Chapter Text
When Geonu was nine years old, his life suddenly got way brighter.
Over the course of the months, and now years, he had spent with Jungwon in the orphanage, he'd picked up more and more superstitious habits. Looking for four-leaf clovers, being very careful with mirrors, and mostly, wishing upon a star.
Every night, before going to sleep, he would join his hands and ask for something. He didn't exactly know what. Maybe for their parents to come back and pick them up like nothing happened. Maybe for someone, anyone, to get them out of here. Maybe simply for Jungwon to make friends. Definitely for them to stay together. Whenever some adults would visit (which was already a pretty rare occurrence), Geonu and Jungwon would stay close, joined at the hip, clearly indicating there was no separating them.
They were a heavy burden, he was aware. Jungwon was still young, but Geonu was almost ten years old. And there were two of them. They had spent numerous hours in the very small library, or in the garden behind the house, often times with nothing to do but their homework. It was better than wondering why their parents weren't showing up to bring them back home. Geonu himself was starting to forget what it smelled like, sounded like, felt like. Pictures were all he could muster, and he was clinging onto them as hard as he could.
He had to hold onto it, because Jungwon clearly didn't remember anything. He never asked about home, and when Geonu was old enough to realize his little brother was too young to remember, he couldn't muster up much. He tried to draw it, or to tell him about it, but to no avail. Jungwon would give him a blank look, obviously at a loss. Plus, it made some of the other kids sad, because they hadn't even had a home before.
So he wished. He prayed something would happen.
And it did.
One day, two men came. They talked with Miss Choi for a long time, probably longer than usual. Meanwhile, Miss Kim was making sure all the kids were looking clean and proper. It's not like they weren't usually, but it was always a special occasion. It made him a bit sick to his stomach. Later on, he would realise that the amount of himself he had to offer to those complete strangers was, actually, not good for keeping yourself sane. But children are good at adaptating.
Geonu didn't really ignore them when they came to the garden to talk with everyone, but he didn't really make an effort to greet them either. The younger kids were curious and eager. Jungwon was flush against his side as he was sitting down on the grass, maybe shielding himself, and Geonu was gripping his book, bangs falling to cover his eyes.
-What are you reading ? »
One of the men had crouched down to their level, and Geonu felt Jungwon trying to make himself smaller, while simultaneously opening his eyes as big as possible to observe the stranger, perched on Geonu's shoulder. He had a soft smile, a bit awkward. He wore a hoodie, and the sleeves covered his hands and fingers as he rested his elbows on his knees. Unusual.
« It's a school textbook » huffed Geonu.
« Is it boring ? »
It wasn't. Geonu kind of really liked that textbook. There were small pieces of stories inside, and he would soon ask to visit the library so he could borrow those which interested him the most. He shook his head.
« Which subject is it ? »
« English. »
He still didn't lift his head. Jungwon started fidgeting, and it was probably one of the most awkward meeting he ever had. Apparently, the guy had no idea how to interact with them. The silence stretched out, and finally, Geonu couldn't take it anymore and lifted his head to meet his gaze.
The man was scratching his cheek and jolted as if Geonu could shoot lasers with his eyes. He let out a nervous laugh, and Geonu felt a little bit lighter. It was nice to see him feeling awkward. He hadn't quite understood why at that time.
« What's you name ? » Geonu asked, and the man's whole face lit up with a smile.
« Heeseung ! Lee Heeseung ! And you, what's your name ? »
« Geonu. »
« I'm Jungwon ! » declared the boy, using Geonu's shoulder to prop himself up and show more of his face. Geonu felt his heart clench a little.
The man laughed again, still awkward. He lifted his hand toward Jungwon, who took it shyly and shook it.
« Nice to meet you, Jungwon. » the kid promptly hid again behind Geonu. His big brother had to contain a small smirk. Jungwon sometimes had some bursts of energy, making him want to interact with people he was curious about. It always seemed really random, but Geonu was starting to think that the kid had really good guts.
They didn't stay for long. It was apparently just a Meet&Greet session, and it was kind of weird that they talked with Miss Choi for so long. After about an hour, all the children were trying to squeeze themselves on the other side of the bushes that borded the entrance, a very good spot to listen to the adults without being seen.
« I swear, I thought my heart would burst everytime ». Geonu recognized the voice of the man that had spoken to them.
« That's because you're nervous as fu... well. » came the other voice, the man cutting himself off. Geonu hadn't really talked to him. He was a bit intimidating, his face just looked too pretty.
« I didn't want to seem pushy, so I waited for them to ask for my name first, but like, that's so stressful ! I kept thinking ''What if they don't ask ? What if I don't seem interesting enough'' ? »
« You're plenty interesting, don't worry. » answered the pretty man with fondness in his voice.
Geonu suddenly felt like he was intruding. Gently, he shushed the other children away as the two adults turned the corner and left. Miss Choi found them and scolded them again, but at this point it was more out of habit than anything.
******************************************************
That night, Geonu felt some shuffling on the left side of his bed, and soon Jungwon's head came out of the blanket he sneaked under.
« What is it ? » Geonu smiled, scooting to the right to give room and hug him.
« I can't sleep. Can I stay with you ? » Geonu agreed instantly, fingers carding through the younger's hair. Those visits usually made Jungwon very conflicted, like his heart couldn't settle. He was probably going through the same feelings as Geonu, wanting to stay with him, but also sensing being together was compromising their chance of getting out.
« Do you want to make a wish ? » Geonu suggested suddenly.
« But it's not my birthday ? » Jungwon hesitated.
« You can make a wish whenever you want, it doesn't have to be on your birthday. »
« But... it should only be on birthdays. »
He understood why Jungwon said that. A wish should be special. To work, a wish needed to charge up on energy, on belief, on desperation. But Geonu felt like he a had plenty of desperation to spare. He couldn't quite find the word for it though, so he just nodded.
« We'll make a wish on a special day, then. »
« Okay. »
This night, instead of joining his hands, he made his wish while holding Jungwon's small body.
****************************************************
The men came back. And they came back with gifts. It was usual, and it wasn't. Because other adults would come back with gifts only after the third visit or so, and only for the children they were planning to adopt. It was a way for the others to gauge how much energy they had to spend to make themselves likeable, if it was worth it or not, and Geonu was kinda grateful for the unspoken system, but also kinda jealous.
These adults came back with gifts for everyone. They had nine plushies, the exact number of kids in the orphanage. The children were once again all in the garden, and the smaller ones gathered eagerly around the table, where Miss Choi was helping them get them out of the bags. The two men were smiling gently, and one of the younger girls squealed when she got a horse plushie.
Jungwon was gripping Geonu's sleeve, so the older got the message, got up and took his hand. Jungwon beamed softly at him, eager to check it out.
Sadly, there were too many people around the table. Once they got the plushies, the other kids were too busy cradling them and feeling their softness. Geonu was about to ask one of the kid to leave some space for them to see, but just as he opened his mouth, a woolen black cat ended right in front of Jungwon's face. His brother's eyes grew big as he took it slowly, looking up to meet the small smile of one of the men, the very pretty one.
« I'm Sunghoon. » he said. « You're Jungwon and Geonu, right ? Nice to meet you. »
« Nice to meet you. » They barely heard Jungwon, his face buried in the plushie. Geonu patted his head absently, watching Sunghoon.
The man seemed to notice, as he looked him right in the eye and handed him the last plushie. Geonu expected it to be the last one, that nobody wanted. He was used to getting the new stuff, as he was the one who was growing the fastest out of everyone and could hand out clothes he'd outgrowned, but in exchange, when it was about things anybody could use, he got the worst ones.
But this plushie was cute, very cute. It was a hedgehog, all round and soft, and not too big. Geonu liked his plushies to fit in both his hands and not more, so he could fiddle with them as he pleases. But the man didn't know that. He also didn't know that Geonu liked hedgehogs. Or did he ?
Upon the suspicious look he was receiving, the man merely laughed.
« We asked Miss Choi if plushies would be gifts you'd like, and what were your favorite animals. » Geonu could tell it was meant for everyone, but he felt like the man was speaking only to him.
« What do we say, children ? » asked miss Kim.
« Thank you, Misters ! » a small round of children scrambled to say, and Geonu barely uttered it.
« Now, children, misters Lee are gonna spend the whole afternoon with us. If there is something you want to do with them or that they suggest, she added to the two adults, let me know, I'll do my best to set it up. »
As soon as miss Kim went back inside, a bunch of children huddled together towards them. They both let out nervous laughs, but tried their best to respond to everyone. Jungwon retreated towards Geonu, a bit startled by the animation.
« It's okay. » Geonu reassured him.
« Can we play together with the plushies ?! »
« Can we play soccer ?! »
« Can we go out ?! »
Some kids were less shy than others and didn't hesitate to give their opinions. After a few minutes, the debate started to get heated, as it usually did when eager kids felt like the only opportunity to have fun was slipping through their fingers. Junhyun and Minjae started screaming at each other like hissing cats, and Heeseung and Sunghoon had obviously no idea what to do.
« Soccer's better ! »
« But you always go too fast, it's no fun playing with you ! »
Geonu felt a slight panic overtake his mind. They had to be on their best behaviour, it had been drilled enough in his head over three years. And the two boys were clearly overwhelming.
Quickly, he stepped in and grabbed Chan's arm to drag him behind, while putting his hand in front of Seungkwan's face. First, put some distance. If they can't see each other, they can't scream at each other.
« Hey ! Calm down, we must listen to everyone. We'll have the time to do everything, they're here the whole afternoon ! »
It took a bit more time, but eventually they calmed down enough to listen to him.
« But what if we start his activity, and we don't have enough time to do what I want to do ? He does it all the time ! »
This time, Geonu didn't know what to do. It was true, it happened all the time. It was one of the biggest reason of their many fights.
« Then we can set a timer, or a limit. » interjected the awkward one, Heeseung, who seemed suddenly very calm. « If we have a timer, we'll know when to stop and do the next activity. »
Geonu met his eyes, surprised and relieved. The small smile he received made him want to hide.
Soon enough, everything was set up. Miss Choi helped finding the football net, there were teams, there were rules so the youngers could play, and then there were enthusiastic screams and laughter. It happened so fast. Even Geonu was playing, even the kids who were shyer than him. He was in Sunghoon's team, and Jungwon was glued to his side, but following the ball with his eyes as if he was a cat about to chase a mouse.
***************************************************
After a long while, a loud bip interrupted the game.
« Time out ! » declared Heeseung.
« Nooo ! One more goal, please ! » asked one child, a girl bouncing on her legs with suddenly too much energy.
Geonu saw Heeseung visibly falter, but Sunghoon stopped it immediatly. « No, we said one hour, it's one hour. But we can play again next time we come. »
There were pouts, and pleads, but Sunghoon didn't budge, to Geonu's and other's reassurance.
« I'm tired. » declared Jungwon as if it was a confession.
He wasn't the only one, and they agreed to switch to a less energetic activity. Their energy gauge would be back to full in a few minutes, Geonu knew, but for now he was content sitting in the grass.
They spend the whole afternoon with all the kids, talking one-on-one with some of them, indulging in their ideas. Geonu could tell they were growing tired, but they were still smiling. He was sitting against the house wall, fiddling with his hedgehog plushie, watching Jungwon trying to match the moves of one girl who was trying to show him how to do a wave with his arms. They were all dancing, kind of ? One of them had just needed to execute some weird moves to express his frustration at loosing the previous game, and everyone had tried to imitate him and then came up with their own moves.
He zoned out again, focusing on the softness between his fingers, and then Sunghoon sat down next to him with a deep sigh. Geonu wanted to ask him if he was tired, to start a conversation, but he couldn't bring himself to.
« Soo.. » started Sunghoon, and Geonu wondered if being awkward was just how they were. « You good ? You didn't get up for a whole half an hour now. »
Geonu kind of wanted to ask why he cared, or why he was watching him so closely like this, just to test how far he could go. He didn't, too scared to make a mistake, see the man get up and get out, never coming again, or worse, not coming for him.
« I'm... good. » Gosh, now he was awkward too.
The silence settled in his bones, petrifying. Why wasn't he saying anything ? He stealed a quick glance, worried. Usually the adults were asking him a bunch of questions, which class he was in, how he was doing, what were his hobbies, etc.
Sunghoon was sleeping. Or at least, it looked like he was. Geonu fully turned his head, mouth gaping. His eyes were closed, a peaceful expression on his features, and he was breathing softly. Was he really asleep ?
Curiosity overtook him and he quickly poked his arm. Immediatly, Sunghoon's eyes fluttered open and he turned his head quickly in his direction.
« Sorry, I zoned out. You wanted to say something ? »
Geonu watched him with fascination. He looked so tranquil. Yes, he wanted to say something, but he didn't know what.
« Hum... » He closed his mouth, and shrugged, eyes stuck to the grass where his plushie was resting. He felt like his questions were too heavy for the moment.
« Is there anything you want to do next time ? » asked Sunghoon after a while. « I've been asking around to the kids if there's other things you all wanted to try, so we can prepare in advance. »
« What did they say ? »
« Well...so far we got soccer, soccer again, amusement park, painting, video games... » he said while holding up fingers.
« I like painting too. » interrupted Geonu, placing a hand on his mouth in embarrassment.
« I kind of figured you would. » Sunghoon smiled, unbothered. « Really ? » « Yeah, that was what Jungwon suggested. »
He wasn't even surprised. Jungwon chose something that still needed a little preparation, like getting paint, but wasn't too much, like going to an amusement park. He was a smart boy, but Geonu felt like he and Jungwon were too smart. He was told he was mature, but he didn't want to be.
He only smiled slowly. « Painting it will be, then. » decided Sunghoon. This time, when they left, Geonu didn't bother to shush away the other kids. He was curious too, now. And maybe a bit hopeful.
They came back again, several days later, with a bag full of tube of paint and a very big piece of paper.
« What if you painted a big picture all together and hung it on the wall ? » suggested Heeseung. It was true that the wall was supposed to be for photos, but the old camera broke years ago, and it hadn't been replaced.
All the children were really enthusiastics. The sun was shining even brighter than the last time they visited, and as soon as Miss Kim allowed it, they brought the big table out, taking chairs to stand on for the smallest kids. The gigantic paper was laid out on the table for everyone to draw on, paint and brushes and water on the side.
« There's all the colors... » Jungwon marveled, eyes full of wonder. Geonu nodded, also impressed. The paint tubes weren't big, but there were so many of them.
« Which one do you want to use ? » Sunghoon asked. « All of them » Jungwon claimed decisively. Sunghoon laughed. « Alright, I'll prepare a painting palette for you. »
Geonu watched Sunghoon take a paper plate, carve a small hole on the side, and gather every colors Jungwon pointed to him. As soon as Jungwon was satisfied, he did the same for all the children who were eagerly asking for it.
« And you, which color do you want ? » Geonu turned towards Heeseung, who was smiling softly at him. It seems like the awkwardness was just a temporary thing.
« I don't know yet. » Heeseung nodded and turned toward another child. Geonu helped the youngest girl hop onto the chair, and hovered around, worried she would fall. When he was sure she was stable, he came back to Jungwon.
While everyone was blabbering about their ideas, his little brother was quietly drawing, brows furrowed. He was diligently drawing dots and curves, and carefully mixing colors.
« What is it ? » Geonu murmured. « I don't know yet. » Jungwon answered, hesitating.
Struck with an idea, Geonu went to the side of the table where the supplies laid, and took a brush along with a black tube of paint. He took a moment to note where Jungwon's drawing started and ended, then proceeded to draw a few curves to incorporate everything.
« It could be a butterfly's wing. Butterflies are colorful. » he said to Jungwon, who looked at him curiously. His brother's face brightened as he nodded, and went on with his drawing.
Next to him, there was a small empty space, and now that Geonu had taken a brush, the tip of it was drawn to the paper. He began drawing mindlessly. At first it looked like a tree, and then he managed to make it look like a chicken, and then it became a boat with people on it.
He didn't even notice the table getting quieter and quieter, everyone deeply focusing on their own piece of art.
« Is anyone getting hungry ? » Heeseung asked suddenly after a while.
Immediately, several voices agreed to the feeling, and Geonu felt his own stomach starts to grumble.
« Do you usually have snacks at this hour ? » Sunghoon asked, looking directly at Geonu. « Yes. » He answered timidly.
Heeseung went back inside to ask Miss Choi or Miss Kim, and soon enough, everyone was washing their hands and cleaning up, and a few children, including Jungwon, decided to finish their drawing, even though they were told they could finish it another time. They ate snacks while everyone asked them questions, and they also came up with a few questions of their own about everyone.
Once again, they had spent the whole afternoon with the two adults, and it went great. Geonu was warming up to them. He was scared of the feeling, but he was also embracing it. He'd had enough time before to stop telling himself he didn't really want what the other kids who left got. He'd had enough time to open himself to the idea of not coming back to his parents, but to a whole new home. And they were really nice. Maybe it was unfair that they were inevitably giving false hope to a lot of them, but to Geonu, it was a nice change of pace not to be ignored.