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Sirius woke with a dull pain in his side. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and saw a large rock on the ground where he’d been laying.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered. He rubbed his sore side and sat leaning against a nearby tree trunk, relaxing and letting the beams of sun wash down on him from between the leaves. The sun didn’t help much with how cold it was, but it was better than nothing. Last night had been a nightmare. Neither James nor Peter were there to help keep Moony in check since they’d gone home for the holidays, and the night was harder than most.
Hold on—Moony.
Sirius’s eyes flew open. Where was Remus? He was always, always sleeping next to him the morning after a moon. Especially during these cold winter months, when they all had to huddle for warmth while they slept. Going into the Forbidden Forest when it was chilly was risky, and even the werewolf knew not to stray from his pack. Panic filled his chest.
Remus could’ve been anywhere. The Forest was huge, and there was no telling where he’d gone after Sirius fell asleep. He could be hurt or lost or dead.
Please don’t let him be dead, Sirius thought. Merlin, he can’t die before I’ve told him how I feel about h—
A twig snapping from behind him caught his attention, and he turned around to see Remus limping over. Relief.
“Rem, you okay?” Sirius asked, rushing over to help Remus sit down. He had a gash down his left leg and some minor scrapes on his arms, but he nodded. Sirius guided him down on a large rock and he grunted as his weight was taken off his injured leg. Sirius said a silent thank you to whoever might’ve been listening for letting this section of the Forest be dense enough to block the snow that had come in yesterday morning. Snow would’ve only made things harder.
“Gods, Moony, you really hurt yourself,” Sirius fretted, bending down to get a better look at his leg. He was wearing boxers, an undershirt, and James’s ratty old trainers, probably from the box of supplies they’d buried next to a boulder in case of emergencies back in fifth year. How he wasn’t freezing was beyond him; Remus usually complained of being cold even in the summer.
“I’m alright, really. Just a cut,” Remus said, “Are you okay? Was last night bad?”
“I’m fine, you silly thing,” Sirius said, “You’re the one with blood running down his leg, not me.”
Remus shifted and winced, and Sirius could tell he was hiding how much his leg actually hurt him. He took his wand out and cast a few cleaning spells, gently getting all the grime away from the cut.
“Aren’t you cold?” Sirius asked. He already knew the answer—Remus’s skin was covered in goosebumps.
“A bit, yeah,” Remus said, and his teeth started chattering as if to accentuate his point.
Sirius cast a silent heating charm and went back to the cut on his leg. With all the blood and dirt gone from it, Sirius could see it wasn’t really that deep. It might not even scar in the long run, if Remus was lucky and remembered to apply murtlap essence on it every day.
He got to work, magically covering it up with conjured bandages. His hands were starting to go stiff from the cold so it wasn’t his best work, but it’d do until they got back to the castle. Sirius, James, and Peter all had to learn to get really good at fixing Remus up after a moon—the less time he had to spend in the hospital wing, the better.
Remus held out his leg and looked at it. “Thanks, Padfoot. Barely even hurts anymore.”
Sirius smiled. “I’m just that good at healing charms,” he said.
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Remus joked.
Sirius just looked at him. “Say I’m good at healing charms or I won’t accio your clothes and you’ll be cold all the way back to Hogwarts.”
Remus gasped. “You wouldn’t! I left my wand in the dorm, that’s just cruel.”
“Oh yeah? Watch me.”
He wouldn’t. He knew he wouldn’t, but it was fun to rile Remus up like that. It wasn’t very often he got to make him blush rather than the other way around. Plus, seeing blood rush to his ears confirmed that Remus still did, in fact, have blood, which wasn’t very apparent from just looking at his nearly-blue hands.
“I wouldn’t,” Sirius finally said. “Accio Remus’s clothes!”
His sweater and corduroys flew through the air and Sirius caught them just before they fell to the forest floor. He cast a heating charm on them before handing them to Remus, who put them on faster than Sirius had ever seen him do anything.
“Better?”
“A bit, yeah,” Remus muttered, but he was still shivering. Sirius took his jacket off—the fancy one lined with fur that James had given him for his birthday last year—and handed it to Remus.
“Here, wear this. Might be a bit small but I’m not that cold. You need it more.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to freeze, either,” Remus said, eyebrows furrowing.
Sirius shoved the jacket over towards him. “Bloody hell, yes. Just wear it.”
Remus shrugged the jacket on and shoved his hands deep into the pockets. Sirius was right, it was a bit short on him, but it didn’t fit horribly otherwise.
“Can you walk alright?” Sirius asked. Remus held out an arm and Sirius helped him to his feet. He was a little shaky, but supported his own weight a lot better than when Sirius first saw him that morning. Remus nodded and took a deep breath. They started walking down the narrow dirt path, arms around each other for balance. The Forest was unusually quiet for this time of day, especially in the section they were in at the moment. The path they were on was adjacent to a small clearing by a creek where they spent most of the warmer full moon nights, and there was an abundance of animals and birds—both magical and Muggle—that regularly made quite a racket.
Sirius figured most animals had probably gone into hibernation by now. Either way, he appreciated the quiet. All he could hear was Remus’s soft puffs of breath that left white clouds in the air in front of him and their footsteps on the ground beneath them. It was peaceful, and God knows they could use all the peace they could get lately. The newspapers had been riddled with slowly increasing body counts at the hands of Dark Wizards. Even James was starting to talk about joining the war effort after graduation.
Sirius didn’t want to think about any of that.
He focused on Remus next to him, admiring the way his tawny curls and freckles stood out when his skin was this pale. He didn’t often let himself think about his little—well, huge, if he was being honest—crush on his friend. He was confused by it, and he didn’t like not being sure about things. There was the added factor of potential embarrassment, or worse, loss of friendship, if he were to think about it long enough to tell someone, which he wasn’t willing to risk. Above all else, he was a Marauder, and friendship was good enough.
But he supposed he could indulge himself a little bit, after the scare he’d gotten that morning.
It was moments like these that made him realize why he was in love with Remus and not one of his other friends. Many a time he had wondered to himself why he didn’t fall in love with James or Peter or Frank, but deep down, he knew the answer. Remus was comfortable. An enticing energy surrounded him, pulled Sirius in closer. His other friends would be uncomfortable in a silence like this, and fill it with laughter or gossip, but not Remus. They understood each other deeper than Sirius thought possible.
Whether or not Remus felt the same, he wasn’t sure. He knew Remus felt the connection, but didn’t know if he thought it was odd. They were the only Marauders with especially difficult childhoods, so of course the two of them had a natural predisposition to understanding each other.
All of this aside, Sirius just didn’t feel brotherly towards him like he did with the other boys. When he crawled into James’s bed for late-night chats and fell asleep there by accident, it felt like a fun little thing he got to do with his best friend. The one time it had happened with Remus, he woke up with butterflies in his stomach and was on edge for the entire rest of the day.
Needless to say, he tried very hard not to fall asleep in Remus’s bed anymore.
Nearing the edge of the Forest, Sirius was starting to see the outline of the castle a lot clearer. He checked his watch. 6am. Early enough that they’d probably be able to get in without being caught, especially with most of the students gone home. Still, Sirius was thankful for the Map.
They’d been walking for twenty minutes, and Remus was starting to slow down. His limp had come back as well.
“Moony?” Sirius asked, “Does your leg hurt?” He stopped walking, inadvertently stopping Remus, too.
“A bit, but it’s fine. Hogwarts is right there,” Remus said, voice straining.
Sirius looked at him skeptically. “Yeah, no. Sit down.”
Remus’s eyes widened. “What’re you gonna do?”
“Relax,” Sirius held his hands up, “I’m not gonna hurt you. Well. Hopefully I won’t. I just remembered James showed me this healing spell he found in a book a few weeks ago and I’ve been meaning to try it.”
Remus opened his mouth, and closed it again. “I—I can just go to Madam Pomfrey, we’re barely ten minutes away from the hospital wing—”
“Sit down, would you,” Sirius cut him off and gestured to the ground. Remus grumbled something about wanting to keep all his limbs intact, but complied.
Sirius reached over and took his wand out of his jacket pocket on Remus’s side. He pushed his pant leg up and pulled the bandages aside to reveal the cut, pointed his wand at it, and whispered, “Sana musculi.”
Little stitches magically appeared on the cut, sealing it up well. Sirius was quite proud of himself; it wasn’t often his healing spells were this tidy. They were more James’s expertise.
“See, good as new,” Sirius said, patting his knee and rolling his pant leg back down. “Why were you so scared?”
Remus stood up. “I trust you with basic healing spells, but remember what happened when you tried to fix Pete’s broken nose in fourth year?”
Sirius gasped indignantly. “I was fourteen! You can’t hold something that happened when I was fourteen against me!”
Remus laughed. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Thank you, by the way. I can barely feel it anymore.”
Sirius grinned. “Good. I’m glad.”
They started walking again, Remus with some more spring in his step.
Once they were inside Hogwarts, they stopped and Sirius grabbed the Map out of his pants pocket and opened it, scanning the pages for any professors or Filch. Finding nothing, he took hold of Remus’s elbow and headed for Gryffindor Tower.
“You don’t need to drag me down the hallways,” Remus said, “I’m capable of walking on my own.”
Sirius let go of his elbow. “Sorry, Moonbeam. Can’t help it.”
Remus rolled his eyes. “I told you to stop calling me that.”
“Never.”
Remus ignored him and walked slightly ahead of Sirius, reaching the Fat Lady a good ten steps before him. “Dilligrout.” He stood in the threshold long enough for Sirius to catch up, and they made their way up to the dorm together.
Finally in their room, Remus made a beeline for his bed. Kicking off James’s old trainers, he flopped onto the mattress and buried himself underneath his rather impressive collection of blankets.
Sirius laughed and sat on the edge of his bed. “You tired?”
“Extremely,” Remus mumbled.
“Okay. I’ll let you sleep, then.” Sirius said, not moving from his spot on the bed.
Remus popped his head out from under the blankets and looked at him. “Wanna stay?”
“Huh?” Sirius made a choked noise in the back of his throat. “What?”
Remus looked like he regretted saying anything. “I just meant, you know, it’s cold, do you want to sleep here? It’s totally fine if you don’t—”
Sirius interrupted him, “No! I mean, yes. No, yeah. Sure. That sounds great.”
So eloquent, Black, he thought to himself.
Remus shifted over and Sirius unlaced his boots, tossing them over to his side of the room. He slid in the bed next to Remus and turned around to face him. “Hey.”
Remus laughed. “Hi. Comfortable?”
Sirius decided, fuck it, he rarely got a chance like this. He turned to face Remus, threw an arm over his chest, and put his head on the pillow just above his shoulder. “This okay?”
Remus hummed in reply, which Sirius took to mean yes, and closed his eyes. Sirius did the same, suddenly noticing his heart rate had sped up. He spent a few minutes breathing evenly to calm it down, and once he heard Remus’s own breath even out, he relaxed. This was going to be okay. He could do this.
***
“Hhhmph,” Sirius groaned as he felt someone shaking him awake. He squinted his eyes open to see Remus, half trapped underneath him, gripping his arm.
“Hey,” Remus said, “I’m gonna go down to the Great Hall for lunch, wanna come?” Sirius could almost hear his stomach grumbling.
He propped himself up on one elbow, rubbing his eyes. “What time is it?”
Remus grabbed Sirius’s arm and craned his neck to look at his wristwatch. “Ten to twelve.”
“Oh, shit,” Sirius said. “I haven’t eaten since dinner last night.”
“Yeah, me neither.” Remus raised an eyebrow. “Why do you think I want to go to lunch?”
Sirius chuckled softly. Neither of them moved. Sirius could feel his heart start to beat quickly again, and he looked away. Something shifted in the air between them, and he was certain Remus felt it, too. Gods, this was exactly why he’d firmly decided not to go falling asleep in Remus’s bed anymore. One short nap, and he knew he’d be wound up for the whole day.
“We should—”
But he didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before Remus had leaned up, curled his fingers behind his neck, and kissed him.
Sirius was so surprised he almost forgot to kiss back. Before he could get his wits about him long enough to do it, Remus pulled away.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
“Wait,” Sirius stopped him, “Why’d you do that?”
Remus stared at him. “I dunno, I felt something, and I thought maybe you felt it too—”
“Oh—no,” Sirius said, “I mean, why’d you stop kissing me?”
Remus’s eyebrows shot up. “You weren’t exactly kissing me back, Padfoot.”
Sirius grinned. As if to prove him wrong, he bent down on his elbow and kissed him again. Properly, this time.