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They sat in a circle, reading the Handbook. Adam and Barbara sat next to each other, reading silently while Delia, Charles, and Lydia sat across from them.
“Well I’ll be darned. They do have an undead therapist.” Adam said with a chuckle, turning the book to show Barbara.
“That could have been helpful a long time ago.”
“What could there possibly be a therapist for?” Lydia asked skeptically.
“It says,” Adam looked back at the page, adjusting his glasses, “that therapy services are offered for those struggling to cope with their deaths…not exactly the kind of therapist we need.”
“We don’t need a therapist.” Lydia crossed her arms. “Dad’s just freaking out because I had a nightmare.”
“The same nightmare for the last three months, Lydia. And it’s not just a nightmare, it’s a night terror.”
“Same thing.”
“Actually, night terrors are more extreme and mostly for children.” Delia corrected proudly.
“…Well yes. But Lydia you were sleepwalking. You almost walked off the roof.”
“…Well a regular therapist would be a better idea.”
“We just think it’d be best if you had a therapist you could talk to about…stuff without judgment.”
“And the Netherworld is your choice? Delia is a better choice.”
“Aw, thank you.”
Adam sighed and stood, still holding the book. “It doesn’t hurt to try. They’re the only ones who can understand what’s happened. Just try one session.”
Lydia scowled, but didn’t protest.
Adam pulled out a piece of chalk. “Okay, it says to draw a door and knock to the rhythm of…shave and a haircut. Huh, you don’t often hear people refer to it that way.” He drew on the wall and knocked.
A doorway appeared and the door cracked open, emitting pink smoke and glitter. They coughed, backing up.
Adam looked at the book, confused. “Did I do it right?”
Barbara slowly opened the door and more smoke wafted through the air and then dissipated.
When it cleared, they saw a messy office with papers strewn about and an empty old-fashioned chair with holes in the upholstery.
“…Well it’s certainly the Netherworld.” Adam covered his nose. “Smells like it.”
Barbara carefully stepped inside and looked around. “Hello? Is anyone here?”
“There’s probably no one here. No one would want to go to therapy after they die.” Lydia said.
A pile of garbage sat up, making indiscernible noises. The noises turned into yawning and pieces fell off, revealing a demon underneath. She stood up, dusting herself off. She straightened her coat and messed up her hair and looked at the open door. “Oh shit. Hi.”
“…Are you the therapist?” Adam asked, almost regretfully.
She looked around and clicked her tongue. “Well I’m the only one here, aren’t I?”
“We were expecting someone more…different I guess.”
“Why were you sleeping under garbage?” Lydia asked.
“You’re looking at a demon and you’re asking about using garbage as a blanket?”
Lydia blinked and shrugged. The demon cleared her throat. “Okay, so what can I do for you?”
“Well, we were hoping you could help Lydia.” Adam answered, motioning to Lydia.
“The vampire?”
“I’m a human.”
“I usually only deal with dead people. And the occasional undead.”
“What’s the difference?”
“Undead people suck. I should know, I am one.”
“Can you just try talking to Lydia?”
The demon sat at her desk, throwing stuff off of it. “Well sit down and tell me what’s going on.”
“There aren’t any-” The trio was pushed onto a set of magically appearing chairs and pulled close to the desk.
Charles and Delia went to go in, but the door shut in front of them and the demon crossed her hands over each other, trying to appear more professional, but only came off as slightly more unsettling than before. It did not help when she gave a smile. “So, tell me what’s going on.”
Adam and Barbara looked at Lydia, putting their hands on her shoulders. Lydia sighed. “I’ve been having trouble adjusting to…something that happened a few months ago. A demon showed up and caused a lot of trouble and they’re just worried about all these nightmares I’ve been having.”
Her eyes lit up. “Ooh, demons. This’ll be fun.”
“…They say I should get some professional help. So here we are. In the Netherworld, talking to a demon about my problems. Cause by another demon.”
“Well good news is I can help.”
“You can? That’s great!” Barbara smiled.
The demon nodded. “Now, you two are dead and since I’m sure you want to not be trapped in the Netherworld, I would suggest you two leave back through the door to your house. Lydia will be safe here while we talk.”
They stood hesitantly, looking at Lydia. “I’ll be fine.” She assured. Accepting that, they sighed and walked through the door.
Lydia yelped as the chair changed into a therapy couch and she was lying on her back. The demon sat across from her, sitting in a large loveseat, holding a notepad and pen with pink unicorn on it. “Okay, so my name is Gem and I’m the unofficial therapist of the Netherworld.”
“Gem?”
“Short for Geminorum.”
“Does every demon have a stupid name?”
“It’s a nickname. My real name’s Ashley, but I go by Gem because I’m both a treasure and a Gemini.”
“…I guess that tracks.”
“So, Lydia, tell me how it all started.”
Lydia took a breath. “Well it started when my mom died. She and I were really close. I went into a really bad depression and my dad moved to get away from our house because…well she died in our house and it was just a lot for him to handle. So we moved into this house that Adam and Barbara died in, so they haunt it. It sucked, but they’re nice. And then I found out that Dad was engaged to Delia, who was/is my life coach. So I tried to kill myself. It obviously didn’t go as planned.”
“How were you gonna kill yourself?”
“What?”
“How?”
“Uh, I was gonna jump off the roof.”
“Classic. Keep going. What happened next?”
“Well, then I met Beetlejuice.”
“Oh, I know him.”
“You do?”
“Yup. Tacky outfit, always singing, cute butt?”
“What?”
“So he was trying to get you to say his name, I’m assuming?”
“…Yeah. Saying he could help me get revenge on my dad. Of course I didn’t listen to him. At first. Then I had to. He scared my dad away and then I was trapped in my house because if I left there’d be a giant monster who’d kill me because I was an ‘honorary ghost’ or whatever. It was fun at first. No one around to tell us what to do. And then I tried to bring my mom back to life and then he turned into a grade A asshole! He tricked me into almost exorcising Barbara and forced me to agree to marry him.”
“Green card thing?”
“…Yeah.”
Gem snorted. “Classic.”
“Of course, I agreed to save Barbara. And then I stabbed him in the chest with Delia’s art.”
“Nice. Always kill creepy old men.” She held her fist up for a fist bump, but Lydia shook her head no. Gem pursed her lips and put her hand down.
“And then his mom tried to kill me because I had escaped into the Netherworld to go find my mom, but then I left before she could catch me. And then he fed her to a sand worm. That all happened months ago.”
“So what are your problems?”
“Night terrors, triggers, angry outbursts, abandonment issues…you know. The typical stuff.”
“Care to elaborate?”
“It’s nothing serious.”
“Humor me. Let’s start with the night terrors.”
“Well it just started out with me waking up screaming. I was having bad dreams about…well, him. Him and his stupid outfit. It’s always the wedding. I’m in the wedding dress, dancing to some distorted music. He’s smiling like this is the best thing in the world. I’m crying. Before I stab him, I wake up with everyone around me. Last week I started sleepwalking. I woke up, standing on the roof.”
“Do you think it’s him? Trying to get you to kill yourself so you’ll be stuck with him?”
She shook her head. “No. Not really. I don’t think he’s making me do it. It doesn’t feel like someone’s forcing me. It’s like a…natural reflex. Like a muscle memory. Like it’s telling me to meet him there.”
“Why would it tell you to meet him there?”
“Well, we met on the roof before I was going to kill myself.”
Gem hummed to herself, taking more notes.
“I just gotta say that you’re very professional and probably the only demon I’ve met who didn’t immediately make me want to vomit.”
“Aw, thank you. I take my job very seriously. I know I look like a hot mess, but that’s only because I choose to. Not many jobs let you have pink hair.”
“Do all demons have weird colored hair?”
“Yeah. It’s part of the gimmick. So tell me about the triggers and angry outbursts you mentioned.”
Lydia sucked her teeth and sighed, curling up slightly. “I don’t know…it’s kind of stupid.”
“You know what’s stupid? I was considered one of the most feared women’s gang leaders in the 80′s. I got drunk, fell off a bridge, and now I’m a therapist. What’s not stupid is your trauma.”
She smiled a little. “Thanks…Okay…” Lydia took a breath. “My dad and step-mom were planning all the details for their wedding. I was in the living room, kind of listening and then I just…started crying and ran into my room. They decided to hold off on it until I was better.”
“Poor thing.” Gem said sympathetically.
“I joined a stargazing club at school because in New York I never got to see stars that much. Of course, the first constellation we talked about was Orion.”
Gem nodded understandingly. “Second brightest star in the constellation is Betelgeuse.”
Lydia winced at the mention of the name and Gem tensed up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize what I was saying…How about whenever we need to bring him up, we can just call him something else.”
“Like what?”
“Buttmunch?”
Lydia snorted. “That works.”
“So what happened?”
“Well, Bertha said…Buttmunch and I just froze up. She told her parents that I tackled her, telling her not to say it, but I don’t remember that.”
Gem hummed to herself. “It sounds like you have a case of PTSD.”
“PTSD?”
“Well from what you’ve told me, whatever he did traumatized you. Even if you don’t think it was that serious. You were depressed and suicidal, he showed up and made your life a living hell, you were forced to kill him, and what 12 year old needs to stab someone for forcing them to marry him, trapping her in her own house, scaring her dad away, and feeling like you’re obligated to hang out with him because he saved your life?”
“First off, I’m not 12. Second of all, he didn’t save my life.”
Gem looked at her clipboard. “Well, actually he did. You said he saved you from his mom.”
“Which she wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for him.”
“And you wouldn’t have been alive up to that point if it wasn’t for him.”
Lydia scoffed, crossing her arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You said you met him on the roof, right?”
“Yeah.”
“And you were about to jump, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So what happened between you wanting to die and him scaring your dad away?”
“Well…he saw me about to jump and when he realized I could see him, he tried to get me to say his name. But he can’t say his name, which is dumb. Why can’t he say his name? Every other demon can say their name just fine.”
“It’s a thing that happens. If he could say his name, he’d always be saying it to give himself power and he’d never shut up. It really depends on the source material you’re working with.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Anyway, so what happened after that?”
“Well he told me that killing myself is stupid and I should try to get revenge on my dad. I told him to piss off and then I took his advice but had Barbara and Adam help me instead.”
“Poor choice, they look like they think ‘revenge’ is a fancy French dish. Now, from what you just told me, if he hadn’t shown up, you would have jumped, your life would have been over, and you would have been stuck doing civil work. Ergo, he saved your life.”
Lydia scowled, trying to think of a snarky response.
“So?”
“You just have a lot of confusing feelings. You want to be mad at him, which you have a right to be. But he did technically save your life. And you know you wouldn’t be here without him. So you’re also partially grateful for him.”
“What does this have to do with my nightmares?”
“Well you said yourself that your brain wanted you to meet him there.”
“That’s dumb. You’re not even a real therapist. Telling you all this won’t help. You won’t understand. None of them do! They just want me to get better, but they don’t know what it’s like! To not be able to sleep because you’re afraid that when you wake up, it’ll all be a dream and you’re still trapped in the house with him. Or that he came and killed my dad in the middle of the night as an act of revenge. Or hate yourself for trusting him in the first place. And I can’t even talk to them about it. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to them about it. They just wouldn’t get it…I guess that’s why they sent me here. Because you’re the only one who would get it.” Lydia wiped her eyes and sniffled.
Gem sighed, setting the clipboard down. “Lydia.” She summoned a box of tissues and handed them to her. “You’re stressed, restless, you’re scared, you’re angry, you’re a kid who dealt with stuff no grown adult should have dealt with. You have too many thoughts going on now. So what’s going to help?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s okay…When was the last time you slept? Like actually slept.”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. Couple weeks ago…”
“Tell you what, you can stay here and sleep. It’s perfectly safe in here. Buttmunch won’t get you. You can sleep as long as you want since no one ever needs me. And we can talk whenever you want. That way you have someone who understands what you’re going through. Does that sound good?”
Lydia shrugged again, but this time with a smile. “I guess.”
“It’s not a permanent fix, but it’s a start. And if you have a night terror, I’ll be right here for you. I promise.”
“You do?”
“Of course. Demons have questionable morals, but we never break a promise. And if you ever do get stuck with him again and someone happened to have said his name three times, just say it three times again. That takes all his power away.”
“It does?”
“Well, it varies by which one you’re working with, but yeah. If you say his name three times, it gives him power, if you say it three more, it takes his power away. It’s like that shitty book series says. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself. Or whatever. The less you say his name the more scared you are. So the more you say it, the less scary he becomes and the less power he has over you.”
“That actually makes sense.”
“I’m a pro at handling demon shit. Now, lie down and get some rest.”
Lydia nodded and adjusted herself, lying on her back. “I actually was wondering…what happened to him and his mom?”
“Hm?”
“Well, his mom got eaten by a sand worm and…well, I stabbed him. He went to the Netherworld.”
“Well, since Juno died, Miss Argentina is in charge. I’d let her boss me around…”
Lydia raised an eyebrow.
“I mean Juno is technically still a demon, but sand worms take about 1,000 years to digest their food so she’s probably gonna be there for a while, so she’s listed as dead.”
“Whoa…I feel sorry for her…even if she did deserve it. What about him?”
Gem shrugged. “I haven’t really seen him around. He’s probably hiding from his responsibilities like normal.”
Lydia laughed a little. “Well, you seem relatively normal for a demon. What’s the deal?”
“I just talk to people daily. There are actually a LOT of people who don’t read the Handbook, and thank God/Satan for that. Do you know how many people die a day? 55 million. Only about 2% actually read the Handbook in its entirety, which is still over 1 million people, but holy shit is it hard to see 1 million people a year.”
Gem snapped her fingers and a blanket and pillow landed on Lydia.
Lydia grunted, grabbing the pillow off her face and scowling. “Hey!”
“Now get some sleep, kiddo. You need it.”
Lydia tucked the pillow under her head and wrapped herself in the blanket.
It was surprisingly comfortable and devoid of any terrible smells. She smiled, pulling it close. “Thanks, Gem…”
“One step at a time.”
Lydia nodded and closed her eyes, dreaming about much nicer demons with stupid hair.