Chapter Text
Alex and Willie were at their favorite spot, the empty modern art exhibit at the museum. They liked to go there and just hang out alone together.
They both sat cross-legged on the stone bench, knees and fingertips touching. Alex grabbed Willie’s hand and squeezed it. “This is fun,” he admitted, his voice soft. “I like just being here with you.”
“I like it too,” Willie smiled. He tilted his head slightly, watching Alex’s face. “You seem anxious. What’s on your mind?”
“I’m just thinking,” Alex was speaking almost to himself. His relationship with Willie was so new and so good. He hadn’t felt this good about anything since before he died...back when he was dating his best friend and it seemed so much like love could really conquer all (even if it couldn’t and didn’t, the feeling was still real).
“I just… wanted to tell you a story. My story,” Alex explained. “if you want to hear it.”
Willie nodded. “Of course I do, I’m all ears. Let’s hear it, hot dog.”
Alex cracked half a smile at the silly pet name. “Yeah, okay,” he laughed. “Things were a lot different in the nineties. It wasn’t cool to be out and proud, but Luke was and I admired him for it. My parents were homophobes and the only people who really knew me were Luke and Reggie.”
“I’m sorry you went through that, Alex. It’s good you had them,” Willie locked eyes with Alex, still holding his hand.
“They really were and are the best band and best friends I could have asked for,” Alex admitted. He paused for a moment and Willie waited with anticipation.
“And…” He prompted.
“And it’s a long story, I dated Luke for awhile. Highlights include Luke encouraging me come out to my parents and them rejecting me, so I broke up with him. I overreacted, but I’m happy to tell you all about it because... I just want you to know who I am.”
“I do know who you are, Alex, but I want to hear it from you; I want you to tell me.” Willie smiled softy as Alex started his story.
…
Luke Patterson and I were best friends. We still are obviously, but this was then. Luke, Reggie, and I were starting Sunset Curve and looking for a rhythm guitarist. Luke had written a whole book of songs and was getting really good at playing the guitar he got for his 16th birthday. This was before our lives started changing forever – before Luke ran away from home, before I came out, and before Reggie’s parents’ fighting got so bad that he couldn’t be around them.
Luke’s always been comfortable in his skin.
He learned from a young age that the best person he could be was himself. His mom taught him that and so that’s who he’s always been. It never crossed his mind to be afraid of loving someone because of what his parents might think. In fact, he even told me that he came home one day at like age 12 and told his mom that he liked a boy and she accepted that because she knew he was being genuine and then a few weeks later, he told her he met a cute girl. She always just let him figure out who it was he wanted to be on his own and he did.
From behind the drums, I could keep the beat and just watch as he moved around the stage, charming the audience with his voice and a 1000-watt smile. It was impossible not to get sucked into his electric magnetism. I know because sometimes my heart skipped a beat just watching him.
I wasn’t in love with him, but I thought I was. All his confidence and swagger, that was real. That was just who Luke was. He wasn’t acting up on the stage; he was performing. He gave of himself to the crowd every night, his talent and his energy and his love. It was addicting to see.
Brad practices were always fun; loud, high energy explosions of creativity. Luke was always amped up to eleven and he hyped Reggie and I up to his level for long, grueling practices; four hours when we had school, eight hours on weekends, and sometimes twelve hours if we had a gig scheduled. We rehearsed songs over and over and over.
We didn’t mind cause our home lives weren’t the best, so band practice was a paradise and it felt good to have a goal. Luke wanted to be a rock star, but it wasn’t about the fame or the money. He really cared about his message and about using his music to connect to people. For him, that’s what it was about and we were happy to follow him into the fray.
“That was really great, guys, but I think we can do better.” Luke was pulling the guitar strap over his head, so he could set it down. “Something is still missing in our sound, we might need to audition for a fourth member, maybe someone with a better space for us to practice in.”
The music room at school wasn’t available to us after hours and none of us wanted to be around our parents. Luke had some connections, but it was a lot of work to lug our gear from place to place just for practice, so it would be nice to find somewhere permanent to rehearse and if we could get a fourth band member in the process, that would be a bonus.
“Hey, Alex,” Luke stopped me as I was packing up my drum kit. “I just wanted to tell you that you were great today, really.”
I shrugged. “It wasn’t anything.” Drumming came naturally to me. It was weird. Every day of my life was so chaotic and out of tune, but when I was behind the drums, I had full control.
“Seriously, man. You gotta own you’re awesomeness. You’re what holds this whole band together. Without you, I’m just a guy with a guitar and Reggie, great as he is, is a slightly different string sound. You bring balance; the cog in the machine that makes it work,” He explained in his complicated, not quite complete metaphors, but I got what he meant.
“Yeah, thanks, Luke.” I gave him a genuine smile and he clapped me on the back.
“That’s what I’m saying,” he encouraged, grinning. “Be loud, be proud.”
When we did decide to date, it was slow and fast all at once. I’d stay late after band practice while he worked on song lyrics and we talked about us, our lives and our dreams. All Luke wanted was for Sunset Curve to be the best. I’ve never seen anyone live and breathe music the way that Luke did and still does. It’s a part of who he is.
I had met Luke in a little downtown record store where the owner let Luke work for a few hours after school. I was checking out Weezer’s Blue album that had just come out and he came over to talk shop.
“That album’s killer. The drummer really shreds,” he told me.
“Really?” I asked, having just started fooling around on the drums a few months prior. I wasn’t any good, not yet anyway.
“Yeah, it’s awesome. Do you play?” Luke was wearing a pink hoodie that looked a little big on his lanky frame. The sleeves were pushed up to his elbows.
I swallowed, a little nervous now that he was asking me about myself. “A little. I just started.”
He got so excited, I nearly jumped out of my skin. “Oh cool!” He was speaking just a little too loud. “I just started learning guitar. I love it.” His excitement literally vibrated out of him.
I smiled, still a bit uneasy. “Yeah? That’s pretty awesome. Maybe we could jam sometime. I have a friend who plays bass,” I offered, though I didn’t think he’d really jump at the opportunity so fast.
“That would be the best. You know, I’ve always wanted to start a band,” he admitted and the rest is history. We’ve been playing together ever since and the longer I know him, the more he seems unreal or even ethereal. I was mesmerized and sometimes, I still am.
One day, he made the first move.
Reggie had reluctantly gone home home to have dinner and it was just us. I had been in a pattern of spending as little time at home as possible.
“Remember when we met and you asked me to jam with you and Reggie?” He asked me, a big grin on his face. “You’re the reason we’re here now, the reason Sunset Curve exists.”
“I didn’t… I just thought it could be fun,” I laughed softly, fidgeting with my drumstick.
“It can be so much more than just fun, Alex. You know, it’s always been us. Me and you,” He told me and when I looked at him, he was smiling.
“What?” I asked just before he leaned in and kissed me.
It only lasted a couple of seconds, but time seemed to slow. My heart fluttered and when he pulled back to see my reaction, I started to lean in more, not wanting the kiss to end so soon. Our faces were still close, noses just barely touching. I swallowed trying to calm my anxious heart. “What was that for?” I whispered.
“Because we’ve been through a lot together and the more I’m with you, the more it feels like us against the world. I remember when you told me that you liked boys, you were so nervous and I’d been out for awhile. I was so touched that you trusted me, that you saw me…and I can see you now and you’re beautiful, Alex,” His voice was barely above a whisper and he touched my face with his calloused fingertips.
“Luke…” I was at a loss for words, but I nodded and he kissed me again, even softer than the first kiss and in that moment I wanted him more than anything and I kissed back harder, grabbing the back of his neck with my hand to keep him close. When we finally pulled apart, I asked him breathless, “So... does this mean we’re boyfriends now?”
He just grinned at me.
…
“Do I need to be jealous of Luke?” Willie asked, but his smile and the tip of his tongue poking through his teeth told Alex he was joking. “It’s only been what? 25 years.”
Alex laughed.
“Of course not, babe,” he assured him, “It’s all about you now.”
Alex reached out his hand and tucked Willie’s long brown hair behind his ear and kissed him. Willie sighed and leaned into him, wrapping an arm around his back to pull Alex closer.
“Aren’t you just the sweetest?” Willie giggled. “So what happened after you and Luke became boyfriends?”
“Who me? Sweet… I mean, I guess so,” Alex smiled, resting his forehead against Willie’s. “Luke and I had a normal relationship, it was good until I came out, but that wasn’t Luke’s fault.”
“What do you mean?” Willie asked, concerned.
“When Luke suggested that I come to my parents, he wanted me to know that it wasn’t about us or him, but about me. He could see how unhappy I was and how I never felt like myself around my parents. He just wanted me to be free of that weight on my shoulders. He never forced me either, I chose to come out on my own and was upset with the result. It all just really sucked,” He explained for a long time and then sighed, “But it’s all in the past now and everything’s different.”
“Luke really cared about you,” Willie pointed out.
“Yeah, and it’s really because of him that I’m finally happy being me,” Alex said, pulling his pink hoodie sleeves over his hands.
“You should be happy being you,” Willie agreed, “cause I think you’re pretty awesome.”
Alex blushed and couldn’t help another grin, “Yeah, I think you’re pretty awesome too, Willie.”