Archive of Our Own

Hot air was the first thing to greet Axel as he opened the door of his beat up red hatchback. The mid-July sun beat down on the street below, and heat rose in waves up from the cement, looking like rippling water in the distance.

Demyx made a disgusted noise as he climbed out of the passenger side. “It should be illegal to be this hot anywhere not connected to a beach!”

“It’s a desert, Dem. It’s literally the farthest you could be from a big body of water,” Axel chuckled and closed the car door. “Now c’mon, let’s unload.”

Popping the back of his car open, Axel and Demyx hauled their belongings out. Two suitcases for Axel, and a single suitcase and guitar for Demyx.

“So, what time is the show tomorrow?” Axel asked as he closed the trunk, and the two headed for the hotel Axel had booked. It wasn’t a very fancy place, but it would do for two nights.

“Doors open at eight, and our set starts at nine,” Demyx replied. “But I have a rehearsal with the band tonight.”

“Sounds good. I can let you borrow the car so you can get to the venue before me.”

Demyx chuckled and removed his dark sunglasses upon entering the hotel, opting to hook them onto his tank top. “What, not going out to see the Santa Fe sights tonight?”

“Hmm, no thanks.”

They stopped at the front desk where the older woman on duty looked Axel up and down skeptically. No doubt she was a little off-put by his wild red hair and the tattoos that started at his hands and went all the way up his arms and under his clothes, not to mention the two on his cheeks.

“I got a room for two,” he said, already pulling out his wallet for ID. “Should be under the name Cunningham.”

The woman nodded and pulled up Axel’s reservation. She double checked his ID and, finding nothing amiss, handed them their keycards. Before they headed off, she eyed Demyx’s guitar case and, with a stern look, told them, “Remember to adhere to our noise policies.”

“Yes ma’am!” Demyx gave her a salute and the two headed for the elevators, both knowing full well Demyx would not probably adhere to that rule. The place wasn’t exactly a five-star place, and a little guitar playing would surely be the least of the awful sounds coming from rooms.

Lugging their belongings into the hotel room, Axel threw one onto his bed with little care, while he gingerly wheeled the other into the corner where it would be out of the way. His tattoo supplies were in there and he’d be damned if he risked accidentally breaking something by manhandling it. Making sure it was taken care of properly and not jostled around was the reason Axel had opted to drive himself to New Mexico, rather than fly. Well, that and the price.

Axel had wanted to come to New Mexico for one reason and one reason only: he’d been chosen as a guest artist at a tattoo convention in Albuquerque. So far, he’d only managed to get invited to some local conventions, so when he got the call for the larger, out of state one, Axel had naturally jumped at the chance.

Why they had made a stop in Santa Fe first was all Demyx.

As timing would have it, a small indie band Demyx followed was on tour. They'd been in talks for a while; Demyx was a big fan, and he had an impressive following of his own, but the timing had never worked out. When Demyx learned that the band was playing in Santa Fe a day before Axel's convention, he immediately promised an appearance. After all, it was on the way! The fact that he’d done so without telling Axel first had been a point of contention, but it worked out in the end. It made hotel stays cheaper, at least.

“Oh man, I can’t wait for tomorrow! Hell, I can’t wait for rehearsal tonight!” Demyx was giddy, bouncing around as he unpacked. He’d been buzzing with excitement ever since he’d made plans to play with the band, and with their meeting so close, he was like a kid on candy. “What songs do you think we’ll play? Ooh, I hope ‘Down to Earth’ is one of them! I got a real good idea for a second guitar there. ‘Taxi Ride’ is good t-ooh! Or maybe ‘Sunshine!’” He glanced back over at Axel with a grin. “I know you like that one.”

“I do,” Axel said with a small chuckle. He knew very little about the band, but Demyx had waxed and waned about them a lot, and had made Axel listen to a fair bit of their stuff. He had to admit, he liked it well enough. But their song ‘Sunshine’ held a special place in his heart. Tugged at memories and longings he didn’t voice aloud, and made him yearn and ache in such a bittersweet way. Axel found himself listening to it even when Demyx wasn’t around.

It reminded him of-

“What time are you going to rehearsal?” Axel asked, derailing his own thoughts before they could stray too far where he didn’t want them to go.

“Around three!” Demyx yelled from the bathroom. Axel glanced at his phone as saw it was already 2:30.

“You better get going soon, then! What time ya gonna be back?”

“Dunno!”

Axel rolled his eyes. “Alright, well, just let me know if it’s gonna be later than, like, eight or something.”

“Yeah, yeah!” Demyx came bounding back out of the bathroom and snatched up his guitar case and messenger bag. “Keys!”

Axel tossed him his keys. “Be nice to her, she doesn’t need any more scratches.” Then as Demyx was heading back out the door, “And don’t get me a parking ticket this time!”

Demyx probably didn’t hear him.

With a sigh, Axel flopped down onto the bed and turned on the little tv the hotel provided. He flipped through the sorry excuse for a channel selection until he landed on something good enough for background noise

The rest of Axel’s day passed by with little event. He checked social media, sent out a couple emails to clients, and napped off the long car ride. Demyx returned later that evening, tired but in good spirits, and excited for the day to come. Also with takeout.

The following day was much the same, and in the evening Axel lent his car to Demyx again so the man could make it to the bar he’d be playing at early for set up and rehearsal. With Demyx gone, Axel spent the time alone leisurely getting ready. It wasn’t often he went out to bars and clubs anymore, but when he did he wanted to look nice. Hair done, makeup on point.

When it was time to go, Axel called a taxi and saw he had two pending notifications on his phone. The first was from Demyx, inviting Axel to hang out with him and the band after the show, which Axel happily accepted.

The other was less exciting.

Axel had two clients booked for the convention weekend: one for the following day, and the next on Saturday. Sunday would be for walk-ups. The text was from his first client. He started off the message by apologizing profusely, which was immediately a bad sign. He then went on to explain that a family emergency had come up, and he couldn’t make it to his appointment tomorrow.

Axel grimaced. He had the booking fee, which wasn’t refundable, but this left him without a client to fill and less than 24 hours to figure out a game plan. Early on, he’d considered making a waitlist for clients, which in hindsight, could have been a saving grace. However, his client had been a return customer, and he’d been in talks with the man for so long, he’d mistakenly assumed a waitlist wouldn’t be necessary. A bad decision in hindsight.

Groaning, Axel shot the man a quick reply, then stuffed his phone into his pocket as his ride arrived. He’d think over his game plan and decide what to do by the end of the evening. In the meantime, he wouldn’t let it ruin the fun of the concert.

When he arrived at the venue in question, Axel made his way inside and found himself a nice little corner to tuck himself into. The place was already crowded, patrons swarming the bar while others huddled around the stage, vying for a good view for the show. Axel thanked the stars that his height allowed himself a good view even from the back, as he was content to simply stand there and tap away on his phone until the show started.

He sent a good luck text to Demyx and began to look through his social media. A number of other tattoo artists he knew or followed were posting about the convention, reminding Axel he still needed to figure out what he would do for his first day at the convention before the end of the night. There was always the option to take walk-up clients, of course. Plenty artists did, and Axel had planned to do that sunday already. It wasn’t ideal, as Axel would prefer to work on one person the whole day than switch between multiple ones, but it would do in a pinch.

The pop and hiss of feedback from a speaker caught Axel’s – and the crowd’s – attention, and he looked up to see a few people he assumed to be band members taking their place on stage.

The loud strum of a guitar got the crowd cheering, and Demyx himself skipped out, followed closely by the final member who Axel could only assume was the frontman.

Axel’s heart stopped.

The singer came bounding out onto the stage, all high energy and dressed to the nines. His blond hair, stylishly messy, practically glowed as he danced in front of a few stage lights. His bright red guitar was polished to a perfect shine and popped against his mostly black wardrobe.

The crowd went wild at his entrance, whooping and cheering and chanting as he introduced Demyx to the night’s set.

Axel heard none of it. Noise, color, movement, everything around him muted and died away as he stared up at the man on stage. His breath caught in his throat and Axel felt his legs go a bit wobbly and weak beneath him.

Perhaps on any other day, if he were to pass the other man on the street, Axel might not recognize him. Dressed down, the blond might blend right into the crowd. But like this? Oh, Axel knew him well.

Perhaps the biggest giveaway of all was the jacket. After all, it used to be his.

“Sorry, Sunshine.”

“Don’t call me that. You know I don’t like it.”

“Right,” Axel chuckled. He knew Roxas said he didn’t like the nickname. But Axel was pretty sure he also knew otherwise. “Here.” He draped his leather jacket over the smaller boy’s shaking shoulders. Roxas looked small in it.

“Thanks,” the boy mumbled, and wiped his nose on the back of his hand. Still bleeding.

“Stop that,” Axel chided. “You’ll make the bruising worse.”

Roxas didn’t reply, just let his hand drop back to his side. Usually he was so full of snark, and whit to match Axel’s, but tonight there was nothing. It must have been a bad one.

They sat in silence awhile, huddled against the night chill.

“I hate it here,” Roxas finally choked out, voice tight as though he were doing all he could to hold back every emotion behind those blue eyes.

“I know,” Axel replied, soft, sincere.

“Can’t we just leave? Can’t we just... pack up and go? Find a better life out there than this shit hole!”

Axel sucked in a slow, deep breath. “Someday.”

“Why not now? We can make it, Axel!”

“You know why, Roxas. I gotta stay here. For mo-“

“For your mom,” Roxas finished for him, a bit bitter. “I know.”

Axel reached out and gently ran a hand through Roxas’ hair, messy and blond. Dirty. “We’ll leave someday, I promise.” He leaned in and planted a small kiss to Roxas’ forehead. “You ‘n me, Sunshine, we’ll get the hell out of here.”

“I’ll go anywhere with you,” Roxas mumbled softly, leaning into Axel’s touch.

“I know.” He smiled. “In the meantime, let’s get you to your cousin’s house. You’ll be able to sleep in peace there for the night.”

Once safely at Sora’s, Roxas made to take off Axel’s jacket, but Axel stopped him.

“Keep it, for now.”

“Are you sure? Axel, it’s your favorite.”

“I’m sure.” He nodded. Yes the jacket was his favorite, and he’d sunk both time and money into both its acquisition and customization. Black leather, adorned with all manner of hand-sewn patches, spikes, and chains. It was Axel’s pride, but a small part of him liked seeing it on Roxas as much as he liked wearing it himself. “It’s cold, and I’m pretty sure that old hoodie of yours is just about done for anyway.”

“Okay.” Roxas sounded reluctant, but kept it on.

Axel smiled down at the other boy, and moved to cup his cheek, careful of the new bruises forming there. “I promise, we’ll get out of here someday. You ‘n me, we’ll leave here together.”

It was a promise Axel would break in just two week’s time after that conversation.

Axel watched, stunned and wide-eyed as the band played. He barely registered any of the songs or how much time went by. He was too transfixed on the lead singer, old memories and regrets washing over him as his stomach tied in knots.

Axel had been so lost in memories and regret that he only snapped back to the present when someone in the crowd jostled him on their way to the bar. He blinked. The show had finished, the crowd that had clustered around the stage dispersed a little, some patrons returning to milling about or going to get more drinks, while others paid their tabs and opted to leave entirely. Axel’s phone buzzed and he looked down to see another message from Demyx, telling him to come meet them in the back. That security would know he was coming.

A new thought dawned on him then, one that sent his head spinning. If he went back to the after party, he’d see Roxas. Up close, in person.

And then what? What would he say? What would he do? The thought alone was almost enough to send Axel running.

Another part of him, however, longed to see Roxas again. And he knew he’d regret it if he didn’t go. Didn’t try.

So, mustering up all the courage he could manage, Axel left his little hiding spot and made his way towards the back of the club. Sure enough, a bouncer back there seems to recognize him (no doubt Demyx had given the man a description of Axel), and led him to the small back room reserved for performers.

Axel stopped, breath held as he listened to the muffled music that filtered through the closed door. His stomach tied in tight knots making him feel a bit sick, and Axel was thankful he didn’t drink, or he was sure he’d lose what little food was in his stomach.

He reached out to open the door and stopped, hand hovering over the handle. He flexed his fingers a few times and took a few deep breaths to calm his racing heart.

Now or never.

Axel opened the door.

The room was loud, filled with blaring music and rambunctious musicians, still high from a successful performance. Cyndi Lauper blasted from a portable speaker while Demyx and Roxas sang ‘Girls Just Want to Have Fun’ in the center of the gathering.

Axel stared.

The man danced and bounced, so full of life and energy, one wouldn’t guess he just got done doing the same thing on stage for the past hour and a half. His cheeks were flushed and pink, and his golden hair stuck to his damp forehead. Somewhere along the way he’d discarded the old leather jacket and was left in his jeans and black tank top. He’d filled out since their youth, lean muscle so different from the scrawny, underfed thing he was as a kid.

Demyx spotted him first, whooping and spilling a bit of beer from his bottle as he threw his hands up. “There he is!” he cheered, and Axel found all eyes on him.

Years later, he would still be able to describe the exuberance and joy on Roxas’ face, and the way it all melted away when he saw Axel. Blue eyes, so vivid and bright, sharpened, and for a moment Roxas just as frozen as Axel.

The music lowered and Axel cleared his throat. “Uh, hi there... Roxas.”

The words left his lips, and then Roxas was moving towards him. The world slowed, narrowed down to a single point. One step. Two steps. Roxas’ fists clenched at his sides. And then one was in the air.

“You’re gonna get expelled if you keep fighting,” Axel said as he pressed a damp washcloth to Roxas’ split lip. Roxas only snorted.

“You’re one to talk.”

Axel rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the small smirk that tugged at his features. If anything, Axel was more hot headed and got into more fights than Roxas.

Roxas was just more likely to end them by beating his opponents into submission.

“Yeah, well, do as I say and not as I do.”

“Yeah, yeah...” Roxas huffed, then after a pause. “But you gotta admit, it’s really satisfying to see Jimmy’s smug face all swollen on one side.”

Axel snorted. “No comment.”

Axel knew that right hook well, and he could only watch as it came his way. He didn’t try to dodge or even flinch. He could only think, ‘Ah, yes, that makes sense.’

Pain exploded when Roxas’ fist met his face, and his vision went black. The force of the punch sent him sprawling backward and when he got his bearings, he looked up to see Roxas being held back by two of his band mates. Colorful and creative expletives tumbled from his mouth as he struggled to free himself from his friends.

“You got a lotta fuckin’ nerve, Axel Cunningham!” he spat, jerking to try and free an arm from the member to his right. Axel had no doubt that, let loose, Roxas would kick his ass into next year, and Axel would let him.

A hand touched Axel’s shoulder and he turned his head to see Demyx knelt by his side, eyes wide and startled. “C’mon let’s uh... let’s get you out of here.” Axel nodded and Demyx helped him back to his feet.

“No, you get back here!” Roxas yelled as they stumbled towards the door.

Axel cast one last look at him and the other startled band mates and smiled weakly. It hurt his face to do so. “Sorry,” he muttered – to the band? To Roxas? To everyone? – and was out the door.

Demyx helped him down the hall and out the back into the little alleyway behind the building. The heat of the day had faded with the sun, and Axel shivered in the now chilly night air that greeted them.

“You uh... you okay, dude?” Demyx asked, hand still on Axel’s shoulder as a steadying gesture.

Axel nodded and reached up to touch his face. His nose wasn’t bleeding, thankfully, but the left side of his face ached and already his eye felt swollen and sore. No doubt it would be black and blue come morning.

“I’m... fine. I guess. I think,” he said after a beat. Was he fine? Physically, yes, he’d be fine. But seeing Roxas again, even briefly, well... parts of him were very much not fine after that.

Demyx was quiet for a moment, then, “So you... know Roxas? Coulda told me, dude. Especially if that’s how he’d react.”

Axel blew out a laugh, then winced. “Yeah, I know him. Or knew him. It’s... complicated. And sorry, but I had no idea he was the singer for the band until tonight. Only realized it when I saw him on stage.”

“Oh,” Demyx said. “So... why did he punch you?”

“It’s... it’s a long story, Dem,” Axel sighed. “One I definitely can’t do tonight until I’ve at least got some ice on my face.”

“Right. Well, let’s get you back to the hotel, I guess.”

Axel shook his head and shrugged Demyx off. “Nah, I can go by myself. You did a good job tonight and deserve to party. I... didn’t mean to ruin that. Go back inside and enjoy yourself.”

Demyx made an uncertain noise. “I dunno... it’s gonna be kinda weird going back in there now. And besides, if you need me-“

“I think,” Axel said, interrupting him. “I need a little time to... to be alone.” He touched his cheek again and winced.

“Oh.” Demyx shuffled next to him. “Well... if you’re sure. But I’ll be back in just a few hours. And if you need anything, I’ll come back right away! So...” He kicked his boot against the ground, displacing a bit of gravel. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Though I’m taking my car, if you don’t mind.”

Demyx chuckled and reached into his pocket to retrieve Axel’s keys. “I’ll get a lift home or whatever,” he said, then the tiny smile that graced his face was gone again, sobered. “Sorry Axel, I didn’t want shit to end like this.”

“Neither did I.” Axel shrugged. “But ‘m sorry too. I didn’t mean to kinda... ruin your evening. You really did a good job tonight.”

The corner of Demyx’ mouth pulled up in a week, half smile, and he clapped Axel on the back. “Thanks, man. You go on back now. And get some ice on yer face, your eye is already swelling.”

Axel laughed, winced, and laughed again. “Yeah... yeah it definitely is. I’ll see ya.”

With a final wave, Axel circled around the venue, and found his car in a tiny lot reserved for employees and performers. He turned the radio off after starting the engine, cutting the music that had been blasting thanks to Demyx, and took the ride back to the hotel in silence. He stopped at a gas station for a drink and a bit of ice from the soda machine, then dragged himself up to his hotel room.The ice was folded into a hotel hand towel and placed oh-so-gingerly over Axel’s left cheek and eye.

Flopping down on the hotel’s lumpy mattress, Axel stared up at the ceiling in silence.

That could have gone better. But really, what more would Axel have expected? More of an ass beating, maybe. That punch alone had been owed him for the past seven years, at least.

Axel got what he deserved, but still, he wished. Wished he could have talked to Roxas. Could have spent time with him.

He missed Roxas. Terribly.

He’d never forgotten the man. Of all the things he ran away from in his youth, Roxas was the one thing he missed. The one thing he regretted. Axel didn’t talk about him much, if at all, but he’d thought about the other boy – man – all the time.

As a teen, he would have said he loved Roxas, and onlookers might have labeled it teenage passion. Naïveté and fanciful thinking. But looking back now, as an adult, Axel could say that yes, he truly had loved Roxas. It had been in his own broken and damaged way, but he’d loved him.

Perhaps a part of him still did.

Roxas remained with Axel like weeds in a garden, always ready to grow back when you think you’ve pulled the last of them. Memories of him clung to Axel like the stickers and brambles that grew in the field between their childhood homes. Just when Axel thought he’d plucked them all off, hours later, one he missed would inevitably prick him.

Axel couldn’t even be upset about it. It ached, but Axel had no one to blame but himself. And really, the weeds were rather beautiful.

Groaning, Axel pawed his free hand around the mattress until he found his phone, wanting a distraction. A glance at his emails reminded him that he hadn’t made any plans on what he would do the next day with his client having cancelled. Definitely too late to book a new person now.

With a sigh, Axel tossed his phone back down and peeled himself up off the mattress. Padding into the bathroom, he carefully – oh so carefully – washed his face of the makeup he’d applied, and stripped out of his clothes.

A glance in the mirror proved his face to be already showing the signs of a black eye. Axel only hoped it wouldn’t be swollen shut come tomorrow.

Roxas had really given him one for the road.

Axel huffed out a small, joyless laugh at the thought. So much for not missing his chance to see Roxas again.

Accepting his losses, Axel downed a couple over-the-counter pain meds, and shuffled over to his bed, where he collapsed. Exhaustion hit him, and he was out in less than ten minutes.

———

Convention day came too early. The doors opened at nine, which meant Axel needed to be there by eight to properly set up his station. Which meant they had to be up and out by seven am. Demyx was kind enough to drive and let Axel sleep on the way. God knows he needed it for the day ahead.

A glance in the mirror that morning told him that yes, his eye was in fact, very bruised. There wasn’t too much swelling and Axel could open his eye, meaning he could still tattoo. But it wasn’t pretty. He hoped his portfolio and a generous amount of makeup would be enough to entice customers to his booth, because god knows his face wouldn’t be doing it.

The convention hall was still fairly quiet when he entered, filled only with venue staff and artists busy setting up for the day. Demyx – bless him – helped Axel set up his booth, insisting he do a larger share of the heavy lifting. Axel wasn’t helpless by any means, but he wasn’t about to turn down the assistance.

“You need anything else, buddy?” Demyx asked as the doors opened and guests began to finally trickle in.

Axe shook his head and waved the man off. “No, I’m good now. Just gotta sit around and hope someone wants to get tattooed by me. Thanks for your help. Go get yourself some breakfast or go back to bed or something.”

“‘Kay,” Demyx said, though he sounded reluctant. “But if you *do* need anything, you call and I’ll be here right away! Okay?”

Axel laughed, genuine despite the way his face ached when he smiled. “Okay, Dem, I will.”

With a nod, Demyx lingered for a moment before finally retreating to go do... whatever it was he planned to do with his day.

Axel plopped down in his chair with a heavy sigh and watched as patrons began to mingle or find their respective artists to get work done. Axel pulled out his phone and snapped a quick photo of the hall, making sure to include a little bit of his setup in the image. Might as well post to Instagram and get the word out that he was looking for clients.

He was in the middle of doing just that when someone stopped at his station.

“A little bird told me yer client cancelled.”

Axel looked up from his phone and his heart skipped a beat.

Standing there, once again wearing the old leather jacket, was Roxas. He wasn’t looking at Axel, but rather was flipping through the book of Axel’s work, blue eyes now behind a pair of round, black rimmed glasses, scanning each image slowly.

Axel could only stare. This couldn’t be real, could it? Roxas couldn’t be here. That punch must have hit him harder than he thought.

When he didn’t respond, Roxas slowly looked up from the book and looked at Axel with a raised brow. “Did I hear wrong?”

“Y-yes!” Axel stammered. “I mean, no! No you didn’t hear wrong and... and yes, my client cancelled.”

Roxas hummed and went back to his browsing of Axel’s art. “Found another customer yet?”

“No,” Axel said, a little slowly. He was still reeling from Roxas’ sudden, and shockingly nonchalant appearance at his station.

“Okay,” Roxas nodded. “Then tattoo me.”

Axel could have fallen out of his seat. “What?”

Again, Roxas turned his gaze from the book to Axel. His expression held no hint of malice or trickery. “I said, tattoo me.”

Axel gawked. “You... you want me to tattoo you?” Roxas gave him a flat look. “I mean... you’re sure? I mean, after-“

“I said what I said, Axel. I’m here for a reason. Now, gonna do it or no?”

Axel swallowed hard. He was beyond confused, torn between wondering why Roxas was there, and fearing he’d disappear if Axel so much as blinked.

“Y-yes!” he finally blurted out, breathless. “I... yes, I will.” A pause. “You… didn’t drink last night, did you?”

Roxas raised a brow. “I don’t drink.”

Of course. Of course he didn’t. After watching what drinking had done to their families – their whole backwater town – Axel wasn’t surprised that either of them were sober. “Ah, right, well what... what were you looking to get done?”

“A sleeve.”

“I won’t have time for color if it’s a full sleeve.”

“Well then,” Roxas said and Axel thought he caught a hint of a smirk. “You’ll just have to do a good job so I come back for color.”

A small croak of a laugh escaped Axel. “Okay. And for the subject, what did you want?”

Roxas hummed in thought, blue eyes scanning the convention around them. Then, his gaze was back on Axel and he shrugged. “Surprise me.”

“You... you trust me to surprise you with a full sleeve tattoo?” Axel asked. To say he was taken aback would be an understatement. Roxas was putting a lot of faith in Axel by letting him tattoo him. Letting Axel have the dealer's choice on top of that was something else. Not to mention the price, though, Axel fully prepared to at least give Roxas a generous discount. It was the least he could do.

Roxas just stuffed his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “Maybe I’m challenging you.”

Axel didn’t understand. He didn’t understand why Roxas was here now. Why Roxas wanted a tattoo from him. Wanted to even talk to him. Why he’d put so much faith in Axel.

But Axel would ensure that faith wasn’t misplaced. Not this time.

“Okay.” He swallowed hard and nodded. “Okay. Give me an hour to draw something out.”

Roxas nodded. “Alright. I’ll see you in an hour, then.” With that, he was gone, wandering off into the convention and out of sight.

Axel blew out a long, deep breath and smoothed his hair back. He texted Demyx to let him know he had a new client, and then he got to work.

———

After roughly an hour, Axel was left with about fifteen discarded sketches he didn’t like, and one he did. One he hoped Roxas would like too.

He was still staring down at his drawing, tweaking small parts, when a to-go cup was set down onto the table next to him, the scent of warm coffee coaxing him to look up. Roxas was back, with his own cup in hand.

“You didn’t have to,” Axel said, glancing at the cup that had his name scribbled across its side.

“Shut up,” Roxas snorted, though there was no real malice to it, and took a sip of his own undoubtedly too-sweet concoction. “Just take it, you look like shit.”

Axel smirked. “Sorry we can’t all be beautiful blonds who wake up looking perfect.” Axel hid his wince behind his own cup. He hadn’t meant to say something like that.

But Roxas’ only response was to simply shrug and comment, “Pity. Anyway, what’ve you got for me?”

“Ah, right. Here.” Axel turned his sketchbook around to show Roxas his idea. “Obviously it’ll need some tweaking. I need to see your arm to either stencil the design on or freehand it. But... that’s the basic idea.”

Roxas took the notebook and held it up to get a closer look. The sketch was of a tangle of prickly pear cactus. Thorny, but vibrant and alive. He’d use lush bright greens, with pops of red and yellow for the blooming flowers and fruits. If Roxas came back for color, that is.

Axel waited, breath held and silent as Roxas reviewed his work.

“Cactus?” he finally asked. “This your way of calling me a prickly bitch?” Axel was about to protest. To apologize or give some explanation when Roxas smirked and sat the notebook back down. “I approve. Let’s do it.”

Axel blew out a relieved breath and grinned. “Okay.”

He opted to freehand the stencil directly on Roxas’ arm. Roxas sat in the provided client chair tapping away on his phone with his free hand, while Axel took a couple markers to his arm and drew out his sketch. A few people stopped to watch and ask a question or two before morning, but for the most part, it was quiet between them.

When Axel was done, he let Roxas get a look at the stencil in a mirror, to which Roxas approved with a thumbs up. With that, it was time to ink.

Roxas didn’t flinch when needles met skin. Axel didn’t expect him to. Up close, Axel could see the multiple silver piercings decorating his ears, poking out from blond hair, indicating Roxas was no stranger to sharp things. Axel even remembered a time when Roxas had a lip ring. An at-home piercing done at sixteen via a stately pin “sanitized” with rubbing alcohol and a lighter, and a cheap barbell from the mall one town over. That piercing was gone, though if he looked hard enough, Axel was sure he still saw a small mark where it had been.

It was hard not to stare more. To take in all the changes in the face Axel had once known so well. It was still the same face, in many ways. And so different in others. One change was fairly obvious, however.

“Since when do you need glasses?” Axel asked, voice raised slightly to be heard over the buzzing of his machine.

Roxas barked out a short laugh. “I always needed them. Didn’t you notice how much I squinted at my books and my phone ‘n shit?”

“I guess that makes sense,” Axel chuckled. “Maybe I always assumed you squinted cause you were tired from staying up too late playing videogames.”

“I mean, I was doing that. But squinting was ‘cause I couldn’t see shit. Guess I just didn’t really realize that wasn’t normal until I was on my own and thought I should see an eye doctor.”

Axel hummed in response, then went quiet again, concentrating on his line work. He wanted this to look good. Needed this to look good. Roxas deserved it.

He still didn’t know exactly why Roxas was there. It was surreal, really. But Axel didn’t want to question it. Didn’t want to jinx his luck.

“I’m glad to see you still playing the guitar,” he said, breaking the quiet between them again after about half an hour.

“I told you I’d make something of myself with my music,” Roxas said, that smirk playing across his lips once again.

“You did.” Axel shifted and moved onto inking one of the many flowers he’d planned. “Whatever happened to that old hand-me down guitar you used to carry around everywhere? That thing was bigger than you. You still got it?”

Roxas was quiet for a moment. “I sold it,” he finally said. “Had to pawn it off for money after I left home.” He said it so matter-of-factly, but a glance up showed his face had slipped into a more melancholy expression.

“Oh,” Axel said, voice soft and unsure, heart aching. Roxas had loved that guitar. Had told Axel of all his big, big plans to make it big as a musician. Axel had loved to hear him play, even when it was rough and unrefined plucking of strings. “I’m, uh... sorry.”

Roxas shrugged, once again tugging on a nonchalant demeanor. “It’s ok. I clearly didn’t need it, right? I mean, look at me now!”

“Yeah,” Axel huffed out a small chuckle, though his heart wasn’t fully in it. “Look at you now. Still though, I’m sorry. You sold it after you, uh, ran away?”

Roxas paused. “You knew about that?”

Axel sucked in a deep breath and let it out slow. “Yeah, I... yeah. I went back, you know, about a year after I ran off. Didn’t have the guts to go to your place so I asked around at the diner you worked at. Your coworker told me.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t have much reason to stay after you up and ditched me,” Roxas replied, voice biting. “The fuck was that about anyway?”

Axel winced and tried to keep his hand steady. “You know why I left-“

“Yeah, your mom died and you ran off, I know the technicalities. But I’m asking you. I want you to tell me why you skipped town. Why you left us. Why you left-“

Me.

Roxas didn’t say it, but the word – the accusation – hung heavy between.

Some might call it harsh. Axel called it deserved.

Youth had been rough for the pair of boys. Broken families, broken homes, and a dead end town left them clinging to each other like buoys lost at sea.

Roxas had always wanted to leave. To run away together. He was all grand ideas about the life they could have some day. Axel liked to dream with him, but in the end, he was always why they stayed.

Axel didn’t want to abandon his mother. Frail and burdened with addiction, a concoction made of one part love for her child and one part resentment, she wasn’t exactly mother of the year material. But Axel loved her still. Couldn’t bring himself to simply up and leave her.

But when she died? Axel had run. He’d packed his bags that night and was gone in two days, panicked, desperate, suffocating. He hadn’t told anyone he was leaving or where to. Hadn’t even taken his phone with him, just a duffel bag of clothes and all the cash he could swipe from his uncle.

After so many promises of escaping together, he’d left Roxas behind.

“Your uncle thought I knew where you went,” Roxas said, and Axel realized he’d been quiet for a bit too long. “He ‘n my dad didn’t believe me when I said I didn’t. Got one of my old man’s patent beatings for that.”

Axel stopped his machine, the absence of the buzzing shockingly quiet even with all the other activity going on around them.

“I’m sorry, Roxas, I... I panicked,” he croaked out. “Mom died and I just... I...” a deep breath. “I’d hung around so long, saying I was staying for her. And then she was just gone, and what had it all been for? What did I have to show for being such a loyal son? And would I keep doing that? Keep making excuses as to why I should stay until I wake up one day and I’m old and broken like the rest of the folks who never made it out of there?” He laughed and it was a hollow sound. “My reason for staying was dead and I just panicked.”

Roxas was silent for a moment, face turned away from Axel. When he spoke, his voice was a hard steel masking something much softer, much more fragile underneath. “I guess I fooled myself into thinking I was worth staying for. Or worth taking with you.”

“You were,” Axel whispered, throat tight. “I fucked up and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Roxas. It was never something lacking in you. You were always worth it. I-I’m sorry I didn’t act like it.”

A quiet settled between them, thick and heavy. Things had clearly worked out for them in the end, but Axel regretted the pain he’d caused along the way.

Finally, Roxas cleared his throat, voice tight. “If you leave my arm half finished I’ll give you a second black eye.”

Axel laughed in spite of himself. A little weak, a little wet, but a laugh nonetheless. “Okay,” he said, starting his machine back up.

———

The next few hours passed in silence, well, save for the admittedly loud convention around them. Axel worked away while Roxas stared at his phone. A few patrons came by now and then to watch, or to make small talk with either Axel or Roxas. But the two said little to each other.

“I’m ordering food,” Roxas announced finally, breaking the quiet truce sometime around noon. “What do you want?”

“Huh?” Axel blinked and looked up from his work. “Oh, you don’t have to-“

“I want a burger,” Roxas interrupted him. “You still a fuckin’ vegetarian?”

Chucking, Axel nodded. “Yes.”

“Gross.” Roxas stuck his tongue out and tapped away on his phone. “One faux-meat burger coming up.”

It seemed Axel had no room to argue, so he didn’t.

A half hour later their food arrived, brought in by someone Axel vaguely recognized as one of Roxas’ band mates. She introduced herself as Xion, and her sweet and jovial demeanor was a welcome change to the heaviness that had been between the two men much of the day.

Slowly but surely, their moods lifted considerably, not just from the food but from the unspoken hurt between them finally being said. Roxas laughed at Axel’s bad jokes and it made his chest feel warm. Roxas still snorted when he laughed really hard, undignified and unattractive and oh so endearing to Axel’s ears.

The time seemed to fly then, Axel working while Roxas chatted away. He found himself a little irritated when other patrons came over to chat and check out his work. He wanted Roxas’ attention all to himself.

There was an ease and familiarity they fell back into. So much had changed over the years, yet there was a comfort being together, as though all those years meant very little.

Like old times, something in Axel said, before another part countered, No, not like old times. Not really. Roxas isn’t yours anymore. You burnt that bridge.

And his chest ached, because that was true. Roxas wasn’t his anymore, no matter how well they slotted back together all these years later.

All Axel could do was enjoy their time while he had it.

———

“So anyway, that’s why I’m not allowed back at Six Flags in Oklahoma.”

Axel had to pause in wrapping Roxas’ arm up in plastic wrap as he laughed. “Never?”

“Nope,” Roxas said with a casual shrug. “But it’s whatever. There’s other parks and that one didn’t even have the best coasters anyway.”

Axel chuckled as he finished wrapping up Roxas’ arm. He was proud of his work. As expected, he didn’t get to the color stage, the line work alone taking up the day and lasting into the evening. Still, it looked nice. Intricate cactus plants with blooming flowers and fruit wound up Roxas’ right arm, ending with a final large bloom right above his shoulder. It would look even nicer once colored.

“Anyway,” Roxas piped up, changing the subject. “What do I owe you?”

“Hm? Oh...” Axel paused. “Well, I feel like I really owe you, so-“

“If you tell me you did this for free, I'll sock you again,” Roxas cut him off. “I can afford it, Ax. I usually only spend money on the band and living expenses, so this is a rare treat. Now, what do I owe you? And don’t fuckin’ discount it a stupid amount.”

Axel couldn’t help the small laugh that bubbled out of him. Of course, he did give Roxas a small discount in the end, though it wasn’t enough to make the man suspicious.

Roxas paid and slid off the client chair, stretching as he was finally able to stand again. Axel expected him to leave, but Roxas hung around, hovering as though he wasn’t quite ready to leave yet either.

“You got any more clients tonight?”

Axel shook his head. “No, it’s late, and that was a long session. I’m not up for another client, even a short one.”

“Right.” Roxas nodded. “You, uh... need help cleaning up or anything?”

“Oh uh, no I got it. Don’t worry-“

Roxas groaned, head lolling back as he rolled his eyes. “Ax, just let me help. It’s the least I can do after punching you.”

Axel was still pretty sure he deserved the punch, but he wasn’t going to argue. Not if it meant even a little more time with Roxas.

“Okay,” he said, soft and smiling. “I gotta clean and sanitize. Then you can help me pack up and haul things back to my room.”

“Can do.”

Some supplies, such as the things provided by the convention as well as Axel’s signage and displays could stay, but Axel wanted to take his personal effects back to the safety of his room.

With Roxas’ help, cleaning and packing up Axel’s station flew by. It was one part a relief after such a long and somewhat stressful day, and one part a shame since it meant less time with Roxas at his side.

“That’s the last of it,” Axel said as he handed a case of supplies to Roxas. He grabbed a box of his own and, together, the two made their way out of the slowly emptying hall and to the connected hotel.

He awkwardly juggled his box to press the elevator button, grateful that the doors slid open almost immediately. The two stepped into the lift and Axel opted this time to jab the button to his floor with his elbow.

The doors to the elevator slid closed with no other patrons to join them, leaving just Axel and Roxas alone.

“What’s the plan for tomorrow?” Roxas asked as he watched the illuminated numbers above the doors slowly rise.

“Hm? Oh,” Axel said, catching up to his meaning. “I have another client who booked me for tomorrow. Then on Sunday I’m taking smaller walk-up requests.”

“Sounds like you’ll be kept pretty busy.” Roxas shifted the case of supplies in his arms. “That’s good.”

Axel nodded, but didn’t respond, instead opting to let his gaze wander over to Roxas. The day had started out rough, but somewhere along the way they’d slipped into a comfortable rapport. Things between them felt, dare he say, normal.

It only served to remind him more just how much he missed Roxas. How much he wanted even a fraction of what they used to have. How much-

A little bell chimed as the elevator lurched to a stop and the doors slid open once more. A glance up told Axel they had reached his floor, and with a small sigh and took a reluctant step out. He led Roxas down the hall and to room 802, where he was staying.

“This is me,” he said, and juggled the equipment in his arms to fish for his key card. He swiped it across the lock and waited for the telltale click. He pushed the door open and set his supplies down just inside the entryway. “Just set them here so I can easily grab them tomorrow.”

Roxas did as instructed, then quickly stepped back into the hall. Axel wanted to ask him to come inside. To keep Roxas a little longer. But he refrained.

“Well, I’ll leave ya to it,” Roxas said. “I’m sure you got a big day tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I do. What about you?” Axel asked.

Roxas shrugged. “Gotta be on the road. Our tour is taking us to Colorado next.”

“Right.” Axel nodded. He knew that meant he had to let Roxas go. The man needed to up bright and early the next day, which meant he needed to leave Axel and go to bed. The thought made his chest ache. “Well, you’ll... be in touch, yeah? About the tattoo?”

Roxas gave him a strange look which Axel couldn’t quite parse, before nodding himself. “Yeah. I’ll be in touch.”

“Good! Good. Um, well... I’ll let you be on your way, then.” Axel smiled weakly. “Goodnight, Roxas.”

“Yeah,” Roxas said softly, watching Axel with those deep blue eyes. “Night, Ax.”

With that, Roxas was gone, turning to walk back down the long hotel hallway, and back out of Axel’s life. Axel blew out a sigh and took a step back into his quiet room.

He stopped just inside the door. The room was dark and quiet, Demyx not having returned from wherever he went. Axel was alone. The ache in his chest grew. Tugged and pulled at his heart. Urged him to take action.

He’s worth keeping, a little voice told him. You lost him once by your own actions. Don’t lose him again with inaction. You have to at least try.

Axel swallowed hard and wrenched the door back open. Without a second thought, he sprinted down the long hall, aiming for Roxas who had just stepped into the elevator once again. He looked up and startled blue eyes met Axel’s, no doubt surprised to see the man running towards him at full tilt.

With a final desperate push, Axel leapt through the elevator doors just as they began to close and enveloped Roxas in a tight hug. Without a thought, he leaned in and caught the other man’s lips in a desperate kiss. Lips he’d kissed thousands of times as a teen. Lips that, just like the rest of Roxas, Axel had never forgotten.

When he pulled back, he pressed his forehead to Roxas’, eyes closed. “Sorry, I had to do that otherwise I’d regret it forever, please, oh please don’t punch me again.”

Roxas didn’t. Instead, he chuckled softly, and Axel found arms snaking around his waist. “You’re ridiculous,” he said softly, making Axel sputter out a small, wet laugh.

“Yeah, I guess I am. Will you still have me?” He swallowed hard. “I know maybe I don’t deserve a second chance but... but please, please let me try again, Sunshine.”

Hands clutched and tangled into Axel’s shirt. “You know I hate that nickname,” Roxas said, voice soft and fragile, but Axel could hear the smile in it. “But okay, let’s try again.”