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There was a storm raging outside, and Remus couldn’t take his eyes off it. He sat on the windowsill, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders and a mug of tea in his hands, and stared past his reflection, out into the dark night. The rain pounded against the tiny cottage, and the wind howled, and the waves threw themselves relentlessly against the rocky shore. Remus shivered, and huddled deeper into his blanket.
Suddenly, he sat up straight, his eyes fixed on the door. He could have sworn he’d heard––but no, he must have imagined it. The storm was very loud after all. Then, he heard it again. Three loud knocks.
Remus stayed still for a moment longer, sitting by the window and staring at the door, before he got up and slowly crossed the floor. He had no idea who would be out there in this weather, at this time of night, but, wary as he was, by the time his hand was on the doorknob he had already decided that he would help whoever it was as much as he could. He pulled the door open.
“Sirius?”
Sirius smiled faintly at him, his hair plastered to his face and his clothes soaked and clinging to him.
“Hey, Moony.”
~~~
Remus put a mug of tea on the table in front of Sirius and sat down across from him, studying him intently. Sirius picked up the mug and took a sip. His face scrunched up almost immediately.
“Did I somehow fuck up your tea?” Remus asked in amusement. “That would be a first for me, I think.”
Sirius laughed. “Not even a little bit. I burnt my tongue.”
“Oh. I suppose that’s out of my control then, isn’t it?”
“It is, just a bit.” Sirius nodded, then blew on his tea. His hair, rubbed sort of dry with one of Remus’s threadbare towels, fell into his eyes. He pushed it back and gave Remus a quick smile as he pulled the sleeves of his borrowed jumper over his hands.
“Are you cold?” Remus asked. “I’ve got another blanket somewhere…” he trailed off, looking at Sirius expectantly. Sirius shook his head.
“I’m fine.” he smiled again, then took another sip of his tea. He made the same face as before. It was adorable.
“Why are you here?” Remus asked. Sirius blinked at him.
“I wanted to see you.”
“You couldn’t have warned me?”
Sirius shrugged. “It was a spur of the moment decision.”
“In the middle of a storm? You’ll be stuck here for days.”
“I mean, I can always leave if you want.”
“What? No, I’m not sending you back out there.” Remus frowned. “Haven’t you and James and Pete been living together?”
“We were. I still don’t know why you wouldn’t come live with us. I––we miss you.”
Remus looked down at the table. He ran his thumb over a scorch mark. He remembered making that mark, when he was a child here with his mother. It had been his first time baking, and his mother had left the room just before he had to take the cookies out. Remus had put the tray on the table, and when he had moved it after, that mark had been left on the table, a permanent reminder of that day. They had been good cookies.
“I’m sure you guys had plenty of fun without me.”
Sirius looked like he wanted to say something, but he met Remus’s stare and looked back down at his tea, his mouth falling shut.
“James and Lily are getting married,” he said.
“I know. They sent me an invitation.” Remus gestured to the fridge, empty except for the invitation, held up by a magnet.
“James said you didn’t answer.”
“Is that why you’re here? To make me go to his wedding?”
Sirius’s eyes narrowed at Remus’s harsh tone. “Why are you trying so hard to push us away?”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You’ve been acting strange since we graduated. Not wanting to live with us, then moving out here of all places––”
“I like it here.”
“That’s beside the point. It’s been nearly a year since we’ve properly spent time together, Remus. That’s––” Sirius sighed. “I miss you so much. You have no idea.” His cheeks were flushed slightly red as he glanced at Remus, then back down to his mug. “I’d like to stay friends with you.”
Remus tugged on the fraying ends of his jumper. He couldn’t very well deny all of this, not when it was the truth. He had been distancing himself from his school friends, not because he wanted to, exactly, but because, well, this was how it was going to be, wasn’t it? He had been lucky to have them in school, but he had never really believed that they would want to keep him around after. He had been their roommate, but otherwise he wasn’t anything special. And––he dared a glance at Sirius, quick and furtive, as he had so many times before––there was that little problem. He had hoped that whatever this was that he felt for Sirius would have evaporated when they stopped seeing each other daily, but there it was, as strong as ever, and he couldn’t even make himself hate it anymore.
“Sure,” Remus said. “I’ll come to the wedding.”
“Really?” Sirius looked up from his tea, his face a mixture of hope and delight.
Remus couldn’t keep the smile from his own face as he nodded. “Yeah, of course. Only if you promise not to leave me alone in a corner the whole time, though.”
“Oh, please,” Sirius scoffed. “Remus Lupin, alone in a corner? Perish the thought.”
~~~
They talked over several mugs of tea, and Remus was almost starting to think that it had been silly of him to try and cut himself off from his friends. If Sirius had come all the way to this tiny cottage in the middle of nowhere, then Remus must mean something to him, right?
And it felt good to talk to Sirius again. Remus hadn’t realized just how lonely he was until he was here, sitting at his kitchen table and laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe at some stupid joke Sirius told. And when he finally caught his breath and wiped the tears from his eyes, there was Sirius, across the table, watching him with an inexplicably fond expression. Remus blushed and quickly turned away.
“It’s getting late,” he said, “and you must be tired. I, er, I only have the one bed, but I’m fine with sleeping on the sofa. If you want the bed, that is.”
“Are you sure?” Sirius looked doubtfully at the old, worn-out sofa. “That doesn’t look very comfortable.”
Remus shrugged. “I’ll be fine.” He stood and brought their empty mugs over to the sink. He could wash them tomorrow.
He led Sirius upstairs, and found him some clean pyjamas. “These should fit,” he said. “They’re a little short in the leg for me.”
“I am not that much shorter than you!” Sirius crossed his arms indignantly. “An inch, at most. And even that’s debatable.”
Remus laughed. “Fine, then they’re a debatable inch too short for me. Go on, now get changed.”
Sirius took the pyjamas, then glanced at the bed. “It’s pretty big, you know. The bed. Plenty of space for the both of us.”
Remus tried not to look as panicked as that suggestion made him feel. “Erm, yes, I suppose.”
“It might be easier for us to share it.”
Remus swallowed. Why did Sirius keep making such good points?
“I mean. If you don’t mind, I. I suppose we could.”
Sirius smiled. “I would sleep better knowing that you won’t be suffering on that couch all night long.”
Remus forced a laugh, then hurriedly picked up his pyjamas and went into the bathroom to change.
~~~
Remus woke the next morning to the sounds of the wind throwing the rain against the house. Apparently, the storm hadn’t calmed even the slightest bit overnight. There was something relaxing about it, though, especially when paired with the warmth of Sirius next to him, curled into Remus’s body.
Oh.
Shit.
That.
Remus hoped that the sudden pounding of his heart wouldn’t wake Sirius. Slowly, Remus slid away, off the bed, and rummaged through his drawers to find a thick pair of woolen socks. He quietly padded out of the bedroom, pausing only once to allow himself a look at Sirius: peaceful, and serene, and oh so beautiful. It made Remus’s heart hurt, just a little bit. He closed the door softly behind him.
It was nearly two hours later when Sirius came downstairs, yawning and shivering slightly despite the jumper he had pulled on over his pyjamas. His hair was a mess, and his eyes refused to open fully, and despite the familiarity of it all, his sleepy smile did things to Remus.
“G’mornin’,” Sirius mumbled.
“Morning.” Remus tried his best not to sound breathless. Sirius sat down on the window seat next to Remus, and shoved his head into Remus’s neck. Remus held back a sound that would have been quite embarrassing had he allowed it to leave his mouth, and turned his head to press his nose into Sirius’s hair. It smelled like the outdoors, and rain, and also like Remus’s pillows, and like the shampoo that Sirius had been using since third year. It made Remus’s head spin.
Sirius’s arms found their way around Remus’s waist as he mumbled something incomprehensible. Remus hummed a questioning noise into Sirius’s hair, and Sirius spoke again, a little louder this time. “Have you eaten anything?”
“No, not yet.” Remus didn’t even mind the hairs that got into his mouth as he spoke.
“Good.” Sirius lifted his head to smile at Remus. “I’m gonna cook for you.”
Remus had never in his life wanted to kiss Sirius quite so badly as he did in that moment, and he had spent a large portion of said life wishing desperately that he could kiss Sirius.
“That would be amazing.”
~~~
What Sirius hadn’t counted on when he decided to make breakfast were the difficulties of cooking in an unfamiliar kitchen. From his spot by the window, Remus shouted countless instructions of where to find each dish that Sirius needed, and eventually he brought his book to the kitchen table so that he could sit and read and talk to Sirius in a normal tone of voice.
“But it was supposed to be a surprise!”
“It’s hardly a surprise that you’re making breakfast.”
“What I’m making was supposed to be a surprise,” Sirius clarified. Remus laughed.
“I think what you’re making could have been easily guessed after everything you asked for.”
Sirius sighed. “I suppose. But we’re going to eat it in the window seat.”
Remus privately wondered if Sirius was trying to destroy him, because somehow breakfast in the window seat had never seemed more appealing or more torturous.
“That sounds like a great idea.”
Sirius smiled brightly, and flipped a pancake.
~~~
Breakfast in the window seat went exactly as Remus had expected it would, and he didn’t know if he should be thankful for it, or if he should regret each and every decision that had led him to that point. Either way, it was marvellous.
Sirius poured far too much maple syrup on his pancakes, and insisted that Remus used far too little, and tried to transfer some of his syrup onto Remus’s pancakes, and it spilled, and they both ended up sticky and laughing, and with the same amount of maple syrup on each plate.
They sat just a little bit too close together on the window seat, but not so close that it couldn’t be argued that it was just a small space, and that Remus wasn’t revelling in their every tiny touch (he was). And then Sirius outright refused to let Remus do anything, and he took the plates into the kitchen and washed them, but he had to go back on his declaration and call Remus in to help him put the dishes away. And then they went back to the window seat, and wrapped themselves up in blankets, and Sirius watched the storm as Remus read out loud from Pride and Prejudice. Two pages in, Sirius moved to sit next to Remus, pressed up against the window, and rested his chin on Remus’s shoulder, and read all of Mrs Bennett’s lines in a ridiculous voice, and Remus was happier than he had been in ages.
Ever so slowly, the storm calmed, and the rain slowed, and the winds retired to their normal pace, until suddenly in the mid afternoon, Remus looked up from the book to see that the sky was blue and the sun was shining, and Sirius looked so fucking beautiful against the backdrop of the ocean.
“Do you want to go outside?”
Sirius grinned. “Of course.”
~~~
Sirius’s clothes from the night before were mostly dry, but he still borrowed some more of Remus’s, supposedly to avoid the chance of catching pneumonia. Remus let him, supposedly for the same reason. Really, he just loved seeing Sirius in his clothes.
They wandered the rocky beach, where the waves were still strong and barely a patch of land wasn’t covered in seaweed. They clambered up onto the top of an outcrop, and Sirius’s hair flew in his face, and Remus laughed as he spat out long tendrils of it. Sirius glared, but he couldn’t hold back his smile.
“Here,” Remus said, “I’ll braid it back for you. Have you got a hair tie?”
Sirius pulled one off of his wrist and handed it to Remus, who moved behind Sirius and pressed down lightly on his shoulders in a silent bid for him to sit down. He did, his legs dangling off the edge of the rock, and Remus sat cross-legged behind him and carefully separated his hair into three parts.
“No french braids today?”
Remus snorted. “Maybe if I had a brush.”
“When we get back to the house then?”
“Sure.”
Remus had always loved braiding Sirius’s hair. There was something about it that had always felt, to him at least, incredibly intimate. Maybe it was because Sirius had always been fussy about his hair when they were younger, and had always demanded that Remus be the one to style it the way he liked––Sirius hadn’t known how to braid his own hair when he first started to grow it out, and Remus had wanted to practice once. Sirius had, for some reason, fallen utterly in love with the french braid, and Remus had never turned down an opportunity to touch his hair.
This braid was messy, and the end of it landed just between Sirius’s shoulder blades. It hadn’t been nearly that long the last time Remus had braided it. He swallowed the regret welling up inside him, reminding himself that Sirius was here now, and Remus was going to go to James’s wedding, and he was going to make a real effort to see his friends again, and that was what mattered. Sirius turned to him, smiling.
“I really have missed you,” he said. “I know I already said it, but I think it’s worth saying again.”
“I missed you too, Sirius,” Remus said softly. Sirius smiled, and reached out, lacing his fingers between Remus’s. Remus froze, staring at their hands for a moment, then looked up at Sirius, his eyes wide.
“You mean so much to me, Remus, and I––I need you to know that. I don’t know if you feel the same, but,” he shrugged, “I’ve always––I’ve always cared about you. A lot.” He paused there, and didn’t seem sure of what to say next. Remus didn’t know either, but he took a deep, steadying breath, and tried his best.
“You mean the world to me, Sirius. James and Pete, as well, but––but you especially.”
Remus felt Sirius’s fingers tighten around his own, and he squeezed back.
“Are you…” Sirius’s voice was just barely above a whisper, but Remus could hear him perfectly. “Are you saying that…that you…”
It was now or never, Remus realized, so he closed his eyes, sent up a prayer on the off chance that it might help, and kissed Sirius.
It only hit him mid kiss that he was kissing Sirius, and he almost stopped. He almost chickened out, ran away, went back to the cottage and told Sirius to go home. But Sirius’s hand was on Remus’s cheek, and his other hand was still tight around Remus’s, and Sirius was kissing him back, and Remus never wanted it to stop.
It had to, of course, because they both needed to breathe, and then neither of them could stop smiling long enough to kiss properly, so they sat on the outcrop together, their legs and shoulders and arms pressing against each other with no excuse, and their hands wound tightly together.
“Will you be my date to James’s wedding?” Sirius asked.
Remus leaned his head against Sirius’s. “Only if you promise to dance with me all night long.”
Sirius laughed. “Why would I do anything else?”