Work Text:
(Based off of an art au by @baumi_chan check them out and leave a like!)
(Also if you see this thanks for giving me permission to write this. It might become a fic if I decide and starting from the beginning)
-THIS IS AFTER THE LAST PART OF THE AU-
(Watch the whole series before coming here, or the last part)
There Izuku stood, just behind the corner holding his notebook. Overhearing the cries and noise of the group just around the corner. So close yet so very far. The green haired boy sat in his silent cries. What the blonde didn't know was that Izuku was teaching everyone sign language. After Bakugou would sleep at 8 he and the Bakusquad as they liked to call themselves would meet in Midoriya's dorm for an hour or 2. The bright ball of sunshine that the greenie was, did not complain a single bit no matter how stumped the others were. He did not say a word when they all showed Bakugou what they learned. He did not speak when they didn't mention him. He sat there in silence, in the cold lifeless silence. If you strained hard enough you could hear his sobs and whimpers, but no one ever listened too closely to him.
He willed himself off the concrete walls and held the notebook close to his sunken chest. Walking to his dorm, he unlocked the door, threw the notebook, and collapsed on the bed. He wouldn't tell the blonde it was him. He wouldn't ruin the moment he had. He wouldn't stop teaching them. And he wouldn't say a word.
What would even come from telling the explosion incarnate? He refused help and hated it, especially if it was from "Deku" himself. He would just lash out at him for calling him "Weak" for needing help, no matter how much the other assured he wasn't. That's just how the blonde is, and Izuku, knew that all too well. He had the scars to prove it, both mental and physical. He had the memories of constant pain and suffering at the hands of his frien- no. They weren't friends. They stopped being friends the day Katsuki found out about Izuku's quirkless status. Izuku was stupid for not coming to terms with it earlier. It didn't matter how much they grew, it wasn't because of him as a person, it's because of their situation. Midoriya had a quirk. Bakugo was in a hero school. They now had to get along, and if it meant faking it, then Izuku knew that the blonde wouldn't bare a second thought.
Midoriya wasn't Kirishima
Or Mina
Or Sero
Or Kaminari
Midoriya was Deku
And him and 'Kacchan' were not friends.
That's the harsh truth he had to swallow like a pill. If he was there with the others he'd just ruin it. Bakugou doesn't like him. He never did. The bullying proved that, the fights proved that, the arguments, the yelling, the assault ALL PROVED THAT. So, why couldn't he, for the life of him, understand that? Why was he so attached to his abuser? Izuku cried, and cried, and cried that night. And before he slept he spoke.
"It's not much but it's better than dreaming."
And darkness clouded his vision, just like all other nights.
-next day-
Midoriya unwillingly got up and read for school. It'd be another day of teaching Bakugou's friends sign language, and another day of hiding from the blonde. He sighed and looked in the mirror. He looked like shit, and he knew it. He splashed water on his face and tried to help his puffy red eyes. He went too far, stupid Deku. He finished up and smiled in the mirror. The same one he shows every day. The same one that fools everyone. The same one he sees in the mirror. This whole thing hurt him more than he thought it would. But his happiness didn't matter, right? Well not in comparison to Bakugous. Yeah, that's right.
The day went along like always, Bakugou had hearing aids in so sign language wasn't completely needed. When it was Midoriya wasn't the one who had to speak, well sign, it. This left Bakugou completely in the dark about Midoriya's capabilities, and Izuku wanted it that way. By lunch the whole Bakusquad could be seen eating and talking, occasionally signing as well. Bakugou wasn't speaking, just signing in response. Midoriya smiled lightly to himself, unaware that he'd been staring.
U- "Deku? You okay there? You've been staring."
M- "A-Ah well y-you see I'm just thinking a-about the whole situation!"
I- "Yes. It is clearly unfortunate that he lost his hearing. He is taking it well so we must move on with him! This won't hinder his hero work and it shouldn't for ours either!"
Midoriya cursed his stutter. He had the complete inability to lie if anyone knew him long enough. That proved all too true when Bakugou discovered One for All. Midoriya avoided Bakugou like the plague, so much to the point it got the blonde suspicious. His mind wandered to things completely not true.
Is he running because I'm deaf now?
Does he really think he's better than me because I have hearing aids?
Obviously it was nothing of the sort, but how was Bakugou to know? He still owned that toxic mindset from middle school no matter how much he tried to change. He decided that night he'd storm over to Deku's room and demand an explanation. Maybe even fight the guy again, who knows, certainly not the 2 teens. At the end of the day and school closing Bakugou forced himself to Midoriya's room. When he got there no one was present. Midoriya was training with AllMight and wouldn't be back for a couple more hours. By the time it was 8 Izuku had just gotten back from doing everything he needed training, homework, eating, and chores. He had an hour of free time before he had to go to his dorm for the little tutoring sessions. Bakugou had gone to his own room to sleep. After an hour had passed he met up with the Bakusquad and entered. They got started right away. Meanwhile a certain blonde couldn't shake this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It kept him up. He hated it. The thoughts going through his head, racing around, saying he wasn't good enough.
You couldn't control your own quirk, pathetic.
Are you serious? You became deaf? From an explosion?
Weakling, can't even control his own quirk.
What's the point of such power if you couldn't control it?
You're no better than a quirkle-
"SHUT UP!"
The blonde screamed. By now he was up. He stomped out of his room in an attempt to stop the voices. To stop his mind from playing such tricks on himself. Wasn't it enough that he was deaf Wasn't it enough that he couldn't hear?
The time was 9:38 pm when he appeared in front of Midoriya's door. He didn't know how he got there. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going, so his body must have gone to the last place he was. He forgot his hearing aid, yet he could still hear a murmur from across the door. Just how loud were they? He tried to calm down and knocked on the door. Opening it was Kirishima, who was still looking back at Midoriya as he hovered over Kaminari. When Kirishima saw Bakugou he smiled. He then signed
K- 'Hey! What are you doing here?'
B- 'I could ask you the same thing Shity Hair'
K- 'Oh come on that's mean Bro'
B- 'Don't care. Where's Deku.'
K- 'Huh? Midoriya? Oh he's right in there,'
Kirishima opened the door completely. Midoriya was now sitting in front of Kaminari and teaching him verbs and such in sign. It all clicked in Bakugou's mind. He might have been an idiot when it came to emotions, but he wasn't stupid and could always assess a situation. There was Deku. Teaching the idiots sign language. Why hadn't he told him? He marched in there and put his hand on Midoriya's shoulder. He turned around and made eye contact with the blond.
B- 'Why didn't you tell me?'
M- 'What do you mean? Tell you what?'
B- 'This! You're here doing this! Why-'
M- 'Teaching them?'
B- 'Yes. Why didn't you tell me?'
M- 'I didn't see why I had to.'
Now it's basically impossible to scream in sign language, yet everyone knew Bakugou was. Katsuki motioned for the others to get out and that's what they did.
B- Of course you needed to! This is about me!
M- No, Kacchan. They asked me to teach them and I didn't refuse.
B- But you knew what it was for. Why didn't you tell me that you were doing this!
M- 'What's this Bakugou? Helping? Last time I checked you didn't 'want' my help'
B- I should know. This is about me. And I don't need your help Deku'
M- There you go again with that. Why does it matter if I help you, huh? We're not friends Bakugou.
Bakugou seemed to freeze at that sentence. He had no clue why, but it was like his heart stopped beating. Like the clock stopped ticking. Like he was paralyzed. He hated it. Nothing had ever made him freeze. Nothing at all. So what was different now?
B- What are you talking about?
M- You don't know? I thought you would since you made it quite obvious. We stopped being friends at 4. We stopped being friends when I was declared quirkless. I didn't make that decision Bakugou, you did.
B- Don't call me that
M- What, your name? You want me to call you something you stated you hated for the past decade? We're not little kids anymore. We're not friends anymore. I think the bullying was a hint. The constant slander and yelling and arguments were a hint. The abuse is both mental and physical. The suicide baiting. These are the hints I'm talking about.
B- .......
Bakugou just stood there wide eyed as Midoriya began tearing up.
M- What would have happened then. If I told you that I was teaching them. I wonder. Because every time I ever helped you, you would scream in my face saying 'I didn't need your help' or 'Are you looking down on me?' So Bakugou, what is that supposed to entail? Are you going to tell me this is friendly behavior? You better not, because that's not how you treat anyone else. Not even the villains we met.
B- Why are you helping me then, huh? If we're not friends then what is your reason?
M- Because they asked.
B- Bullshit. Answer me Deku and answer me truthfully. Why?
M- Because no matter what happens, I'll always be there, even if it's the other way around. Even if I have to hide behind a corner. I don't care what you think of me, I already know it.
B- Still doesn't answer why you didn't just fucking tell me
M- Because I couldn't. I could not do that to myself. No matter what you see it hurts. It hurts to be constantly made fun of. Constantly beaten up. Constantly reminded that I am nothing without this quirk that I got. I already know. So stop fucking reminding me. Wasn't middle school enough for you? Enough for anyone? I'm not fixed, I'm still as broken as before, maybe even more so. The only reason I am where I am is because of a quirk. I didn't have the luxury you did Bakugou. I didn't have everyone on my side, praising me. I had the world against me. Calling me a disgrace. A freak of nature. You don't know what that's like. Of course I don't know what your life was like either. But did that ever give you the right to do what you did? Yeah you're changing, but that doesn't change the past, only changes the future. I finally know what it's like to have a quirk and it just makes me feel like i don't belong. Because this is what it takes to be treated like a living being. It took a quirk for me to be treated like I am a human, and that's not even the worst part. How do you think I feel about it? This isn't entirely a blessing. I know that without this quirk it'd be middle school all over again. A quirkless isn't human. Isn't that right?
Midoriya was screaming at the same time. He was signing as well but his emotions took on to the point he couldn't hold it. All of this bottled up. Then Bakugou realized. He wasn't the worst part of Midoriya's past. He didn't know what was happening to him. He didn't know what it was like. He was always treated like this supreme being, like a god because of something he didn't have a choice over, just like Izuku, he didn't have a choice. Then why did he do it?
M- Get out. Scream all you want at me tomorrow, blow me up all you want tomorrow. Not today, I'm too tired. So get out and wait. Sorry. You have the whole school helping you past your issues, no one even knows about mine, and they can't because it'd include AllMight's secret. So please, just leave me alone. I'm tired. Tired of this, of you, of me.
Bakugou stood there silent. He wanted to scream, to yell that it wasn't true. To tell himself that it wasn't true. But it was. The truth hurts, isn't that the saying? Midoriya wasn't okay. He never was. Everything kept on weighing down on him. His past, his present, his future, the expectations he needed to surpass and become. Despite this, he never took a break, he was fighting, and he was doing it alone. He might have made friends but they couldn't help him. They couldn't heal him without knowing whats wrong, and even if they did what would happen? He beat himself up for being so stupid. Deku was never looking down at him, he was afraid of him. Hurt by him. Hopeful for him. Yet he was blind. He wasn't even hopeful for himself. Thought it was his fault, blamed himself for the wrong things and blamed others for what he caused. He left against his better judgment. He shouldn't have, but he did.
The next day, Midoriya addressed him as Bakugou and ignored and avoided him. No one knew of the conversation they had, and no one knew what was happening. Bakugou felt guilt heavy on his shoulder, far more than when AllMight lost his power, far more than ever before. This time he had no one to share the blame with but himself.
This time, he wished he could go back.
He wished he hadn't done what he had.
He wished and wished and wished, but there was no god to grant it.
So there stood a defeated blond, holding a notebook. The same notebook that Midoriya used to teach. Repeating the mantra,
"I'm sorry."