guitar that kicked off the song. If she actually paid attention to the crowd watching her, she knew she would chicken out and that was in no way an option. Not now that she had come so far.

Her eyelids fluttered shut and she sucked in a breath. 

When the Earth was still flat and the clouds made of fire,

And the mountains stretched up to the sky, sometimes higher…

Santana could hear her voice shaking slightly, and did her best to fight down the fear that was building up for what felt like the millionth time in just four short days. She glanced over to the side of the stage, where Kurt, Blaine, and Brittany were all starting to walk out. Kurt gave her a discreet thumbs up as he stepped onto the stage, bringing a hesitant smile to her lips as she continued.

Folks roamed the Earth, like big rolling kegs

They had two sets of arms

They had two sets of legs

They had two faces peering out of one giant head

So they could watch all around them as they talked while they read

And they never knew nothing of love

It was before, oh, the origin of love

(Origin of love)

The origin of love

(Origin of love)

The three of them joined her center stage as they built up the background vocals, each squeezing her shoulder as if to remind her of their presence.

Well there were three sexes then

One that looked like two men glued up back to back,

They’re called the children of the Sun

She grinned as Kurt and Blaine pressed their backs together and wiggled around to illustrate the lyrics before taking over the next section so she could mirror them with Brittany.

And similar in shape and girth were the children of the Earth

They looked like two girls rolled up in one

Blaine then skipped over to spin her around playfully, his eyes shining as the two sang in perfect harmony.

And the children of the moon were like a fork shoved on a spoon

They were part Sun, part Earth, part daughter, part son

Oh, the origin of love

There was a pause in which she and Kurt exchanged amused looks while Blaine and Brittany pulled cardboard props out from their waistbands and ran to the front of the stage. They had insisted they couldn’t not do the dialogue as Thor and Zeus in the next verse, even when Santana had pointed out that it came right before one of the most emotional sections of the song, and how could she possibly say no to a deadly pair of innocent puppy eyes? 

Her voice was soft but steady when she started singing again, her smile turning more somber despite Britt and Blaine’s dorkiness.

Now the gods grew quite scared of our strength and defiance 

And Thor said ‘I’m gonna kill ‘em all with my hammer, 

Like I killed the giants’

But Zeus said ‘No, you’d better let me use my lightning like scissors

Like I cut the legs off the whales

And dinosaurs into lizards’

Then he grabbed up some bolts, and he let out a laugh,

Said ‘I’ll split them right down the middle,

Gonna cut ‘em right up in half’

And the storm clouds gathered above into great balls of fire...

The drums thundered in her ears and when she closed her eyes to block everything out, the only thoughts running through her mind were memories from the previous day. The disappointment and disgust in her abuela’s eyes, so stony and unwelcoming compared to Brittany’s crystal blue gaze; the harshness in her voice and her cold anger as she threw Santana out compared to Brittany’s warm and comforting arms; the crushing sensation of rejection that she didn’t expect from her abuela, of all people; the heartbreak when she realized her abuela would rather see her in a miserable relationship with a stupid boy instead of the special one she had with the one person she cared most about in the entire world; it all coursed through her veins, begging to be released. 

Santana was done fighting.

And then fire shot down from the sky in bolts

Like shining blades of a knife

And it ripped right through the flesh

Of the children of the Sun and the Moon and the Earth

And some indian god sewed the wound up to a hole

Pulled around to our belly to remind us of the price we pay

And Osiris, and the gods of the Nile, gathered up a big storm

To blow a hurricane

To scatter us away

In a flood of wind and rain, a sea of tidal waves

To wash us all away

And if we don’t behave, they’ll cut us down again

And we’ll be hopping ‘round on one foot

Looking through one eye...

She was grateful now more than ever that the song had longer breaks between its verses, because all of the energy had left her body. Her throat was raw from belting out the lyrics with everything she had, and when Brittany crossed the stage to take her hand and brush her cheek gently, she finally realized that her vision was blurry from the tears streaming down her face.

Her heart was racing in her chest and the silence felt so deafening that she was actually relieved when she had to start singing again, despite the way her voice was reduced to a whisper and on the verge of breaking. 

The last time I saw you, we had just split in two

You was looking at me, I was looking at you

You had a way so familiar I could not recognize,

Cause you had blood on your face, 

And I had blood in my eyes

But I could swear by your expression

That the pain down in your soul was the same

As the one down in mine

The tears were forming again as the music swelled up for the last time - or maybe they had never stopped flowing in the first place - and she wiped away at them angrily so she could check over her shoulder that Kurt and Blaine were still there (they both reached over to rub her back in reassurance, ready to meld their voices with hers again when the chorus started) before returning her focus on Brittany, clinging to her hands like a lifeline.

That’s the pain

That cuts a straight line down through the heart

We call it love

So we wrapped our arms around each other

Tried to shove ourselves back together

We was making love, making love

It was a cold, dark, evening such a long time ago,

When by the mighty hand of Jove

It was a sad story how we became lonely two-legged creatures,

The story, the origin of love

It’s the origin of love 

Oh yeah, the origin of love

The origin of love (of love)

The origin of love

The silence that followed their performance was absolutely terrifying. Santana could see them clapping - Artie was doing that stupid hand wave he always did when he got engrossed in a performance, Mercedes and Sugar were cheering both on their feet, Mike looked like he was saying something - but she couldn't hear anything other than ringing in her ears. It was getting louder so quickly that she turned her back on the audience and clamped both of her hands over her mouth to avoid hyperventilating right in front of them. She felt like she was about to throw up all over the stage.

Brittany and Kurt were flanking her in an instant, as Blaine disappeared backstage to grab a water bottle. Their voices sounded so far away, as if her ears were clogged with water, but they kept talking soothingly and offering her small sips of water until her hearing returned properly and her breathing was back under control. She couldn't see Blaine anymore, but she could hear his voice faintly and she realised he was keeping everyone else's attention on him while she calmed down.

“You’re doing so well, San,” the blonde cooed, stroking her hair gently. “We’re right behind you, okay?”

Kurt nodded earnestly. “You’re almost there. Just breathe, drink some water and, I don’t know, flip me off behind your back if you need back-up or something.”

He managed to get an eyeroll out of her before she turned around, her impenetrable facade back up as if she hadn’t almost completely broken down while (and after) performing; as if the dirty tear tracks marring her cheeks were invisible.

Once she got close to the edge of the stage, she stopped and cleared her throat. Her voice was still hoarse and shaking, but she gritted her teeth and started talking anyway.

“Thank you for all showing up… I know this must’ve been really confusing, but I brought you all here because I have something I want to share with you. Something I’ve been trying to ignore and hide deep inside me for way too long.”

Everyone was staring wordlessly at her and she clenched her jaw to stop her teeth from chattering. Somehow, it felt like she was coming out for the first time; the two words were clawing at her throat more desperately than ever, and it was finally time to free them.

“I’m gay.” She glanced over her shoulder to see her girlfriend beaming at her. She was wearing the same proud expression she had been just two days prior when Blaine got to find out, and Santana realized that maybe being vulnerable does have its perks, after all. “And I’m in love with Brittany S. Pierce.”

The blonde took that as her cue to saunter over and pull Santana into a passionate kiss, wrapping her arms around the shorter girl’s waist and dipping her dramatically to the sound of cheering.

“I love you too, Santana Lopez,” she grinned cheekily before she straightened them up.

“I think I can speak for everyone when I say that was a beautiful performance, Santana,” Mr Schuester offered. “And we’re all so proud of you for sharing that with us.”

Santana’s gaze swept over the rest of the audience and she noted with a sigh of relief that they were all nodding in agreement. Quinn had that ‘proud older sister’ aura of someone who totally knew there had been something going on for as long as the three of them had been friends, Mercedes’ smile was a weird cross between ‘I’m so proud of you for coming out like that’ and ‘thank God, I was starting to think it would never happen,’ Finn’s dorky side smile as he looked between her and Britt seemed almost endearing for once. Hell, even Berry looked happy for them.

“Oh, and-” Santana swiveled around to beckon Kurt and Blaine forward. “I wanna thank the lovely Gay Twins here for being so patient and supportive all weekend, and Lady Hummel especially for suggesting this song.” 

Kurt rolled his eyes playfully at the sudden reappearance of his nickname, but slung an arm around her to give her a quick hug anyway.

***

Both glee clubs had eventually decided to hang out together on the stage after their teachers left, and were all chatting in smaller groups when Rachel’s voice suddenly piped up above everyone else.

“Wait- hold on a second. Kurt, Blaine - Santana said you two helped her out all weekend, right?”

When the boys both nodded, her eyes widened in shock and mock offense.

“So when you said you couldn’t come hang with me and Mercedes the other day because you were ‘feeling sick’ , you were-”

“That’s right, Gayberry. I stole your 'gay best friend' and his boyfriend and we watched a surprisingly interesting film adaptation of an off-broadway rock musical,” Santana drawled, smirking from her spot in Brittany’s lap. “Whatcha gonna do about it?”

Rachel gasped in a way that seemed overdramatic - but then again, everything she did came off like that, so it might have been genuine. “Oh my God, I can’t believe they got you to watch a musical! How on Earth did they convince you to?”

Finn frowned, his eyebrows knitting in confusion. “What? Kurt, you told me you were just having a movie night at Blaine’s…? Since when do the four of you even hang out?”

“Don’t forget we also started a Harry Potter marathon,” Brittany added cheerfully, with a pointed look at the couple. “Which we still have to finish, by the way, so I expect to see both of you at my house this Saturday.”

Half of the group perked up instantly.

“Harry Potter? Oh, those movies are so good, can we join?” Tina asked, her eyes brightening up.

Mike straightened his back excitedly. “Ooh yeah, we could also watch both Footloose movies! Or maybe a Step up marathon?”

Soon everyone was chiming in with their own movie suggestions, and Santana groaned.

“Woah, woah, no. No me gusta. I’m sorry to crush your dreams, but who said you guys were even invited? These movie nights are private Santittany-Klaine events only, so if you wanna watch all of the dumb movies you just mentioned, you’ll have to organize your own watch parties,” she declared, crossing her arms.

Blaine mumbled a faint ‘I still think Brittana has a nicer ring to it than Santittany’ and Brittany leaned over her shoulder to whisper back ‘How is that better? Santittany has ‘tit’ in it, it’s obviously the superior ship name.’

Santana just leaned back against her girlfriend’s chest, watching contentedly as chaos erupted in front of her. The past weekend had been an emotional rollercoaster and she felt so drained from coming out six times in the space of four days - especially the disaster that was her conversation with her abuela. But looking around at the group of teens - her friends - all arguing about stupid stuff like movies and ship names, she knew one thing for sure: the struggle would continue, but she definitely wasn’t alone anymore.