Chapter Text
When she comes across him at the center of the large clearing, Tauriel freezes, one foot suspended in the air comically before she sets it down and dives behind a nearby tree.
Multiple feelings crash over her like a wave, all of them catching her off guard. There's pleasure, because he's kili and he’d just been healed yet here he was standing in front of her. Concern, because he was kili and he’d just been healed yet hear he was standing in front of her; the strangest flutter in her stomach, stutter in her heartbeat that made her draw further back into the shadows, nervous in a way that made her nervous about being nervous. She didn’t want him to see her, didn’t want to know whether he remembered everything he said, if the feel of her fingers had impressed themselves as deeply into his memory as his had in hers…
He’s removed the rough-spun cotton shirt he’d been given and is in nothing but a sleeveless, black, net-like undershirt and his trousers. Kili strings another arrow into his bow, draws it till his bow is so tense its almost vibrating and then let’s the arrow fly. It slices through the air and thuds impressively close to the centre of the tree trunk but she notes that if he had been aiming for the head of an orc, his arrow would have sailed harmlessly by. He’s breathing heavily, his hand absently going to the gash on his knee and Tauriel frowns, wondering how long he’s been here practicing like this.
Its almost midnight, almost the dawn of a new day and the air is heavy with the promise that soon something wicked this way comes; it's in the coolness of the wind, the whispering of the trees, the inky blackness of the night sky - lower than she’s ever seen it;
There are no stars.
Frequently, achingly through this night, she has thought of Legolas and Orcs; dimly, vaguely she has thought of dragons; confusingly, terrifyingly, she has thought of dwarves. one dwarf in particular- kili…
Kili and dreams, and forbidden Elvin women that walked in starlight, kili and his fingers, light as feathers, trembling slightly as they interlocked with hers, Kili’s warmth, and Kili’s smile, Kili’s 'could she ever love me' and the sudden rapid- fire thudding of her heart.
Just thinking about it affects her, makes her flush in a way that’s wholly discomfiting. She’s captain of Thranduil's guard, she’s not supposed to be hiding behind trees and blushing at the thought of a dwarf and yet. ..She rubs her fingers together absently, feeling his phantom touch, contemplating. She’s torn. Between wanting to go to him and wanting to walk away.
The strength of the emotions that had awoken within her tonight were nothing less than disconcerting.
She had been wandering through the forest in an attempt to get perspective….and while away enough time that she could be sure that Kili was really alright. Now that he’s standing in front of her firing arrows, she guesses she’s free to leave, except…
Except, there’s something about being here, watching him that makes the confused swirling inside her settle a bit.
He notches another arrow and Tauriel is watching the straight line his arm makes as he draws it, the flexing of the muscles in his arm, the network pattern of veins under his skin…he’s the exact opposite of any elf she’s ever known, the exact opposite of Legolas – tanned a golden brown where Legolas is alabaster white. Small, dark, curled hairs on his arms where Legolas is smooth. Short and sturdy where Legolas is tall and graceful – he’s the exact opposite of the one man that she’s ever consciously wanted so why is it, she wonders, that standing here, the world existing in shades of silver moonlight, Kili has the ability to make her heart race, her mouth go dry?
Or that when she sees the raised scars running here and there across his arms, one particularly jagged cut near his shoulder, there’s a part of her that wants to run her hands over them, wants to know if they’re smooth or rough, as warm as his fingers against hers; she wants to ask him if they hurt, thinks that if they did, even though she’s a couple of years late, she might still be tempted to kiss the pain away.
Dear gods she thinks she might be losing her mind.
She’s about to turn and leave, when Kili’s sharp cry has her whirling around, her heart in her throat. She’s already pulled out her dagger, a hand on her bow as her eyes dart to and fro. There’s no orc, no new arrow imbedded in his flesh, no attack, but he’s sunk to one knee and is clutching at his leg, his face contorted in pain.
Her weapons are sheathed before she knows it and she’s so focused on him, she doesn’t realize she’s taken several steps towards him until moonlight falls across her form, threatening to reveal her. Then, she pauses, conflicted between wanting to help and not wanting to complicate matters even further; to have to answer a question she has no answer to.
He’s panting, sweat beading across his brow which he angrily swipes away. “C’mon Kili,” he urges himself, “if you’re going to be no good in the main battle, at least support them with this, C’mon Kili” he knocks a fist against the wound and even though its not hers, everything in Tauriel is clenching because she knows how much it must hurt. Twice, thrice, his face twists in pain and Tauriel is a second from rushing to him and arresting his hand when he surges to his feet. He’s off balance and needs to hobble a bit before he can stand without wincing and even then, he’s leaning notably on his good leg.
Its ridiculous; she’s removed the poison but the wound is still there, raw and unhealed. He should be resting, not preparing for a war he should have no part in. She should tell him so, except…even from the distance she is away from him, she can see his determination in the set of his shoulders, hear it in the name of every one of his brothers in arms he calls out as he fires each arrow.
She knows what it is to go to war, knows what it’s like to lose friends - elves she has known like brothers - and can’t imagine the anguish of having to sit on the sidelines and watch her family die around her. She understands him perfectly and strangely enough, she’s pretty sure that in the Elvin dungeons, talking about starlight and freedom he understood her too.
She hesitates just a second more before making her choice and then, she’s perfectly steady as she walks towards him, no longer unsure; she does not know what the future will hold, but for tonight, she has a gift to give him.
When she’s barely a meter away, she calls out, “not bad for a dwarf!”
Kili starts visibly, the complete silence of her approach taking him off guard and Tauriel bites her lip to hide a smile because he’s…kind of cute when he’s startled.
“Tauriel?”
And there’s something about that, the way he says her name that makes her grow warm. He’s watching her like he’s seen a ghost and she’d almost forgotten that he’d thought she’d been a dream.
“you’re really here,” Kili breathes, still looking shell-shocked, “but…then…” she can see him thinking it through, knows the exact moment when he remembers his delirious words because his eyes find hers, widening slightly in something like panic.
He opens his mouth to say something and though she’s not sure, she has the nastiest feeling that’s its either going to be painfully awkward bumbling or worse, an apology and though she doesn’t know exactly how she feels about everything that’s happened, she does know that she doesn’t want him to apologize for… anything. So she cuts him off before he can speak, repeating herself and nodding towards the tree studded with arrows, letting a small smile curve the corner of her mouth “not bad for a dwarf”
He catches her eyes again and if he’s surprised by the reprieve he's too relieved to question it. They'll leave that particular moment in time alone. It wasn’t something that could be brought up now with dragons, orcs, darkness and chaos. There would be more than enough time to talk after, more than enough time to figure out the answer to his question but for now,
“you do this often?” she asks him while stepping closer. Kili hesitates for just a second, then relaxes and smiles, “well yeah, of course, all the time but mostly before major wars. Gotta keep the skills of the best archer in the realm sharp.” There's pure mischief in the twinkle in his eyes.
His teasing earns him a raised eyebrow as Tauriel steps nearer, her mouth curving in an amused smile. “Best in the entire realm?... Really? Are you sure about that?”
“Absolutely, unless you know, you think you can do better?” he says it casually enough but its clearly a challenge. For just a second when she pauses, looking at him with unreadable eyes he thinks he may have gone too far, misjudged the liberties he was actually allowed to take with her and she would avenge her insulted Elvin sensibilities by shooting him full of arrows...
But then Tauriel grins and he almost breathes out a sigh of relief. He returns her grin.
He offers her his bow but she waves it away and pulls out hers instead.
Kili makes a show of rolling his eyes and because his leg is throbbing but he doesn’t want to alarm her - rests his bow on the ground and leans on it. “you know, I don’t know why elves make such a big deal about these things; its literally just a bow, mine works just as well as – ”
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.
Kili trails off, his mouth still open as Tauriel sends three arrows flying in such rapid succession that her hands are a blur. The first arrow strikes dead center of a tree several feet behind the one he was practicing on. The second splits the first and the third splits the second and sends an impressive crack right through the middle of the tree. One more arrow and he thinks she might actually succeed in splitting the tree in half.
Tauriel sends him a look so smug he has to laugh. Giving a bow that’s more than a little exaggerated, he acknowledges her superiority, “very well, fair warrior, queen of bows and arrows, vanquisher of orcs,”
*Walker in starlight*, the words sound in both their minds.
"Healer of dwarves,” she grins at that one, “you’ve proved your bow superior to mine.”
Again an eyebrow raises and Kili can feel the skepticism in that one look. “oh, it is not about the bow,” she counters.
“oh? Prove it” he tosses her his and admires the deft movement with which she catches it, not even blinking. Kili folds his arms, thoroughly enjoying himself. Enough to even take his mind off his injured leg. He nods towards the tree with mock seriousness. “that is you know, if you ca –”
Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh
This time his jaw drops open. Dead center again, each arrow splitting the one before it and the tree groans ominously, before parting clean down the center to the point where Tauriel’s arrows had widened the split in the bark.
“damn” kili murmurs softly as she moves to stand beside him, examining her handy-work with a small smile.
After a long second Kili chuckles and drags a hand through his hair, his mouth forming a twisted smile. “Guess I’m a worse shot than I thought then.” His tone is bitterly amused and Tauriel silently considers him, knowing that his mood comes largely from his wound and yet not liking the half- mocking tone he uses for himself.
Instead of telling him that it’ll be fine, that his brothers in arms won’t hold him accountable for the vicious wound he’d suffered, effectively removing him from battle, that he’s one of the bravest men, let alone dwarves she’s ever met, that if he was reckless he was reckless for his familly and they wouldn’t have made it out of the Elvin stronghold much less this far without him - instead of telling him a whole bunch of sensible, true things that wouldn’t do a thing to help him feel better, she gives him what he needs.
“Technique,” she explains.
“What? What’s wrong with my technique?” He sounds both surprised and put-out and Tauriel’s smile flickers across her face.
“Take your stance.” She orders. Kili strangely enough, doesn't question her, just obeys and if he’s a little surprised that an elf, and Thranduil’s captain of the guard no less is actually about to give him some pointers, he doesn't show it.
Tauriel is circling him, her eyes noting every detail, every tiny aspect of his stance. Its… distracting. As much as he likes the idea of her watching him, it makes him super-self conscious and hyper aware of his own body. He lifts his head higher, straightens his back, tenses the muscles in his arms and tries not to wonder if she likes what she sees. Worse yet, her steady circling draws his gaze like a moth to flame. He loves to watch her moving, loves the way she walks like silk sliding through fingers, like water slipping through stone, with a liquid fluidity that almost makes her seem like she’s gliding… He’s watching her again. He blinks, trying hard to focus on the target in front of him…only to have his eyes slide back to her.
Focus…slide, focus…slide, focus…slide…stay. Dammit Kili.
There’s another smile forming at the corners of her mouth when she tells him, without taking her eyes off the position of his feet, “focus on the tree Kili, not on me.”
“Right. Yes. sorry.”He flushes and quickly tears his gaze from her beautiful form barely an arm’s length away and fixes it on his target.
Her eyes flicker to his then and unless he’s very much mistaken, there’s something very amused and very pleased about the way she’s looking at him. Kili quickly arrests his thoughts and tightens his grip on his bow. Focus, he tells himself sternly.
“okay, now, widen your legs a bit.” He does. “a bit more,” he does again.
“Killi, it is to lower your centre of gravity, to give you more stability when you’re shooting – one more time.” He opens his legs so wide he threatens to teeter backwards and fall on his ass.
Tauriel is chuckling as she steps closer. He tries his hardest to ignore her hands on his hips, her legs nudging his closed and then, her thigh sliding between his legs, to pull them slightly apart; His heart is tripping inside his chest.
“okay now, anchor your hand.”
“what?” he blurts out, still hopelessly distracted.
Another smile flickers over her face, “let your firing hand touch your mouth.”
Oh.
He does, feeling a little silly – he knew that..
“Okay…” Tauriel steps in close behind him and shatters the little focus he’d managed to piece together. She smells of the forest; vanilla, pine and heady traces of something that makes him think of smoke and wildflowers. Its devastatingly alluring, as mysterious as she is, as subtly beautiful.
“You’re tense, relax” she murmurs. He’s too aware of himself and of her to but he tries, rolling his shoulders and giving himself a little shake. It works a little but when she leans in to cover the hand holding the bow with hers, her cheek just centimeters from his, her skin on his, her scent all around him and her breath on his neck. goose-bumps break out over his skin and he tenses again, this time with the effort of holding himself in check. For some strange reason, he wants to bite her, turn his head just a little, nuzzle his way up her neck, place his lips against the small hollow under her jaw and nip. Kili blinks hard and banishes the thought from his mind. Unaware of the impulses the dwarf in her arms is struggling with, Tauriel continues her instruction, “Now loosen this hand.” He does and her soft “good” makes him go warm.
“lower your arm” she places a hand on his shoulder, runs it down to his arm, pushing it gently down and Kili swallows hard, she’s completely focused on his technique, his proximity doesn’t seem to affect her at all; he wishes he could stay the same.
Her fingers linger on his arm and Kili takes a deep breath, long and slow. It’s his wound, or the fact that its midnight, or that the woman he thought he loved but would never see again is standing right behind him, but he’s feeling especially reckless tonight; wants to do all kinds of crazy things. Like turn and cover her mouth with his. Like run his fingers through the silky mass of her hair. Like interlock his fingers with hers and not let go this time. He thinks he’ll scare her away if he does any of the above and so draws a little harder on his arrow until he things he just might snap the bowstring and…focuses.
“Now…” Tauriel glances at him, and trails off, almost losing her train of thought. He’s so close, so achingly close. She’s breathing in the air he’s breathing, feeling the warm solidness of him. He smells like the kind of fertile black soil young sapling's ache to spread their roots through; like the rich, dark places in the depths of the earth, like bright minerals and polished steel and she’s pressed against him, closer than she meant to be, her chest against his back, her arms around him, fingers on warm skin. She's fighting not to lean in closer, to bury her face in his neck and inhale. There’s a heat rising in her veins, pooling in her lower belly that she doesn’t want to think about. Quickly she struggles to recover, “now aim,”
He does so, closing one eye to get a better target.
“and… fire” his fingers move at her command and the arrow hurtles beautifully through the air to embed itself, dead centre, almost completely in the trunk of the tree. Tauriel smiles fondly at the gasp of surprise he lets out.
“Again” she orders and a second arrow goes flying to split the first.
“oh my gods,” Kili mutters, still in shock. She rests her head on his shoulder, genuinely happier than she can remember being in a while.
“Now how did that feel?” she asks.
He’s laughing as he turns his head towards her. “Amazing!” He declares.
She notices it at the exact same moment he does- that their faces are now barely centimeters apart. His eyes widen for a second and then darken. “It felt amazing” he murmurs again only now he’s staring at her lips instead of her eyes.
Butterflies explode in her heart and stomach and Tauriel is almost alarmed by their intensity. She should move back, end it now before either of them has the chance to do something stupid – she knows this - and yet all she does is whisper, “that’s good.” Her voice is huskier than she means it to be and she knows she’s in trouble because now she’s the one looking at his lips.
What would it be like to kiss a dwarf? What would it be like to kiss kili?
He must have been thinking along the same lines because he was slowly leaning closer to her.
It crossed her mind, briefly,– the issue of legolas and orcs, dragons and duty. Then Kili’s nose brushes hers, sending tiny shocks throughout her entire body and she can’t help the way her eyes drift closed. His hand reaches upwards to smooth away strands of hair that have drifted to her cheek and it amazes Tauriel, as his thumb strokes down her face to brush across her bottom lip – how much a single touch can make her ache.
She’s leaning in too now; can’t help it and there’s something - something breathless and yearning and aching in this moment.
He wants to, gods he wants to but he’d never take advantage of a moment of vulnerability, doesn’t want this to be something she regrets.
“Tauriel?” he murmurs against her lips, so close, his lips are just barely brushing hers – a feather light touch that turns her response into a low murmur of want, “mmmh?”
“I’m going to kiss you now.” She stills. Kili freezes as well, terrified that he’s brought her back to her senses and she was going to do the very proper, decent elvish thing and leave.
Tauriel draws back, just enough so that she can look him in the eyes. Kili’s heart is pounding in his chest.
He thought he knew perfectly how beautiful Tauriel’s eyes were – he’s seen them in his dreams a dozen times since that night of starlight and fire-moons – but now, seeing them this close, he realizes that he had no idea – emerald green gems, touched with silver moonlight and flecked with gold around her irises. He’s waiting for her to leave which is why he receives the shock of his life when she leans in and gently nips his bottom lip, “so kiss me.” She murmurs.
Desire lances through him and his heart stutters, in gratitude - in disbelief, he doesn’t know, but he slides a hand underneath the heavy mass of her hair, cups her neck, and leans in. Their lips meet, lightly, briefly and break away tingling. Then there’s a moment of forehead’s resting against foreheads and panting breaths intermingling with panting breaths and then a surge, each toward the other, a passionate crush of lips against lips, Tauriel’s mouth opening under Kili’s to deepen the kiss, Kili tangling his fingers through her thick long hair, pulling her as close as he can get and –
“hey Kili! Kili!” Fili comes bursting into the clearing and the two break apart as though ice cold water has been flung over them.
As one they turn to face Kili’s brother in shock.
Fili runs up to them huffing and wheezing. He actually has to bend over to catch his breath but it doesn’t stop him from yelling, “where the bloody hell have you been, we’ve been looking for you all night! Thought you’d gone cuckoo and drowned yourself in the lake or something!” Fili launches himself forward and envelops Kili in a gigantic bear hug (gigantic for his size).
Kili, acutely aware of the opportunity he lost, thinks of starlight, and mist, and smoky wildflowers on his tongue and is torn between returning his brother’s hug and wanting to throttle him.
Tauriel, Tauriel is flushed and hot and bothered and actually drags her hand through her hair in a most un-Elvin-like manner.
She doesn’t know if she’s more relieved or frustrated at the interruption. What she does know is that she’s trembling like a leaf; it’s too much all at once, Legolas leaving, choosing to stay, Kili and his warm fingers, warmer lips, “could she ever love me” and… realizing that the answer could be yes if it wasn’t already – she takes in a sharp breath, right on the edge of something like panic and Kili’s eyes snap to hers.
She looks away, unable to take the concern she sees shining from them right now.
She had… kissed him. Maybe almost done a whole lot more and she….she had no idea how to classify that right now. Maybe ever.
She needed…to get away, to think.
“well…it seems you’re in excellent hands I’ll be taking my leave.” She says quietly, ever polite.
Fili breaks away from Kili, ready to protest, “What in the dead of the night like this, at least wait till morning. come, rest, you've done a lot to aid us tonight and we're in your debt. Tomorrow we can give you some provisions at the very least before you continue on your way.” He nudges his brother, expecting him to add something but Kili’s arguments are in the soft, darkness of his eyes as he gazes at her; convincing arguments, persuasive arguments, arguments that bring a gentle red back into Tauriel’s cheeks.
“No, thank you but I’ll be fine. I….I just…there are a number of things I need to attend to.” She speaks to Fili but her eyes don’t leave Kili’s. A range of emotions sweeps across his face – hope and fear, disappointment and desire, understanding. When he gives her a small nod, she is grateful that he get's that she's...just not ready for all this yet.
It was a sign of her disturbed equanimity that she doesn't remember to use formal titles as she takes her leave. “Fili” she says by way of goodbye, giving a small nod of her head. Her gaze shifts to his brother and those still dark eyes remind her of everything that had happened between them on this night. She gives him a small nod as well, “kili” his name comes out lower, and rougher than his brother's s had.
Kili sweeps into a low bow and it seems to her that when he straightenes, the black pools that were his eyes were even darker than before. “Tauriel.”
She really, really needs to leave before she does or says something she'll regret.
Fili’s gaze travels between the elf and his brother, taking in the weird vibes, their lingering stares, silent communication - the charged weight between them, incomplete suspicions forming as Tauriel takes her leave.
After waiting till she was a safe distance away, he leans towards Kili and whispers, “Hey bro, I didn’t…uh…interrupt anything did I?”
Kili stares flatly at him for a long second before smacking him upside the head.
“wha- But! She’s-” Fili spluttered incomprehensibly for a moment in utter indignation. “How was I – I thought you’d be alone you know. Never thought, well never expected –“ he was struggling to find a nice way of saying I never thought you’d be trying to make-out with an elf, the Captain of Thranduil’s guard no less but Kili shook of his clumsy explanation and hobbled as quickly as he could a little way forward.
He could just see Tauriel, tall, and beautiful, reddish-brown hair looking like silver touched fire in the moonlight and he couldn’t resist, making sure, that he’d get a second chance at this, some way somehow.
“Tauriel” he called and watched her still so completely it was almost eerie. She turned, the movement like water and even across the expanse of the clearing, he could feel her eyes on his, feel her waiting, somewhere between amusement and apprehension.
“promise me that no matter what happens, today, or tomorrow, or the next, that before you leave for your homeland…you and I will try this again, without interruptions this time….i really need the practice.”
He grins to complete the joke and take some of the weight of his words, sees a dozen emotions flicker across her face: surprise, amusement, hesitation, tenderness, fear until finally the corner of her lips turn upwards in the smallest smile. Its not a smile of promises, or of secrets, or even of moonlight kisses but it is a smile of maybe’s and almosts; It’s a smile of we’ll sees and as she calls back out to him, his heart twists in his chest at the idea of it, at the idea of a maybe.
“don’t get your hopes up dwarf.” She calls out she's only partly teasing.
He grins anyway, responds, “It’s inevitable, elf. I’ll be waiting.”
She gives him a quick look, speculative, serious
Inevitable
Then shakes her head and gives him a wave as she turns to disappear into the forest.
Killi watches her go, feeling as if he had finally caught a dream only to lose it anyway.
She was, so so close to him, but so so far. She walked in starlight and moonbeams, in silent beauty like the night. She was Healer of Dwarves, Destroyer of Orcs, Shooter of arrows, capturer of his heart. Could she ever love him? He had no idea but of one thing he was certain. Before the final battle, before the world ended in arrows, steel, blood, cries and death, he would find out. And if she’d let him, after all this was over…he’d walk in starlight with her and never let her go.