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Sam loved Dean, loved Cas as well. Real stand up guys! Blundering idiots, absolutely, but real stand up guys.
He didn't want to come off as impatient and on edge as he was, but you see it had been five years already of this blinded idiocy that both his brother and Cas played into, and Sam's teeth would soon be grinded into a pulp if nothing happened soon.
The angel was easier to get to. Wholly devoted and less emotionally stunted. Sam slid comments like the occasional "he loves when you steal his flannel on movie night" or the "just call him a random name to make him confused and want your attention," which earned him a frown and bent eyebrow, but then a slow smile as Cas came into agreement.
What? Sam was allowed to enjoy the courting process. Had he not suffered enough?
"Okay Dan I will" Cas said with as nod to Dean, giving an exaggerated wink to Sam once his back was turned to Dean.
"Dan?" Dean whispered, bewildered as he looked at Sam. Sam only shrugged, internally ecstatic. The plan was beginning to form and work.
Sam nearly choked on his coffee when he heard a "thank you David, the breakfast today was excellent as usual" and a small, flirty grin that looked more like Cas was covering up a choking fit, but Sam figured his brother would swoon over it.
"No problem Cas" Dean answered back, sending heart eyes and his own flirty grin back, before his entire face froze and his mind seemed to rewind.
"David?!" he yelled into the kitchen and Cas's retreating back.
"Is Cas having a stroke Sam?" Dean asked, brows furrowed in worried.
"No, why?" Sam asked, aiming for nonchalance.
"I... maybe I'm imagining it" Dean said, more to himself as he continued to be bewildered by the fact that Cas had again called him the wrong name.
"Darcey, I'll go into the building first and let you in" Cas told Dean, staring intently at Dean while he awaited for the go ahead.
Dean looked around him, raising an expectant eyebrow. "Who's Darcey?" he whisper yelled. "Dylan, this is no time to ask silly questions, did you hear my plan or not?" Cas asked.
"Dylan?!" Dean yelped, the vein in his forehead threatening to burst.
"Go ahead" Sam answered for Dean, seeing how his brother seemed to be going under epileptic shock, while Cas waited for them to start the hunt.
"Come on Dylan, let's go" Sam said to Dean, grinning and giving Dean a thump on the back.
Dean lay curled up on the couch, hugging a mug of once warm coffee close to his chest. He was in mental disarray.
Cas appeared to be launching psychological warfare against Dean and damn him, but it was working.
Dean so far this week had been called Dominic, Darragh, which he didn't even know was a real name, Daisy, and Damien which was an assholes name if he had ever heard one. The worst of it all, well worth then being called fucking Daisy was the flirty smiles and touches that Cas gave with each assault.
Sam was of course no fucking help. He just laughed it up each time Dean's ego was punctured.
"I can't take it anymore" Dean said.
He drew the line at being called Daphne. He couldn't do this anymore.
"Cas, man I don't know what I did, but I can't take being called anything but Dean by you" Dean said, doing his best to hold himself together and not slump onto the floor and lay there for 3-5 business days.
"Dean?" Cas said worriedly, putting a hand on Dean's shoulder and maneuvering himself right into Dean's space.
"Sam told me this would work" Cas said with a frown.
"What did Sam say would work?" Dean asked with wide eyes.
"He said me calling you different names would make you want me" Cas said frowning even more.
"He- He said what?!" Dean yelled, sighing when he saw Cas deflate.
"I'm not mad at you Cas, I already want you, you don't need to call me the wrong names to do that, but first I'M GOING TO KILL SAM" Dean yelled the last part so that Sam would start writing his will real quick before Dean murdered him.
"Don't kill Sam, he just wanted to help" Cas said sincerely.
"Oh I bet he did. Mhm" Dean replied.
They didn't call Sam the man with a plan for no reason. Okay so no-one called him that, but permits are pending.
His plan worked, now instead of pining idiots, he got love sick idiots kissing, hugging, holding hands, and just staring at each other so goddamn much that Sam had to extinguish four fires just in the last week, but he was okay with it. If he put itching powder in Dean's underwear then that is just something that may have happened. Who knows how it got there, who's to say anyway.
"I'M GOING TO KILL SAM" was yelled into the bunker once more, but this time Dean was happily dating Cas.