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i.
The gusts of wind outside are loud, but it's nothing compared to the ringing in Tobio's ears.
He's relatively good at tuning it out by now, treating it like white noise in the background, but every now and then there are days where his pounding heart and racing thoughts make it too hard to ignore.
It feels especially hard today, the first day of the off-season and the start of his long break from volleyball.
He sits at the dining table, staring out the window. It's bleak and grey and the dreariness of the harsh winter wouldn’t usually bother him when he’s packing his things for early practice or stretching after a morning run. But today, without volleyball as a distraction, it’s one of those days where he’s left to stew in his own thoughts.
His teammates love the time off, and why wouldn't they when it's a time they can do whatever they want? It's not that Tobio doesn't like the holidays, and it's not like he has a shortage of things he could do either. But there's always been something about December that gets him down, he just can't quite put a finger on it.
For some people it's the stress of Christmas preparations and for others it's the looming unknown of the new year. For Tobio, it's like that and more, the dread like a weight on his chest that he can't shake off.
(Pathetic, he thinks to himself)
Tobio closes his eyes and inhales, trying his best to get his mind to focus on anything else. As if on cue, he can hear the faint sound of water turning off in the distance, a moment of silence, then the soft padding of steps getting increasingly closer. He doesn't get surprised by the hand on his shoulder, instead leaning into the touch as he feels the tension in his body slowly dissipate.
Like a life preserver, Hinata always manages to pull him back up.
"It's too early to be thinking so hard, don't you think?" The teasing, but gentle, tone in Hinata's voice is enough to get the corners of Tobio's lips curling upwards.
"I don't think you're one to speak from experience," he quips back, and the other boy sticks out his tongue before sitting down across from him at the table, immediately jumping into a discussion about something he saw on Twitter last night.
The weight is forgotten, for now.
ii.
"We should get this for Tsukishima!" Hinata all but shouts, excitedly waving around a cardigan with a frog on the front. They're definitely being too loud for the department store on a normal day, but they're lucky the chatter from other holiday shoppers is enough to drown them out.
"He'd probably kill us," Tobio's tone is serious but his eyes are clearly amused, and Hinata takes that as the okay.
"It's fine, Yamaguchi would never let him anyways. Now I think I saw something Yachi-san might like over there..." Cardigan in hand, Hinata pulls Tobio in a different direction and he can't help but let out a small laugh seeing how enthusiastic his boyfriend is to buy presents for their friends.
This is nice, he thinks, content with letting himself be dragged around by the other boy for the next hour. Their shoulders bump and Hinata's gaze is warm and the domesticity of it all makes Tobio feel some sort of way. It's their first year spending the holidays together, in their apartment, and the first time he'll remember celebrating in a while.
(He remembers a time when he'd come home to bright colours and lights, he and Miwa poking each present under the tree and Kazuyo-san watching in amusement. It's never been the same since then.)
Seeing Hinata's genuine excitement, the usual glint in his eyes amplified - it makes Tobio think that maybe for once, he'll be able to leave the usual winter trepidation behind.
It's not until they're going home for the day, weaving through the crowds backlit by the holiday storefronts that Tobio feels the dread creeping back up on him. Not until he glances at the numerous couples that pass them by, hand in hand with gentle smiles that he wonders if that's how he and Hinata look to others.
Picture perfect, like it's all too good to be true.
Tobio wants to take the part of his brain that tells him Hinata's going to move on and squash it. Hinata won't, he knows he won't. But then he's thinking about Kazuyo-san, Miwa moving away, the Karasuno team going their separate paths, and he's reminded how all the good things in his life come to an end.
He squeezes Hinata's hand just a little bit tighter.
iii.
Some days, the ringing in Tobio's ears is replaced with static.
He stares at the wall blankly, clutches the covers tighter as he curls further into himself. Sometimes the thoughts get too loud, too overwhelming that it's like his brain shuts down and his body's left to fend for itself from the weight pinning him down to the bed. He knows he should get up soon, tries to go through the list of chores he has to do today in his head, but it all just comes and goes like a drifting haze.
He almost doesn't register the voice calling him.
"...want me to stay, Yama?" Hinata's voice is soft but steady. It clearly isn't his first time managing a scenario like this and Tobio hates that. He hates that he takes up Hinata's time and energy like this and hates that his boyfriend will always deny the hassle.
So he shakes his head because despite how much he craves his boyfriend's touch right now, he doesn't want to feel the guilt. Hinata doesn't protest, simply leans down and presses a gentle kiss to the top of his head before Tobio hears their bedroom door softly close and pulls the covers up to his chin.
He's not sure how long he closes his eyes for, but when he finally emerges from the bedroom, he sees the shadows of moving lights coming from down the hall that he definitely didn't see the night before. Tobio pads to their living room, peering around the corner to see the small Christmas tree they've set up covered in coils of coloured bulbs. Despite the sunlight coming in through the window, the tree still manages to cover the room in a soft glow.
Hinata must've put them up when he was asleep, and his eyes wander to the puff of orange hair peeking out from the top of the couch. He's too good to you - the voice in his head manifests into a lump in his throat but Tobio forces himself to push it down as he approaches his boyfriend, not wanting to burden Hinata with his self doubt yet again.
The other boy places his laptop off to the side as soon as he catches eye of him, reaching his arms out and making grabbing motions with his hands until Tobio comes and sits next to him.
"Do you like it? I know we said we'd decorate this weekend but I thought putting up the lights first would put us in the festive mood," Hinata says, the satisfied smile he wears melting Tobio's heart.
"I love it. Thanks for doing that," he murmurs, leaning forward to press a chaste kiss to Hinata's warm lips that earns him a giggle.
"Heh, anything for you, Bakageyama."
He's too good to you, the voice in his head repeats again, but this time he selfishly lets himself cave into Hinata's touch. He buries his face into the nook of his boyfriend's neck, unruly strands of hair tickling his cheek, and lets himself drown to the sound of Hinata's heartbeat.
iv.
"Stop flailing, dumbass!" Tobio says as he narrowly avoids a hand to the face.
For someone who's so quick on his feet, his boyfriend is awfully uncoordinated.
Hinata wobbles, arms waving around frantically until he finally manages to find his balance.
"This isn't fair! How are you good at ice skating of all things?" His boyfriend pouts, brows slightly furrowed in the way that makes Tobio want to kiss the wrinkles away.
"Miwa used to bring me skating on the weekends," he says, reaching his hand out for Hinata to steady himself. "We'd always race around the rink, so I had to get good eventually." Even thinking about how competitive he and Miwa would get trying to lap each other makes him smile, one of the fonder memories of childhood. This information seems to light something in Hinata as his boyfriend's eyes go wide.
"We should race!" Hinata declares. Tobio snorts.
"You sure you want to do that?"
"What, afraid you won't beat me?"
That's how they find themselves gasping for air later, both from the excessive laps they've done and the fits of laughter they can't control. They lean against the sideboards trying to catch their breaths, and Hinata reaches out to brush away the fringe sticking to Tobio's sweaty skin.
"I'll beat you next time, I swear," Hinata says with a mischievous glint in his eye. Tobio simply flicks his forehead in response, but his eyes can't help but wander to a scene outside of the rink.
He lingers on a mob of kids just a few steps away in the centre of the plaza, huddled around a man in red and white and he doesn't even notice Hinata's gaze follow his.
"Would Kageyama like to go tell Santa what he wants?"
Tobio splutters, cheeks flushed because that's definitely not what he was thinking. He was just curious, that's all. "I'm not a child," he mumbles with a slight pout, because he knows his boyfriend finds that reaction to his teasing endearing.
"Come on Yama, tell Santa what you want this Christmas," Hinata says in a deep voice as he shuffles forward on the ice, trying not to let the giggle that threatens to leave him ruin his imitation. His boyfriend is so stupid, Tobio thinks to himself, and he loves every minute of it.
"You won't weasel it out of me. That's classified information between me and Real Santa," Tobio plays along, lips quirking into a smirk as Hinata lets out a dramatic sigh.
"Fine, I guess what Kageyama wants for Christmas will remain an elusive mystery. Now, pull me around the rink." Hinata reaches a hand out, a pout on his face to keep up his act of disappointment, and there's really no way Tobio can say no to him.
So he laces their fingers together, slides his first few steps forward and relishes in Hinata's presence by his side.
I want this to last forever.
v.
It snows the day they travel back to Miyagi, the layer of fresh snow crunching under his feet. With Hinata's excitement comes wild hand movements, and Tobio has to reach out several times to steady his boyfriend before he trips into a snow bank.
"Natsu's going to love her Christmas gift, ha! I really am the best sibling she could have," Hinata's beaming by the time they reach his family's house, practically vibrating with anticipation when he goes to unlock the door with his spare key. Tobio lingers behind as they enter so his boyfriend can have his moment, a fond smile curling onto his lips that he knows Hinata can't see. Within seconds, a familiar blur of orange is skidding to a stop at the end of the hallway and out of the corner of his eye, he sees Hinata reach his arms out.
"Tobio-kun!"
Natsu sprints towards them, past her brother's outstretched arms and suddenly Tobio finds a warm body clinging to him.
"Hello Natsu," he pats the top of her head and the girl grins up at him, much to his boyfriend's dismay.
"Hello?! I'm here?" Hinata says with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest to which Natsu simply lets out a soft tch.
"Nii-chan, we just video called the other day..." Despite how indifferent she sounds, she still moves to pull her brother into a hug. She's gotten taller since the last time she saw her, Tobio notes to himself when he sees how the top of Natsu's ponytail tickles Hinata's nose.
"How has practice been going so far?" He hears Hinata ask when the three make their way into the Hinatas' living room. Not much has changed since he came over in high school, save for the Christmas decorations put up and the increased number of photos out on display. There's pictures of Hinata in his Jackal's jersey, and newer ones of Natsu in some of her first games with Niiyama.
"It's awesome! Last week I tried out the technique Tobio-kun taught me and it was so cool! I swear it went whoosh, then Hina-chan went pow and everyone was like waah!" Sometimes it scares Tobio how similar the two siblings are, Natsu telling her story with animated features and Hinata responding just as enthusiastically.
"I still can't believe you became a setter instead of a hitter," Hinata sulks in his seat. "But I guess Kageyama is as good of a teacher as you can get." If possible, Natsu's eyes light up even brighter.
"Everyone loves Tobio! They couldn't believe it when I told them he was basically family!" Tobio zones out from the rest of their conversation, his mind only being able to focus on that one word.
Family.
He knows it's true; he's so close to Hinata's family that he fits right in. It makes his stomach do flips because the thought of being accepted by these people is so terrifying yet thrilling that he almost can't quite believe it. Hinata's told him so many times that Natsu looks up to him, and it's one thing to have strangers say they admire him but knowing it's his boyfriend's sister makes him all the more nervous. What if one day he lets her down, what if she becomes disappointed in him, what i-
The hand placed softly on his knee suddenly snaps Tobio out of his thoughts. His boyfriend isn't looking at him, still engrossed in his conversation with Natsu, but his thumb rubs soothing strokes into his skin as if he could hear Tobio's stream of consciousness. Hinata's always been good at reading him and some days it eats at Tobio how much he makes the other boy worry.
But in this moment, he's grateful. He lets out a quiet sigh, uses everything in him to push the thoughts to the side and finally looks up from where he's staring at his lap.
"We should go help mom with dinner, hm?" Hinata says, a gentle tenderness in his eyes that Tobio can't quite put into words. Natsu's left the room by now and for a moment, it feels like he and Hinata are the only two people in the world.
He nods, taking Hinata's hand and letting him pull him up from the couch. But before he can lead him too far, Tobio tugs on his boyfriend's hand and moves to burry his face in the orange head of hair when he turns back to face him. He feels Hinata's arms automatically move to wrap around his waist, and Tobio murmurs four words into the other's ear.
"Love you, thank you."
vi.
At 6am on Christmas morning, they play volleyball.
("Your Christmas present," Takeda says when he hands them the keys to the school gym the day before, a knowing smile on his face.)
Tobio feels like he's a teenager again with the pure adrenaline that rushes through him. It's different than what he feels during official matches, something about the familiar walls of Karasuno that pulls at his nostalgia, and he can tell Hinata feels the same way with the intensity of his spikes. It's the only sound they hear for a while - the squeak of their shoes, the slap of the palm, and the bounce of the ball - as they go through the motions, no words really necessary between them by now.
It's a quick session, just enough time for them to get some practice in before everyone else wakes up for the Christmas festivities, but Tobio wipes the sweat off his brow feeling incredibly satisfied. He passes a water bottle to Hinata who's sitting on his right, and it's all too reminiscent of their after-practice routine back in the day.
"Don't tell me that tired you out," Tobio says teasingly when he notices Hinata lean his head against the wall, eyes closed.
"You wish!" His boyfriend immediately perks up, only to crawl towards him and drape himself on Tobio's lap. "Just savouring the moment, that's all."
They sit in comfortable silence for a moment, Tobio running his fingers through the orange hair as both of their breathing finally steadies.
"Will you still toss to me when we're super old and cranky?" Hinata suddenly says, eyes cracking open to look up at him and Tobio's heart clenches at the implication.
"You're planning to keep me around for that long?" He says as lightheartedly as he can. He forces a small smile onto his lips to try and hide the anxiety threatening to seep through, because he refuses to let his thoughts put a damper on things today.
"Of course! You can't get rid of me that easily," his boyfriend seemingly quips back, but he can tell by the way brown eyes narrow at him that he sees right through him. Tobio tries to shift his eyes away, looking anywhere but at the boy in his lap, but suddenly Hinata's sitting up and a hand's placed firmly on his.
"Tobio, look at me." Reluctantly, he lets his eyes meet Hinata's and he's met with the most serious expression he's ever seen on his boyfriend's face.
"I love you, and I just hope you remember that being here and loving you is my choice, okay? So if it's fine with you, I'd like to be here for as long as you'll have me."
Hinata's gaze never leaves his, his eyes almost stern and voice non-wavering. It's far from the first time his boyfriend's had to reassure him like this, but there's something about hearing the words come out of his mouth today, in this place of all places, that somehow feels different.
So Tobio initiates the kiss - leans forward and claims what's his because he's never doubted Hinata's feelings, but finally letting himself accept them sends a rush through his body.
He knows the doubts will come back some days, that the weight on his chest will try and bring him down once again, but as they lock up the gym behind them and head back home hand in hand, it all feels more manageable with Hinata by his side.
"So, should I be expecting a ring this Christmas?"
Despite the snowball thrown at his chest, Tobio's never felt warmer.