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“Come on, David, it will be fun!” Patrick said, as he was rummaging around the kitchen looking for something.
“Ugh, really?” David sighed. He had never imagined he would be in a position where he would be coerced to go to a drive-in movie. Sitting outdoors in a car, using poorly disinfected restrooms while rugrats roamed the premises was incorrect.
“Yes, it’s a rom-com double feature and I know how you love Sandra Bullock. It’s a way to mix things up and get us out of the house at the same time.” Patrick continued to open and close drawers, while David sat on the couch doing his best to tamp down all of the things he really wanted to say regarding his opinion on drive-in theaters.
*****
“Do you have the blanket? And snacks? And drinks?” David rapidly fired his questions to Patrick without even waiting for an answer.
“David, I have everything. It will be fine.” Patrick reassured his husband by stepping in front of him and placing his hands on his shoulders, running them up and down his arms and assuaging his fears with a quick kiss to the forehead.
David swallowed his next query before it escaped his lips and bit back a smile, knowing that although he would rather be caught dead than at the Elmdale Skyview, he was in safe, capable hands with Patrick.
They arrived at the drive-in with about 20 minutes until dusk. They found a spot, as directed by the attendant, tuned their car radio to the designated station and arranged themselves for the show. They settled in, hands automatically finding each other, fingers slipping together, lips pressed to cheeks, and earlobes nibbled until the coming attractions rolled and David’s stomach growled.
“Mmm, where are the snacks, babe?” David asked.
“In the backseat. In the Rose Apothecary tote.”
“I don’t see them.”
Patrick turned toward the rear of the car, knowing he had put them in the backseat when he got home from work, before readying himself for date night. Upon second glance, he realized there was no tote to be found.
“Oh, man! I must’ve left it on the counter. It’s okay, David. We can get snacks from the concession stand.”
“Yeah, like they’ll have our bottle of locally sourced wine, handcrafted tapenade and brie in that industrial cooler behind the counter next to the nachos and spinning rack of pretzels,” David huffed.
“I’ll be right back. I’m assuming you’ll eat whatever I bring.”
With a nod of his head and flail of his hand, David affirmed Patrick that he would eat whatever food-like substance arrived. After all, it couldn’t be any worse than eating out of the garbage. That chocolate cake had been delicious and he was not about to let it go to waste.
Ten minutes later Patrick returned to the car, sans snacks. David’s look of incredulity nearly leveled Patrick and simultaneously conveyed that David was less than thrilled with his lack of sustenance.
“Well, bad news. They don’t take debit cards.”
“Patrick, what are we going to do? I can’t sit here for three hours without food or drink.”
“Do you have any cash?” Patrick asked.
David made the gesture with his body which clearly displayed that that was a ridiculous question. “Uhm, no - it was your turn to plan date night and I expected to be pampered.”
“Well, do you want to go home?” Patrick retorted.
Just then a knock at the window broke the tension that had been building. Turning towards the startling noise, they saw Jocelyn Schitt hunched over, smiling brightly through the window with Roland just a few steps behind.
“Hi, boys! How’s it going?” Jocelyn cheerily inquired as Patrick was rolling down the window.
“Hi, Jocelyn,” Patrick responded. “Not great, we forgot our snacks at home and the concession stand doesn’t take plastic.”
“Oh! Well, Roland and I have plenty of food over at our truck, if you want to stop by?”
Patrick looked at David with hope and the expression of ‘why not’ while David fixed a stern ‘no thank you’ on his face, but ultimately crumpled knowing that food was more important than his pride at the moment.
“We’d love to, thanks,” Patrick replied for them both. Exiting the vehicle the boys fell into step behind Roland and Jocelyn following them to their truck.
“Rollie and I absolutely love the drive-in!”
“Yeah, this place holds a special memory for us, it was the first time we did the deed outside,” Roland added with a wink and a soft elbow to Jocelyn’s side.
“Rollie!” Jocelyn’s high pitched voice retorted quickly. “The boys don’t need to hear that kind of thing.” Jocelyn looked backward at them and added, “Although, it was a night to remember.”
Luckily, David was able to hold his eye-roll back until Jocelyn was safely looking forward. Arriving at the truck, an entire spread was laid out in the bed. Sandwiches, sides, and a cooler full of drinks.
“Wow! This is wonderful. You guys really come prepared,” Patrick directed his thanks to both Roland and Jocelyn.
“Yes, thank you,” David’s enthusiasm was markedly reserved, hoping the cheese wasn’t from a spray can and the drinks were made of something other than 100% real drink liquid.
“Well, load up guys. Plates are over there. We have the big bag of popcorn, too, so when the second picture starts you can come back and get a tub of buttery deliciousness,” Roland directed.
Patrick and David piled up their plates, thanked the Schitt’s for their generosity and headed back to their car. Patrick set his plate on the roof and felt his pockets for the keys. “David, did you grab the keys?”
“Uhm, no, I was busy starving to death. Don’t you have the keys?” David’s voice began to rise at the end of his sentence as his eyebrows followed suit, arching skyward.
Patrick looked through the window and sure enough, there on the front seat were the keys, safely locked away. “Dammit!” Patrick grunted through gritted teeth. “The keys are locked in the car.”
“Oh my God! Now what do we do? I am not sitting on the playground equipment that is infested with whatever germs snot-nosed kids carry and wipe all over the place. Patrick! You said this would be fun and I am most definitely NOT having fun.”
David’s rant was nearly enough to cause Patrick to give in and accept defeat, but not quite. “I’ll call CAA; they'll unlock the car. In the meantime we can hang out with Jocelyn and Roland. Ok?” Patrick reassured him with a tentative expression - asking for forgiveness with his soft eyes and adorable smile. He knew David couldn’t resist that look, even in the worst of moods.
David stood across from Patrick, the roof of the car providing a safe distance, while staring at Patrick as if he had suggested that aliens would save the human race, which was just as logical as the two of them spending the evening with the Schitt’s, on purpose.
Patrick could see David’s expression go from astonishment to indecision to acceptance knowing that since coming to Schitt’s Creek he had endured worse than a night with the Schitt’s. Despite the horror of the decorations at the baby shower, that had actually been an enjoyable evening. The Schitt’s had been there for his family when they needed them the most and had been a part of some of the better times in their recent life. Reluctantly, David agreed with a slight head nod and they both carried their plates back to where Roland’s truck was parked.
As they walked up, Roland and Jocelyn were engaged in amorous activities that both Patrick and David had to turn their heads away from as the pink in their cheeks from embarrassment spread to the entirety of their faces. Patrick coughed loudly and the Schitt’s broke apart noticing they had company.
“Hey guys! Back for more food already?” Roland asked, unfazed by the interruption.
“Uhm, no. I accidentally locked the keys in the car and was wondering if we could hang here until roadside assistance can come unlock the car,” Patrick admitted to the gravel below his feet, not daring to look David nor the Schitt’s in the eye for fear of ridicule and additional humiliation.
“Of course!” Jocelyn replied. “Rollie, grab the bean bags out of the backseat so the boys can have a place to sit.” Jocelyn and Roland were seated in their double camp-chair entangled in each other’s space, a blanket spread across their lap, thankfully covering whatever their hands might have been doing beneath it.
“We really appreciate it. It seems like you guys have come to our rescue tonight. We will definitely have to return the favor sometime,” Patrick offered, although he could feel the daggers David was sending with his eyes.
“Anytime. Right, Dave?” Roland directed. David nodded, not looking at anyone or anything in particular.
David got into the truck bed as gracefully as possible and eased himself into the bean bag chair, while Patrick made the call to roadside assistance. David did his best to reply to whatever small talk the Schitt’s attempted, while also vowing to ensure Patrick knew just how terrible this idea had been.
“Well, good news and bad news. Roadside said they could come unlock the car - no problem.”
“And the bad news?” David asked, befuddled as to how this night could get any worse.
“They are really backed up and won’t be here for two hours.”
Patrick had known David for a long time and had seen a lot from his partner, but the facial expressions that were being contorted at that exact moment had never before existed and somewhat horrific at the same time. Taking his chances, Patrick climbed back into the bed of the truck, scooted next to David and reached for his hand.
“David, it will be fine. We have a comfortable place to sit, plenty to eat and one and a half Sandra Bullock movies to keep us entertained until they arrive. It will be fine.”
Although David wanted to scream and run - or walk rapidly - home, he ultimately knew Patrick was correct and this would eventually be a memorable evening they could recount among so many that had made their relationship stronger.
As the moon rose David shivered. He quickly found a layered-throw draped over his shoulders, Jocelyn having pulled it from behind her and smiled at David with a wink. David mouthed a ‘thank you’ and spread the surprisingly warm blanket over and around both him and Patrick. With a full stomach and a warm embrace, he leaned into his husband as Sandy filled the screen and their hearts.
The second feature began after a brief intermission and as the night neared its end, David was truly grateful their family had found their way to Schitt’s Creek and the kindness that the town, especially Roland and Jocelyn, had bestowed upon them was one of the greatest blessings he had encountered.
The end credits rolled and David stood up and stretched, the obstacles of the evening forgotten, until Patrick was thanking the Schitt’s for their hospitality and reaching a hand up to David to help him down from the pick-up’s bed.
“What about the keys?” David asked.
“Took care of that during my last trip to the restroom.” Patrick explained as he helped David step down.
“Oh. Well, thank you,” David replied with a peck to Patrick’s cheek.
“So, you boys okay to get home?” Roland asked.
“We’re good.” David replied. “Thank you guys so much. This really was a nice evening.”
Patrick looked shocked at the words coming out of his husband directed at their companions for the evening.
“What? I can be gracious,” David shot back.
Patrick embraced his husband as they walked back to the now unlocked car, smiling at an evening he thought would be ruined, but ended up pretty great. And he had the Schitt’s to thank for it.