Chapter Text
“Thank you, Frederick. Ash will call you again when he next needs you.” Eiji bowed as the young man sauntered out the front door. Frederick was one of Ash’s models. He was one of the few regulars. Ash was so picky that most models only lasted sitting or so. Eiji closed the door behind him and then went to his laptop. He clocked the time where Frederick left and double-checked that all the files were in place. Once he was done, he headed to the studio.
Eiji worked as an assistant to the famous painter Ash Lynx. Despite a year younger than Eiji, Ash had graduated college at 17 and had debuted as a painter. He was a genius as well as a prodigy and many artists, including Eiji, looked up to him. When Eiji changed majors in order to become a photographer, he had applied for the assistant job. He needed the money since he no longer could rely on his pole-vaulting scholarship. At the memory of his pole-vaulting carrier, Eiji’s mood darkened. Even after three years, the memories of his pole-vaulting incident still haunted him. Eiji shook his head, clearing his thoughts. This wasn’t the time to dwell on the past. He had work to do.
Opening the studio door he found the room set up to look like a library. Large bookcases loomed in the back and there was a nice oak table in the middle. Around the set, bright lights shone on the table, illuminating an open book with a beautifully illustrated picture of a small woman in a flower. For the last couple of days, Ash had been painting Frederick in this setting. Ash was very particular about how each set of pieces should be placed. It usually took Eiji a couple of hours of dragging around different props for Ash to be satisfied.
At the sound of the door opening, Ash glanced up from his place behind an easel. He peered around the large canvas to look at Eiji. “Is Fredric’s gone?” When Eiji nodded Ash smiled at him. “Alright then, can you clean up the set for me? Keep the bookcases out though, I think I’ll need them for my next painting.” With that Ash turned his attention back to the canvas. Eiji glanced at him.
Ash looked how he always did after finishing a painting. Tied after a long day of painting and critical about his work. He had paint in his messy blond hair. Somehow, he also got paint all over his baggy blue painter’s clothes. He wore a small frown on his face as his deep green eyes surveyed the picture. Ash switched between looking like a pouty child or a professional artist daily. Eiji couldn’t tell which one he looked like today. Smiling to himself, Eiji started picking up the props and loading them onto the small cart. No matter what Ash looked like he was always amazing. There was something wild and free about him. If Eiji ever became a professional photographer, he was going to ask Ash to be his model.
It wasn’t a secret that Eiji had a crush on Ash. His sister, his friends Sing and Yut-Lung, and even Professor Ibe knew about his crush. They all had known about it for many years, long before Eiji was even aware of it himself. Of course, Ash didn’t notice. He was in his own world of paints and colors. When he wasn’t hanging with Eiji or his friends he was researching for his next work. It was time-consuming, but Ash put all his efforts into it.
Eiji loved that about Ash. He actually loved most things about Ash. The way Ash pouted or sulked when Eiji teased him. The way he easily came up with retorts and comebacks. His confidence, his humor. When Eiji had first met Ash he wasn’t sure what to make of him. Ash seemed removed and unapproachable. After a while, however, they began talking during work. At some point, they started hanging out after work. Now it wasn’t uncommon for one or the other to show up at the other’s house unannounced, just to chill. Despite all the times they had hung out together Ash hadn’t picked up at all on Eiji’s feelings.
“Perhaps that’s for the best.” Eiji thought has he finished loading the props and began wheeling the cart to the storage room. “If he was more aware of his surroundings, he might have noticed my secret.”
Although his crush on Ash was obvious to his friends and family, Eiji had a secret that no one knew about. It was a desire that he kept to himself. Eiji Okumura wanted to be a model for one of Ash’s paintings.
Ash’s portraits were amazing. He caught, not only the person but everything that person was. His pictures had so much character in them that it felt like you knew the subject personally as if they were a friend or a family member. It was different from what Eiji wanted to do with photography. Photos were about a moment, frozen in time. That perfect moment that describes you and how you were feeling. Paintings however took a long time to make. They were more about your essence. Eiji wanted to know what his essence looked like. What did his friends see when they saw him? More importantly, what did Ash see when he saw him? He wanted Ash’s intense gaze on him alone. He wanted Ash to catch every part of him and translate it onto paper.
This desire had come as a surprise to Eiji. When he first started working for Ash, he didn’t want to be a model. It was only after many months of hanging with Ash that Eiji suddenly wanted to be the subject of Ash’s art. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment. It was sometime between when they went to karaoke and Ash and his friend Shorter sung a duet together and when Eiji and Ash were eating ice cream while chilling on a park bench. The feeling had just grown from there. Eiji hated it. It was an embarrassing and selfish desire. Eiji would never tell a living soul about this dark secret. He wished it would go away, after all, he knew he would never be in one of Ash’s paintings.
Ash Lynx only painted beautiful people. He was so selective in his work that he turned down some of the most gorgeous people Eiji had ever lay eyes on because they were just not “good enough” for him. Ash wasn’t always so selective in choosing his subjects. Back when Eiji first started working for him, Ash painted models he met off the street. As his fame grew however his desire for perfection grew as well. Now Ash could go through twenty pictures of stunning models and would only choose one if he really likes them. If they didn’t have a chance Eiji surely didn’t. He wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous like the other subjects. He lacked the natural beautify of Fredric or the strong confidence of Jessica, another of Ash’s models. His body may have echoes of his pole-vaulting carrier but nothing that would be of any interest to Ash. Eiji was painfully aware that he looked like a 16-year-old scrawny kid. He was plain and wore close he bought at a secondhand store. He was a fallen star who fell into depression. His life story was boring. His body was boring. Why would someone like Ash Lynx ever want to capture his essence? He was practically worthless as a model. No, it was better if Eiji stayed behind the scenes. He was no one’s star, just a simple photographer and assistant.
Eiji sighed loudly in the dark storage room. He knew he really shouldn’t dwell on this. It only made him miserable. Pulling on a smile, he returned to the studio. Eiji found Ash where he had left him, still eying his painting. Ash definitely didn’t look pleased about something. Curiosity getting the best of him, Eiji walked around the canvas to look at it. As his eyes took in the artwork in front of him, he gave a small gasp.
There was Fredric, lounging on a simple wooden chair, and reading the book with beautiful illustrations. He looked haughty and proud, like a noble of old, yet there was humor in his expression. Eiji could see that he enjoyed the company of others and doated on his friends. His relaxed posture suggested that he was reading for fun. Eiji’s eyes traveled to the man’s gaze, which was on his book. It was relaxed, calm. He was engaged in the book, his mind conjuring up images of the story in front of him. Eiji could stare at the painting for hours.
“It’s amazing.” He breathed, his voice barely over a whisper.
“It’s alright.” Ash didn’t sound impressed. “I could have done better.” Eiji turned to him in shock and shook his head in bewilderment. This portrait could win awards. It matched, if not beat, many other pieces of art that were created.
“Is this one going to be part of the gallery?”
“Which gallery?” Ash turned his attention away from the painting.
“The Highstone Gallery. They asked you if you wanted to have some of your work displayed there last month, remember?”
“Oh yeah…sure.” Ash said dismissively. Eiji rolled his eyes. Ash seemed to be quickly losing interest in art galleries and competitions. Eiji remembered a time when Ash was eager to get his work out there. He wanted to make a name for himself and he applied to everything that came his way. Over the years however, Ash had become somewhat obsessed with “perfection”. He started caring less about getting his work out and more about making the perfect picture. Eiji supposed if he was a prodigy, fame would lose its appeal that quickly as well.
“You still need three more pictures for that gallery. They said you need to submit at least four works.”
“Oh.” Ash didn’t seem to be listening. “Do you mind calling Jessica again? I have an idea I would like to try on her.”
“I’ll contact her tomorrow. Oh and speaking of contacts, I’ve finished the list of new candidates.”
“Really?” Ash finally seemed interested in the conversation. He finally looked away from his work. “Let’s go look at it now. I want to see if there’s anyone that could work for an upcoming project I want to make.”
Eiji led the way back into the lobby and got on his computer. After a few seconds of typing, he popped up his list. Ash sat down and began scrolling through the names. At first, he seemed invested but as the list continued his interest wavered. By the end of the list he looked bored again.
“I guess the third one would do. You can call him.”
Eiji tried to bite down his own frustration. Listening to Ash dismiss people who looked like they could be literal be angles, reminded him how little chance he had of getting painted. How were these people not enough? What was Ash looking for? Eiji wished he was the man who was just picked off the list. Maybe Ash wasn’t enthusiastic but at least he would get Ash’s undivided attention. Ash would look deeply into the man’s soul in a way only an artist could do and create something beautiful from it. Eiji turned his head away as a blush spreading. Between his crush and desire to be painted he was acting childish. It was stupid. It was so incredibly stupid. He needed to get over himself. He needed to stop being envious of the different models that came in. Eiji wasn't usually a jealous person. He usually was rational and level headed, giving everyone a chance. Even so when it came to Ash Lynx, things were different. He wanted to stay with Ash as long as possible. He sometimes had a hard time acting "normal" around him.
“I’ll reach out to him then.” Eiji forced his voice to sound professional. He didn’t want Ash to hear any of the jealousy he was feeling.
Ash ran a hand through his hair musing to himself “Although he’s not up to standards, I think he might actually work…” Eiji had no idea what Ash’s ‘standards’ were but they must be ridiculously high.
As Eiji watched Ash mull over the new candidate Eiji suddenly had the urge to say something. Every day it seemed Ash was getting picker and picker about his subjects. As someone who used to always be reaching for higher and higher goals, he sympathized with him but also knew the dangers of those thoughts. Eiji was worried Ash might be getting a little obsessed.
“Ash, I know it’s good not to get complacent and it’s always important to strive to improve, but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I mean, you’re going to drive yourself insane trying to reach ‘perfection’. You’ll never get there, and it will make you go crazy. You need an attainable goal.” Eiji thought back to his Pole-Vaulting years. “Trust me, there’s such thing as pushing yourself too far.”
Ash looked at Eiji with an unreadable expression before relaxing. His eyes softened and he gave a sad smile. “I know Eiji, but I need to do this. I have a goal in mind, but to reach it I need to improve my skills.” He sighed frustrated. “I had this goal in mind for a while but…” He petered off gloomily. Eiji bit his lip. He didn’t mean to make Ash unhappy. Thinking quickly he decided to change the subject.
“Hey, are you free after work? The café down the road is having trivia night.” Eiji flashed him a grin. “I thought you’d be interested.”
To Eiji’s relief, Ash’s gloomy expression disappeared. “Another one? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you bring me to all these trivia nights just so I can win them for you.” Ash raised an eyebrow. “Do you only hang out with me because of my brain?”
“Ash how dare you!” Eiji gasped in mock outrage. “What’s wrong with hanging out with my friend on trivia night?”
“Hmmm.” Ash crossed his arms.
Eiji copied him. “Are you saying that you don’t want to cream your competition and enjoy their shocked faces when they underestimate you?” Eiji asked innocently
“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Ash smirked. “Alright let’s do it!”
---
Ash Lynx had a secret. A secret no one else could know yet. A secret he had been carrying for the last couple of years. A secret that he wanted to achieve someday.
“Alright Fredric, that’s all for today. Thank you for coming.” Ash watched the young man leave. Once he was out the door Ash turned to observe his new portrait. He had outdone himself this time. It was much better than the last two. He had definitely improved but…. it was still missing something. Ash bit his lip in frustration as he scanned it. Where did he go wrong? What was missing? What did he add to ruin the effect? He needed to improve a lot if he ever wanted to achieve his deepest desire.
Ash Lynx wanted to paint a god.
When Ash had first met him he didn't think much of him. Ash had hired a random person o be his assistant, mostly because he was slightly more interesting than the others who applied. He ignored the man for a while but as time passed, he found himself talking and hanging out with his assistant. Soon Ash found himself falling for Eiji Okumura. When he had finally admitted to his friends about his crush, he was met with shocked silence until Shorter blurted out,
“You didn’t know?”
Apparently, they all knew about Ash’s crush long before Ash did. They teased him ruthlessly about. The only person who didn’t notice Ash’s crush was Eiji himself. It made sense though, Eiji was busy after all. Between his part-time job, school, and taking care of his sister Ash was surprised he had any time left to spare. Truthfully Ash doubted Eiji thought much about him outside of work. He supposed it was a good thing, after all, he didn’t want his secret to come out. He wasn’t ready to ask Eiji to be his model yet.
Ash remembered exactly when the feeling had started. Eiji had made Ash lunch since he tended to skip meals when he got busy. Ash had eagerly opened the contain before giving a cry of fear. Inside was a stack of mini sandwiches. Each was stuffed with meat and veggies and topped with a sauce that smelled wonderful. The effect was ruined however by the toothpick protruding from each sandwich. At the end of each of them was a small smiling pumpkin sticker.
“Eiji what’s this?!” Ash demanded. Eiji glanced over.
“Oh, they’re leftovers from my sister’s Halloween party.” Eiji smiled innocently “I thought it was best to use them now instead of throwing them away.”
Ash narrowed his eyes. “Halloween was six months ago.”
“I was keeping them for a special occasion.”
“Scaring me senseless is a special occasion for you?” Ask pouted.
The innocent smile dropped in an instant, “Yep.” Eiji grinned mischievously. “It was so worth it.”
Ash groaned and debated not touching the sandwiches at all. After a few seconds, however, his stomach growled hungrily, demanding food. Grumbling to himself Ash picked one of the sandwiches and, flicking the toothpick halfway across the room, took a bite. The first bite whipped any memories of the pumpkin toothpicks away. Ash was heaven. He gave a sigh of contentment and leaned back, savoring the taste. Next to him, Eiji’s expression softened into a gentle smile.
It was that moment that Ash suddenly had an urge to pick up his brush and start working. He wanted to capture Eiji. He wanted to capture Eiji’s smile, so gentle and kind, yet with a hint of mischief. He wanted to catch Eiji’s dark eyes, so deep and thoughtful yet with echoes of insecurity and despair. They also held Eiji determined to march forward despite his past. He wanted to capture Eiji’s expression, so open and yet so closed. Ash wanted to draw Eiji’s slender body, the way he held himself, the way his muscles relaxed and tensed depending on how comfortable he was. He wanted to catch the fact that Eiji favored his right leg since his left one was injured. Ash wanted to capture Eiji’s hands. How hard-working yet gentle they were. He wanted to catch each mark on them, each callous. There was so much Ash wanted to catch. Eiji’s dark floppy hair, the curve of his neck, his laughter, his fight, his stance, his mischief, his confidence, his sadness, his joy.
Ash realized that Eiji wasn’t like anyone he had met before. He was too unique. He had many flaws and many straights both weaving a picture of a complex being. He was a god. If Ash could capture his essence, he would find peace. If Ash could show the world Eiji, then he knew would be satisfied as an artist. Perhaps then he would have the courage to ask Eiji out.
Of course once he realized this, reality set in. He was not good enough to catch any of this. His pictures, while good, were on the simple side. They missed out on important aspects of the subject that they were supposedly capturing. It didn’t help that his models were also on the pain side. They lacked the deep natural beauty of Eiji as well as Eiji’s complexity. If Ash wanted to ask Eiji Okumura to be his model he would have to step up his game.
Ash was snapped out of his thoughts as Eiji came into the room. He glanced over at his assistant. Eiji was wearing a simple button-up shirt and trousers. He wore a dorky nametag and his hair was combed and neat. Ash’s heart skipped a beat. Yep, Eiji was still perfect.
“Is Fredric’s gone?” When Eiji nodded Ash smiled at him. “Alright then, can you clean up the set for me? Keep the bookcases out though, I think I’ll need them for my next painting.”
Eiji continued to look at him and Ash ducked his head back around the painting trying to hide his blush. He could hear Eiji picking up the props. Ash glanced at Eiji one more time before turning his attention back to his picture. The second he did a new wave of disappointment hitting him. Looking at Eiji made his art seem even worse. Now he saw all the mistakes, all the little things he missed. If he couldn’t paint someone like Fredric, then how was he going to paint a complex being like Eiji?
Ash forced his negativity down. Thinking negatively never got him anywhere. He needed to think rationally, to find his mistakes and correct them. Right now he had to figure out what went wrong. What wasn’t he doing right? How could he improve? How could he capture Fredric’s exact thoughts, personality, opinions, attitudes? He was still analyzing the picture when Eiji returned. The assistant looked over his shoulder at the picture and gave a small gasp of surprise and pleasure.
“It’s amazing.” The awe in Eiji’s voice hurt Ash’s ego. It made him feel like Eiji had low standards of him, even though he knew it wasn’t true. He wanted to tell Eiji he could do better. He wanted to promise Eiji he wouldn’t look like this when Ash painted him. Instead, Ash shrugged.
“It’s alright.” Ash supposed it wasn’t all bad. He did capture some of Fredric. “I could have done better.”
“Is this one going to be part of the gallery?”
“Which gallery?” Ash turned his head to look at Eiji.
“The Highstone Gallery. They asked you if you wanted to have some of your work displayed there last month, remember?”
“Oh yeah…sure.” Ash turned his attention back to the picture. He had forgotten about them. They weren’t his top priority. Fame had lost its appeal a while ago. The general population would ooh and aww over anything he made. Ash wanted to show them real art. Until he captured Eiji's beauty, he couldn’t in good faith be proud of his work.
“You still need three more pictures for that gallery. They said you need to submit at least four works.” Eiji continued
p
“Oh, Do you mind calling Jessica again? I have an idea I would like to try on her.” In his mind's eye, he saw his next project. He wanted to paint something simpler. He saw a young woman combing her hair in a bedroom. It was a scene from one of the novels he enjoyed but it would also work as a great picture.
“I’ll contact her tomorrow.” Eiji paused “Oh and speaking of contacts, I’ve finished the list of new candidates.”
“Really?” Ash looked up finally listening. “Let’s go look at it now. I want to see if there’s anyone that could work for an upcoming project I want to make.” Ash had an idea of a setting that would work with Eiji, but he wanted to try out another model first. A new model would be great. He needed fresh blood.
As Eiji lead the way back into the lobby Ash couldn’t help noticing the way he walked. Graceful like an athlete yet with a slight limp, barely noticeable. Ash put it on his mental checklist of things he wanted to capture when drew Eiji.
Once they got to Eiji’s desk, he got on his computer and pulled up the list. Ash eagerly scanned it hopefully. His hope didn’t last long. The people on the list were not what he was looking for. Nothing much stood out about them. Trying not to sigh with frustration, he scanned over the list again.
“I guess the third one would do. You can call him.” Ash’s voice lacked any commitment.
“I’ll reach out to him then.” Eiji sounded stiff and annoyed. Ash wondered if it was because he was acting dismissively. Ash felt a twinge of guilt. Eiji had worked hard to make that list. Ash could at least try to be more positive.
“Although he’s not up to standards, I think he might actually work…” Ash tried to make his voice light. It wasn’t like he was lying. The man did have deep eyes that would probably work for a few projects.
“Ash,” Eiji sounded tentative. “I know it’s good not to get complacent and it’s always important to strive to improve, but don’t you think you’re going a little overboard? I mean, you’re going to drive yourself insane trying to reach ‘perfection’. You’ll never get there, and it will make you go crazy. You need an attainable goal.” Eiji’s eyes were full of sadness and Ash knew he was thinking of his own past. “Trust me, there’s such thing as pushing yourself too far.”
Ash looked into Eiji’s warm concerned eyes and wanted to ask him now to be his model. He wanted to say to Eiji that he was his goal. Instead, he forced himself to calm down. “I know Eiji, but I need to do this. I have a goal in mind, but to reach it I need to get to improve my skills.” He sighed frustrated. “I had this goal in mind for a while but…”
I’m just not good enough. He couldn’t say that. It sounded winey. Ash wasn't usually whiney. He never complained even though he didn't grow up in the best situation. When it came to Eiji though Ash felt like he acted like a child. He lost the ability to mask his feelings and just spoke freely around him. Then there was the fear that he would never be good enough. Ash always worried that when the time came, Eiji wouldn’t accept his offer of being his model. He wanted to ask now, while Eiji was still connected to him, every moment he waited Eiji could lose interest in him and his work. If that happened, he would lose the chance of paint Eiji. The problem was that if he asked too soon, he would fail and that would be worse. Gloom set in his mind. Eiji must have noticed because he suddenly asked
“Hey, are you free after work? The café down the road is having trivia night.” Eiji flashed him a grin. “I thought you’d be interested.”
Ash blinked at the sudden change of subject but played along “Another one? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that you bring me to all these trivia nights just so I can win them for you.” Ash raised an eyebrow. “Do you only hang out with me because of my brain?”
Ash how dare you!” Eiji gasped in mock outrage “What’s wrong with hanging out with my friend on trivia night?”
“Hmmm.” Ash crossed his arms pretending to be against the idea. Truthfully, he would jump on any excuse to hang out with Eiji more.
Eiji copied him. “Are you saying that you don’t want to cream your competition and enjoy their shocked faces when they underestimate you?” Eiji’s fake innocence was adorable.
“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Ash smirked. “Alright let’s do it!”