Chapter Text
Patton Hart had seen Malarky’s Bar from the outside, but never from the inside. However, he was sure this was going to become his favorite new bar!
I can’t believe James asked me out!! Patton ignored the doubt in his mind, determined that now that he was in college and knew who he was, he could accept that other people might be attracted to him. He rocked his head back and forth, excited to go on a date with someone as popular as James. The lights were loud and flickering and it hurt his eyes, but he was going to make this a good date goshdarnit!
I feel like I’m in high school again! He squashed down the negative memories and feelings that came from that particular time, and just tried to be excited. He curled his fingers and rubbed them together, meditating on the feeling of the insides of his fingers brushing each other.
He jumped and winced at a sudden loud thud in front of him. He smiled through his cringing ears.
“Hi James!”
James smiled back, the doubt in Patton’s gut growing. “Hi Patton. I’m so glad you could make it.”
“Same here! I’m happy to see you too!”
James smiled and nodded, staring straight into Patton’s eyes and not saying anything, expression freezing on his face. Patton started rubbing his fingers and rocking a little again. He looked behind him, then looked back at James, who was still wearing that frozen look on his face.
Patton laughed nervously. “What is it? Is something behind me?” he asked as he turned around again.
“No, I was just waiting for you to say something.”
“Oh! Um, I’m sorry, I-” Patton’s mind was blanking out in his panic. “I like your hair!” he blurted out. He pushed back the urge to start crying. I’m ruining it, I’m ruining it, my parents were right, no one besides them would love me, I’m too-
James laughed, and something about it had Patton feeling uncomfortable in a way he couldn’t quite pin down.
“Thanks, I always wear it like this. What else do you think about me?”
Patton tilted his head, and James copied the movement. “I, um, think you’re, uh, cool?”
You know he’s-
Shut up!! He’s not, I’m just misinterpreting things!
“I, um, think you’re, uh, cool too?”
Oh no.
I told you.
A few snickers from a table next to them confirmed Patton’s fears.
It’s his friends. Patton looked down, deeply hurt, so many other memories rising to the surface.
“Hey, come on now, try to keep eye contact.”
Patton whipped his head up, angry tears spilling down his cheeks. “Fuck. You.”
James’ face turned stormy. “How dare you. I go out on a pity date with you, and this is how you treat me on our date?!” James stood up, his friends no longer bothering to hide their snickers.
It’s all an act, don’t apologize, stand up for yourself, you don’t deserve to be treated like this. Stay strong.
James pounded on the table in front Patton, the aggression and loud noise causing him to have to fight to keep eye contact, knowing he was probably going to be getting a beating. James saw the wavering resolve.
“Apologize. Say you’re sorry.”
The demand sparked something in Patton. “No.”
James laughed mockingly. “Ho ho ho, check this tough guy out! He’s-”
James was cut off when a larger jock pushed him.
“Fuck off James.”
Roman Prince? Why would he help me? I’m nobody, he shouldn’t put himself in harm’s way for me.
James smiled cruelly. “What’s the matter, you got a crush on the special tard?”
“No, I just don’t like assholes who pick on and threaten people.” Roman raised himself up to his full height, pulled back his shoulders, and turned his body to the side in preparation for a fight. “In the most literal sense, why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”
James’ lip drew up in a snarl. “It’s not worth it. Come on, let’s get out of here.”
James and his friends got up and left, Patton only able to hold his head up long enough to glare back at James. He dropped his head the moment he could.
He saw red and white in his peripheral vision and heard a chair moving. “Hey, are you okay?”
Everything was loud and bright and hurt and everything smelled like old beer and stale peanuts and he felt sick and he just wanted to go home so he could stop crying in public.
“They’re gone now, I won’t let them hurt you. Do you want me to drive you home?”
Patton was rocking more noticeably now, unable to bring his gaze up. He thought Roman was being genuine, and he hated himself as he asked it, but,
“How do I know you’re not one of them?”
Darnit darnit darnit, he’s nice, you’re pushing people away again! But that’s what you do, whoever isn’t immediately repulsed by you, you make sure they are by the time they get to know you.
“That’s fair. May I walk you home or wait until a friend comes for you? I want to make sure you get home safe.”
He sounds sincere enough, and I don’t want any more people seeing me. “You can walk me home if you want,” he mumbled.
“Wonderful!” Roman stood, and Patton stood along with him. Roman held out his elbow, and Patton was confused for a moment before he got it.
He really is a gentleman! “No thanks, I can walk.”
“The offer stands!”
Roman and Patton left the bar silently. When they exited, Patton looked around for James and his friends, but they were nowhere in sight. He stood there for a half minute until he realized that Roman didn’t know where he lived and was waiting for him to lead the way. Patton turned in the direction of his dorm, eyes downcast.
“What major are you?” Roman asked suddenly.
Patton winced, not wanting to talk at the moment. “Business.” After a moment, he remembered he needed to ask Roman. “How about you?”
“Education! I’d like to teach high school!”
“That sounds cool,” Patton said quietly. A teacher, that’s nice. But I’ve also had mean teachers.
They spent another few moments in silence, until Roman broke it again.
“Would you mind if I talked?”
“Go ahead, I’m not good at talking right now.” Oh geez, that doesn’t make any sense to anyone who isn’t me!
Roman rolled with it. “Wonderful! I packed my schedule this semester, I don’t know what I was thinking. I have 8 AM classes every day!”
Patton hissed through his teeth. “Ouch.”
“Ouch indeed! And the first one is sooooooo boring, I always fall asleep! It’s physics, I try to stay awake, but I have such a hard time understanding it! I need things with a narrative, a story, I can’t grasp it otherwise!”
I can help him with that, Patton thought, not quite able to speak. Maybe it would be nice to hang out with him. He might be okay.
It was another 10 minutes until they got to Patton’s dorm, and by then Patton had calmed down significantly.
“This is me,” Patton said, still not able to look Roman in the eye. It’s the least I owe him, I need to look him in the eyes.
“I’m glad you made it to your home safely! Please do let me know if you need any further assistance!”
Patton automatically took the business card that was handed to him.
“Piano lessons?” I don’t play the piano.
“Yes, I do offer piano lessons, but that’s also my phone number!”
Oh, of course, that makes sense! “Okay. Thank you.” Why is he giving me his phone number? That’s too much, he shouldn’t be doing that. I’ll wear him out, it’s too generous.
“Think nothing of it! I’m glad to be of assistance to those in need!”
Oh. Pity. Great. He doesn’t actually like me, he just feels bad for me like everyone else. “Thank you. I wanna go into my dorm now?”
“Of course! Take care, fair gentleman!”
Patton looked up at Roman from beneath his eyebrows. “You too. Thanks. Bye.” Can’t you even talk normally? Oh wait, you can’t.
“Goodbye!”
Patton rushed to his dorm room and cursed internally when he saw Thomas was there. He didn’t need the fake friendship right now; he knew Thomas was just pretending to like him because they shared a dorm and he had to. Patton dropped his bag and started taking off his shoes when Thomas turned around from his computer.
“Hey, you’re back ea- oh no, what happened?”
The memory of the “date” came back full force. Patton’s eyes pricked with tears. “He and his friends were just making fun of me.”
“Fuck those guys. You wanna talk about it?”
Patton climbed up the ladder into his bed and curled up under the blankets. “No, not right now.” After a moment, he added, “I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologize! Quiet time?”
“If that’s okay?”
“Totally fine!”
Patton saw the lights get dimmed behind his eyes. He put on his noise cancelling headphones, set an alarm for an hour from now, and let himself doze.
/////
Patton submitted his macroeconomics homework and stretched, trying to hide how bad he felt about it.
I’m gonna hope for a C.
Microeconomics was something Patton could understand, but macroeconomics was hard. He honestly didn’t care about it, and it was hard for him to stay focused on something he didn’t care about.
“Hey Thomas, I’m gonna get dinner, you wanna come with?”
Thomas pulled out an earbud. “Nah, I ate already and I’ve got a lot to catch up on.”
“Okay, good luck!”
Patton trekked to the cafeteria, warily keeping an eye out for James and his friends. Thankfully, he didn’t see them on the way there or when he scanned the cafeteria for them. He grabbed cheesy pasta, garlic bread, and soda, and sat down by himself at a table near a window. He was used to sitting by himself. He almost never had anyone sit with him at school, and when he did they were usually making fun of him. It didn’t mean he didn’t want friends, he just never had any and he knew not to trust people if they “wanted” to be his friend; it was always out of pity or for their entertainment.
He’d just started eating his pasta when a blur of red and white appeared next to him. He looked up in surprise.
Roman was standing next to the table, looking nervous. “Hello Patton! I was wondering if I might sit with you?”
Patton looked around the cafeteria for anyone watching them. “Where are your friends? Don’t you want to sit with them?”
Roman shrugged. “They’re on the other side of the cafeteria, but I wanted to properly introduce myself if I may? I realized due to James being an absolute cur that I never got to! May I?”
Huh. Okay. “Sure, go ahead!” He tried to be his usual cheery self, but it was hard when he was nervous. Is he a Good Christian Boy? Will he try to talk me out of my lifestyle choices?
Roman sat down and held his hand out. “Roman Prince, he/him, at your service!”
Patton couldn’t help but crack a smile at the energetic, rather handsome man who spoke like he just got back from a Renaissance Festival, and who clearly wasn’t a bigot. “Patton Hart, he/him, happy to meet you for real!”
Roman grinned. “Likewise! Ah, a pasta man, classic! There’s something so satisfying about pasta, isn’t there?”
Patton could feel himself getting excited with Roman talking about his favorite food. “Yeah! It’s so fun to eat too!”
“I couldn’t agree more! It just warms the heart and soul!”
Patton was grateful for the nap and quiet time; he’d built up enough spoons to put a semblance of an NT mask on. He’d normally have difficulty with conversing with a new person, but Roman made it easy, happy to take over the conversation when Patton wasn’t sure what to say next but still wanted to talk. He belatedly realized it had been an hour since he sat down, and he had to work on an essay still. It only felt like 15 minutes!
“Sorry Roman, I’ve got to go! But this was really fun!” Is Roman a new friend?
Roman smiled a brilliant smile. “I had fun as well! I’ll see you later!”
Patton waved, deposited his dinner tray and walked quickly back to his dorm, full of happy, bubbly energy.