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Tanuma tries to think and wondered when it got this bad. His breath hitched as he heard the shuffling of clothes behind him and he gripped his ankles, opting to look straight at a worn talisman on the wall. He heard a soft sneeze and a sniffle and he squinted at the blurry moving shadows on the wall. Tanuma felt something soft brush against his leg and he glanced down to see Ponta rubbing against his ankle, trying to get his attention.
"Stare any harder and your eyes might fall out of their sockets, brat," he said nonchalantly, licking his paw. Tanuma felt heat creep up the back of his neck and he grabbed at the cat, grinding his fist onto the latter's forehead. Nyanko-sensei hissed and clawed at the offending hand, mewling out protests of 'ungrateful humans' and 'idiotic teenagers'.
"Tanuma? Thank you for the jersey, I will be sure to wash and return it tomorrow."
Tanuma shook his head as he turned around, smiling at his friend. Natsume had a small towel around his neck and he gave a small sneeze as he folded his wet clothes before tucking them next to his bag. It was supposed to be another normal study session at Tanuma's house, with midterms coming up soon for the both of them. Another afternoon that was supposed to be spent over homework and snacks, talking about the pond outside the house. That is, until they found themselves caught in a horrendous downpour.
It came suddenly, quickly, no inkling to the kind weather hours before.
Tanuma, who had an umbrella, was luckier than Natsume, who could only use his bag to shield himself from the rain. They were quick to seek refuge in a small shrine wayward from their houses, trying their best to make do with their situation. As Tanuma has gym classes that day, it would be natural to lend Natsume his jersey, given that his own uniform was soaked through.
Right? Right. Until Natsume shrugged off his bag; the short illumination from the lightning that cracked the sky made it exquisitely clear the way the wet fabric clung to his skin, in just the few places-
This explained how Tanuma had fumbled to pass the jersey over, cracked voice and all. Not pausing for a second, he proceeded to turn around, sworn to resolutely stare at the wall ahead, lest he be smited by the gods if he dared look.
Tanuma tried to nod reassuringly but felt as if his smile didn't quite reach his eyes as he watched Natsume fold back the sleeves of his jersey. The entire uniform was quite loose on the boy, Tanuma had always been the taller one-
"Tanuma?"
Tanuma jerked out of his stupor and blinked at Natsume, feeling his cheeks flush.
"Yes? I wasn't listening," Tanuma struggled to say, scratching his cheek rather awkwardly.
"Oh, I was just saying how sensei looks as if he might run out of air if you keep holding him so tightly," Natsume said, before laughing lightly.
Tanuma stared at the cat in his hands and stuttered out apologies as he released the blue cat out of his hands. Nyanko-sensei hissed at him after a bout of coughing and stalked haughtily towards Natsume's bag.
"Teenagers. The kind of nerve they have," Nyanko-sensei huffed as he licked his paw. "Clumsily fumbling here and there, it's a wonder how I spend time with the likes of you."
"Sensei," Natsume scolded lightly. "And yet here you are- I bet it was the same with grandmother. The two of you always had the same sort of energy."
"Ah, but she wasn't quite alike," Nyanko-sensei reminisced, an almost fond gleam in his eyes. "A firecracker, your grandmother was. She could never sit still, constantly running, searching."
"She was intense?" Tanuma asked, feeling a little braver than usual. Natsume has never spoken about his grandmother before. After the events at the youkai's manor, it felt as though the invisible barrier betweeen the two had broken just slightly. It helped that Natsume seemed to appreciate his company more than usual. The small and kind smiles that Natsume gave him nowadays held a little more weight than before, like a quiet thank-you. Silent moments that passed between the two of them nowadays seem almost precious; a comfortable secret that they shared only between themselves.
Still, Tanuma has never ventured more than that. He was so thankful and exhilarated by the fact that Natsume was beginning to trust him that he would never try and force anything that Natsume didn't want. He knew that Natsume was more considerate and kinder than anybody he had met before in his life. And only Natsume would rather bear the weight of the secret on himself than let anyone else be a target. He held his breath now, looking for a change in Natsume's expression.
Perhaps his face would darken, realizing his mistake at mentioning his grandmother. Maybe he would even bring up another segue topic like homework.
But time and time again, Natsume surprises him. He looked at Tanuma, eyes softening and his lips in a gentle curve.
"She was more than that," Nyanko-sensei purred out, "not many people would appreciate that, but that one teenager refused to go away."
At this, Natsume blinked. He has heard stories about his grandmother, but never about his grandfather. He always wondered how it could be possible that anyone would be willing to keep up and stay with Reiko, as beautiful as she was.
"He was a wimpy kid alright, always sniffling and trailing behind Reiko's back," Nyanko-sensei said. "But he would never leave, despite her skepticism. He kept pining for the truth, why Reiko acted the way she did."
Nyanko-sensei gazed solemnly at Tanuma.
"He was always so fascinated with her, and he couldn't keep his eyes off."
Tanuma felt his face flush at the cat's perceptiveness. That was it, yeah, the feelings he had always tried to keep under wraps. It was no mystery to him how much he had wanted a few more seconds of chatter with Natsume; how he wanted Natsume to describe the fishes of his pond to him; how they would brush shoulders by the corridors in school; how he wanted to know more about the world that Natsume was a part of. Natsume felt like an ephemeral daydream to him; that if he were to look away for one second, Natsume might just disappear into the world everyone else was blind to. His very being, the spirit he has whenever he tries to protect everyone else, the fierce kindness that always seems so full. It was no mystery how Tanuma grew to be selfish, wanting to have a permanent hold over his kindness, knowing that Natsume is a precious, rare entity, that he too needed to be protected and cherished.
A streak of lightning flashed across the darkened sky and the sudden rumble of thunder shocked the trio in a short flash of luminance. Nyanko-sensei padded around the room, clearly uncomfortable.
"I am going to take a short nap," he announced, "I'd never liked the unwelcomed static on my fur." Grumbling, he took off towards the far end of the room, seeking warmer and dryer conditions than the damp, wood loused entrance.
Tanuma joined Natsume by his side near the entrance as the boy looksed at the depressing sky. He sighed, looking albeit apologetic. "Sorry, Tanuma, we were supposed to study for midterms but you'd have to put up for this now," speaking as if he had a part to play in the weather's plans.
"That's not your fault at all, Natsume," Tanuma says, "We can just treat this as a short break."
They sat in silence for a short while, listening to the loud throng of water against ground outside.
"Did it surprise you, the way Nyanko-sensei talked about my grandfather?" Tanuma looked over to Natsume, who was absently drawing circles by his ankle.
"Not particularly, why would you say that?" Tanuma asked. Natsume looked at him, his eyes filled with curiosity and a tinge of sadness.
"It did to me," Natsume said, "it surprises me to think anyone would be so enthralled by my grandmother. From the stories I have heard, she did sound a little intimidating; finding demons to battle all day round." He looked to the side, his face seemingly paler and much, more vulnerable.
"And she was always so, very alone."
Tanuma knew he was entering personal territory. Perhaps it is the weather, the mood that has made Natsume so loose-lipped. He would never confide in Tanuma this way, so open and extremely honest. Tanuma inched closer to Natsume, determined.
"But she was a lot of other things as well, wasn't she?" Tanuma says. Natsume was silent and he continued.
"She was probably brave, strong, smart," Tanuma looked straight at Natsume, an unwanted glow on his cheeks. "-beautiful, kind."
"You speak as if you know her." Natsume said, laughing gently. But his cheeks were lifted in a slight smile; he didn't look as lost as he did before.
"But I know you," Tanuma dared to say. The funny thing about love or infatuation, or whatever, is that the mere presence of a person would make you feel like you had just downed an entire bottle of truth serum packed with adrenaline. His arteries seemed to pulse along the course of his hands, his blood desperately trying to supply his brain with warning signs to curb any more jargon that might come out. He felt as if his heart would burst out of his chest and that his feelings were spilling all over the place in bounds and great volumes, "and anyone who has any relation at all to you can never be that bad."
Natsume looked down curiously and Tanuma did as well. His entire body went cold when he realized that in the process of his bountiful monologue, he had seized Natsume's hand by accident. He quickened to remove it as casually as possible but Natsume gently squeezed it in return, looking gratefully at Tanuma.
"Thank you, Tanuma."
Natsume didn't let go, but his voice dropped to a near-whisper.
"She managed to find someone, someone who was willing to stay with her until the very end. I was wondering how terrifying it is to be so alone, only for someone to turn up all of a sudden and claim otherwise."
Tanuma has only heard bits of Natsume's past, how people constantly shunned him because of his ability, how he was always being transferred from place to place. It was probably never easy for Natsume to suddenly find himself with friends, family - when all he knew was the aching isolation from before. So long as the history was there, there will always be this haunting insecurity that he is forced to face. Tanuma held onto his hand, saying calmly.
"It is only ever terrifying at the start, Natsume."
Tanuma looked straight into Natsume's eyes, and wondered where all this bravado was coming from. His hand was wet and clammy and he just knew it was grossing Natsume out. But he was trying to tell Natsume something. This was not about his grandmother anymore. It was about him.
"You are the same. You might have had tough times, but now you have everyone by your side; Taki, Ponta, that weird actor, Fujiwara-san, Nishimura-"
He moved closer.
"You have me."
Tanuma heard Natsume's breath hitch and he isn't sure if it was the distortion of sound from the falling rain, or the trick of the light; in the dark he made out a soft pink residing on Natsume's pale cheekbones. He felt his throat go dry and he heard his heartbeat pound in his ears, a steady drum against the roar of the rain outside.
Natsume laughed nervously, looking aside, "It is a little scary, to have met all of you. I have had all these dangerous but amazing adventures with you guys and I have seen so much. But I just can't keep from imagining a day when I will suddenly lose this ability. And then each of you is going to leave one by one because-"
Natsume looked at Tanuma, his eyes moist.
"-because I am not that special of a person."
Tanuma shook his head and wondered how in the world can Natsume not realize how important he was. To him, to all of them.
"Natsume."
Tanuma moved closer now, his hand moving to hold Natsume's elbow instead.
"I won't ever leave. Not now, not ever. I-"
"Tanuma-"
His voice dropped to a whisper. "Why can't you seem to see how precious you are to everyone?"
The peach of Natsume's cheek seemed to fit perfectly in the curve of his palm and he can see bright olive green eyes, stark against the pale skin.
And Tanuma wonders, and wonders how anything in the world could be so soft.
He was enthralled. Irrevocably so.
Nyanko-sensei cracked an eye open and sighed inwardly at the sight before him. About time, he thought, and teenagers, before he fell back asleep.