Chapter Text
A soft sigh escapes Sakura's lips as she shakes her head gently, it was becoming a routine now and she couldn't approve of it in the slightest. After weeks of absence, here he was in her office once again having his injuries tended to, it was never the same type of injury either. No, he was far too clever to make the same error twice, however, he still failed to ever come back completely unscathed.
The joy in seeing his handsome face in her doorway was always short-lived, his poor physical condition never ceasing to put a dampener on the situation. To make matters worse, the Uchiha generally said next to nothing as she tended to him, he just sat there quietly. It wasn’t particularly surprising, but was a little conversation after such a long absence really too much to ask?
Her tongue traces across her glossy red lips and she thoughtfully ties the bandage she had been working on into a knot, pressing her fingertips over the finished product for a brief moment. "No heavy weapons in this hand for a fortnight at least," She murmurs as her right-hand brushes a few strands of hair out of her eyes, her gaze meeting his as she sits upright and relaxes her shoulders.
"I don't understand why your body is always littered with small injuries when you get back from your missions, Sasuke. You were always so attentive," She states, rising from her chair to returning the items she had used to their original positions. Sure, there was the matter of his missing appendage, but given the sheer amount of time that had elapsed and his unrivalled technique, she had no doubt that his disability was not the cause for his constant stream of injuries.
“It’s not important,” he responds simply. Raven locks fluttering past his dual-toned eyes as he shrugs his caramel poncho over his attire; “It’ll heal, it doesn’t matter.”
Sakura freezes, anger bubbling away inside her as she fights the urge to crush the glass jar she was holding. Was he putting himself in harm’s way as part of his atonement? “Don’t say that. Of course, it’s important!” the medic snaps, her voice wavering as she turns to look over her shoulder at him; “If you honestly believe that allowing yourself to get injured will resolve anything, I will refuse to let you leave this village alone. This twisted blood atonement approach of yours needs to end.”
Throat tightening, she slams the jar she was gripping down on the counter with as little force as she could muster. Bright eyes tremble as she instinctively strides up to the man she loved beyond her better judgement. He was foolish, and at times incredibly headstrong. But she was in too deep, there was no turning back.
A smirk creeps across Sasuke’s lips as he silently takes note of how passionately the woman before him was attempting to persuade him to take better care of himself. Even to the extent of making threats. Such conversations were commonplace in the last twelve months, but despite the irritating nature of said conversations, Sasuke couldn’t find it in himself to be irritated, much to his surprise.
This was the first time she had labelled his actions for what they were; blood atonement. The phrase carried with it such a negative stigma, but it was helpful. Unquestionably so. In fact, it was the most helpful method he had found to date. Sure it was going to be unsettling to several individuals, but at this point, he hardly cared. He just needed to feel something again, and if this was the only method that worked while also beating the crap out of some unsavoury types to help his village, so be it.
Sasuke raises a brow, bemused by the kunoichi’s feisty statement. It was rare to see her get so heated while speaking with him. Naruto, sure; but she always argued in a logical, yet emotive manner, careful to not raise her voice for so much as a second. Perhaps it was her unwavering feelings that granted him such special treatment. The concept was both intriguing and puzzling.
“I’ll be staying a couple of days, after that, I will resume my journey and the atonement of my choosing. Nothing will change that, not even your little threat,” he responds calmly, amusement tickling at the outskirts of his voice as he eyed her irked expression.
There was that overconfidence of his. That same irresistible confidence and wittiness that drew her to him all those years ago. Speaking in such a manner was so unnerving it ought to be considered cheating. Frowning, she crosses her arms under her bosom, her gaze drifting to the left side of the room as she attempts to calm her heart as it beats wildly in her chest as it did all those years ago. Perhaps she had taken it too far. He was strong enough that such a threat hardly carried enough weight for him to take her seriously, although she could definitely give him a run for his money.
“Fine, don’t admit it. But at least consider other ways to atone,” Sakura pleads gently; “Also. it wouldn’t hurt to stay longer. That’s not a long time to stay considering the fact that you arrived only two hours ago.”
In truth, she couldn't exactly state that it was an unprecedented turn of events if anything it was what she had come to expect from the lone shinobi. If only he had accepted her offer to assist him after the war, perhaps things would be different. Taking a deep breath Sakura slips her hands into the deep pockets of her lab coat; “You know, it might do you some good to stay here a little longer one day.”
Silence befalls the pair as the former missing-nin’s eyes scan her features; the weight of his past actions weighing on his mind as he sighs dismissively. “You don’t get it,” he states flatly, eyes void of emotion as his shoulders slacken.
Perhaps he had spent too long away from his home. It wasn’t a concept that had gone without thought, but given the gravity of his past actions, could he afford such a luxury as to simply put his journey for atonement on hold? Did he even deserve to? These were questions that he still sought answers to.
Avoiding his gaze was proving to be quite a challenge. Why was he listening so intently to her words? Perhaps he was concerned she would pry into matters he deemed sensitive in nature. Even after everything they had been through together, it seemed as if there were some topics he was not quite prepared to touch, or perhaps it was paranoia on her side of things; who could tell?
“I'm not a psychiatrist, I won't pretend that I have any qualification in that area of things, but I'm sure travelling on your own is taking a toll on your mental health,” Sakura notes, the kunoichi's dazzling gaze drifting down to the pristine hospital tiles beneath her feet. He shouldn’t punish himself forever. If the rest of the village is willing to try and reform their opinions, shouldn’t he also give himself a chance for a fresh start?
“I have considered it, but I must persevere,” Sasuke notes simply, keen to sway the topic from his own mental wellbeing. Opening a pandora's box of that nature was not on his to-do list, today or any other day for that matter. Not all feelings were felt in order to be discussed, as his father used to say. He wasn’t wrong.
Before he even opened his mouth to answer her, Sakura knew his answer would be exactly as he stated; he needed more time. Although the medic completely understood where he came from, it was difficult to swallow the pain swelling inside of her.
“I know that you might not feel as if you have atoned for your actions, but in the eyes of a vast majority of the village you have done so numerous times over,” Sakura whispers, her fragile voice shaking as her gaze drifted up, locking with his stoic expression.
Frustration continues to bubble away inside her as she exhales heavily, brows pinched together as concern envelops her whole. “All I’m trying to say is, you deserve a break. If it helps, I know my mind and Naruto’s will be at ease knowing you aren’t out there willingly allowing others to harm you in the hopes of punishing yourself,” She trails off, slightly embarrassed by the direction she had taken the conversation.
Perhaps it was foolish to believe that her words would sway him. She could only hope that one day he would come to understand that if he has truly changed as a person, the actions of his past self would be but a tiny smudge mark to those around him, as opposed to an unbudgeable stain he perceived it to be.
Through long moments of silence, their gazes remained locked with one another, speaking a language that their tongues failed to express. His intense look had a warm glow, and Sasuke could feel his resolution starting to waver, evident in how his eyes softened at her crestfallen expression. Ejecting a frustrated sigh, he reluctantly broke eye contact and turned to open the door; her last words echoing through his mind as he slipped away. A barely audible “Thank you,” lingers in the air as the door closes behind him.
What had just happened? Was what she stated offensive, or did it simply strike a nerve for once? Usually, such banter was met with a stony gaze or his trademark one-track mind statements until she gave in. Yet this time, she could’ve sworn he thanked her before he vanished, or perhaps she was just sleep-deprived, early morning starts were a killer. Regardless, it had resulted in a less than satisfactory response from the man in question.
Sighing heavily, the medic sits down heavily in the nearest chair, instantly flicking her head backwards as she threads her fingers through her rose tresses as she releases a pained groan. “I just need to know he’s happy, he deserves that much,” Sakura grumbles softly to herself, weathered hands sliding over her closed eyes, massaging them irritably. “He can’t exist as a tortured soul wandering the earth forever. The concept is terrifying,” she adds, at last, ejecting a sigh as she slaps her hands back down to her lap, shoulders slumped in defeat.
The Uchiha remains still, his back pressed up against the closed door as he gazes down at his feet; silently listening to Sakura’s remarks from the safety of the hallway. It wasn’t surprising to hear how earnestly she was committed to convincing him to remain in the village, nor was the fact that his constant travels were painful for her in some way.
The relationship between the two was complicated to say the least, that much he could admit, but knowing how he felt for her was another issue entirely. What they had now was somewhat comfortable for him, he wasn’t trapped in a situation that demanded his presence, nor did he feel guilty for doing what he felt was best for him at the cost of another’s happiness. But somehow, the latter was slowly becoming somewhat fuzzy. Sakura’s pained expressions and heated, passionate remarks each visit were serving to stir something within him that was difficult to label. The closest thing he could think of was love.
Love, the word made his stomach roll, Tobirama’s words all those years ago echoing through his mind. The concept of losing control of his emotions once more was not ideal in the slightest, last time it induced manic rage; resulting in countless deaths and no satisfactory revenge so to speak in actuality. Danzo’s death in his presence was hardly enough to sate his appetite for such a thing, it demanded a blood payment at his own hands; something that would now be forever out of reach.
If an Uchiha’s love only resulted in chaos and suffering, was it even worth humouring? Was such a thing even irresponsible to even ponder? Such heavy questions seemed to have such obvious answers when thinking logically, with the answer always being the same. No, the happiness of the many outweighs the few. It would be selfish and irresponsible to consider otherwise.
But despite this, there was something about Sakura that drew him to her, it was unexplainable. It exceeded his fascination in the profound medical skills she now possessed and proceeded to use as a constant cover for returning to the village. It was laughable that no one was yet to question his visits for the sole purpose of getting medical treatment. There were ample medics across the great nations that would be able to provide assistance should he need it, and in a much more convenient fashion. Yet no one breathed a word.
Slipping his hands under his poncho and into his trouser pockets, he sighs and starts to make his way down the hallway; his mind clouded by conflicting thoughts of both desire and responsibility. You always know how to make this place more difficult to leave, Sasuke muses; the corners of his lips curling ever so slightly as he reaches the staircase leading out of the facility, signature dual-toned eyes flicking back to her doorway one last time before he commences his descent.
He couldn’t allow himself to be distracted, as always he needed to remain focused on his one remaining goal; atonement for his trespasses against the village and people within it he cared for. She too fell within that category. In fact, she was probably the one his actions harmed the most, with Naruto taking a close second place.
A frown settles across his lips as his sandals tap against the tiled floor, echoing in the stairwell as he reaches the final flight of stairs. The pursuit of atonement in the face of the elders, villagers, and even Naruto was simple in theory; he simply needed to prove he changed and act in the village’s best interests. But how was he to attain her forgiveness?
He eyes the foyer for a moment, hesitant to step foot outside of the dark nook he was hidden away in as countless individuals went about their day. Taking a deep breath, he steps into the well-lit space, the soft whispers of passersby’s instantly greeting his ears as they stop in their tracks, watching him carefully as he makes a beeline for the front door.
Hand reaching for the door handle, Sasuke pauses, gripping it as he gazes back over his shoulder. Eyes raking through the now silent room as countless nameless individuals stare back at him, some terrified others seemingly angry. Perhaps, just as with the tricky matter that plagued him earlier, attaining atonement in the eyes of the many as opposed to the few was the most important thing. The correct thing to concern himself with even. But somehow, acquiring her forgiveness was nonnegotiable.
All of the villagers and their opinions were insignificant in comparison to hers; Sakura’s . The one who somewhat foolishly continued to show him love despite everything he threw at her and those she loves.