Work Text:
hi.
okay.
my name's badboyhalo. i'm darryl. i'm twenty-five years old. i live in florida. and i---
god, why is this so hard?
why am i here, standing in front of a mirror, monologuing to myself as if i'm in some sort of dramatic romance movie? why am i here, and not--
...
we're here because we need to have a talk.
yes.
right.
okay.
again.
i'm darryl. i'm known as badboyhalo, or just bad. i'm twenty-five years old. i live in florida. i'm a youtuber and streamer, mainly for minecraft. i play with my friends, like sapnap and dream and george and --
... but i really like playing with skeppy.
skeppy's my best friend.
at least that's what i keep telling myself. we're best friends, right? we've said it before. we're super close. i care a lot about him. and he cares about me, even if he does the most infuriating things. he trolls me and pranks me and laughs but even when he does these things, i--
i'm not mad. not for long. when i hear him laugh and giggle, i can't help laughing too. sure, he's an absolute muffinhead, but i care greatly about him and i know that he does too.
he's sent me 50 grand, and he's told me it's for everything he's done for me. as well as for a video, but, i mean, that's a bit ridiculous, right? could've been 14 dollars, or 14 hundred, or---
not 50 grand though.
i stare at my bank account and wonder what the muffin happened.
i look at skeppy and ---
and i look at him and my heart does this weird thing and i don't get it but --
skeppy... i miss him.
god, i miss him so much.
this isn't normal.
this can't be normal.
dream doesn't make my heart spin. sapnap doesn't make my heart hurt when i don't talk to him. i miss them when i haven't seen them in a long time but that doesn't mean anything, right?
i don't understand what makes skeppy so different.
right.
oh my goodness, this is going nowhere.
... okay. again.
i'm darryl. i'm badboyhalo. i love playing minecraft with my friends. i talk nearly every day with skeppy. skeppy's my best friend.
skeppy is---
...
the most important person in my life.
... is that true?
is that what i think?
... oh my goodness.
look at me. i'm pathetic, aren't i? crying in my bathroom in front of my mirror, asking myself questions that i feel like i should know the answer to--
my brain keeps telling me that skeppy is different, skeppy is unique, skeppy is another category, but i just---
i don't understand.
what's that supposed to mean?
this is ridiculous. he's my best friend. zak's my best friend. skeppy makes me happy, which is normal. and yeah, i miss him, but that doesn't mean anything.
i want his attention?
no, i mean---
... do i?
but that could be friendly. attention is fun. of course you want to be percieved and appreciated, and skeppy makes me feel seen and appreciated, even if he's a silly little muffinhead, right?
i just miss him...
... then why is it that you've left skeppy on read?
on a message asking if i want to go visit him so that we can finally meet up and actually see each other in real life?
no, instead, i'm talking and monologuing to myself in the bathroom mirror, having a breakdown because i don't know where the line between best friend and possible crush is, and i think that something is wrong with me because i don't know if the line's been crossed, when the line was ever crossed if so, or if the line was even there in the first place, and --
... oh my goodness.
skeppy's probably messaging him again, spam-messaging him because he does that all the time, and it's annoying but it makes him smile because he wants that attention, almost craves it, and skeppy wants his attention too and will stop at nothing to get a response, and ---
what if he likes you back?
... i...
back?
no, no, no, i can't admit that. i can't say that when i'm not even sure, because that's ridiculous. badboyhalo in love with skeppy?
what, so he's going to admit that they were all right? quackity, dream, george, all of them? he's going to develop this into an outright crush and let them say i told you so?
no.
no.
no.
he can't do that. he can't see skeppy in real life. he's going to keep coming up with excuses because he can't, because zak is straight and he's... well, not anymore i guess. but skeppy is straight and that would never happen and it's going to end up in heartbreak, because---
you really are that stupid and fell in love with a guy who'll never love you back.
...
i guess i am.
oh my goodness.
how did i let it get to this point? who let this happen? why'd i go and ruin one of the most important friendships in my life? just because skeppy is kind of cute and kind of great and kind of loveable, that doesn't mean that i want this. that i want to develop these stupid feelings that make my heart hurt and my brain fuzzy because all i think about is skeppy.
i wake up; i think about skeppy. i eat meals; i think about skeppy. i play minecraft; i think about skeppy. i go shopping; i think about skeppy. no matter what i do, my thoughts just go back to him and his smile and his laugh and his minecraft skin and, and, and--
skeppy.
...
okay. i don't look like a disaster. my voice is alright. it won't be obvious that i've had a crying session in the middle of the day, because i didn't. obviously.
skeppy's probably confused.
... i can't go see him.
not until i get over this. not until i know that i won't ruin one of the most precious things to me. because i can't let that happen. i can't -- i'm going to go visit him and all those feelings will come up to the surface if they're only buried, and i'll take one look at his face and realize that i'm totally screwed.
i can't let that happen.
... i---
i'm sorry, skeppy.
...
...
...
looks like we'll have to wait a little bit longer.