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Whenever you wake up thinking that today will be a good day, it is promised that Louis Tomlinson will do something to make that statement completely untrue. Okay, that isn’t fair, Liam’s just really irritated with that particular band mate right now. He’d been working out in his in home gym, minding his own business, reading the amazing praise Where do Broken Hearts Go was getting when BOOM:
“Fucking, jesus. Fucking idiot.” He could strangle Louis, jesus. He was just figuring out the next best approach, course of action, how to yell out Louis without yelling because that was mean,whatever you want to call it, when his phone rang.
“Hey Ni.” He sighed. Should have figured he’d be the first to call.
“Dude.”
“I know.”
“Duuuuude.”
“I know. I know. You don’t need to keep repeating the same word. Not helping,” he sighed annoyed, “what are the chances Harry’s in one of his ‘ hate my cell phone, people, and social networking’ moods?”
“...has he ever had one of those moods?”
“No, people change though…he’s all into the inner peace shit right now so ya know...maybe?”
“Yeaaaaaaaa. No. I don’t think young Harold will ever be that peaced on the inside. Sushi yes. No phone? Please. He’s not a hippie he’s a hipster. Different. And what sucks is that it’s not even hate. He’s so good at ignoring hate but this is the opposite just not...it’s not what the fans should be focusing on today. Of all fucking days.”
“I know.”
“So, whatcha gonna do?”
“Me?!”
“Well, you’re Daddy Direction so it’s kind of your implied responsibility...do you not read the fine print in your contracts? First lesson we learned dude.”
“Shut up.”
“Just saying. You don’t think I’m this adorable naturally do you? All in the name of doing my job.”
“Hanging up now.”
“Okay, need me to do anything?”
“Do you know where H is? Like what he’s up to today?”
“No clue mate, I’ll text him. It’s earlyish but chances of him being out and about are pretty high. You know how he gets in London.”
“Yea, that’s what I’m afraid of - someone saying something stupid while he does his weird emo Instagram stuff. If you reach him, keep it...casual...in case he hasn’t seen yea? Invite him over for something that would prevent him getting on the internet.”
“Does that actually exist?”
“Niall, in your fine print is to keep Harry from crying. So do your job.”
“Roger. Zayn’s on his way to you.”
“Why does he always text YOU to tell ME he’s on his way to MY house?”
“Dunno. Good question...I have no idea. It’s Zayn. I’m surprised his eyes are open or that he communicated with the outside world. You should be proud.”
“Weirdo.” Liam said quietly hanging up when he heard his front door opening. They still, to this day, had each other’s keys. That probably wouldn’t ever change.
“LIAM!” Zayn yelled. And people thought he was quiet. Lies. All lies.
“No need to yell Z. Geez.”
“Sorry mate. Pez just sent me a text asking me if Louis was okay and if Harry was mad and I have no idea what she’s talking about.”
“...you have GOT to find your iPhone.”
“Eh, I kind of like this whole totally cut off from the world thing...means I only hear about the important things and lets me sleep more.”
“How?”
“Don’t know. I just know since that damn iPhone disappeared I’ve been getting a good solid 9 hours a night without my What’sApp notifications waking me up. You lot wake up too early. Totally disrespectful. You should be more considerate.”
Liam just looked at Zayn like he was crazy. As he usually did. Zayn was crazy.
“Like you need more sleep…” Liam mumbled, “Have you talked to H today?”
“Nope.”
“Do you have any information that would be helpful to anything or are you just bored because Pez is working and I’m the only person you could get a hold of?”
“I feel like I can’t give you the right answer in this situation and you seem on edge so I’m going to pretend like I didn’t hear you. Did I miss something? I mean, clearly I missed something but how bad of the thing did I miss?”
Liam rolled his eyes and continued to browse the reactions on Louis’ tweet. It was a combination of hate for him and love for Harry and jesus, didn’t people have something, ANYTHING else they could be doing? And to add salt to the open wound of annoyance, management wanted an emergency Skype meeting. Awesome. Super. Louis is grounded. Which is the first thing he said to him when he answered. Liam didn’t even remember dialing.
“What?”
“You. Are. Grounded. What the hell were you thinking?”
“I know.”
“Oh, do you? Jesus Lou we talked about this. A million times. A zillion times. We’ve talked about it so much that it should be ingrained in your brain.”
“I know.”
“Oh you do do you? He’s already getting attention and now you’re just adding fuel to the fire and turning all the…”
“I know. I tried to call him...I fucked up. I know.”
“This is NOT your fight. When the fans are focused on it just…”
“I KNOW Li.”
“Do you?! Because clearly you don’t. Why the hell, what in the world made you decide that saying something NOW would be a good idea - not everything is about you.”
“I didn’t. It was impulsive and I just clicked send and once that happens you can’t just take it back. And if I was to apologize that wouldn’t help either!”
“Get some clothes on. I’m coming to get you.”
“...are you going to hurt me?” Louis asked half way serious because Liam was obviously mad. Super mad.
“I might. And you’d deserve it.”
“Fair. Fine. Why though?”
“We’re going over to Harry’s.”
“How do you...I thought you couldn’t find him.”
“Lou, think about it. If he’s not with any of us, Grimmy hasn’t heard from him, Gemma is at work and said she didn’t even know this was happening, and there’s ZERO sightings of him anywhere than…”
“He’s at home.”
“Exactly.”
“So there’s a 100% chance he probably saw.”
“Yep.”
“And he’s hiding.”
“Mhhmmmm.”
“So his feelings are hurt. He only hides when he’s really upset.”
“Yep. Zayn. COME ON!”
“COMING!” Zayn yelled stubbing out his fag on the back porch. Liam smacked him on the way out. He knew there was no smoking in or near Liam’s house.
“Hey!”
“You know the rules idiot.”
“Well I can’t very well smoke at Harry’s. Helene would kill me if we have a repeat of last tour with his asthma even though I still don’t think it was my fault really.” He said mumbling and climbing into Liam’s car letting down the window to air out any remaining smoke smell. Liam could be so anal.
“Sure. Your pack a day had nothing to do with anything. I’m sure.”
“HE wasn’t smoking them.”
“Residual.”
“Not real. I Googled it.”
“Well, as his friend you should care more.”
“You don’t say that when you’re smoking with us now do you?”
“I don’t smoke around him.”
“Anyway. Niall asked you to grab him too. No sense in driving more than one car since we won’t be leaving tonight.”
“Does anyone text me when they don’t need something from me or does that just not matter?”
“If you knew how to text back…”
“Shut up.” Liam muttered pulling into Niall’s driveway and honking. He laughed when Niall came sprinting out with a bag of crisps (of course) and nearly face planting as he tripped over his untied shoes. Liam had no idea how everyone in this band wasn’t dead. They were a daily accident waiting to happen.
“Lets grab food on the way.” Niall said before he even closed the door.
“Why?”
“There is a 100% chance the only thing at Harry’s house is leaves. I don’t eat leaves. I want Nando’s.”
“Figures.” Liam sighed.
After picking up a reluctant Louis and Niall’s Nando’s because Liam was a sucker for the damn cute as fuck Irish lad and couldn’t actually tell him no about anything, they finally pulled into Harry’s house. Hopefully he was still there. His phone was still off and mangement was sending Liam texts demanding an emergency meeting via Skype as soon possible; requests that he was avoiding because he really couldn’t predict how they’d find Harry. He was a sensitive lad. Good at hiding it, but him avoiding phone calls probably meant he wasn’t up to keeping it to himself and didn’t want anyone to see him upset. Idiot. Always thinking of others instead of himself. He climbed out of the car laughing at Niall’s excitement which was partially because he hadn’t seen Harry in a few days and mostly about food - as much as this band drove him crazy, he wouldn’t want to be doing this with anyone else.
“Who has the…” Zayn started asking before Liam pulled out his keys - and found the ones labeled Tarzan, sighed, and let the rest of the band through Harry’s front door.. Seriously, was he only responsible one?
When the boys walked in, Niall made no hesitation in making himself at home. Throwing the food on the counter, taking off his shoes and running through the house looking for Harry. It was quiet in the house, no music playing, no TV on which, because Harry hated the concept of actually being alone, was uncommon. Liam had a feeling they were in for a long night.
“HARRY!!” Niall yelled, sprinting to the basement to see if he was in the studio. Liam laughed and decided to take on the upstairs while Zayn unpacked the food and Louis silently followed Liam.
“H?” Liam said quietly. If Harry happened to just be sleeping (as if) he didn’t want to scare him half to death. He peeked in the spare rooms knowing he wouldn’t be in there. Those rooms were reserved for the boys when they crashed, the random friends who dropped in, or his family whenever they stayed in London. When he got in front of the master bedroom, he turned to Louis and Zayn and Niall (where did they even come from?!) and sighed.
“Maybe I should…”
“In it together Li. All for one.” Zayn said as Niall nodded in agreement.
“Alright. Just.”
“We know Li.” Niall whispered suddenly his usual 10 year old antics to be serious.
“Alright, lets go.”
The four boys quietly opened the master bedroom door and were met with darkness. Even though it was the middle of the day, Harry’s blackout curtains were drawn closed so no light was in the room. A necessary purchase for him since he got the world’s worst migraines when he was stressed, overworked, and exhausted.
“Harreh?” Niall said quietly moving towards the bed because unless Harold was doing something strange (not that it was impossible because Harry Styles was a weird individual on his best of days), there was a 97% chance he was in bed. 3% he was hiding under the bed or something equally as weird.
Zayn walked to the other side and saw Harry’s phone thrown on the floor lighting up like a Christmas tree. He sighed because that confirmed that Harry 100% knew what was going down.
“H?” He said quietly petting around on the duvet trying to locate where Harry was on the bed so he didn’t accidentally sit on his head. That would be awkward.
“Go ‘way.” The lump in the middle mumbled.
“Now, lets not be mean.” Zayn said with a gentle grin trying to figure out how to get into said covers. Harry’s bed was plenty big enough for all of them and it looked like they’d be spending some time on said bed until Harry was ready to reveal himself.
“Harreh? Can I come in?” Niall said like a sad 5 year old. Guy was good.
“No.” Harry groaned.
“Come on, please?!” Niall begged patting around on the bed and somehow smacking Harry in the face.
“OW!”
“Sorry. Sorry,” Niall had managed to land on top of Harry but he’d still yet to locate the edge of the duvet to get into Harry’s little cocoon, “let me innnnn.” He said whining from atop Harry.
“Stop.”
“No, let me in let me in let me in let me in.”
“OMG, shut up you leprechaun.” Harry said finally revealing his the top of his head and red rimmed eyes.
“Hi!” Niall said acting as if he wasn’t whining five seconds ago.
“Hi.” Harry whispered shifting around so that the edges of his duvet were revealed allowing for Niall to crawl inside his self made nest and nuzzling into Harry’s side with a content sigh. Zayn proceeded to get in behind Niall with a shake of head because of course Niall would make Harry cave. Who couldn’t cave with Niall forcing you to? Liam proceeded to climb in on Harry’s other side pulling Harry to rest against his chest as he kissed the top of his curls. Louis stood awkwardly next to the bed fidgeting. At the end of the day, this was his fault after all…
Zayn motioned for him to get in next to Liam, but Louis shook his head.
“Lou, stop being an idiot.” Harry sighed quietly closing his eyes as Niall snuggled closer wrapping his arm around Harry’s middle.
“You’re not mad?” Louis said quietly.
“I don’t want to talk about it, just get in.”
“Lou, come on.” Liam sighed pulling Harry tighter to him as Niall wrapped his legs around him and pulled Zayn closer. They’d gotten good at this. The group wide cuddle fest was something they didn’t do nearly enough or as often as when they started, but whenever they did, it was usually involving an insecure Harry. He’d been doing better, finally allowed to be himself and not so scared of what people would thought of him, but for as charming as he was in public and to the outward facing world, he wasn’t immune to the boughts of insecurity, fears, because, at the end of the day, he was only 20. This past year had been up and down and all around because, as any teen celebrity would understand, finding yourself under the microscope of the world is hard.
The boys didn’t mean to fall asleep, but when Liam opened his eyes it was dark out. He wasn’t surprised. No matter how many breaks they had, there seemed to always be a need for more sleep so if they were allowed to sit still, they usually feel asleep. Even Niall despite his usual never ending energy. Liam stretched out and realized that the bed was emptier than when he fell asleep. Harry was curled into his side softly snoring. Harry wasn’t small by any definition of the word but his ability to curl himself into a ball that could fit anywhere wasn’t scientifically possible, and it always amazed Liam,. Liam ran his hand through Harry’s hair and felt someone shift behind him. Louis was still there so that meant…
“PSSSST! You awake Li?” Niall asked trying, Liam was sure, to be quiet.
“Yea Ni, these two are still out though.”
“Zayn and I reheated the food and it’s warm…”
“Yea, Harold probably needs to eat.”
“We figured he hadn’t. Don’t want him getting sick…” Ever since the boys had found out that Harry suffered from hypoglycemia, they were hyper aware of his eating habits. The TMH tour had been rough, figuring out when to get Harry food in a schedule that didn’t leave much time for breathing was tough, but it wasn’t an option for him to not get said food. Fruit was important. High in sugar. Quick to digest. Liam couldn’t even begin to describe how Harry was when his blood sugar dropped. He got shaky, had a hard time breathing, and couldn’t focus. So unlike him. The boys vowed to never see him like that so if Harry forgot to eat, the boys were there to remind him. Even when they weren’t together. Texting was invented for a reason afterall.
Niall, after finding out about Harry, had been the most paranoid. Always making sure there was something on every shoot, at every interview, and that his assistant carried a banana everywhere. Harry was good at not saying anything when he started feeling his blood pressure drop, but the boys had gotten good at noticing the signs.
“I’ll get them up.”
“Okay, see you in a bit!”
Liam sighed and watched Harry sleep some more before he felt Louis shifting behind him.
“Li?” He said quietly.
“Hey,” he said turning over, “Food’s heating up downstairs - was just about to wake this one up.”
“Okay.”
“Let me talk to him a bit yea? We’ll be down in a sec?”
“You think he’s gonna…”
“Lou, he loves you despite your bad life choices at times okay? He’s not gonna be mad. Not his style.”
Louis sighed and rolled out of the bed looking at Harry with a sad face. He knew that Harry wouldn’t be mad at him, but having Harry be disappointed is just as bad as mad.
“Go. It’ll be fine I swear.”
Once Louis had left the room closing the door softly behind him, Liam rolled back over and wrapped his arm around Harry who was still out cold. Guy could sleep when he wanted and was allowed to.
“H? Babe? We gotta get some food in you yea? Can you wake up for me?”
Harry grumbled and shifted so he was closer to Liam but didn’t open his eyes. Liam laughed because even in his sleep Harry was stubborn. “Wake up babe.”
“No.”
“Come on, Niall’s cooking.”
That caused Harry to sit up straight because good god, Niall would burn his house down.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding, omg your face!” Liam laughed tears coming to his eyes.
“Not funny Li. I just finished this house.” Harry grumbled, putting his head in his hands. He sat up too fast and his head was spinning and he really needed to eat something.
“You good?” Li said noticing that Harry wasn’t laughing. He pulled out his phone and sent the guys a quick text.
“Just dizzy.” Harry sighed laying back down with his eyes closed. Liam knew he’d gone too long without eating.
“Anything else?”
“Mmmm, head hurts. I just need some food. Come on.”
“Nope, stay, the boys are bringing it to you Princess.”
“Heyyyyy, I’m not a princess.”
“Sorta are Hazza - Niall said they’ll be up with everything in a bit, but here, eat this.” Liam passed Harry the banana that had been sitting on his night table. He was certain it wasn’t there when they’d fallen asleep so someone had enough thought to bring it up - Liam’s predicting Zayn.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.”
“I know better though.”
“I know, but it’s been a weird day. You’re allowed to mess up sometimes H. It’s why you have us goons around.” Liam pulled Harry’s back against his chest helping keep him sitting up enough to eat his banana but allowing him to feel comforted at the same time and then Liam waited.
And waited.
Harry was good at this game, but Liam was better at the game of Harry.
“I’m not mad.” Harry finally whispered.
Liam waited.
“I just...I wanted people to stop talking about who I was or wasn’t sleeping with for one day.”
Liam waited.
“It’s dumb. I know you guys are letting me...do this my way. I know...Louis hates when...it’s my fault they do it...I mean...I know it’s not. I just.”
Liam stopped waiting.
“Gonna stop you there H. No matter the situation, no matter what anyone says or doesn’t say to you or about you, you being you is not wrong nor something you ever need to apologize for. We told you, months ago, that we’re behind you no matter how you decide to do this - how you decide to come out is up to you and we’re here to support. Not to make it harder.”
“But, Louis gets...the fans…”
“What Louis did today was dumb, regardless of you, he shouldn’t have said that. He didn’t just offend our fans but an entire community of people. He made himself look bad. Bad in a way that is the opposite of Louis that it makes me sad that fans are calling him homophobic because he’s not, but he tweets before he thinks sometimes and now he’s going to have to let it die down. At the end of the day, he took the attention away from the music today and the fans twisted what he said and somehow made it about Larry but you know that they do that with everything.”
“I know. I just. I don’t know why people just can’t let me do this my way.”
“I know.”
“I just didn’t want to deal with it today. Today was supposed to be about the music, not what sex I prefer to sleep with. It always becomes about me.” Liam sighed and pulled Harry a bit closer. Harry, always the center of attention no matter what, was also the one who hated it the most. But, in order for Zayn to disappear for weeks on end, for Liam to be stupid on social networking, for Louis to vanish without a trace, and for Niall to keep his innocent persona alive well, someone had to be the heartbreaker that the tabloids harped on day in and day out, and Harry took the fall so his bandmates could keep some sense of normalcy in their life. And usually, he was fine with it. Sometimes though, even Harry got frustrated and needed space. He couldn’t just disappear though and the other guys tended to forget that.
“I know babe. I know.”
“I’m not mad though, I’m just. Tired.” Liam couldn’t respond to that. He knew what he meant and there was nothing they could do. This wasn’t the kind of tired that went away with a few weeks off - this kind of tired was a part of their job. A tired that, most of the time, they could ignore, but sometimes, it become so overwhelming that all they wanted to do was hide.
“H, I’m so sorry,” Louis whispered from the doorway. He’d clearly heard most of their conversation, “I wasn’t thinking about you at all. I just. I forget how everything we do and say is analyzed and then...you take the fall because it is your life. I’m so sorry.”
“I’m not mad Lou.”
“But...you’re disappointed. I know you.”
“I’m just. Tired.”
“I’m sorry.” Louis had tears in his eyes. He may be the sassy one in public, but his heart was good. He never wanted anyone close to him to be in pain especially if he is the cause. “What can I do?”
“Give me a hug?” Harry asked quietly with tears brimming his eyes. He really wasn’t mad he just wanted one day without everything being about him and who he was or wasn’t sleeping with. It wasn’t anyone’s business who he slept with or what sex he preferred. Most kids his age were given room to figure it out; he couldn’t just figure it out. He had to work through this coming of age moment with everyone contributing their two cents and more. It wasn’t fair. He knew it come with his job, but some days, it just wasn’t fair.
As the two sat there hugging while practically sitting on Liam’s lap, Niall and Zayn came in carrying two trays full of...stuff. Food, drinks, movies, you name it, they had managed to carry it up stairs. Niall put his tray down and opened up Harry’s blinds and grabbed his remote.
“Okay, I have everything you need for a good ole pick me up. Food. Booze. Ice cream, ace idea for the mini fridge in the bedroom H. And movies. Now scoot over.”
Harry wiped his eyes as Louis gave him one more silent “I’m sorry” with his eye before he kissed his forehead, smoothed his hair back and moved over to sit on Harry’s left side. Zayn and Niall piled on while Liam got a plate ready for Harry, “Eat it all.” He said. Not a request. They had rehearsal tomorrow and if Harry ended today with low blood sugar, he’d be miserable tomorrow. He thanked Niall’s thought to actually bring up food Harry would eat mixed in with the food hipster healthy Harry wouldn’t even touch. 16 year old him sure, 20 year old him not so much. Lots of fruits and veggies which Harry happily dug into without much pushing. Zayn turned on the TV and turned on Love Actually which brought another smile to Harry’s face.
He’d be fine.
This road wouldn’t be easy or fun but they’d already seen the improvements in Harry with him just knowing that it was okay for him to be himself and how he decided to come out was up to him. They’d be there for the bad days, like today.
No matter what, they were brothers first and nothing would change that - now or ever.
Even when Louis didn’t think before he tweeted.