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wilbur feels his hands shake, his entire body shaking under the light of the moon. warm water washes over him, wetting his hair as it drags him under, filling his gills. wilbur breathes as soon as the water touches his gills, taking in gasps of recycled air. he feels himself sinking, faster than he ever has before, feeling like he's being dragged under. his gills close, blocking out the water, and he's drowning. he's drowning, he's drowning - he can't breathe and he's going to die because schlatt isn't here to save him and replace his gills and-
"wilbur! wilbur, i'm-" schlatt's scream is cut off, his mouth filled with blood. blood smears the sides of his face, his eyes rolling into the back of his head. "be safe, will." wilbur screams, feeling the earth shatter around him, his entire world breaking and destroying itself from the inside out. the world tunes to his screams and cries, and wilbur listens to them sync, listens to the entire world break in half and-
a hand presses against his chest, pushing him back down when he tries to get back up. water pours into his mouth, filling his lungs. he chokes, trying to cough the water back out, trying to breathe, trying to live, trying to, trying to, trying-
"wilbur!" schlatt's voice rings in his ears, and wilbur breathes again, his eyes watering when he opens them. he looks up, staring at the sun that peers through the ocean, burning his eyes. "wilbur, shh," schlatt murmurs, his hand on his throat. "you fuckin' got rid of your gills, dumbass," the words are unusually soft, filled with gentle kindness that wilbur rarely hears from the other god. "you can breathe," schlatt murmurs. "you can breathe. come on, wilbur. breathe. breathe, will."
wilbur inhales water, feeling his gills open and close, feeling the on the sides of his neck. his heart hammers in his chest, and he tries so hard to maintain eye contact with schlatt. his eyes trail down to the god's chest, staring at it. there's no sword, only a light blue jumper that flows in the water. schlatt is alright, he's alive. he's okay, he's alive and he's alright and he's okay and-
"wilbur," schlatt sighs. "come on. breathe, big guy. in and out, in and out. you have to breathe. i'm alright, you're alright. we're both okay, yeah?" schlatt smiles. "we're both okay." wilbur closes his eyes, feeling the sand move underneath him. he blinks, watching as an orca, the one schlatt jokingly called will, glides towards him. the orca stops in front of his face, and wilbur reaches out, gently touching the sides of their head. as soon as he does he feels his heart stop hammering in his chest, feels himself start to breathe again. he's filled with memories and reminders of who he is and where he is and why he's here, how he's here. he's reminded of schlatt and tommy, and tommy-
"i want to see him," wilbur whispers. "tommy. i want to see tommy. i..i want.." he breathes out, closing his eyes again. the water is still around him for a moment before it moves again, his hair floating in the current. "you..remember him, right? the boy. the one who called me his brother, the one who wanted to save the world. the boy who is humanity's concept of hope. he's hope, schlatt. he's hope."
schlatt nods, closing his eyes for a brief moment. "i remember him. he's alright," schlatt tells him. "i've gone down to earth a few times," he smiles. "he's okay. he's with his friend, tubbo. he's okay, they both are. tubbo's the concept of morality, yeah? something like that. i think tommy would like to see you again, wilbur. he misses you, you were like his older brother. he's got no one left but tubbo."
wilbur closes his eyes, nodding along with the words. panic fills his chest once more, but he tries his best to drown it out, focusing on schlatt, focusing on the water and sand. "i don't think he does."
"he does," schlatt assures him. "he does. he's your little brother, wilbur. you can go and see him whenever," he moves, standing back. wilbur notices the river god's true form, scales scattered over his nose, his eyes teal. schlatt never looks like this unless he's underwater. "you wanna go see him?" the river god asks, tilting his head to the side. "i can take us there right now." wilbur could do the same. he could teleport himself and schlatt to humanity's world, he could go there right now. he could so easily travel the sky and make his way to humanity's concept of hope.
"okay," wilbur breathes out. "i want to..i want to see him. how do i explain that.." he shakes his head. "we're gods, schlatt. how do i tell him?" schlatt laughs, rolling his eyes.
"you just say it, wilbur. just say you're a god, it isn't that difficult. uh," he pauses, ducking his head. "i'll stay back. i'll be with you, but not..not right next to you, y'know? tommy really doesn't like me, and he's got, uh, he's got pretty good reason. so.." schlatt sighs. "i'll just..not interrupt."
wilbur blinks, remembering the war. he barely even remembers what he was fighting for, but he knows that it had been important to him. he wanted freedom from a concept called greed, and so he fought. he fought long and hard and it was his third real war, and he dragged two kids into it. and then, when they had finally won and they were finally free, it was ripped out from under them by a god known as the river god. and then, when the wound was still burning, wilbur was exiled from his home.
he remembers going insane, he remembers that very well. he remembers screaming and crying late at night, walking out to the ocean and finding the river god sat at the bottom of it. he remembers seeing him with his eyes closed, so peaceful and free and wilbur was so fucking angry and-
"okay," he murmurs. "i understand. please stay close," he understands why schlatt did it, even if it was wrong. he knows, he wishes he didn't understand. wilbur wishes a lot of things. "i haven't been without you in a while, and you're familiar," wilbur shakes his head. "i think you understand."
"i do," schlatt confirms. "come on, wilbur soot, god of the skies. let's visit."
wilbur thinks that his human clothes are stupid. he thinks human clothes are stupid. he looks down at his yellow jumper, the colour of the sun, frowning. his hair is tucked under a beanie, and he sighs. "i despise the way this looks," he tells schlatt, wrinkling his nose up in disgust. "how do you wear human clothes without hating them?" schlatt grins, rolling his eyes for a second.
"they're comfortable, wilbur. it's better than what i wore when i was a god at first," he grins a little less, visibly shuddering. "oh, there he is!" schlatt bounces on his heels, grabbing wilbur by the arm. he starts moving, and wilbur has no choice but to be dragged along, sighing even more. nervousness pools in his stomach, but he tries his best to ignore it, opting to focus on tommy. his hair is a little longer than it had been, the bags under his eyes slightly noticeable. "tommy!" schlatt yells, mimicking wilbur's voice nearly perfectly.
tommy snaps his head towards the noise, and..oh. his eyes widen, and wilbur watches as he stands up straighter, his shoulders squaring. "will?" the name feels like a punch to the stomach. that might be what he went by a few years ago, but it feels weird to hear. he's been wilbur for so long, and although will stems from that name, it just..it..he breathes out, trying to steady himself. "wilbur," tommy repeats, his voice a little stronger than it had been. "you're..here."
"i am," wilbur offers a smile, rubbing the back of his neck. he looks down, shifting on his feet. fuck. he feels a hand on his shoulder, turning back to see schlatt grinning at him, looking like a madman. "i'm sorry," wilbur rushes out. "i'm sorry. i didn't..i don't know what happened to me," he lets out a breathy laugh, wondering if tommy can tell that he's nervous. "i have so much to tell you, and i don't-"
the air is knocked from his lungs when tommy barrels into him, wrapping his arms around wilbur. wilbur stands stock still, his eyes widening.
tommy is hugging him.
"god, you fucking idiot, you're so fucking stupid, i missed you so much," tommy whispers, gripping his stupid yellow jumper. "you're so fucking stupid. why did you leave? i know you thought we were all mad at you, but i was just, i don't know, i was sad. i was sad and i didn't understand, and i just, and i..i thought maybe, that you'd..that.." tommy rambles on, and wilbur does the only thing he knows how to. he hugs tommy back, feeling his heart hammer in his chest.
"tommy. i'm a god," he murmurs. "i'm the god of the skies. i'm a god, and you.." he breathes out, "you, tommy, you are the concept of hope personified." tommy is quiet, taking in shuddery breaths that he tries to muffle. wilbur hears them anyways, his ears perfectly in tune with everything he isn't supposed to hear in life.
"you're a god," tommy repeats. "a god. the god of the skies. and you.." he blinks, taking a step back. "and i'm..what? how's that even fucking possible? will, i don't..i don't understand. do i have to..do i have to do something, is that what you're telling me? do i have to..do i.." tommy closes his eyes. "i don't understand, will. i don't understand."
wilbur nods. "you don't have to do anything. you're just.." he shakes his head. "you are the good in the world, tommy. i haven't seen that in such a long time, and i'm sorry. i'm sorry, tommy. i don't understand why i did what i did, i don't know why it happened. i'm sorry." tommy smiles, tears shining in his eyes.
"i missed you, wilbur. you're m- my older brother, you know? and then you just..you just left, and i didn't understand, and it's.." he breathes out. "it's been two weeks since l'manberg got blown up. and i just..i didn't know what to do. you always told me what to do, will, like, all the time. and then you were gone, and i didn't know what the hell i was supposed to do anymore. you're," tommy laughs, "you're my older brother. and i'm not mad at you. not anymore."
"tommy," wilbur feels himself smiling. "would you like to visit the sky with me, tommyinnit?" he asks, raising his eyebrows. "oh, and i.." he looks over to the side, sighing at schlatt's absence. "schlatt, he's..he's the god of the rivers. the god of all the bodies of water, but," wilbur shrugs. "he's my best friend."
tommy blinks. "he's the reason you went fuckin' mental, will."
"yeah," wilbur laughs, ducking his head. "but he's the reason that i'm here. that i'm talking to you and that i'm still alive," wilbur sighs. "he's..he's the only constant thing in my life, it seems. and if i can't get rid of him," wilbur shrugs. "why try? i'm sure you feel the same way about tubbo."
"tubbo isn't an evil murderer dictator," tommy tells him. "he's just some idiot who likes bees and likes to talk a lot, and.." he sighs. "but, um, yeah. i get it. you can't really choose who's your best friend, yeah?"
"yeah," wilbur confirms. "i wouldn't change it, anyways. so, tommy," he grins. "would you like to see the world from the top of the sky with me?"
tommy looks at him for a moment, a wide grin settling onto his face. "take me to the top of the fucking world, bitchboy."