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"Merlin?"
"Hm?"
Merlin looked up briefly from grading papers (definitely a solid ‘C’ for the atrocious essay on Arctic Ecology) and his heart immediately swelled at the sight of Arthur, just sitting there on the sofa with a knitted quilt around his shoulders because he was “feeling cold”.
Sometimes, he still couldn’t believe that Arthur was alive and breathing –with him –and had to often make sure it wasn’t an elaborate hallucination after finally having lost his mind.
But no, even Merlin’s mind couldn’t conjure up an image so perfect –so right.
Arthur was frowning at him. “What are you doing?”
Merlin had to dig his nails into his palm to keep from spiralling yet again. “Nothing, just grading some papers.”
Merlin was a professor of Marine Biology, which was one of the many PhDs he’d collected in his –admittedly long –lifetime. Getting degrees in every subject under the sun had become somewhat of an idle hobby for him, along with learning all languages in the world –including Klingon.
Merlin quite enjoyed teaching but despite that, he’d come very close to just disappearing off the grid when Arthur turned up and Merlin had felt like his eyes couldn’t possibly look at another person again.
However, after he’d had time to calm down, some shred of conscience still remaining in his body had poked at him and he’d realised that he couldn’t just abandon his students in the middle of the semester. He would soldier on for two more months, conduct lectures, grade papers but after that –after that, he wasn’t planning on voluntarily spending another minute away from Arthur.
He’d take Arthur to Greece first…yes, definitely Greece.
Arthur snorted, effectively snapping Merlin out of his thoughts. “I still have a hard time believing you’re a teacher. You hardly look older than your students.”
Merlin’s lips quirked up. “Little do they know how old I really am.”
Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin thought he might cry at how familiar it was.
“It wasn't funny the first ten times you made that joke and it's not funny now.”
Merlin sighed. “Fine, what do you want?”
“I have a question.”
“Of course, you do,” Merlin muttered under his breath. Needless to say, Arthur had had a lot of them in the last three months.
Arthur narrowed his eyes threateningly. “I’m sorry?”
Merlin pursed his lips to keep from smiling. Centuries of existence and only one man could make him act so juvenile. “Nothing, what’s your question?”
Arthur gave a put-upon sigh as though Merlin was being a particularly troublesome child and then proceeded to look down at something in his hands that was out of Merlin’s line of sight.
“Err –what’s –um,” he began, squinting. “What’s a dil-do? Dildo?”
Merlin choked. "What?”
“A dildo,” Arthur repeated. “Or that’s how I think it’s pronounced.”
Merlin gaped at him, his brain refusing to believe that he’d just heard the word come out of Arthur’s mouth. “What the hell are you even reading?”
"This." Arthur waved a magazine in his face and Merlin managed to catch the word Cosmopolitan. Of course.
Merlin didn’t even want to know how he’d gotten his hands on that.
Arthur was staring at him expectantly and Merlin felt a horrible, horrible blush spread up his neck.
Now, Merlin wasn't a prude by any sense but by the gods, he'd never imagined he'd have to explain sex toys to Arthur Pendragon, past King of Camelot who'd returned from the dead not twelve weeks ago.
"Um,” Merlin managed articulately, his face feeling uncomfortably warm.
Arthur was getting suspicious. “Why is your face so red? What is it? Tell me.”
Merlin couldn’t do this. He really couldn’t.
“I don’t know,” he blurted out. “Must be something I’ve missed over the years, it’s hard to keep track.”
Arthur didn’t look like he believed him even a little and Merlin missed those times he could successfully lie to Arthur without a hitch.
“Merlin –”
“But, if you really want to know,” Merlin added desperately, his brain coming up with a brilliant idea. “You could Google it.”
Arthur’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “I could what? Are you making up words again?”
“Well, no,” Merlin said, carefully getting up from his chair and coming to sit beside Arthur on the sofa. “It’s a thing called a search engine. It can answer any question you have. Google knows everything.”
Arthur looked doubtful about such a claim. “Everything?”
Merlin smiled, pulling out his phone and shifting closer to Arthur. “Everything.”
*
Arthur started to spend an inordinate amount of time on his phone after that, which he’d demanded with all his kingly authority that Merlin buy for him.
Merlin wouldn’t go as far as saying he was jealous of an electronic device but he was starting to get a little ticked off. Just a tiny bit.
He kind of missed answering Arthur’s endless questions and inquiries, being able to help him make sense of the insane world he’d been thrust into without warning, but now –now Merlin was being systematically replaced by something that he had once used as a brick to lob at someone’s head.
It was his own fault, really. He should’ve just told Arthur what a dildo was.
When the opportunity presented itself for Merlin to do some damage control, he couldn’t help but take it.
What Arthur didn’t know couldn’t hurt him. And no, he didn’t want to analyse the glaring undertones of that sentence, thank you very much.
Merlin was surprised to find Arthur’s new phone lying abandoned on the kitchen counter one day. Arthur had gone out for groceries and Merlin was shocked that the device wasn’t attached to him like an extra limb as per usual.
He was becoming a bit addicted. Merlin was probably doing him a favour.
He considered throwing the phone away but decided it was too drastic and just settled on switching it off and hiding it instead. He unlocked it, nervously glancing at the door before looking for the power button.
His finger accidentally touched the Google search bar and he cursed under his breath, already moving to close it when his eyes registered the search history that had appeared beneath it.
Merlin paused, his mouth falling open.
am i in love?
signs i’m falling in love
am i in love with my best friend?
how to tell if i’m in love with my best friend
how to confess to the person you love
Merlin read the words again and again, until he felt like his head was spinning.
The oldest to the newest search seemed to be shaping a narrative, with Arthur questioning if he was in love in general to wondering if he was in love with his best friend and then finally deciding that he was and looking for ways to confess to the object of his affections.
The object of his affections…his best friend. Arthur’s best friend.
Merlin exhaled shakily, his heart nearly beating out of his chest.
Merlin didn’t want to get ahead of himself. He really didn’t. He was so scared of making the smallest mistake that could drive Arthur away after so long, of saying the wrong thing. But Arthur’s best friend –Merlin couldn’t think of anyone else but himself.
The most contact Arthur had had with anyone besides Merlin was probably the building cat and he was fairly sure she wasn’t a valid candidate.
Merlin took a shuddering breath.
Arthur…Arthur loved him. He was in love with Merlin.
The revelation was simultaneously a shock and something he felt he should have guessed.
Because sometimes, he found Arthur gazing at him with something unreadable in his eyes –something that made Merlin feel too warm. He’d caught Arthur trying to make him breakfast one morning and Merlin would have thought more on the incident if it didn’t nearly end up burning his kitchen. There were lingering touches –fingers brushing against Merlin’s palm, legs pressing too closely with his own on the sofa, an idle hand in his hair –and soft looks and heated stares and terrible attempts at compliments and –of course. Of course.
Merlin had been an idiot.
The signs were all there.
As for Merlin...it would never even be a question for him. Of course, he loved Arthur. He always had and he always would. After all these years, that was the one permanent truth he knew. Loving Arthur was an intrinsic part of him –something he did so unconsciously that he didn’t even register it most of the time. Loving Arthur came as naturally to him as breathing, he could never be separated from it. He loved him completely, unconditionally.
Arthur had to know that. He had to.
Merlin was grinning madly by the time Arthur came back.
He couldn't help feeling giddy, something he hadn't felt in four hundred years at least.
Only Arthur. Only Arthur could make his heart flutter and make butterflies erupt in his stomach and all that rubbish.
They had never been in this situation before. On the verge of it, yes, but never daring to take it further. They’d been too occupied with kingdoms and wars and destiny and their own fragile understanding of their emotions, too scared to pull on the golden thread that stretched between them –too afraid to try.
But now. It was a different time now, with a different Arthur who was softer in his fleece-lined jacket than he could ever be in his metal armour. It made Merlin's heart soar.
"Sooo..." he said, trying and failing to be nearly as nonchalant as he wanted to appear. "How was Tesco?"
Arthur gave him a strange look as he deposited the bags on the counter. "What are you talking about? Have you finally caught up with your age and gone senile?"
“You’re as old as me, if not more,” Merlin informed him dryly. “Being in a magic-induced coma for a thousand years still counts.”
Arthur scoffed, an unwilling smile at the edge of his lips. “Does not.”
“Mmm,” Merlin hummed, leaning against the counter. “Maybe we should just ask Google?”
Arthur turned towards him. “Contrary to popular belief, it turns out Google does not actually know everything.”
Merlin bit his lip, pulse quickening. “Is that why you haven’t confessed to me yet?”
Arthur froze, his lips parting in surprise as he stared at Merlin.
“Confessed what?” he breathed.
Time seemed to melt away as Merlin held his gaze. “Did you know,” he said quietly, “that Google keeps a record of all your searches?”
Realisation dawned on Arthur’s face and he swallowed, scowling ever so petulantly. “This isn’t how I wanted to do this.”
Merlin allowed himself a smile, reaching out to touch Arthur’s hand. “You’re in love? With your best friend?"
Arthur looked down at their hands. "I might be," he admitted flushing, then sighed. “Alright, I am. Have been for a while, I think.”
“Interesting,” Merlin stepped closer. “I think you should tell your best friend that.”
Arthur groaned. “Please don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t make me say it.”
Merlin laughed and closed the distance between them to wrap his arms around Arthur's neck.
“Say it,” he whispered.
Arthur’s eyes widened and Merlin’s magic thrummed under his veins with need, feeling Arthur's life-force like an anchor, grounding and overwhelming all at once.
When Arthur stayed silent, Merlin rolled his eyes “Unless I've made a complete arse of myself and your best friend really is Lisa from downstairs? Because that cat might be cute but –”
“I love you,” Arthur cut him off breathlessly. “God knows why but I do. All right?”
All air rushed out of Merlin’s lungs and he smiled, tightening his arms around Arthur. “Good,” he said softly. “Because I love you too and I was this close to giving in and confessing first and that would have been rather embarrassing, don't you think?”
“You’re an idiot,” Arthur declared after a moment, a fond smile on his face and then he leaned forward to kiss Merlin.
Google would say that the world didn’t tilt off its axis when their lips touched but Merlin decided that Google didn’t know everything after all.
*