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"How the actual fucking fuck did you manage to get that fucking wrong? I mean- wasn't I clear enough, when I told you to get me this very specific fucking chapstick and you come back with what? A fucking deep red lipstick? Are you fucking serious, Zsasz?" Roman yelled, already red in the face and seething.
It seemed like such a small thing to be upset about, but this should be routine by now. It was always the same chapstick. Always! Yet, for some reason, Victor managed to come home with a lipstick, even when he was told very explicitly what to get for Roman? It was annoying at best, but very upsetting at worst. Unfortunately, Victor had to deal with the worst now. The problem truly was that Roman felt like Zsasz just didn't care enough, even though he had enough evidence of that not being the case; but by all means, Roman was past rational thoughts in that moment.
Victor actually looked embarrassed at having made such a grave mistake. "I'm sorry, Boss. I can go back and get the chapstick, if you want?"
"Ugh, no! I'll just send someone else who can actually get it fucking right," Roman said, feeling a pang in his chest at the glimpse of hurt in Victor's eyes, "Besides, I need you here now. I have a meeting in not too long, remember?"
Zsasz nodded, keeping his mouth shut now, apparently. That was okay, he wasn't much of a talker anyway, but Roman was a little concerned that maybe he's actually managed to hurt his little lapdog with words of all things. Perhaps he really needed to get a grip on himself in some situations.
Much later, when it was already late at night - or very early in the morning, depending on who you were asking - they had both retired upstairs for the night. They got ready for bed respectively, Roman taking much longer of course, because a flawless body like his needed time and work, after all.
Then Victor and Roman lay down on their bed, their sides touching as they were lying on their backs for now. There still was a bit of tension left from that afternoon, although Zsasz tried his hardest not to let it show, Roman knew that.
After a few moments of tense silence, Roman intertwined his hand with Victor's, squeezing it.
"You're a dumbass, you know?" Roman turned his head towards Victor, looking at him intently.
Zsasz also turned his head to face his boss. He didn't look very amused. "I said I was sorry."
"I know. I didn't mean it like that, I was trying to- I don't even know. Come on, Zsasz, I can't have actually hurt you with this. Right?"
Victor just shrugged, hurt flickering in his eyes once more.
Roman let go of Victor's hand and rolled over, onto his stomach, partially lying on his lapdog now, as he tangled their legs and wrapped one of his arms around Zsasz. Their faces were barely an inch apart.
"I was bitten by a raccoon when I was a kid," Roman stated, a light pink flush gracing his cheeks. To this day, he was still a little embarrassed by it.
Victor's eyes widened almost comically, as his mouth went slack, "How? And how old were you?"
"I think I was around twelve years old? It's a bit of a blur, but... Yeah, well, I was in the forest and I saw this raccoon and it was really fluffy, you know? So naturally, I wanted to pet it. Got fucking bitten in the hand real quick." Roman chuckled self-depracatingly, burying his face in the crook of Victor's neck.
"Oh- And you're calling me a dumbass?" Victor joked, poking Roman's side who flinched and slapped the other man's hand away.
Then Roman lifted his head to glare at Victor, but it wasn't really coming through, since he couldn't contain his grin. "See? You're a dumbass because you apparently either don't know the difference between lip- and chapstick or, you just don't fucking listen to me. And I'm arguably a dumbass, too, for trying to pet a wild, rabid raccoon."
Victor leaned up to close the inch of distance between them and captured Roman's lips in a sloppy kiss, both of them grinning.
"Do you have more stories like that?" Zsasz asked when they parted, a shit eating grin on his handsome fucking face.
Fortunately, there was no more hurt detectable in his lapdog's big round eyes anymore, so his strategy had actually worked.
Roman sighed then and smiled slightly, "Hmmm, I know you hate to hear about past hookups of mine, but one time - before we knew each other, of course - I met this guy at the club and went home with him, right? And fuck, I was looking for a good, hard fuck, but then this fucker pulls his pants down and it's barely two fucking inches! All I got out was a mocking laughter and telling him how fucking tiny he was, obviously, as if he didn't know that. Then I left. It's not really a stupid story of mine, but fuck, the audacity of this asshole!" Roman cackled at the memory.
Victor joined his laughter, "And do you have more of you being a dumbass?"
"You're not letting this go, are you?"
"Absolutely not."
"If only I didn't like you so much, ew." Roman leaned forward to kiss Victor again for a few minutes, thinking of a story he could tell him that wouldn't be too undignified and embarrassing.
In the end, he was only glad that Victor wasn't hurt anymore. He didn't intend for Zsasz to be plagued by his words. So he spent a few a more hours talking about stupid things he's said or done in his past before he knew Victor. His little lapdog kept laughing and joking, but also reciprocating with some stories of his own that Roman didn't know about and were actually rather endearing.
Perhaps he really was a little soft for the other man.