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2020-12-06
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1/1
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And I'll Hold You in My Heart

Summary:

“You can’t give up.” Catra says to her.
There were so many things she wanted to say to her. Things she now might never know.
“You have never given up on anything in your life.”

A fic telling the confession scene from Catra's perspective, for those of you wanting to relive that finale for that sweet, sweet serotonin.

Notes:

So I know I'm like seven months late to this party, but this fic has been sitting in my notebook for ages and I finally decided to share it. Hope you enjoy!

Work Text:

“No.” Adora says, shoulders slumped, voice weary with resignation. “It’ll work.”

She glances back at Catra.

“You need to get as far away from here as possible. I have to do this next part on my own.”

Catra’s gut twists.

“Adora.” She says sharply. “ What is going to happen to you?”

She already knows the answer.

Adora turns her back to her, fists clenched, head bowed down.

“Without She-ra, the magic will destroy me.”

She walks back to Catra, forcing a smile, and cups her face. Pressing their foreheads together.

“But it’s okay, I can still save everyone.”

Catra felt numb. Wasn’t this exactly what she was running away from just hours before? Having to sit by helplessly and watch as Adora threw herself away to save everyone else, like she herself wasn’t worth anything?

And here Adora was, selfless as always, giving her an out.

“I’m ready.” Adora says, slowly letting her hands fall from Catra’s face, as if she didn’t really want to let this moment go.

But Catra hadn’t confronted Shadow-Weaver, fought a monster, and half-carried Adora to the Heart just to leave her side now. Adora was worth more than that.

She catches her hands before she can let them fall.

“No.”

Adora’s eyes well up with tears. “Catra-” She says, voice so broken and despairing that it nearly rips Catra’s heart in two.

“I’m not leaving. No matter what happens I am staying with you.

Adora just nods, resigned once more, and perhaps a little relieved. She moves to the center of the room once more, staring up at the heart. This time, Catra’s at her side, hand at her back. She won’t let her do this alone.

The moment only lasts for a heartbeat and then it’s gone.

The failsafe on Adora’s chest crackles violently and she doubles over, screaming in pain.

“Adora!” Catra cries.

The other girl collapses and curls in on herself, gasping and trembling. Catra falls to her knees beside her, sheer panic filling her chest.

“Nononononono, Adora!”

She draws her into her, resting her body in her lap and cradling the back of her head. Adora’s breathing is labored and her skin is searingly hot, veins all over her body glowing a lurid green.

Catra chokes back a sob.

The whole room fills with crackling green energy. The reflective walls bounce around images of arcing electricity. Catra covers Adora’s body with her own, hoping to shield her from any more harm. When the noise lessens and they seem safe for the moment, Catra pulls back.

“Adora.” She says sharply, “Adora, stay awake!”

Adora’s eyes flutter open, landing not on Catra, but on the Heart. Catra glances back to see what she is seeing.

The Heart, glowing green now, spiraling columns of energy twisting and writhing. A weapon, now under Horde Prime’s control.

Catra turns back to Adora, world be damned, and caresses her cheek. It’s the only comfort she can offer her.

Adora leans into her touch, closing her eyes and covering Catra’s hand with her own, before letting it fall.

“I’m sorry.” She whispers.

If Catra’s heart could have broken any more, it did in that moment.

‘I’m sorry?’ There was nothing for her to be sorry for. None of this was her fault. But now her eyes were sliding closed, her body going limp. She was giving up. She had nothing left to fight for, if she was too late to save everyone else.

“Adora.” Catra sobbed. She pulled her into a tight embrace. “Adora!” She cried, desperate to keep her conscious, to keep her with her, but she was slipping away.

Catra held her best friend and cried deep, gulping sobs that wracked her entire body. She rocked her back and forth, hand tangled in her hair, tears soaking into her jacket.

“Adora please,” she choked, “you have to wake up.”

She pulls back a little to look at her.

Her face was so pale that her veins, pulsing green with the virus, shone like neon. She was breathing, but only just. The movement barely registering in her chest.

“You can’t give up.” Catra says to her.

There were so many things she wanted to say to her. Things she now might never know.

“You have never given up on anything in your life.”

And she really hasn’t. Not on training and training until her muscles ached back in the Horde, not on comforting Catra no matter how many times she pushed her away as children, not on pulling her out of Horde Prime’s clutches, even after all she’d done, even as he used her body to tear into Adora the same way she had so many times before.

“Not even on me.” She whispers.

But she had always fought for other people’s sake, never her own.

And now she probably thinks she’s failed.

No. No!

Catra holds her tighter to her chest.

“I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”

And maybe this didn’t matter.The heart would destroy Catra and Adora and everyone and everything else in a few minutes without the failsafe. But Catra can’t focus on anything but the girl in her arms, the girl she loves with everything she has, the girl who would burn herself to dust if it meant saving someone else.

Catra has been crying freely, and her tears shine on Adora’s cheek, dripping down and mingling with her hair.

The girl she loves is dying in her arms, and she doesn’t even know how much she means to her, how precious she is. 

She leans forward until her lips brush against Adora’s ear. 

“Don’t you get it? I love you. I always have. So please, just this once, stay.”

She clutches her tighter to her and presses her ear against Adora’s chest, where she can still hear her heart beating. She nuzzles into the fabric of her shirt, breathing her in.

“Stay.” She pleads.

The Heart of Etheria roars above them, sparkling, emitting beams of pure destruction in all directions.

So this was it, then.

Catra gently lays Adora down to rest on the cold crystal floor, and shields her with her body. She will not let Horde Prime harm Adora any more than he already has. She’ll die before that happens.

She screws her eyes shut and braces herself for what she knows is coming.

Instead, she registers a flash of light, white, not green.

Catra turns in time to see Adora’s arm raised to summon She-ra’s shield, protecting both of them, before it vanishes. She turns back to Adora, hardly daring to hope, and there she is, gorgeous blue eyes open, leaning towards her, catching her breath.

Catra’s arms encircle her automatically.

“You love me?” She breathes.

Catra is so filled with relief and amazement and yes, love, that she almost laughs. 

“You’re such an idiot.” She says.

Of course she wouldn’t know, no matter how obvious.

But Adora’s face makes her pause. She’s looking at her with such openness, such hope and adoration and a little bit of shyness, and it makes Catra consider a possibility that she had never, ever let herself consider before.

“I love you too.” Adora affirms.

And Catra can’t contain herself.

She caresses Adora’s cheek, leans in, and kisses her.

And it feels like they’ve finally fallen into place with each other.

Adora is warm and alive and she’s here and she’s with her and she loves her the same way Catra does. As she holds her, she can feel her fever dissipating. The once engorged veins in her face being soothed. She’s healing.

And when they finally break the kiss, Catra realizes that she had just been kissing She-ra.

She yelps and She-ra’s- no, still Adora’s, eyes flash with concern.

“Are you okay?” She asks.

“Yep!” She squeaks. “Just, need a minute. To process, all this.”

She laughs shakily and leans her forehead against Adora’s chest.

Adora rubs one hand slowly up and down Catra’s back, and entangles the other one in her hair.

“I love you so much.” She whispers.

And Catra’s so damn giddy that she starts crying all over again.

“Catra, Catra are you okay?”

Catra meets Adora’s eyes, blue and glowing brighter because of She-ra’s magic. 

“Yeah, dumbass.”

She presses another kiss to the corner of Adora’s mouth.

“And I love you too.”

She nuzzles into the crook of Adora’s neck, holding her tightly, she needs to remind herself that this is actually real. Just moments ago the whole world was ending, and she thought that Adora was lost to her, and now…

And now…

And now Adora was holding her like she was the most precious thing in the universe. And she had chosen to stay, to fight, because Catra loved her, and she loved Catra, and that was enough.

And this was so, so good, but their friends and the rest of the world still needed their attention.

Catra pulls back with a shaky laugh.

“I guess we should go back now, huh?”

“Oh, oh! Yeah, I guess we should.”

Adora flashes her a dopey grin and offers Catra her hand as she stands.