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They got married on December 12th.
It had long gone dark when people started filtering away. Drunk and happy as they stumbled to their own homes. Dean bid Chuck and Becky, the only two familiar faces in their new home, goodnight as the two giggled and stumbled off. Shaking his head with a wide grin he turned and let his gaze fall on Cas crouched by the fire. They were married now. It was like a punch to the gut and Dean couldn’t help himself. For the first time in over a year, he was undeniably happy.
Walking over he stopped a step behind Cas and said softly, “What are you doing, Mr. Winchester?” Cas peered over his shoulder, eyes brighter than they’ve been in a while. Leaning back on his heels he pushed himself up to stand face to face with Dean. Instantly his arms opened to let the other settle against him.
“Just thinking.” Dean snorted as he buried his nose in Cas’s hair, the small smile never once faltering. As he started rocking them back and forth, Cas hummed in pleasure and let his eyes close. “Is this really what you want, Dean? You know I’m not…” He hesitated long enough that Dean stopped moving and ran his hands up over Cas’s arms. “I’m not what I used to be.”
Dean snorted, “You’re not.” He agreed, fingers dancing over Cas’s shoulders as he looped his arms around his neck. Leaning forward Dean pressed his lips to Cas’s forehead. “But you know what, I still want you.” Cas all but melted in his arms at that and he buried himself closer. “I’ll always want you.”
I’ll always want you. The words repeated themselves in Cas’s head as they swayed together beside a dying fire. They danced to music only they could hear, in a bubble that was all their own. Where there was no war. There was no virus. There was nothing but the two of them. Together, perfect and happy. With Cas’s head tucked up under Dean’s chin, and Dean’s hands rubbing soothing circles over his back.
Then the cold night air started stinging his lungs and snow soaked his jeans. He knew his extremities were going numb and that probably wasn’t good but Cas just… didn’t care anymore. He bowed his head as tears started to fall, tracks freezing his cheeks. Rolling the silver ring over the palm of his hand he bit his lip. “It would have been 3 years.” He whispered, voice coming out on a broken exhale.
Looking up at the sky he pulled the hand up that was holding the ring and pressed it against his heart. “I’m scared, Dean.” He breathed out shakily, “I can’t… I can’t do this anymore without you. I’ve tried,” A sob broke through and he could feel the cold creeping up his spine. “I’ve tried and I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want--” He couldn’t continue. He couldn’t get the words out. The first month after the failed mission, after Dean… they looked at him funny. Like he was going to shatter at any moment.
They danced around him like the shadow’s around his fading light. They whispered his name in the night when they thought he was too far gone. “I miss you.” The wind blew around him, bitter air stung his lungs and tousled his hair. Snowflakes fell to kiss his cheeks and nose and eyelids. Each a gentle caress that pulled at Cas’s very heartstrings. “I hope you’ll still have me.”
The world was growing dark around the edges and his head was swimming and he just couldn’t focus anymore. He hoped Dean wouldn’t be angry with him. He hoped he would be happy. He hoped he would still want him. He hoped Dean would be waiting for him, because Cas never could move on from him.
I will always want you. It was whispered into his very core, and wrapped around him like the thickest of blankets. It was a pair of calloused hands stroking over his cheeks, running through his hair and circling his waist. It was warm lips pressed to his temple, his nose, his lips. It was a half-assed, clumsy waltz around a dying fire in the middle of winter.
They got married in a tiny settlement that didn’t know their names. That didn’t care who they were, or what they’d done. Who they had been. They got married on December 12th and it had been the happiest day of their lives. It was the day Cas took with him when he finally gave up. It was the memories of curling around each other and stepping on Dean’s toes on every third step. It was green eyes crinkled with laugh lines as they laughed into each others mouths.
Cas Winchester died on December 12th three years later.