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“She’s goin’ to find us a new place to live. I’m sure it’s some huge den with no stinkers around and loads of food,” Mebh óg Mactíre, the strange girl who had healed Merlyn’s injuries alongside Robyn’s, explained as a fanged grin spread across her face. Robyn ran a hand through the girl’s ginger hair- thick and about as wild as she was, entangled with leaves and branches- before digging through her pouch for a brush. “It’s goin’ to be amaaazin’.”
“So then, where is she?” Robyn asked as she began to brush Mebh’s hair with slow, caring strokes. “Do you think she got caught?”
“She’s fine! Nobody can catch my ma!” Mebh’s voice was bold, brash, and on second thought… defensive. “An’ anyway, even if she was caught by those stinkers, I’d get me wolves to eat them!”
“So you’re just waiting for her to come back?”
“Yep. It’s just her and me in the whole world.”
“Like me and father…” She said softly, picking a flower. In the warm, golden light of the afternoon, Mebh was pretty. Her eyes were equally as warm, its hues similar to that of a bergamot pear and her hair was as bright as the leaves on the trees, amber hues melded together to make something beautiful.
Everything about Mebh reminded Robyn of something; her eyes of fruit, her hair of autumn, her freckles of the starry night sky. It was as if she were the embodiment of some of the Earth’s prettiest features.
She wasn’t just pretty, though. Mebh was beautiful.
Robyn paused. That wasn’t right.
She tucked the flower into the shorter girl’s hair.
“How about that?”
Robyn turned her gaze to Kilkenny. From a distance, it reminded Robyn of a cage, homes stacked together in a neat and orderly fashion, everything grey and brown and gloomy, but it seemed much more peaceful and idyllic than it truly was. Brilliantly coloured stenches wafted away from the town, a vibrant array of lilacs and blues. It was gorgeous… and disgusting.
“Lots of smelly people in there,” Mebh quipped with a- quite literally- wolfish grin. Robyn chuckled, nudging her with a grey paw.
“Hey, I’m in there.”
“Fast asleep, snorin’ away…”
The two burst into synchronized laughter, although Robyn was quick to sober, turning her gaze back to the village. “I’m scared, Mebh.”
“Yeah… town’s no place for a wolf.”
“I know. If they don’t shoot me, they’ll cage me.”
A wolf. The truth was still a daunting prospect to Robyn, one that she wasn’t all too sure how to process just yet. She was a wolfwalker, all left paws and grey fur, the broken skin on her arm now healed but still tender. There was no taking back everything that had led to this moment; her fate had been set in stone. It was another shameful secret she had to carry with herself. Just like the other one, it was heavy, and not one she was certain she’d be able to keep for the rest of her life. Both were out of her control, but at least in Kilkenny, it was hard to find the girls who teased her pretty. But then there was Mebh…
“Mebh, your mother,” Robyn perked up suddenly. “Do you think they’ve might’ve-”
“No.” Mebh snapped in the same bold yet defensive tone from before. “Nobody can catch my ma.”
“Sorry.” She watched Mebh’s ears go back, watched as she curled deeper into herself. “How long has she been gone?”
“Since… she’s alright. She’ll be back soon. She promised.”
Robyn’s mother had died back in England from the pneumonic plague. Her heart always panged at the thought of her, envious of Mebh’s relationship to her own mother, but that longing was elusive at best. She had been young when she had died and the memories were blurry to Robyn. She could still remember the gentle touch of a cooling caress against her hot forehead when she was sick, a warm smile and a willingness to listen to all of Robyn’s fairytales, but she could no longer remember the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed or the smell of her clothes. She was never spoken of unless Robyn brought her up, the woman who had brought her into the world an apparition at best, and even that was hard.
Mebh, on the other hand, had nobody but her mother. Her father, for whatever reason, seemed long gone and out of the picture. All she had was her mother who had suddenly disappeared and the pack of wolves she had suddenly become responsible for. Robyn wasn’t sure what she’d do if her father had died alongside her mother- although she supposed she could manage just fine on her own- and up until now, she had been a normal girl. Mebh, on the other hand, was wild and had hardly stepped foot into a town. She knew little of Ireland’s civilized world and Robyn wouldn’t let her meet any sort of grim fate. She wouldn’t last a day in an orphanage.
“Well, don’t worry. Wherever she is, we’ll find her. I can help you.”
“Yeah!” Mebh’s ears perked up, eyes practically aglow. “There’s two of us now!”
“I’ll sneak out and meet you back here tomorrow.”
“And I’ll be waitin’ for ye! Again!”
“We’ll find her. Then all of you can leave and be safe.” Robyn reassured her, nuzzling the other wolf's neck.
“Ye promise?” Mebh looked over to her.
“I promise.” Robyn pressed her forehead against Mebh’s, her heart full of adoration and the girl’s breath cold against her skin. Although things would be worse if she returned during the daytime, she didn’t want to leave just yet. Kilkenny was unsafe now, and despite its rough beginning, this night had been perfect. She wanted to stay with Mebh underneath the stars, snout against snout, where the world stopped spinning and everything was at peace.
Instead, she pulled back and began to leave.
There were some secrets she could still keep.
If Kilkenny was a prison, then the scullery was Robyn’s personal cell. Everything about it was disheartening; it was so drab and grey, all too orderly for Robyn’s messy mind. Every day spent there was the same, wash and cook and clean and wash, wash and cook and clean and wash.
Some of the scullery maids that worked beside her were old and brittle, dark circles beneath their eyes and grim expressions to match. They had started when they were only half her age and they had never left. If she never wed, this would be the life she would be doomed to live.
Both seemed like such miserable fates.
Piling laundry into a basket, it took everything in Robyn’s power not to cry on the spot. She missed England, with its cobblestone streets and clear skies, but she missed the forest even more. It called to every fiber of her being, sang her name in a sweet, alluring tone, enticing her to join everything there. She was part wolf, after all. It was where she belonged now.
Struggling to carry the abnormally heavy basket, Robyn hoped Mebh got out safe.
“Where were you?!” A familiar freckled face springing out of her basket snapped Robyn out of her thoughts and she dropped the basket.
“Mebh?! What are you doin’ here?”
“I waited for ages!” Mebh’s voice was sharp and pointed like daggers ready to pierce Robyn’s skin. Every word shot was an accusation, laced with the bitter pain of betrayal.
“You’re supposed to be gone. I sent Merlyn to tell you-”
“What’s that, girl?” A scullery maid asked, barely shifting her gaze to Robyn who struggled to shove Mebh back into the basket.
“Oh-” She hoisted it up. “Nobody!”
Robyn struggled briefly before managing to set Mebh down in another room, immediately yanking her out of the basket with a tight grip on her arms.
“You must go, Mebh! Lead the pack to safety-”
“I told ya! I’m not leavin’ without me ma!” She squirmed and Robyn shook her a little. “You said you’d help!”
“I am helpin’ you, the only way I know how! You have to listen to me, Mebh. You must leave the forest, take the wolves, and go!”
“Ye promised!”
“The Lord Protector will burn the woods,” Robyn said firmly, and her voice wavered. “He will kill all the wolves by sunset. You have to get them out. Do you understand?”
Even now, with tears in her eyes and pain written all over her face, Mebh was perfect. More than anything, Robyn needed her to get out. She had already accepted the sad truth that she was trapped in Kilkenny, stuck as the girl cursed to turn into a beast in her sleep, knowing that one day she’d be caught and killed for this sin. Mebh had to be free, for both of them. She cared for her too much for her not to be.
She took her in one final time, teary eyes reminiscent of dewy grass on a summer morning, and turned away, clutching her arms. “Now go.”
“... Ye said ye would help me. Ye promised.”
“Go, Mebh. Take Merlyn with you. Goodbye.”
There were a thousand words that crossed her mind at that moment, all confessions of some type, but she didn’t want to taint Mebh’s impression of her any more than she just did.
Still, she felt as if her heart would burst.
She leaned against the closed door and cried.
“Oh, come here to me, townie!”
Mebh’s arms were warm and soft and her chest raced against Robyn’s as she lifted her from the ground, briefly twirling her before setting her down. Robyn laughed, threw her arms around her, and sighed.
Everything about this was perfect.
Mebh’s hair smelt nothing like how she imagined, strong with the rich scent of the forest and interlaced with her own unique scent, one that Robyn was unable to put into words. A strand of loose hair tickled Robyn’s cheek, and she wanted to kiss her.
They weren’t safe just yet. Robyn knew this, knew the risk that came with her decision to save Móll, knew that the soldiers would have about as much mercy for a child as they would for someone accused of treason. Paganism, witchcraft, anything that wasn’t natural called for a fate that would inevitably result in death. They had to leave, and they had to leave fast.
“I’m not a townie anymore,” Robyn said softly, hesitantly breaking free from their embrace but unwilling to let go of Mebh completely, immediately interlacing fingers with her once she had stepped back. “Mebh, we don’t have much time. The Lord Protector is leading an army out, and he’s-”
If Robyn had been allowed another minute to speak, she would’ve told her. She would’ve said everything, letting the words tumble out, bared her soul to Mebh without a moment’s hesitation or fear of what would come next. Although she was optimistic, there was no telling how this night would end.
It wasn’t normal. Robyn knew this, had read the verses condemning what was out of her control late at night more times than she could count, and still believed it with her entire soul, but who cared? There were already so many things that she had done today that was wrong- she could turn into a wolf, for crying out loud- and a confession would be the least of those offenses.
Besides, what if she never got another chance? It was now or never.
An arrow whizzed through the sky. It was already too late.
“All is well, my love.”
“All is well, father.”
Móll’s caravan rocked side to side like a ship, lulling Robyn to rest. In her sleepy stupor, she rested her forehead against Mebh’s. It was warm and hot to the touch, familiar and comforting the way only Mebh was. The caravan was a lovely place to sleep, surrounded by plants and tools and knickknacks of all kinds and rich with the scent of all sorts of herbs. After a minute of silence, her father and Mebh’s mother began to speak. Something about going off west, where Ireland was not yet civilized. Maybe other Wolfwalkers still remained.
Truth be told, Robyn didn’t care. There were other, more pressing subjects on her mind now.
“Mebh,” she asked in a hushed voice, just low enough so that their parents wouldn’t hear. “Are you still awake?”
Mebh opened her eyes. “Yeah,”
Robyn's eyes were locked on hers, warm green against ice blue, and she messed with the sleeves of her nightgown under the sheets, unable to tear her eyes away from her. The jittery feeling she felt now was far from fear, as if deep down, she knew just what Mebh would say. "I love you."
Mebh was silent, eyes alit and cheeks rosy, and her hand met Robyn’s underneath the covers. Robyn’s hands were cold but Mebh’s were warm and together, they made the perfect temperature, Robyn helping Mebh cool down and Mebh helping her warm up. “I love ye too, townie.”
Robyn smiled.
Nothing had ever felt more natural to Robyn. She could stay in this moment forever- Mebh’s forehead pressed against her own, the gentle rocking of the caravan enticing the girls to retreat to their wolf forms- but then it wouldn’t be just a moment.
Still, it felt right. If nothing else, she could be certain of that alone.