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Ander wipes away the tears as Guzman enters the door, not waiting for a response to his knocks on the door and enters the room as if he was family.
"How are you?" Guzman asks and sits down on the bed, next to Anderm who's pulling his nose.
"great," Ander says, his voice trying to convey confidence, but failing by a crack.
"What the fu-" Guzman looks at his friend and raises a hand to his head, turning Ander's face towards him. "Did you cry?" He asks, his eyes full of worry.
"No" Ander is lying.
Guzman smile for a second.
"This is the most unbelievable lie you have ever said. What happened?"
"Nothing, all good, you can go now" Ander continues, stubborn.
"Ander" Guzman says again, seriously, as if the thought that he would leave Ander in like this is at all possible.
"Guzman" the shaved headed say, tries to imitate the serious tone, and fails again by the crack in his voice.
Ander sighed deeply and wiped away more tears that escaped from the corner of his eye.
"I broke up with Omar," he finally says, quietly.
"what"
"We broke up, there's no more Omar and Ander, I can't be his burden and I can't be your burden, so please, go already, Guzman" Ander speaks quickly now, not letting the tremble overcome him again.
"what?" Now Guzman's eyebrows shrink. He doesn't grasp all of Ander's words at first, but as his mind processes the words, Guzman is confused.
Ander finally looks up from the spot he was staring at, and it's a little hard for him to look at the blond, but he does. He will not be the sandbag that holds his friends down, he won't be the reason why they can not rejoice or enjoy or celebrate.
"Why would you ever be someone's burden?" Guzman asks, his eyes interrogating his friend, and he can almost see Ander putting up the walls again, so he stops him. "Answer me!" His voice climbs. "Why would you think such a thing?"
Ander releases air from his lungs. Now there are no tears in his eyes, but the lump is still sitting in his throat, further reminding him that because he was so focused on himself, Omar went to another man.
"Omar slept with Malik" Ander says at last, his eyes avoiding the blond. "Because of me," he adds.
Guzman is silent for a few moments, while his mind processes the information.
"Omar slept with Malik" Guzman repeats the words of Ander, who nods in response.
"And you think it was because of you," he continues.
Again, Ander nods in response.
"And that's why you think you're a burden?"
Ander nods again.
The blood in Guzman's veins flows faster, warms him and his heartbeat accelerates. He's nervous. Every word from his friend's last sentence made him even more upset, and every moment Ander believes it makes him go even crazier. Guzman knows he has anger problems, he knows he can't control himself sometimes. But now, he kind of doesn't want to control himself.
But the worry is stronger than the anger in him, and he gets down from the bed and sits on his knees in front of Ander, placing a hand on his knee.
"Never," Guzman says, and now out of place he finally catches his friend's brown eyes, "Never think it's okay for someone to cheat on you."
Ander's eyes fill with tears once again.
"No!" Guzman gets upset, raises his voice. "You shouldn't cry because of this!" He can no longer sit, he stands in his place now, his hands grabbing at his friend's cheek, grabbing his head, causing the brown eyes to meet the blues again.
"I love him" Ander says quietly, trying to free Guzman's hands from his face.
"He cheated, Ander" His voice is harsh, "He cheated on you while you were in chemotherapy all day" Guzman can't realize how someone can do something like that.
"It's not his fault I have cancer" Ander whispers, and it was hard for him to say those words, but someone had to say it.
"Do you even hear yourself?" Guzman walks away now, his legs taking him from one end of the room to the other. “It's not your fault either! You deserve so much better” he shakes his head now nervously “How can you not see it? ” He paused for a moment from his walk, looking at Ander's weak body.
"A person his age should not be the nurse of a cancer patient," Ander says, but his voice grows weaker as the blue eyes dig deeper into him.
Guzman raises his eyebrows in shock.
He wants to go to Omar and beat the shit out of him, he wants Omar to suffer as Ander suffers now, Guzman wants to kill Omar now, he wants to hurt him for weeks so he can understand the magnitude of his mistake.
And again, Ander's fragile figure stops him. So he takes two deep breaths and closes his eyes.
"I'm not allowing you to think like that" he finally says, approaching Ander's place on the bed.
Ander raises his eyes from the floor and opens his mouth, but is interrupted before he can say anything.
"I know you're not asking me, but I just can't let you do it, I'm sorry" Guzman shrugs. "It's not going to happen," he continues, getting a little closer. "He don't deserve you" Guzman sits on the bed, next to Ander.
The tears fill Ander's eyes again, because he knows, he knows it's a lie that friends say to improve the situation.
“You are important, and you are a gift in my life, and in everyone's lives. And this worm, this fucking-” Guzman needs to calm himself down once again, so he breathes deeply. "This son of a bitch will pay for it, and he will never was or be a quarter of the man you deserve," he continues.
Ander is silent, even when Guzman wraps his arms around him, he is silent. He can't or want to say anything that will burden his friend.
"Ander," the blonde says after a few quiet moments.
"I know" Ander say, no longer trying to hide the tears. Every word of Guzman strikes at a different point in his pain, and he knows that Guzman will always tell him the truth. He knows Guzman is right, and that Omar shouldn't have done it. "So why did he cheated on me?" His voice broke again.
Guzman's heart break, and he pulls Ander into his lap, hugging him with warm hands. He rests his chin on Ander's head and closes his eyes. He can feel Ander's pain in his bones, and it's not a feeling he ever wants to feel again.
"Because he's stupid," Guzman finally says. "He's so fucking stupid if he had a man like you and he fucked it" his hand caresses the arm of the thin figure in his lap, "you're all a man can ask for himself, Ander" Guzman tries to smile, but he fails. So he just tightens his grip in Ander, his cheek is on the back of the shaved head, and he speaks directly to his friend's ear. "You're amazing, you're funny, smart and beautiful as a demon, you're everything people dream of at night, and if I had you, you wouldn't forget it for a moment."
Ander's hand gets stronger around Guzman's back with each passing moment.
“If I had you I would never treat you like that, you would remember, no, you would know you deserve the best, because you are the best.” Guzman continues to speak to Ander's ear, his hand still stroking his weak body. "You would never blame yourself for things that are not your fault and you wouldn't feel like a burden for a moment" he whispers and strengthens the hug. "And even if you became completely paralyzed, and I had to help you sit on the toilet and shower you, you were still the best thing that ever happened to me."
Ander doesn't want this moment to end. Wrapped in Guzman's warm body, soft and loving words are whispered in his ear and the scent of his favorite person in the world fills his nose, and between Guzman's arms he forgets Omar for a moment, forgets his pain and fear, and surrenders to the grip. He closes his eyes and listens to his friend's breaths, constant, continuous, fearless.
Guzman's hand goes to Ander's head, and he strokes it with big fingers, soothing the thin body that once was so strong and secure, and now this damn disease has made him so small, and all Guzman wants to do is protect and love Ander. So he leans back, against the wall, and takes the body with him, causing Ander to lie on the bed with his head still in Guzman's arms.
They sit quietly, Ander tears fall down every now and then, Guzman can feel his shirt getting wet, but they say nothing. Ander listens to his friend's breaths, and Guzman doesn't release the grip for a moment, doesn't let go, he wants to, no, he has to protect him.
"Thank you" Ander whispers, just before his eyelids beat him and make him fall asleep on Guzman's chest.
---
Two hours later Ander's phone buzzes.
Guzman didn't fall asleep on his duty. He strokes Ander's head, and for a moment didn't think to stop or release the grip, he couldn't move away, even if he wanted to. He glued to his friend, his skin burning as he move his head from Ander to look at the buzzing phone.
It's Omar.
All the while, the blonde thought, and thought, and thought. He worries, but he is also angry. He's so angry. Guzman can kill Omar now, just for making Ander feel like a burden, like some kind of a prison. Guzman thought of a million scenarios in his head, each more violent than the other. But when Guzman decides to catch Omar in a dark alley, Ander moves between his arms, and Guzman knows he can't do it.
Carefully, Guzman places Ander's head on the bed and picks up his phone, which keeps buzzing, almost waking Guzman's angel. He picks up the phone and leaves the room, answering quickly.
"Ander" Omar says as soon as the call is answered.
"Try again," Guzman says, reminding himself to take a deep breath.
“Guzman? I have to talk to Ander, can you-”
"The only reason you are not in the hospital right now is because I will never do such a thing to Ander, who for some fucking reason, still loves you," Guzman says quickly.
"You don't know what you are talking about, he was with -"
"This is the last time you call Ander, you fucking piece of shit" His fist clenched, he can kill him now. "If you talk to him again, approach him, call him, text him, even think about seeing him, I will kill you" Guzman doesn't play, he's not joking. He means every word he says.
"Who do you think-"
Guzman hangs up. He can no longer listen to that voice.
He spits on the floor and enters the room again.
Before lying down on the bed next to Ander, he takes a deep breath. He can't be angry near Ander, He don't deserve it.
"Where have you been?" Ander asks quietly, his eyes opening and meeting Guzman's blue eyes.
"No one will hurt you anymore," Guzman says as their eyes meet. It's mesmerizing, the brown in Ander's eyes, warm and pleasant as honey, fills the blond's body and he feels the heat spreading throughout his body. "I promise you" he adds and his hand climbs into Ander's cheek.
"I love it when you take care of me," Ander says, but tears fill his eyes. "But you can't stay here," he whispers.
Guzman wipes the tears with a careful thumb.
"You have to live and enjoy and not have depressed people in your life," Ander continues.
Guzman couldn't hear it, or see the tears in his friend's eyes; He presses Ander's face to his chest, his hands wrapping around his neck tightly.
"Enough," he says quietly after a few moments, holding Ander's face with both hands and looking at him closely. "Enough" Guzman puts his lips on his friend's forehead. "You can't say things like that anymore," he says, his lips kissing tear-filled eyes now. "You're all I need" Guzman now kisses Ander's cheeks, small, warm kisses. "Depressed or not, you're all I need," he says, and for a moment their eyes meet again, and when Guzman sees a glimmer of hope in the honey eyes, he kisses Ander on the lips.
This is not a wild and animalistic kiss, they don't lose their mind, but Ander can feel the lust held in Guzman, and he in turn can feel the desperation in the weak lips. At first Ander doesn't understand how a man like Guzman can want him, but as the kiss goes on, the roles are reversed, and the one with the lust now is Ander, picking himself up and settling on the blond's chest, and Guzman is the one who need, whether it's Ander's approval, or just more.
Ander disconnects first, thoughts of the cancer that lurking in his body fill him. He looks at Guzman, flushed, and smiles.
"It's okay if we won't...?” Ander starts asking, wondering, just for a second, if Guzman will accept him even if he doesn't want to have sex now. The thought quickly disappears, because Ander finds solace and confidence in his friend's blue eyes, and he knows he won't leave him, he will not cheat on him.
"Let's sleep," Guzman whispers, and Ander lies down next to him. They look at each other, blue eyes exploring brown eyes, they study each other's face as if for the first time, as if they are meeting a whole new person.
"Good night," Ander says, but not for a moment Closes his eyes, not to miss a moment of the beautiful view that is Guzman.
"Good night," the blond says, a small, pleased smile on his face. He wraps Ander around and twists him, and now as he spoon him, he can protect him even while he sleeps.