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Hawk stood at the bathroom sink, watching the water continue to pour over his hands. He thought he’d cleaned up well enough at the dojo but his mom had noticed some of the blood still caked in the cracks of his knuckles. Brucks’ blood.
He stared at his reflection in the mirror, really stared for the first time in awhile. It was no wonder Kyler and Brucks hadn’t recognized him at first. And that’s exactly what he’d always wanted, wasn’t it?
Traces of his former life were so few and far between. He’d made sure of it. He’d torn down the Doctor Who posters and threw out the Harry Potter wand replicas. He’d thrown out all of the Star Trek memorabilia, crushed it in fact. Just to make sure there was no going back.
He’d learned how to style the mohawk after multiple YouTube Tutorials. He’d bought tubs of Manic Panic by the armful, his once white shower now stained with shades of blue then red. He’d bought a bright new wardrobe, no longer forced to hide behind the muted colors and oversized sweaters.
He’d watched all the 80’s action flicks that Sensei Lawrence had recommended to them. He’d mimicked Miguel’s confidence. He’d spent hours thinking up the most alpha response to any given situation, doling out the rehearsed answers until eventually the new thoughts became second nature.
Occasionally, Hawk wondered if it was all worth it. Not for long, of course. There was training to focus on and most of his other free time was spent mastering his new street bike.
But when he was lying in bed, sometimes he’d think about the fact that nobody had seen him with his hair down in nearly a year. Or how the only person who knew all his secrets had weaponized them against him.
He always made up for that weakness by showing up early to the dojo, putting in extra reps at the punching bag to chase away any lingering snippets of doubt. He’d just never understood why he couldn’t cut off the problem at the root.
Like how there were still bits of the posters stuck to the drywall in his room. Like how his new look could only distract from his cleft scar for so long. Like how Tory could sense his hesitation to finish off Demetri.
He turned off the faucet and dried off his hands, inspecting them for any lingering traces of blood. Satisfied, he returned the towel to the rack and faced the mirror again.
He shut his eyes as he tried to remember what exactly happened at the dojo. He could see Kyler, Brucks, and the other new recruits walking through the door. He watched Mitch being kicked off the team. He even remembered the start of the fight, taking off his top gi and landing that opening roundhouse kick to Brucks’ face.
Then it was just… blank. Darkness. The faces of his fellow Cobras showed varying degrees of mixed horror. He’d seen pride radiating from Sensei Kreese. He proudly recalled the way Kyler could no longer meet his eyes, cowering like the pussy he always had been.
But he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d done to Brucks and it scared him more than he wanted to admit. It was like something inside of him broke and he didn’t know how to get it back.
Hawk tried to tell himself that his opponent had deserved it. He’d shown no mercy. Fitting, since he’d never been shown any by his bullies.
If he finally had the upper hand, why did he feel more out of control than ever?
He wasn’t sure if he liked knowing he was capable of something like that. Though, he still wasn’t entirely sure what he was capable of. He kept trying to recall what Brucks had looked like after the fight but the memory continued to come up blank.
He balled his hands into fists, trying to stop them from shaking. Watching Miguel face down Kyler, Brucks, and the rest of their little crew had seemed so satisfying. Hawk finally got his own moment, his revenge, but instead it just felt hollow.
Revenge. It had been the motivating force behind his actions for so many months. It was enough to drive his training, sure. But why couldn’t Hawk hold onto it? Why couldn’t he be proud of it?
He’d never admit it to his teammates but part of him hated what he’d done to Demetri. Even now, the sound of the bone snapping flooded his ears and filled him with nausea.
Demetri deserved it after everything he’d done. Right?
After telling the entire world about his enuresis. After humiliating him with that kick into the trophy case. Hawk was entitled to a little payback. Wasn’t he?
One thing was certain: there was no going back. He’d earned his place at the top of the dojo. His newly won respect would ensure that nobody, especially Kyler, would get the upper hand on him again.
Hawk was getting everything he’d ever wanted. Except...
What was it costing him? He’d lost the girl a long time ago and his recent attempts at scoring new babes had been unsuccessful, to say the least. He’d sent his former best friend to the hospital. And what would happen when Miguel found out about what he’d done to Brucks?
Would he be scared of Hawk too?
Screw it. He’d just have to make damn sure it was all worth it.
Opening his eyes, he scanned the mirror once again. Maybe there weren’t any traces of Eli left after all.