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The first time they meet Jiang Cheng is in his first lifetime.

It was in the midst of summer, the bright midday sun shining down onto the lands below like a golden sentinel while swirling clouds drifted across the sky like lazy puffs of cotton against a sea of blue. Far below the vast lakes and rivers of Lotus Pier were bursting with carpets of fresh lotus blossoms at the peek of their bloom. Their rounded leaves overlapped one another like patches of a quilt, some as small as a child’s fist while others grew to the size of a grown man. Pink buds swaying in the warm breeze, filling the air with their sweet fragrance. 

A quiet serenity settled into the heart of whoever wandered into the verdant wonderland. Farmers picked their way through the lotus, carefully picking at the ripest green buds to harvest their seeds and plucking away the weeds. The low buzz of cicadas played a constant melody that intermingled with the soft ripples of boats floating on the water. It was a place to find a minute of peace outside of the noise and chaos of Lotus Pier and its bustling marketplace. 

And the perfect place to take a little catnap. 

Jiang Cheng had been coming to this particular lake for longer than he could remember. Sneaking away after morning training or whenever he could give his annoying brother the slip so he wouldn’t be followed. Trekking along a well worn path through the woods that separated his home from his own little slice of paradise. He had followed this routine for so long that he felt like he could do it in his sleep. Always making sure to change into his smaller cat form so he wouldn’t be spotted and sent back. No doubt with a heavy scolding about remembering his responsibilities and safety. 

Jiang Cheng huffed an annoyed breath at the thought. He knew he was young, only in his first lifetime, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t take care of himself. It would only be a matter of time before he had mastered his true form and then he’ll see who had the balls to call him kitten . 

Pushing those thoughts aside, he finally selected a spot, curling loosely onto a bed of velvety soft lotus with his tail flat so he could soak up as much of the summer warmth as possible. The sounds of summer played around him like a lullaby – the soft trill of cicadas, the low hum of mosquitos, the chirp of songbirds – lulling him to sleep until his eyes finally drifted closed. Peaceful, content, and completely unaware of the fact that he was being watched. 

From the moment he arrived, Jiang Cheng’s every movement had been followed by a pair of bright amber eyes. Buried under a blanket of lotus, his onlooker hadn’t meant to spy on the little cat spirit, hardly more than a kitten really, but he couldn’t help it. In his true form he was often considered a little… intimidating , as not many people outside of Gusu had laid eyes on a true dragon god before. The last thing he wanted to do was scare him away. 

Sinking up to his muzzle in the silty depths, he watched almost transfixed as the tiny blot of black fur trotted confidently through the throngs of flowers, his paws barely making the water ripple. A long tail flicking back and forth, swatting at errant mosquitos while he padded closer to the middle of the lake. Around his neck swung a silver bell adorned with a violet tassel whose soft tinkle joined in with the chorus of humming cicadas. 

Finally, it seemed the kitten had found what it was looking for and stopped somewhere near the center of the lake. Pawing at a particularly cushiony bed of lotus, he stretched out with a great yawn, his paws kneading at the leaves before curling up into a loose curl. Within seconds, his eyes had slid closed and his breaths evened out in slumber. He looked so tiny, so innocent snuggled up inside his cushion of lotus, black fur shining almost iridescent in the afternoon sun. As though the evils of the world couldn’t touch him as long as he stayed inside this luscious wonderland. 

Lan Xichen felt something blossom inside his chest as though one of the sacred lotus had taken root inside his heart. Spreading out like a warm breeze on a cool autumn morning. Making his scalp tingle from the tips of his antlers all the way through his limbs like his veins had erupted in a million tiny butterflies. There was something between them, something that Lan Xichen in his centuries of life had never felt for anyone before. Something inexplicable… and yet not unwelcome. 

He decided that he needed to know more about this creature that had suddenly awakened this strange feeling inside him. In the least he needed to learn the name of the spirit that had intrigued him so much. Swimming closer, his long body slithered through the dense undergrowth as quiet as a whisper. The muddy waters dulling the pearlescent shine of his scales. He nudged large groups of lotus out of his path with his antlers, heart all but bursting with excitement the closer he got to the sleeping spirit. 

When he was only a meter away, he dove fully below the surface. He swirled around the thick stalks, playfully shaking them to rouse the kitten from his slumber, but not enough to disturb him from his perch. Peeking above the surface, he let out a little snort when he found the cat spirit still sound asleep. Dipping back down, he doubled his efforts, jostling the thick stalks with a little more vigor. When that still didn’t seem to wake the other, Lan Xichen huffed a frustrated breath. Without thinking, he dove under once more, whirling through the reeds like a tornado, churning up the muddy water in a whirlpool. 

Four times, five times, six…he wove around under his kitten before suddenly springing up and out of the water with a giant splash. 

Unfortunately, so caught up in the excitement and frustration of trying to wake the other that he completely misjudged where he broke the surface. Instead of emerging next to the cat spirit as he had planned, he accidentally knocked his bed clean on its side and sent the poor thing tumbling straight into the water. 

A wild howl lit the air before being abruptly cut off, a ball of black fur disappearing under the water with a splosh of water. Lan Xichen plunged into the water without a second thought, arms wrapping around the flailing spirit and depositing him back onto a new, drier patch of lotus. He slunked backwards, carefully putting some distance between them so as to not make things worse than they already were. Lan Xichen had the mind to hang his head in shame, wincing mildly at the furious curses shot his way like cannon blasts. 

Dripping and shaking with fury, the cat spirit spit the grit from his mouth and turned his gaze to the bastard that had decided to rudely interrupt his nap. Lan Xichen only caught a glimpse of raging blue, the same color as the sea during a raging storm, before the spirit hissed out one word. 

Asshole.

And then he was gone. 

The next time they meet Jiang Cheng is near the end of his second lifetime.

Lotus Pier marketplace was a bustling hive of activity. Shouts from eager vendors touting their wares filled the twilight air alongside a chorus of cheerful chatterings while the people of Yunmeng relaxed after a long day of work. Over the horizon the sun was already beginning to dip, a cooling autumn breeze cutting through the heat of summer. It wouldn’t be long before long nights took over the shorter days and then winter would be knocking at their door. 

Jiang Cheng wandered through the familiar streets of his home, idly searching for something to eat now that he was through with training for the day. He walked slowly, turning his head to and fro while he tried to decide what he was in the mood for. Glistening sticks of candied hawthorn caught his eye, but his stomach growled for something meatier. Maybe he would indulge in a few pork baozi or perhaps some sewers of barbequed squid. Actually, both sounded pretty good…and a big plate of dumplings and steaming bowl of fried noodles too. Oh, and he couldn’t resist getting a few lotus seed pancakes for dessert, could he?

His mother would probably tsk at him with disapproval, stating that it was too much for one person, but he was a growing cat spirit after all. His appetite had grown just as much as he had over his last two lifetimes. He had shot up almost overnight, standing at least a forehead taller than his brother in his human form now, much to Wei Wuxian’s vocal consternation. More than once A-Ying had grumbled that it was only because his ears were taller than his, completely ignoring the fact that Jiang Cheng had to look down to see him properly now. 

His height wasn’t the only thing that had changed about him. Jiang Cheng had worked tirelessly over the years to hone his skills to master his true form. Everyday he grew stronger, more agile, and it wouldn’t be long before he would reach the final push to become a true tiger spirit. One that could make his mother proud. 

Choosing a direction, he set off, weaving through groups of excited disciples and laughing children. Last time he had visited he had made the mistake of coming in his cat form, thinking that he would be able to maneuver through the crowds easier that way. That is, until he was almost trampled by a group of younglings who were too busy playing with their new kites to see where they were going. With age comes wisdom– and a hefty dose of humility. 

Still, his human form did have its advantages. He didn’t have to strain to see above heads of the market goers who likewise were perusing the wares offered by the vendors. He kept his tail and ears as well, the former swinging behind him while the latter picked up small snippets of conversation. A soft snort escaped him when a particularly bawdy piece of gossip reached the black ears perched on top of his head, said by a particularly chirpy crow spirit, and he had to cover his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing too loud.

Pulling out his coin pouch, his laughter melted into a frustrated growl when he noticed that more than half of his allowance was missing. Wei Wuxian, his asshole brother must’ve stolen it again while he was busy training or doing chores. Now all he was left with was barely enough to buy a couple roasted sweet potatoes. Definitely not enough to quiet his growling stomach. Jiang Cheng gritted his teeth, already thinking about where that stupid fox spirit might be. He might be older now, more mature, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t kick his brother’s ass up and down lotus lake. 

Just as he was about to storm off and find the little fox bastard, a voice stopped him. 

“Excuse me, but I believe that we have met before.”

Whipping around, Jiang Cheng’s snippy reply died in his throat. Before him stood the most beautiful creature he had ever laid eyes on. Skin as pale as moonlight wrapped in flowing robes of white and powder blue trimmed with silver thread. A river of hair as black as ink flowed down the length of his back, long enough to tickle the ground as he walked though it remained unsullied by the mud. Half was swept back into a knot at the top of his head, held there by a crown of carved silver stuck with a pin of pure jade. Flanked on either side were antlers that rose above him like magestive towers made of sparkling teal and snowy white scales that, Jiang Cheng noticed, matched the ones dotted around his temples and along his neck. They reminded him of his own freckles, and his cheeks warmed with the sudden notion of more scales hidden beneath those elegant robes. 

Around his forehead rested a white silk ribbon with a single piece of silver in the shape of a cloud in the middle. Jiang Cheng’s eyes moved down to greedily drink in a pair of strong brows, the slope of a handsome nose, and further to a pair of pink lips that were turned slightly upward at the corners in a timid smile. Distantly, and to his mild annoyance, he registered that he had to tip his head back a little to see into his eyes,  but – oh – what a pair of eyes they were. Amber that glowed like sweet clover honey in the setting sun. 

A dragon – no, a dragon god – for no creature this exquisite could be anything less than a god. 

“You must be mistaken,” he finally choked out, giving himself a mental slap to clear his head. His efforts went to waste when he noticed the flush of pink on the tips of the creature dragon's ears and his thoughts scrambled back into a gooey mess. 

The dragon huffed out an awkward laugh, scratching at the base of one of his antlers in a nervous gesture that really didn’t match up to his regal countenance, but was nonetheless adorable . “Oh, well, unfortunately our first meeting was’t a very… pleasant one. If i’m not mistaken, you were younger then. Perhaps a lifetime younger than you are now.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, wracking his brain to remember ever meeting the dragon, but came up empty. To be honest, he seriously doubted that he would ever forget the first time he caught a glimpse of those amber eyes…

Wait. 

Amber eyes.

“YOU!” Suddenly, the memories of that horrid day came flooding back like a monsoon. Jiang Cheng reared backwards with a hiss, his hackles rising and ears falling flat against his head, tail puffing outwards ready for a fight. How could he ever forget the eyes of the beast that had not only unceremoniously woken him from his nap, but did it by tossing him in the damn lake like some discarded piece of trash! It was well into his second lifetime and he was still finding grit in his fur. 

“Please, I know I owe you an apology,” the dragon rushed out, holding his hands up in a placating manner and they too were sprinkled with teal and white scales, “but my intentions were honest. I swear!”

“Bullshit,” Jiang Cheng seethed, flashing his teeth, “You threw me into the fucking lake! How the hell do you count that as honest?”

“Please, believe me,” the dragon pleaded, “it was an accident. All I wanted to do was meet you, but I guess I got caught up in all of the excitement.”

Jiang Cheng was stunned silent. Wanted to meet… him? Him? Jiang Cheng, cat spirit of Lotus Pier? Of all people why him? It’s not like he was anything special, especially not compared to his brother’s cunning or sister’s generosity. He hadn’t even crossed the barrier into mastering his true form yet. 

Clearing his throat, he tried to mask his confusion with a veneer of nonchalance. “W–What do you mean you wanted to meet me? Were you spying on me or something?

“Of course not,” the dragon huffed with an adorable little pout that sent the cat spirit’s heart fluttering, “I was already at the lake when you arrived. You were so tiny back then…just a little thing of black fur winding through the lotus as though you’ve done it a million times before.” His shoulders slumped a bit, but a small smile played on his lips. “All I wanted to do was learn your name.”

Jiang Cheng cocked an eyebrow, crossing his arms over his chest.  “My name?” A vigorous nod. “Just my name?”

“Well, perhaps not just your name, but it’s a start.” The dragon peered at him from underneath his lashes, hope evident in his eyes. Seconds ticked by while the cat spirit considered what to do. He should tell him to fuck off back to the cloud he came from. He should tell him to turn around and never speak to him ever again. He should do a lot of things. And yet…he didn’t. 

“Jiang Cheng. Courtesy name Jiang Wanyin.”

“Jiang Wanyin,” the dragon repeated as though he was tasting his name on his tongue and finding it as sweet as plum wine. Tipping forward into a flawless bow, the dragon continued, “I am called Zewu Jun but my given name is Lan Huan, courtesy Lan Xichen. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Jiang Wanyin, and I once again must apologize for my rudeness on our first meeting.”

Frowning, Jiang Cheng waved him off. “Sure, whatever. Apology accepted.”

“Please, I still feel as though I need to make it up to you, somehow.” An eager grin spread across his face as an idea came to him, “Have you eaten? This is only my second visit to Lotus Pier and I am in desperate need of a guide. Why don’t I treat you to dinner as my way of recompense and at the same time you can introduce me to the best dishes Yunmeng has to offer.”

“Lan Xichen, really, it’s no big de–” Jiang Cheng’s refusal was cut short when his stomach gave an angry growl. Clearly upset that he was going to reject an offer of a free meal. A huff of laughter bubbled out of Lan Xichen, which he stifled behind his sleeve. Though, it didn’t hide the way his eyes turned up into little crescents that seemed to sparkle with starlight in their merriment. 

“Well, my dear Jiang Wanyin, it seems your stomach has answered for you. Please lead the way.”

–––––––

Jiang Cheng decided on his favorite restaurant and they settled into a quiet corner near the back, their table separated from the other patrons by a silk privacy screen. Lan Xichen had deferred to him to order, so he chose a variety of delicacies local to Yunmeng and the proprietor nearly fell over himself to take it back to the kitchen. Jiang Cheng couldn’t blame him, dragons were rare even amongst spirits, and to have a dragon god in their midst was almost unheard of in Lotus Pier. It was probably the first time he had ever laid eyes on one in the flesh.

Still, Jiang Cheng had to roll his eyes when the clucking rooster spirit almost stumbled backwards in his haste to prepare their meal. Feathers flying all over the place.  

“So,” he began, reaching for the teapot and pouring Lan Xichen a cup of fragrant osmanthus tea. The dragon bowed his head in thanks, and Jiang Cheng tried not to think about the way his fingers felt when they brushed against his. “What brings you to Lotus Pier?”

Lan Xichen set his cup down with a sheepish smile. “Well, truth be told I was hoping to find you. Ever since that day at the lake, I’ve wanted to find you so I could apologize.”

“You needn’t have bothered. I haven’t thought about that day for years,” Jiang Cheng sniffed, but all of the bluster blew right out of him when he saw the crestfallen look on the other man’s face. 

“Oh, I guess that’s probably fair,” Lan Xichen busied himself with the teapot even though they had just started on the first pot, but Jiang Cheng could see the disappointment clear as day. 

“Okay, maybe that was a lie,” he grumbled, shifting uncomfortably in his seat and feeling like a total asshole. “I mean, how could I? Your pretty brown eyes have haunted every nap I’ve taken ever since.”

A bashful laugh tumbled from the dragon’s lips, and the tips of his ears flushed pink down to the lobes. “Oh, thank you. I–I think your eyes are beautiful, too.” 

Jiang Cheng froze, eyes widening when it finally hit him. Wait…did he just say what he thought he just said? Out loud? Jesus Christ, what was the matter with him all of a sudden? He meets one – one – dragon god and his brain turns to rot like a discarded peach. 

“You–you don’t have to lie,” he gritted with a scowl, ducking his head to look anywhere but at the dragon across from him. He could feel his skin burning all the way down to this chest. Why did he have to be so damn awkward? Why didn’t he ever take the time to think before opening his big mouth? His fingers twitched with the urge to scrub at his cheeks, stomach dropping with the notion of scaring away Lan Xichen before he even got to know him. 

He waited for the dragon to leave, disgusted or annoyed, but seconds ticked by and Lan Xichen remained in his seat. Not knowing how to proceed now that he’d ruined everything, Jiang Cheng anxiously clenched his hands into fists in his lap. Cursing himself over and over for being so careless yet again. 

Just as he was about to burst out an apology, a palm slid over his fists, soothing them until they relaxed their white knuckled grip. Another slipped over his cheekbone, tenderly cupping his cheek so he could lift his gaze. Their eyes met in the middle – sapphire and gold, twilight sky and morning sunlight – and suddenly Jiang Cheng felt as though they were the only two left in the world. 

“It is against our nature to lie.” Lan Xichen murmured, his lips forming a smile that the cat spirit was learning all too quickly he kept only for him, “I don’t know if anyone has ever told you, but your eyes are the same color as the raging sea during a storm. In all of my years, I have seen countless gazes in infinite colors, and yet, I have never seen another pair of eyes as lovely – as thunderous and captivating – as yours.”

“Lan Xichen, I–” Jiang Cheng swallowed around the lump in his throat as Lan Xichen’s words spread across his skin like the first breath of summer after a long winter.  Uncovering feelings hidden so deep inside of his heart that he didn’t even know they existed. 

For the first time in his two lifetimes Jiang Cheng felt the blossoming of something that he had only ever dreamed about, but gave up hope that they would ever become more than that. 

“You do not have to say anything, Wanyin,” Lan Xichen murmured, “I am just glad to have finally found you.”

Lan Xichen doesn’t leave Jiang Cheng’s side for his next two lifetimes.

Jiang Cheng had to admit that in the beginning it was mildly annoying– having a dragon shadowing his every move. Lan Xichen always seemed inordinately aware of him. Those sunlit eyes watching his every move as though he was the most intriguing thing in the world. It often left him feeling self conscious in a way that kept his cheeks in a perpetual flush and his belly full of butterflies. 

Still, and not for the first time, he wondered what exactly kept the dragon god in Yunmeng. They were certainly ill-matched, as many inhabitants of Lotus Pier whispered when the pair walked by. Their personalities were complete opposites. Lan Xichen was gracious and kind, a congenial smile never leaving his lips while Jiang Cheng’s were turned down in a scowl most of the time. Lan Xichen moved with elegance and poise as though he were gliding through the wind whereas Jiang Cheng prowled, always on the lookout for whatever life could throw at him next. Lan Xichen was patient and spoke with purpose. Jiang Cheng was brash, almost arrogant in his speech, and bitingly sarcastic. Even the state of their dress was different. The dust and grime of the city seemingly unable to tarnish the purity of the dragon’s robes while Jiang Cheng’s boots always ended up caked with mud. 

Still, somehow they made it work. 

–––––––

In the beginning of his third year he introduced him to his family. His belly had been a riot of nerves as he anxiously waited while the introductions were made. His father had, of course, received Lan Xichen with appropriate enthusiasm granted to a being of his status. Throwing him a large banquet that had Jiang Cheng rolling his eyes every time Wei Wuxian raised another toast in the dragon’s honor. Knowing it was mostly just an excuse to indulge in the good wine they kept for such occasions. After the fifth raising of his glass, Lan Xichen had sent him a look of amused exasperation that made the cat spirit snicker. Little did the fox spirit know that the dragon’s cup was filled with tea instead of wine. 

Glancing to his side, he caught the eye of his sister who narrowed hers in a knowing way. Looking away, he couldn’t help the flush of his cheeks. Jiang Yanli might be modest, but she rarely missed anything when it came to her family. Risking another peek, he felt his body untense just a bit when she laid a warm palm over his. 

However, deep down Jiang Cheng knew that it was his mother with whom he needed final approval. Mighty in her tigress form and a force to be reckoned with on and off the battlefield, Yu Ziyuan was a formidable spirit who would do anything to protect her only son. Jiang Cheng waited with bated breath as she had sized up the god, her penetrating stare hard enough to send any lesser being running. However, Lan Xichen was no ordinary dragon. The god held his ground, meeting her gaze with a firm one of his own. Standing resolutely next to Jiang Cheng in a show of solidarity that spoke volumes. 

Only once Jiang Cheng saw her nod of approval did he dare to let out the breath he had been holding. 

–––––––

Their days were spent wandering lazily through the marketplace or nestled in one of the pavilions overlooking the many lakes that made up the region. Jiang Cheng would never admit it out loud, but his favorite times were spent snuggled together, his tiny black body curled inside a warm blanket of white, while they dozed under the afternoon sun. 

One day they had decided to return to the lake where they had first met. They had spent hours in their animal forms playing amongst the blossoms. Jiang Cheng skulked through the leaves while he attempted to sneak up on the other. The dragon had been wading in a shallow pool, pink petals sticking to his white fur like freckles. He almost got his revenge that day, but Lan Xichen was too quick and before he knew it, he was sent flying back into the muddy waters. 

He had come up spluttering, but right as it looked as though Lan Xichen was about to apologize, Jiang Cheng had launched himself at him. Taking the dragon by surprise and sending them both back into the water. They tumbled around each other, grappling for dominance before they had to finally resurface when the need to breathe became too much. 

Their laughter floated up around them, gasping and breathless, and it was in that moment – that marvelous and undeniably happy moment – when Jiang Cheng called him A-Huan for the first time. 

–––––––

His third lifetime melted into his fourth and still Lan Xichen remained steadfastly by his side. 

It was a curious thing, Jiang Cheng often thought, becoming friends with a dragon god. Lan Xichen had endless knowledge of the world outside of Yunmeng and was always willing to divulge in the cat spirit’s curiosities. One night they found themselves sitting underneath a pavilion on a cool summer night.

He couldn’t remember what they had been discussing when he had suddenly blurted out a question of why Lan Xichen would choose to stay in Lotus Pier when he could be travelling the world.

“I have already seen what I need from the world,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. 

“But the world is endless,” Jiang Cheng argued. “There has to be something out there that you wish to see?”

“The only thing in this world I wish to see is sitting in front of me, A-Cheng.” 

Scoffing, Jiang Cheng had averted his gaze. Picking up a lotus seed, he tossed it into the quiet waters of the lake. “You’ll have to leave eventually.”

The unspoken ‘and me’ like a heavy weight between them. He heard a rustle of fabric and then a palm cupped his cheek and lifted his eyes back to the dragon who had captured his heart. 

“Never.”

–––––––

Unfortunately, they couldn’t spend everyday idling along the lakes or playing. Jiang Cheng had his duties and training if he ever wanted to accomplish his goal of mastering his true form. 

He clawed his way up from the bottom, never tiring even when it felt like the world was against him. The motto of their clan – attempt the impossible – ringing in his ears like an endless chime. 

Through it all, Lan Xichen never once wavered from his side. A steadfast beacon in a stormy night, illuminating his way through the slosh and fog, ready to offer a helping hand when it was called upon. He was careful to not overstep, only giving advice when it was asked for, knowing that it was Jiang Cheng’s fight to win. True mastery of form could not be done on the backs of others. So, for now he would be patient, but always ready and waiting to pick up the pieces when they tumbled. 

–––––––

“Is it true that the Lan dragons only love once?”

They had been sitting along the banks of lotus lake one night far into Jiang Cheng’s fourth lifetime, a quiet respite after a long day of training that had left a sour taste in the young cat spirit’s mouth. A blanket of stars twinkled above them like a million fireflies flickering in the heavens. 

Lan Xichen started, the question catching him off guard. Swinging his gaze to the other, he couldn’t help the fond smile at the sight of the young cat spirit that had become his closest friend. His knees were hugged to his chest, tail curled around his lap while his eyes stayed firmly on the lake in front of them. The lotus had only just begun to blossom, their pink petals still clasped together in tight buds. 

He answered honestly. “Yes, it is true.”

Jiang Cheng hummed, his ears flicking as he gathered the courage to ask his next question. They had never spoken aloud their true feelings. Letting their actions speak for themselves. 

“Have you?”

Lan Xichen didn’t answer right away. Silence permeated the once comfortable air around them. Stretching into minutes that felt heavy and awkward in a way that they hadn’t felt ever in their time together. It became so much that Jiang Cheng turned his gaze away from the waters so he could seek out the other’s. A millennia of questions sparkling in their raging blue depths. He was surprised to find his friend avoiding his stare, sunlight cast towards the lake instead of enveloping him in their warmth. It left him feeling cold and alone. A bitter taste in his mouth. 

“Nevermind,” he whispered, returning to stare at the shore. In doing so he missed the pained look that came over Lan Xichen’s face. They way the dragon’s fists clenched in his lap, his brows furrowed as cowardice won over honesty. 

“May I sing for you?” Lan Xichen asked, voice timid and unsure, so much so that Jiang Cheng could only nod. He didn’t want to listen. The night had cooled around them, and all he wanted to do was go home and sleep away the sorrow that was burrowing deep inside his bones. He didn’t want to listen, but for now he would, if only to spend a few more precious moments with his dragon. 

And so his dragon sang for him. A song that had been written by his heart. One only for the ears of his cat spirit. 

He couldn’t say the words. So he let his song do it for him. 

They part in Jiang Cheng’s fifth lifetime with promises to see each other again.

“I will return as quickly as possible.”

“Promise me, A-Huan.” They lay cuddled together under their favorite pavilion that overlooked the lake where they had met. Jiang Cheng burrowed deep into his white fur, fighting against the tears that threatened to break him apart. He hates how sad he sounds. He hates that he has to leave. He hates that he will be alone again. 

Claws tipped with teal and silver scales gently lift his head so he can lay their foreheads together.  

“I promise, A-Cheng..”

They still don’t say it. The words like thorns in their throats while they both desperately hoped it was enough.

Lotus Pier falls to the Wens in the dawn of Jiang Cheng’s sixth lifetime. 

Within hours his home is reduced to nothing more than ash and blood. His parents and sister are dead. His brother is missing. 

For the first time in six lifetimes Jiang Cheng is alone. 

–––––––

Lan Xichen doesn’t stop looking for him. Digging amongst the smoldering rubble, the piling bodies, the choking smoke, the tattered remains of the sacred lotus lake.

Desperate cries of a dragon ring out day and night. Calling for his love that will never answer. 

And with each passing moment where he can not find him, a new crack splinters inside of Lan Xichen’s heart. Fissures that he knows can never be mended. 

He’s too late. 

Jiang Cheng spends the next two lifetimes on revenge. 

Nightless City lied in ashes. 

Billowing clouds of smoke choke the night sky as the charred remains of the last Wen stronghold fell to a beast that never slept. Desperate cries rent the air only to be snuffed out by gaping teeth that rip and tear at flesh until nothing remains. Corpses piled up in the streets and inside houses, rivers of blood saturating the earth until it turned black with death. The whites of their robes stained with the hatred of the one they left behind. The soft tinkle of a bell hanging from a strip of leather around his neck like a death toll. 

He will not stop until every single one lay dead. Their corpses left for the crows. 

The last thing they will ever see, before their eyes glaze over to never gaze upon the world again, are the eyes of the raging sea during a storm. 

A storm he brought to their doorstep. 

At the end of Jiang Cheng’s eighth lifetime, he returns home. 

Lotus Pier was silent. No longer filled with the joyous sounds of her people as they went about their lives in peace. The paddering of children’s feet as they ran with their new kites, the chlucking of old aunties as they gossiped, the shouts of vendors plying their trade – they were all gone. They only thing left were the charred remains of buildings which stuck out of the ground like bones bleaching in the pale sunlight. Fitting as the only remnants of his home were graves filled with skeletons of his past.  

Jiang Cheng wasn’t sure why he chose to come back to the place where it all began. A place where he had felt both the warmth of love and the acrid tang of loss. A place that he hadn’t called home in a long, long time. He had been on the move for weeks, his paws taking him where they wanted. His restless soul too antsy to stay in one place for long. 

Perhaps it was nostalgia. Or maybe it was a sense of duty. No joss paper had been burned, no incense lit, for his dead parents or sister. Their simple stone graves unadorned amongst the field of haphazardly dug mounds. There hadn’t been time to give them a proper burial. 

Or maybe he wanted to confirm for himself that it was really gone. 

He found himself back at the same pavilion he had shared with Lan Xichen so many years ago. Stepping carefully over broken planks of wood and rusty nails as he made his way down the dock. The roof had caved in long ago, half of it submerged under the water. Vegetation had grown over the splintered pieces of oak. Reclaiming what was once theirs. 

Sitting on the barren ground, he looked out over the lake. The lotus were at the height of their bloom. Basking in the early summer morning sunlight. Their pink petals were as beautiful as the first time he saw them as a kitten. And yet, a sad reminder that even after losing everything, time waits for no one. 

It was there that he found him. 

Jiang Cheng had heard him approach before he saw him. A calculated move, he was sure, so as to not scare him away. Or maybe it was fear that drove the other’s steps to fall with enough sound to announce his arrival. Fear of a beast that had known death, and brought it upon so many others. 

The footsteps came to a stop about a meters length away from him. Far enough to give him space, but close enough to attack if the conversation steered that direction. A tense silence rose up between them, a bowstring ready to snap at any moment. He could feel the other’s gaze on him. Burning through his fur and into his flesh like pyre. The taste of his scrutiny bitter on his tongue. 

“Do you not recognize me?” He asked, words cutting through the stiff air like a dull knife. He heard the rustle of fabric, and then a step wary step. 

“Should I?” 

A harsh chuckle rumbled from deep inside Jiang Cheng’s chest. Shifting his massive bulk, he turned just enough to bring his gaze to the dragon who returned his stare with one of caution. He ignored the inquisitive look, choosing instead to take in the last remaining ghost of his past. 

Shiny ebony locks, which once flowed down his back like a river of ink, now looked dull. The strands tangled in a simple top knot that held no headpiece. The scales that peppered his temples had lost their luster and now appeared almost transparent. Enhancing the wanness of his skin, which stretched over gaunt cheeks and under robes that no longer fit. Their hems dirtied and worn. 

Raising his gaze, he noted the black bruises under those amber eyes that had haunted his dreams for two lifetimes. The ones that looked at him now as a stranger. A beast. 

“Have I changed that much… A-Huan?”  

He sees it, the lightning flash of recognition in that sunlit gaze, and something foreign stirs inside the deep rotted recesses of his heart. 

A rasping gasp, and then a muted thump as Lan Xichen knees hit the ground. 

“A– A-Cheng?” 

Turning fully now, Jiang Cheng gives the stricken dragon his full attention. “It’s been a long time, Xichen.” 

Lan Xichen felt as though he couldn’t breath. He clutched at the front of his robes, his chest tight and aching like someone had punched his breath straight from his lungs. He did not recognize the tiger spirit in front of him. Violet fur slashed with bold lines of black covered a form that stood taller than any grown human man. Riddled with raised scars that crossed over his chest. Tuffs of lavender lined his cheeks and painted the bottoms of his paws that could crush a beast with barely a twitch. Tipped with razor sharp claws in ebony black. 

“You… you finally mastered your true form.” He whispered because there was nothing else he could say at the moment. 

Rumours had spread of a rogue tiger spirit that had been hunting the remaining Wen descendents. A tiny piece of him had frantically prayed that it wasn’t him. That he would’ve been better off dead rather than consumed with the caustic taste of revenge that would leave him a hull of what he once was. And yet, another bigger piece, clung to the selfish hope that it was. 

Jiang Cheng eyed him for a moment, then nodded, and in a blinding flash of wind and lightning, returned to his human form. Lan Xichen’s head was spinning, eyes darting around the tiger spirit before him, desperately searching for any remaining crumbs of the kitten he had met in this very lake so many lifetimes ago. But there was nothing left. Long gone was the innocent young cat spirit of the past. Too many tears had been shed, too much blood, for him to remain. His eyes, still so stormy, were sad now. Dulled with the pain of loss and regret. 

“I thought– I couldn’t find you. I looked for you for years .” Lan Xichen stuttered to even speak. His mind a tumult of questions and broken promises. Rising heavily to his feet, he made to close the distance between them when Jiang Cheng’s next words had him stumbling to a halt. 

“I know.”

“What–” The dragon froze, feeling as though a bucket of icy water had been poured down his spine. “You knew? You knew that I was looking for you? If that is true then why– why didn’t you come back? Why didn’t you tell me you were okay?”

“I had my reasons.” Was all he said, and the broken tatters of Lan Xichen’s heart crumbled into dust. He bit back a sob, face screwing up as every long buried emotion came flooding back to the surface. 

“A-Cheng,” he swallowed heavily when the other flinched at the sound of his name, “I am so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. That I left you right at the time that you needed me the most. I have spent every single day since in regret. Please know that I never would’ve left had I known what would’ve happened. A-Cheng, please–”

“What is done is done,” Jiang Cheng bit out, the words like bile in his throat. Sighing, he turned to leave. “Coming here was a mistake.” 

“A-Cheng,” his breath hitched, panic bubbling up inside his chest at the thought of losing him again, “Wanyin, please, don’t go. Come with me back to Gusu or…or we can go anywhere else you want. But please don’t–don’t… I need you.”

Jiang Cheng shook his head, eyes falling away. “I’m sorry, Xichen, but I cannot go with you. There are things– things I have done that I am not proud of. I am not the same kitten you met all those lifetimes ago.”

“I don’t care,” Lan Xichen replied quickly, “None of it matters. All that matters is that you are not alone ever again. That I am by your side again.”

For the barest of seconds he sees those hard blue eyes soften – a spark of frayed innocence return – but it was gone as quickly as it arrived.

“Goodbye, Xichen.”

However, just as he made to walk away, a hand suddenly wrapped around his wrist, yanking him backwards and into the other man’s arms. Instantly, Jiang Cheng stiffened, biting back the instinctive snarl at the unexpected embrace.

Burying his head into his shoulder, Lan Xichen let out a sob. “I know I can’t convince you, but please know that I am so sorry for ever leaving you. For not being there when you needed me the most. Jiang Cheng, my A-Cheng , I lo–”

Without warning, Jiang Cheng shoved him back far enough to look into his eyes. Fingers were pressed over his lips, ending his sentence before he could say what they both already knew. What they both felt inside their hearts. What had been in them since the beginning. 

“Don’t…please.” He couldn’t hear it. Not now. Not after everything that had happened. He stared into the eyes of the dragon whom he loved, but could never have. Memorizing each sparkle of golden hue, each speckle of sunlight. Letting it warm him for the last time. 

Cold fingers wrapped around his wrist, pressing them to a pale cheek that was wet with silent tears. With another broken sob, Lan Xichen lifted his hand to the ribbon on his forehead and let it rest there. 

“Take it,” he whispered.

“Xichen, I can’t–” 

“It’s for you,” the dragon interrupted, voice raspy but firm, “take it and know that it was always yours.” When he still didn’t move, the dragon did it for him. Reaching up, he untied the knot holding it in place, and pressed it into Jiang Cheng’s hands, which he brought to his trembling lips for a kiss. “Keep it with you and know that from now on whenever, wherever you need me, I will be there. Take it as my promise to you.”

The tiger spirit could only nod, watching as Lan Xichen tied it around his wrist in silence. Once finished, the dragon lifted it to his lips once again. Tears falling from his eyes staining the silk like tiny raindrops. Before he knew what he was doing, the tiger spirit tipped a finger beneath his chin and lifted his face. He pressed their foreheads together, the same way they did on the last day they were together. His heart lurching painfully in his chest as the memories washed over him like a tidal wave. 

They stayed like that while the minutes ticked away. A countdown before their final departure. This time, he would be the one to leave the dragon. Say goodbye to the only good thing he had ever had in his miserable life. The only one he had ever loved.

“Goodbye, A-Huan.”

He forced himself back from the embrace, and without waiting for a response, transformed into the beast and fled. The loud thrum of his paws against the docks like the beat of his broken heart. 

Once more, Lan Xichen fell to his knees, curling into himself as sobs wracked his frail body. Hands buried into his hair and choking on his own breaths. The lotus blossoms the only witness to his anguish. 

And then, through the gasping cries and ringing in his ears, a new sound came. Soft, like the twinkling of starlight on a clear night. Warm and familiar, like the caress of a hand across his cheek. Soothing his tears and quieting his sorrows. 

His hands searched at his waist, smoothing over the worn leather until they landed on something that wasn’t there before. Glancing down, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of the silver bell adorned with a purple tassel tied to his belt. His thumb stroked over the cool surface etched with nine petaled lotuses. 

His eyes fell closed, and once again, Lan Xichen’s heart filled with regret. 

The last time they meet, Jiang Cheng is dying. 

He saved the life of a Wen child, putting his revenge aside in the face of innocence. Jiang Cheng had found him in a remote section of forest. His robes of red and white all too familiar, and yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to smote him as he had done to the rest of his kin. He had been such a little thing. A fox spirit like the brother he never found. Ears too big for his head and eyes just as smoky grey. Far too young to have been a part of the destruction. 

And it was in that moment of hesitation, that he was blindsided by a powerful blow brought down by a fierce demonic spirit. 

Blood splattered onto the ground as claws speared into his side faster than he could blink. He only had a moment to yell at the kit to run before he was dealt another blow across his cheek. Choking on a mouthful of blood, he held his side as he dug backwards across the mud. Attempting to gain any sort of distance between himself and his foe. 

But it was too late. The wound was mortal, he was losing too much blood. Rasping gasps falling from his lips as he fought the blackness that threatened to overtake him. He could barely raise a claw to swipe at the black cloud of demonic energy as it came down on him like thunder. Lifting his body clear off the ground and launching him into a nearby tree with a sickening crunch. He fell to the ground with a groan of pain, transforming back into his human form as his spiritual energy waned too low. 

He crawled into a sitting position, his back to the trunk, and waited for death. It had been a long time coming, and if he were to die today, then he would welcome it with open arms. Perhaps then he could find some sort of peace. 

His eyes fell to the white ribbon still tied around his wrist, and he lifted it to press a lingering kiss to the silk. Eyes falling shut, and for the first time since they parted a lifetime ago, he wished for his dragon. His only regret was never telling him what was in his heart. 

Just then, the quiet twinkle of a bell reached his ears followed by a devastating roar that shook the very trees. The sky exploded with the light, and then a chord as clear as the morning sun lit the air a second before a great white dragon dropped from the heavens. Landing between the smoky black of the demonic spirit and Jiang Cheng, another furious chord of spiritual energy bursting forth from his maw. The black creature reared backward with a wheezing shriek, his rattling gasp the last thing he heard before his life force was squashed under the might of the dragon. 

In an instant, the dragon was at his side. Pulling him into his arms with a whimpering cry. 

“No, no, no, A-Cheng, my A-Cheng,” Amber eyes roamed over his broken body, tears spilling over and splashing down onto his cheeks. “I’m sorry. I’ve let you down again. I was too late. I was too late.” 

“A-Huan, shh,” Jiang Cheng hushed him gently, reaching a shaking hand to wipe at his tears and leaving behind a smear of blood. “It’s okay, my love, don’t cry for a beast that doesn’t deserve it. Death has been shadowing me for so long that it was only a matter of time before he finally presented himself.”

“That is not true,” Lan Xichen hauled him closer, his voice firm. Cupping a hand around his jaw to keep his eyes from closing. “You deserve the world , do you hear me? The world, A-Cheng. My only regret was never giving it to you. Never telling you how much I love you.”

“Oh, A-Huan, I have loved you for so long.” Jiang Cheng sighed, his lungs rattling as it became harder and harder to take a breath. The edges of his vision began to blur and turn grey. It wouldn’t be long now before the darkness would envelope him in her cold embrace. “I am sorry that I never told you before. I wish…I wish…”

But Lan Xichen would never know his wish because with one last rasping breath, the storm in his eyes faded.

“No,” Lan Xichen cried, folding over the limp body in his arms as sobs poured out of him in great, heaving waves. Rocking back and forth while whispering over and over again words of love until his voice felt raw. 

Without warning, a blinding flash of light burst forth from the tiger spirit’s chest. Lan Xichen let out a startled shout, curling into Jiang Cheng’s body and raising a sleeve to shield his eyes. However, a second later the weight in his lap suddenly disappeared. Opening his eyes, he squinted through the harsh gleam to find his arms empty. Panic erupted inside of his belly like the freezing breath of winter. Stumbling to his feet, he opened his mouth to shout when the dazzling light abruptly dissipated. 

Blinking, Lan Xichen felt his entire world shift on its side when his amber gaze finally fell upon the figure before him. Bathed in a halo of light stood his tiger spirit– only he was no longer a spirit, but a tiger god . In defending the Wen child, he had given the ultimate sacrifice, his life for an innocent. It was only when Jiang Cheng had finally given up his campaign of revenge, when mercy had won out over cruelty, that he finally received heaven's blessing. 

Gone were the mortal wounds that had torn his flesh and stained his robes with blood. His skin sparkled like diamonds against the heavenly glow around him. All rosy cheeked and speckled with freckles like he remembered. Sunkissed and beautiful. 

Lan Xichen took a hesitant step, and then another, afraid it was all a dream. But then, warm hands were grasping at his face and drawing him in. Pressing lips as soft as the petals of a lotus and just as pink against his in a kiss filled with so much devotion and love that it felt as though his chest would burst from it all. 

When they finally parted, he found those blue eyes that he had fallen in love with nine lifetimes ago. The stormy depths that he would gladly drown in forever. Because now he could. 

The morning sunlight and raging seas. 

Together for eternity.