Work Text:
Kuroo's liked Kenma for a while, scratch that, ever since he's met him. What started off as a friendship soon turned into the rooster head pining for the smaller male. The problem is he doesn't know if Kenma liked him back or not. He fears getting rejected and doesn't want to ruin their friendship.
In his third year of high school, he and Kenma met the bubbly Hinata Shōyō. Kenma's been more affectionate with Hinata than he is with Kuroo.. Now, one could say he didn't mind, but deep down he was jealous.. They were on a first name basis and they pretty much just met, while the pudding head still only calls Kuroo by his last name.. It's always been Kuroo, never Tetsurou..
It's been a few years since that day, Kuroo is 21 and in university, and guess who goes there as well as him. None other than Hinata Shōyō, with his friends, and Kenma. Well, to say Kuroo was furious to see Kenma and Hinata spend pretty much every day together is an understatement. He was heartbroken, to see his Kenma and that shrimp laugh together and be happy.
Bokuto Koutaro, one of Kuroo's best friends from training camp, knew about everything and has tried convincing him to confess but his attempts were always futile.. Kuroo has doubted everything about his and Kenma's friendship and it broke the owl's heart to see him like this, he just wanted him to be happy. He knew that his boyfriend, Akaashi Keiji, and Kenma were pretty close and shared dorms so he'd try to get them all to go out as a group but always got an "I've made plans with Shōyō today" From Kenma..
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It was a Thursday in May when Bokuto and Kuroo were hanging out together, little did Kuroo know that Bokuto had a plan. Around halfway through the day they bumped into Akaashi and Kenma, and Bokuto took the chance while he had it. "Hey, Kenma, Kubroo has something he wants to tell you!" The owl exclaimed. Kuroo was beyond confused, as well as Kenma, but he soon understood Bokuto's intentions. "Huh? What is it?" He asked, sounding tired as always.. "Uh.. Well.. The thing is, Kenma, I actually really l-"
There it was. The sunshine. Hinata Shōyō. "KENMMAAAAAAA!!! WANNA GO TO THE ARCADES WITH ME??" Ah yes, this is exactly what Kuroo needed. "Oh, hey Shōyō, sure why not?" Kenma replied, a hint of excitement showing through. That's it. There he was, making Kuroo feel jealous, upset, all these different emotions he was unable to explain. "Oh you said you had something to say, didn't you? Could you hurry it up then? I don't wanna keep Shōyō waiting" The pudding head said in the most annoyed tone possible. "Oh never mind.. It wasn't that important anyways" Kuroo lied, it was important. Very important. But that told him enough, about how little Kenma cared for him.
Kuroo watched as Kenma and Hinata walked away.. He was honestly heartbroken, and it was quite obvious as well.. Bokuto wanted to make Kuroo feel better immediately so he asked if he and Akaashi wanted to go eat somewhere.. They both nodded, feeling quite hungry, so they all decided on McDonalds. What they didn't know was that a certain pudding head and ray of sunshine were already there, eating, laughing, sharing stories, and just having the best time if their lives.
When Kuroo heard the all too familiar voice, shouting and laughing, he wanted to leave. There was no escape from them and their friendship, he knew it. He decided to try and ignore them the best he could and enjoy his time with Bokuto and Akaashi.. They ordered their food and focused on getting Kuroo to think about something else. They got their food and started eating, everything was going fine. It wasn't until halfway through eating did he hear a not so subtle laugh and a "you're honestly hilarious, Shōyō." And before the others could even process what just happened, he left. He could already feel the tears building up so he left before making a fool of himself.
Kenma spotted Akaashi and Bokuto, assuming Kuroo was also with them before leaving, and went up to them. "What's up with him?" He asked, genuinely curious and concerned. Hinata was also worried so he went up with Kenma to find out. "Not sure, he said something about school so I'm assuming he's got to study" Bokuto lied, he knew exactly why he left. "That's a lie. He always gets his work done as soon as it's set." Kenma replied.. Akaashi sighed, "well, that may be true but it's quite personal so I highly doubt he'd want us saying anything.. "Kenma just shrugged, turned to Hinata, and left.. Hinata followed, not wanting to get left behind.
Bokuto and Akaashi finished their food and left. They checked up on Kuroo, made sure he ate and left after he fell asleep. It was getting quite late now so Bokuto decided to stay at Akaashi's dorm, knowing Kenma wouldn't be back..
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A few days have passed and Kuroo still hasn't felt any better.. Bokuto checked to see if he was okay every day, and unsurprisingly he wasn't.. He's been forced to eat and sleep by the owl, obviously making sure he was taking care of himself. It took him a while to convince himself to go out again, ignoring all the texts Kenma's sent him. He wasn't ready to face him yet, not after what happened that Thursday.
He and Bokuto were chilling in his dorm when he got a text from Kenma saying he's coming over. Kuroo panicked, why wouldn't he? His crush, aka the guy he ghosted, is coming over to check on him. He tried telling Bokuto but he was too busy texting Akaashi, so he had no choice but to take his phone and force him to listen. "Hey I was texting Akaa-" He looked at Kuroo, now understanding that he was panicking. "Bokuto. Kenma's coming over." The rooster head said. "Oh sh- you're screwed" Bokuto stated. Kuroo knew that all too well, and he was about to say something when there was a knock at the door.
He panicked, rushed to the bathroom and locked himself in there. Bokuto opened the first door and was greeted by Kenma and Akaashi. "Where's Kuroo?" Kenma asked, deeply concerned for his friend. Bokuto simply replied with a "he had to do something" Which was a blatant lie. "Bokuto. Where is he." Kenma asked again, this time sounding more annoyed. Akaashi went to look around for him and tried opening the bathroom door only to find out that it's locked. "He's in here.." He sighed, worried about his friend.
Kenma rushed to the door and tried opening it. "Kuro, get out of there now. I need to speak to you." He demanded. He only got a quiet "no" For a reply, which annoyed Kenma even more. "Kuro, come on. You're being ridiculous. Get out of there now." He demanded again, although his attempts to get Kuroo out were futile. His phone buzzed, and he wasn't surprised to see that Hinata texted him. "Oh, Shōyō texted me.."
The door opened immediately. Kenma was greeted by a furious Kuroo, who also looked scared for some reason unknown to him. He looked up at him, surprised to see him like that. "Are you jealous of Shōyō?" He asked, curious. "What does it look like to you, Kozume?" The rooster head replied harshly. Kenma was shocked, hearing Kuroo call him by his family name.. He knew he was upset for sure, he never calls him by his family name unless he was.. "Hey.. What's wrong? You're upset.." He asked, worried about his dork of a friend. "Oh I don't know. Why do you care? Didn't your precious little Shōyō text you? Shouldn't you reply to him? It would be rude if you didn't" Kuroo snapped back. "Says the one who ignored me for days on end"
That's all it took for Kuroo to snap. He knew it was gonna happen at some point, he just didn't know when. "So, who's more important? Me or Hinata?" The dorm went silent. Kenma was shocked, he didn't expect him to say that. "You, Kuro, it's obvious yo-" "Don't give me that shit. If I were more important you'd actually listen to me and make time for me instead of it always being 'sorry Shōyō and I have plans' or 'I don't have time, Shōyō and I' I'm sick and tired of it Kozume. We've known each other since childhood and you've never once cared about me as much as you care about him. It hurts, Kozume, so goddamn much.. I can't handle it any longer.." There it was.. There's the tears. Kuroo has now broke, he's now there with tears streaming down his face in front of the man he loves.
Kenma was speechless. He didn't know Kuroo was that hurt, and it was his fault as well. "Kuro, I'm sorry.. I didn't know I was hurting you.." There was no real way to tell if he was honest, but it was only making Kuroo feel worse. "Kozume, I don't want to hear your half-assed apologies. And to think I actually love you, someone who doesn't even care about me.. Look, if you like Hinata more, you like him more, but if you can't even tell me that then how am I supposed to trust your apology?" Kuroo was now sobbing, feeling as though the world was against him. "Kuro I-" "Kozume just leave."
Silence filled the dorm again. "Kuro I'm not leaving, you're not okay" The pudding head stated, which left Kuroo even more upset. "Kozume, can't you see you're the reason why I'm upset? Did you not hear my confession, when I said I love you? Or do I mean that little to you? I told you to leave, didn't I? Why haven't you left yet?" "Kuro I said I'm not lea-" "What part of leave do you not understand?! I don't want to see you, Kozume. Why can't you just get out of my life?!" He said it, he finally let it all out. That was all it took for Kenma to realize how much damage he caused him, and he decided it would be best if he left.
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Kuroo hasn't been the same ever since then. Everyone was concerned, even the people he bearly knows like Oikawa. No one knew what happened, other than Bokuto, Akaashi and Kenma. Any time someone asked about it, they'd say it's something about his family. They knew they were lying but would never question it any further, seeing as it must be pretty personal and hurtful if they had to lie about it. Occasionally, his friends from high school, Yaku and Kai would check up on him and make sure he's healthy. It broke everyone's heart to see Kuroo in such a state, they wanted to help him but didn't know how. This went on a few months, but thankfully he was getting better. Life was actually going his way for once, he was enjoying it as well. He started going out with friends again, going back to classes and studying. He was close to being his normal self again, although that wouldn't last long. Something bad was going to happen.
Rumor has it that Kenma and Hinata are closer than ever, wherever you go in uni you'd hear things like "hey, did you hear that Kenma and Hinata went out together on Tuesday, like apparently they were holding hands and hugging a lot" Or even things like "did you see Kenma and Hinata run to the back of the building? Seems pretty gay if you ask me." It all crushed Kuroo, he wasn't over Kenma even though he thought he was. They were only rumors but boy did it hurt. He realized how much he preferred to stay inside all day, not going to class, the silence of his dorm comforting him more. How relaxed he was, not having to deal with the stress of the world, not having to go out, he missed it all. He knew how bad it was for him, but he didn't care, he just wanted to be happy.
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It was the next week, Kuroo was reading called "The Disappearing Spoon" By Sam Kean. That peace was soon interrupted by Bokuto, Yaku and Lev barging in. "Get in looser we're going shopping!" Bokuto shouted. "I'm reading, plus I don't wanna go out again." Kuroo sighed. Yaku scoffed, rolled his eyes, turned to Kuroo and replied, "Kuroo, you're gonna have to go out at some point, whether you like it or not. We all hate seeing you like this, it breaks us to see you this upset.. We just want you to be happier" Yaku then hugged Kuroo. The taller hugged back, shocked by his friend's actions. They've had a lot of fights, most of them being the two insulting each other with chemistry, but despite that they're still good friends. Bokuto joined the hug, Lev joining soon after. The group stayed there like that for a while, until Lev decided to leave the hug. "Right then, let's all go somewhere! Kuroo-san, is there anywhere you'd like to go?" Lev asked like the good bean he is. "I just wanna stay here.." Kuroo sighed, knowing the other's won't take no for an answer, "but, why don't we go to the arcades or something? I don't mind where we go, as long as we get to leave if we see *them*.." The three boys smiled and nodded, wrapping the rooster head in a big hug, happy he agreed to go out. "Well, are we gonna go or not? I'm gonna have to make myself look more, decent.. Seeing as I'm still in pajamas" And with that, he left to get changed. Bokuto looked at the others, "hell yeah! Mission accomplished!" He was more than happy. His best friend was finally leaving his dorm again, why wouldn't he be? The three waited patiently, talking about random topics like "the amount of bananas someone could fit in their mouth" To "the kind of cross breeds you would like to see between animals." It was amusing, hearing all the different answers. They all laughed, this time talking about how Ushijima Wakatoshi has a cow living on campus. "Oh I've met her before! I don't think she likes me.. Her name is Masha, I gave her a banana as a peace offering!" The half Russian half Japanese beanpole exclaimed. By the time Kuroo came back, they were all rolling on the floor, laughing so hard that they couldn't breathe properly. "Hey, hey, calm down, breathe. Don't die on me now guys, you're all I have left to keep me stable." Kuroo said, truly concerned for his friends. After a few minutes, the trio had calmed down. "So... What made you laugh so much?" The rooster head lookin man asked. " Masha, bananas, animals-" Lev said, Kuroo was obviously confused and concerned so Yaku explained more to him. "... You're telling me.. That Ushijima has a cow.. And she lives on campus-" "Pretty much, I've met her before. I can't believe she didn't accept my peace offering" Lev said dramatically, gasping because he's a drama queen. "She just doesn't like you because you make fun of short people" "Hey! I do not!" "I'm pretty sure you do, but go off ig.." Ah yes, Yaku and Lev were fighting again. They always do.
Soon after, they all left. After walking around without a real destination, they stopped at the mall. Bokuto and Lev were going crazy, running around different shops and acting very childish, which definitely did not end up with them being scolded by Yaku. "Hey hey hey hey hey hey let's go get pizza!!!!" Bokuto shouted, and like actually properly shouted, Lev's eyes lit up as the owl mentioned food. "Sure, why not. I'm down" The rooster said, smiling slightly. They all agreed on getting Dominoes, because they cool like that 😎👊🏼. "F*ckin donkey a$$" " Excuse me what-" Yaku looked at Kuroo, concerned. "It's *them.*" Well, there they were. Hinata Shōyō and Kenma Kozume. It broke Kuroo's heart to see them, and what made it worse was the fact that they were kissing. "Can we please leave.. I can't take it, seeing them.. And to make it worse, I think they're dating.." The others nodded, seeing how hurt he was. They left immediately after, going somewhere to calm down. "Thank you, for being here with me.. And thank you for being my friends and putting up with me.. It means a lot to me, really" Kuroo hugged the three boys, tears pooling in his eyes. "No problem bro, we really do appreciate being around you. We love your company and we just love you in general" Bokuto smiled brightly, hugging back. The other two hugged back after giving a short speech about how they appreciated him. A few tears were shed, none of them knowing this heartwarming moment would be the last time they'd hang out like this.
~Time skip brought to you by Sakusa Kyoomi's abs (credit to Pïgēœn) ~
Twitter announcement:
[Kyanma @kodzuken]
Just sayin, @sunshinetangerine and I are dating, soz to ya simps ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Comments:
[Shōyō boyo @sunshinetangerine]
Ilysm Kenma ♡(´｡•ㅅ•｡`)(*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡
[Tsum-Tsum @simp101]
Omg!! Shōyō-chan has grown up so fast o(〃＾▽＾〃)o
[Sugamamaaa @iamyourmother]
Gasps, @daddydaichi our son has grown 🥺🥺❤❤
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Kuroo was a mess. That was the last straw. He felt so broken, as if he weren't meant to exist. He's managed to resist the urge to relapse but it was pretty much impossible now. 1, 2, 3, 4, the blade sliced his skin, hurting him but also satisfying him. He felt so pathetic, so weak. He couldn't control the urge to self harm, he felt stupid, worthless. The thoughts running through his brain, telling him these negative things, reminding him of his past and family. Existing was pretty much pointless to him now, but he had to stay strong. He had to live on, for his friends. His only hope in life.
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It's been a few days since he found out about Shōyō and Kenma's relationship was announced. Did he not realize that it hurt him? Did Kenma really not care about him? Did he announce it just to make him jealous, to break him even more? He knew how he felt about him, but he still says it all loud and happy while completely disregarding what's supposedly his best friend's feelings. It's clear he doesn't care, that he's moved on from him. It wounded him, mentally and physically, knowing someone will always have Kenma's attention, knowing that he'll never have a chance with him. It drove him insane, he couldn't handle it. His feelings were too strong, he couldn't move on no matter how hard he tried, and it tore him apart knowing he was
rejected.
'''HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU'''
'''HE'LL NEVER LOVE YOU'''
'''YOU'RE TOO PATHETIC'''
'''JUST END IT ALL, NO ONE WOULD MISS YOU'''
'''NO ONE LIKES YOU, YOU'RE TOO WEAK'''
Kuroo fell to his knees, sobbing.
''' YOUR FRIENDS HATE YOU'''
''EVERYONE WANTS YOU DEAD'''
'''YOU'D DO EVERYONE A FAVOUR IF YOU DIED'''
'''YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO DO IT, KILL YOURSELF'''
He couldn't take this. The voices. He wanted it all to stop. He went to the medicine cabinet and grabbed a bottle of pills, just in case. Going into his room, he got a pen and paper,then started writing. After that he grabbed a razor, and a hair dryer, then went up to the bathroom. While filling up the bath, he started cutting, carving a message in his arm. The cuts formed an "I'm sorry" on his arm, he knew the others would be heartbroken but he just couldn't take the pain anymore. He plugged in the hair dryer, and got in the bath. He was hesitant at first, but he knew it had to be done. Laying face down, he turned the dryer on and put it in the bath, electrocuting himself. His final thoughts were "I'm sorry, I love you all. "
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Bokuto, Yaku and Lev have been worried, they haven't heard from Kuroo in weeks. Bokuto had been staying with Akaashi since Kenma was with Shōyō, so he wasn't at his dorm. They decided that today was the day they checked up on him. None of them were prepared for what was coming.
When they got to the dorm, they saw a note on the desk.
"Hey, I know this might not be the best, and I know you'd all he upset, but I can't handle this anymore. My life has been going downhill ever since my parents divorced, and at the time Kenma was the only one who could help me. Now look at where we are, me writing this letter because of this..
Before I leave, I'd like to say some things to you all.
Bokuto, you were honestly the best bro one could ever wish for. You may be dumb, but it's the funny kind. Your sense of humor is amazing and you've never failed to make me laugh. I'm glad I met you, you've done so much for me and I'm grateful for that. You've helped me with many things, no matter what the problem was.
Akaashi, you may have taken a while to warm up to me but it was worth it in the end. You've made Bokuto happy, and that's all I could ever wish for. Promise me you'll take care if him, make sure he doesn't get hurt. Love him as much as you can, never hurt him either cuz if ya do then I'll have a room booked in hell for ya! Haha, just kidding, I know you'd never hurt him.
Yaku, thank you so much for being an amazing friend. I know we've had our ups and downs but that's just a part of being friends. You've kept us all in line, took care of us, made sure were healthy. You're honestly a better mother than mine ever was. Don't let the others get hurt, or else I'm sueing you. Oh and please give Lev a banana, seriously. Also, please increase your docosahexaenoic acid levels.
Lev, my lil Russian beanpole friend. Well, more like my tall Russian beanpole friend. You may have been an annoying 1st year, but an amazing teammate nonetheless. You still need to work on some things though, so don't take this as an opportunity to not practice. Your attempts to help me feel better really have made my day. Your cheery yet idiotic personality can immediately brighten my day, even if it doesn't seem like it. Promise me to make sure Yaku doesn't overwork himself.
Shōyō, I know we haven't talked as much, but you've still been a great friend. From when we first met during training camp, to our first practice match with Tsukki, Lev, Akaashi and Bokuto. I get you and Kenma are together, you make him happy. Knowing that makes me a bit happier. Please treat him well, don't hurt him. Ever.
Kenma, you were one of my first friends, my closest friend in fact. You've comforted me during the rough times of my childhood, you've been an extraordinary teammate, my best friend, and my first crush. Of course, you knew nothing about that at the time. There is not one moment in my life where I regret meeting you. I know you don't return my feelings, and that is completely fine. It's not something I can control. Don't hurt Shōyō, please. He's too kind to be hurt.
Remember, I love you all.
I love you, Bokuto.
I love you, Akaashi.
I love you, Yaku.
I love you, Lev.
I love you, Shōyō.
I love you, Kenma.
I'll miss you all.
Maybe I'll meet you all in another life.
Goodbye.
Love, Kuroo Tetsurou. "
Bokuto managed to say, tears streaming down his face. He ran to the bedroom, checking to see if he were there. He panicked when he saw that he wasn't there, so he checked the bathroom. When he saw Kuroo in the bathtub, face first with the hair dryer inside, he dropped to the floor and sobbed. Screaming about how he should've done more to help. He knew it wasn't his fault, but he felt as though it was.
The others ran into the bathroom as soon as they heard the loud thud. Fear struck through them as they saw Kuroo's lifeless body, and Bokuto on the floor next to him. Lev was affected by it, a lot. He went up to him, he tried shaking him, poking him, anything to get him to wake up. He was in denial, you could tell. He stopped when he saw the cuts on his arm. "I'm sorry" He chocked out a sob as he read it aloud. Yaku was silently sobbing, he couldn't take it, but he had to stay strong for the sake of the others.
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Twitter announcement:
[Yakuyaku @illeaturankles]
@kodzuken I think you should come here.. As well as @sunshinetangerine and @ionhaveanxietywym .. Kuroo's dorm. Now.
Comments:
[Kyanma @kodzuken]
Why?
|[Yakuyaku @illeaturankles]
It's.. Important, and you have the right
to know..
[Akaasheee @ionhaveanxietywym]
Omw now
[Shōyō boyo @sunshinetangerine]
What happened?? I'll be there now!
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When the three of them got to Kuroo's dorm, they were shocked to see Lev, Yaku and Bokuto sobbing. "What happened?" Akaashi asked. The three sobbing boys pointed to the bathroom, and taking that as their cue to go there, they went. They stood in the doorway, none of them were expecting this. "No no no no no no no no please no" Akaashi ran up to Kuroo, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "Oh fuck, Kuroo- n-no" Akaashi was crying now, not as much as the others but he was crying. Shōyō and Kenma were frozen, tears streaming down their faces. They didn't know why he did it, of course they didn't. They knew they lost a friend, an irreplaceable one, that they'd miss dearly.
Yaku walked up to them, letter in hand. He gave it to them and let them read it, watching as they soon started sobbing. Yaku was quite mad, if Kenma weren't as oblivious as he was then Kuroo would be alive. Of course it wasn't all Kenma's fault, there were some other things to it, but he was still mad at him.
Everyone was now sobbing as they comforted each other, after those events everyone was worked up. They wanted time alone, yet they needed to be with each other.
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It was the week before Kuroo's funeral, Kenma was dreading this moments. His last conversation with Kuroo was about why he was acting weird. The day Kuroo confessed. The day he ignored how he felt. They day where it all went wrong. He missed Kuroo, he really did, but there was nothing he could do now.
If only he could make it up to Kuroo.
If only he were a better friend.
If only he helped him through everything.
If only he actually considered how Kuroo felt.
He was hoping he could meet him in the afterlife. But for now, he just had to enjoy his moments in life, for Kuroo.
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"Hey Kuro, how are you? Life is going pretty well right now.. Shōyō and I are married now, we've adopted a little girl called Nezuko and we're all pretty happy. I'm sorry for how I acted before, I regret every second of it.. I wish you were able to meet her, you'd absolutely love her.. " His tears fell down to the ground as he talked to Kuroo's grave. Little did he know that said person has been watching over him after all these years.
"Until we meet again, Kuro"