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Adrien stood in front of his mirror, sighing as he loosened the bowtie around his neck. From the bedroom, he could hear Plagg shuffling around underneath his desk, probably looking for any camembert scraps in the trash. He lowered the loosened ribbon to his side, stepping away from the counter and dragging his feet to the door.
What was the point of dressing up when there was never anywhere to go?
It was a Friday night, so there was no school to look forward to the next day. His father had gone to a fashion event that Adrien was not allowed to attend, and he had been told not to leave the house under any circumstances. He had already spent the past several hours practicing piano and fencing, and he had already defeated the newest boss in the updated patch of his favorite video game.
He didn’t understand why his father always insisted on him staying in. Of course Paris was a large city, and there was always the threat of Hawk Moth and his akumas terrorizing civilians, but Adrien was more than capable of taking care of himself thanks to the powers of his Miraculous. His father wasn’t allowed to know his secret identity as Chat Noir, but even if Adrien wasn’t a part-time superhero, he was still highly skilled with a rapier and on top of that, he had a bodyguard who accompanied him almost everywhere. Just for once, couldn’t his father trust him enough to go out and have some fun?
“Aw, lighten up, Adrien!” Plagg tried to cheer him as he emerged from the desk. “You’ve got that photoshoot tomorrow, so it’s not like you’ll be stuck here all weekend.”
Adrien removed his tuxedo jacket and set it neatly on the shelf by his desk before falling back onto his bed. “There’s always a photoshoot. Always a fencing lesson, always something . But it’s never anything I want to do.”
Plagg floated over to him, the smell of aged cheese lingering around him as he hovered just inches away from Adrien’s face. “I thought you liked doing all of those things.”
“Well, I do, but…” He sat up, giving Plagg a small smile. Kwamis weren’t particularly the best at understanding complex human emotions, and Adrien regularly had to remind himself of that when he was feeling down or isolated. “Weekends are meant to be spent with friends, going to movies and parties and exploring the city.”
He gestured around his bedroom. “I have all of these games, sports, stuff that’s meant to be played with other people. How am I ever going to be a normal teenager if I’m never allowed to leave the house or have someone over?”
Sometimes Adrien wondered if there was more to his father’s strict rules than just wanting to keep him safe. He briefly remembered a time when his mother was still alive and his parents would bring him along to playdates with other parents and children in their social circle. Adrien used to be close with Chloe, but since his mother’s passing, his father didn’t so much as let Chloe come by anymore.
Now that he thought about it, his parents had both started to act more strict toward him even before his mother passed away. He had gone by a different name, then, and had looked quite different than he did now, but his parents had always shown nothing but support of him and his decision to make those changes. Back then, he understood that his parents were just being overbearing for his own privacy, but now, he was a model, and one of the most popular boys in all of Paris. As far as Adrien knew, the person that he used to be was well out of everyone’s minds, and there was no reason to have to hide that part of himself anymore.
Thoughts and memories like that never did him any good, though. The more he dwelled in the past, the more Adrien hurt, and the more he hurt, the more susceptible he was to Hawk Moth’s akumas. He couldn’t protect the city if he was the one destroying it.
Adrien drew in a deep breath. He really needed some fresh air.
“Hey, Plagg? Let’s go patrol the city.”
His kwami circled around him. “Hoping you’ll run into Ladybug?”
Ladybug. He smiled. “That would be nice, but I just want to get out tonight.” He stood up and stuffed his blankets with pillows, positioning them to look like a sleeping person. When he was satisfied, he started toward his window and cut the lights. “Claws out!”
On command, Plagg disappeared into Adrien’s ring and together, they transformed into Cat Noir. Now with full access to his abilities, Cat dove toward the open window and started across the rooftops. Already he could feel his spirit beginning to lift as the wind blew through his hair and over the tips of his ears, his body feeling weightless as he jumped from one building to the next.
“Now this is what I’m talking about,” he shouted gleefully as he ran, taking in the beautiful trails of lights that lit up the warm evening Paris sky. He danced around the rooftops, soaking up the moonlight. He may not have been able to visit his friends, not while he was Cat Noir, but at least he could be free from his father’s restraints.
Cat stopped on top of an old building in the middle of the city, tracing the outline of the Eiffel Tower in the distance. He closed his eyes, smiling to himself as he began to hum a soft tune.
“Little Kitty on a roof… all alone without his lady.” He sighed, opening his eyes. Tonight was not the night to be thinking about his love. Tonight, he was free, free from rules, free from loneliness… free to be himself. “Little Kitty on a roof, all alone without a care in Paris.”
Yeah, I like the sound of that.
He withdrew his staff, positioning it at the edge of the rooftop so he could stretch himself out over the open air. He lowered himself down, balancing effortlessly as he propped his head back on his elbows.
“Oh, how pretty are the lights here looking up from a roof in Paris.”
“Hey, Kitty.”
Cat blinked, wobbling slightly as he gripped his staff and lifted his head to meet the bright blue eyes of his red-and-black spotted partner. “M’lady!”
She giggled as he swung himself back up onto the rooftop, stumbling as he collapsed his staff into his belt. “I saw your little performance back there.”
He lifted a hand to his head, scratching the backs of his ears. “Did you like what you saw?”
Ladybug stepped back into the middle of the roof. “Looks like you could use a dance lesson or two.”
“Hey, I know how to dance!” Cat jumped down to join her, twirling in a perfect circle before giving her an exaggerated bow. He glanced back up with a wink. “Is that more to your liking?”
“I think,” she started, tilting her head upward teasingly, “the moon looks quite nice tonight.”
Cat followed her gaze to the giant ball of light in the sky, his brows furrowing as a question itched the back of his mind. “What brings you out here on a Friday night? Don’t you usually have plans, or something?”
Ladybug let out a hum. “I’m not busy all the time.” She walked back over to the edge of the roof, glancing over the ledge. “Besides, I could ask you the same.”
“Just getting some fresh air.” For a moment, he allowed his mind to wander, his smile falling as he thought about his father. It was difficult having to keep some things about his personal life a secret. Sometimes, he wanted nothing more than someone to talk to, someone to see the real Adrien beneath the mask. While he yearned to know the real Ladybug, too, who she was didn’t matter nearly as much to Adrien as his identity had to him. As Adrien, he was never allowed to be anyone other than an Agreste. As Cat, he could be literally anyone, anything , except for the one person he wanted to be — just Adrien.
He let out another sigh, bringing himself back into the moment. He took a few steps toward Ladybug, but remained distant as he watched her turn back to look at him.
She frowned, seeming to sense his hesitance. “Cat Noir… what’s got your tongue?”
“It’s nothing, m’lady,” he responded unconvincingly, unable to bring himself to smile. Usually, it was so easy to be happy whenever she was around, but for some reason, he just couldn’t fight the sorrow growing inside tonight.
Ladybug extended her hand, offering him a smile. “You can tell me. We’re friends, right?”
Friends… Cat stared at her hand, an innocent gesture, but his heart longed for more. He’d been in love with his partner for as long as he could remember, and he often told himself one day he’d make her his. But Ladybug had told him she was in love with someone else, someone he wasn’t allowed to know about. He understood, and he respected her feelings, but sometimes, just knowing he didn’t have her love… he felt so alone. It seemed like everyone he cared about… just didn’t care about him back.
But she did care. She had proven that time and time again. Cat had messed up so much, had put so many people in danger because of his inability to be open with his partner, and she had forgiven him every single time. She was the truest of friends that Cat — that Adrien — had ever had. If there was something bothering him, he knew he could tell her.
Just how much, though, was he allowed to say?
He swallowed, reaching for her hand. When their fingers met, he allowed Ladybug to pull him forward, lowering himself to her side. “I’m not sure you’ll understand…” he whispered, his eyes focused on a black spot right in the middle of her hand.
“Maybe not,” she agreed sympathetically, “but that doesn’t mean I won’t listen.”
Cat nodded. “I love being Cat Noir. I love being a superhero, saving the city, inspiring so many people… But sometimes I feel like this mask is a trap.”
Ladybug’s eyes widened, her expression uncertain, but she didn’t judge. She didn’t say anything at all as she held his gaze, waiting for him to continue.
“Who I am in my regular life—” Ladybug held up her free hand to stop him, but he shook his head, assuring her he wasn’t about to blow his secret identity. “—I don’t actually get to be myself very often. Sometimes, being Cat Noir is the only time I’m actually allowed to be who I want to be. I know I can be a little… much, but it’s only because I… I don’t know. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I always feel like I’m hiding, no matter what or who I am. And it can be a little lonely sometimes.”
Her expression softened, her grip tightening over his hand. “I know what you mean.” She turned her gaze out toward the city, tiny images of the Eiffel Tower reflecting in her eyes. “We took an oath never to reveal our identities under any circumstances. But sometimes I feel like I’m keeping a huge part of myself from those I love. Ladybug is just as much a part of who I am as the rest of me. I guess… you’re the only one who really gets that, Cat Noir.”
Cat smiled, Ladybug’s revelation making him feel a little better. Even if he couldn’t share his full self with her, he was fortunate that he could at least share this part of him, the part that he considered the best version of himself. He wondered, if he could be open about this part, what would she think if he knew his other secret, the one about who he was before he was Adrien Agreste…
“Ladybug…” He drew in a deep breath, waiting for her eyes to meet his before he finally let it go. “Would you ever think differently of me if I told you that… that I was born differently than most boys in Paris?”
She loosened her grip, lowering her hand back to her side. “I don’t want you giving me any hints about your identity, Cat Noir.”
“No, this is different… No one, not even my closest friends, knows this about me.”
“So you do have friends,” she teased with a slight smirk.
He chuckled. “You really think a cat this cool wouldn’t have any friends?”
Ladybug grinned. “You’re right, you’re right.” She leaned her arms back behind her, gripping the ledge. “Alright, if you promise not to tell me anything too specific.”
Cat kicked his feet idly, searching for the right words. “Well, when I was born, I… my body was different from most baby boys.”
“Don’t tell me that tail’s actually real,” Ladybug joked.
“If it was, would I be able to just take it off?” Cat retorted, reaching for his belt as if on cue. He spun it around once before setting it back in place, allowing it to move on its own. “No, I… I guess you could say my body was more similar to a baby girl’s.”
“Oh.” She withdrew her gaze once more, seeming to take a moment to process this new information. When she looked at him again, she was smiling, her eyes understanding. “That’s perfectly fine by me.”
His cheeks warmed as he held her gaze. “Really?”
Ladybug shrugged. “You’re hardly the only transgender kid in Paris. As far as I’m concerned, you’re still one of the best men I know.”
“Aw, now you’re just making me blush.”
She placed her hand over his again, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. I imagine it’s not an easy secret to keep.”
He glanced down at their hands, still smiling. It wasn’t easy, but it hadn’t exactly been difficult, either. The truth was, Adrien had transitioned at such a young age, almost no one in Paris would have ever remembered a time he was anything other than a little boy. Perhaps the only person who did know was Chloe, and it was precisely because of his former identity that she tended to be a little possessive of her childhood friend. Sure, she could be insufferable at times, but it was only because she cared.
It was partly why his father was so protective of him, too. It was why Adrien had grown up mostly out of the public eye, why he’d been homeschooled for most of his childhood, why his father had been so strict about his appearance. His father had thought making him a model would make him more confident about his body, and while it certainly had helped, Adrien just didn’t have the heart to tell him that the attention sometimes felt crushing. All he wanted at the end of the day was just to be normal, to live a life free of restraints, whether they be societal or familiar. And he just couldn’t do that when his father kept reminding him that he was different.
“Cat?”
He looked back up at Ladybug.
“You always sing about being alone,” she spoke softly, “but you don’t have to be. We’re partners, and will be for a long time. You can call me when something’s bothering you.” She wrinkled her nose. “I may not respond right away, because, you know, personal lives can make that difficult, but I’ll always try my best to be there.”
Cat smiled. “Thank you, Bugaboo.” He released a sigh, this one less heavy. “Little Kitty on a roof, together with his lady…”
“What a lovely evening it is,” she sang in reply, her voice light and airy.
“To not feel so lonely.”