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the act of realization

Summary:

Lila has a realization about herself.

Juleka helps.

Work Text:

Lila Rossi was playing with her food.

She felt something in her stomach burn as she thought about her recent actions towards Marinette. When the girl had realized that she was feeling disgust towards herself, she sighed. I did this. She thought as she looked around to see Marinette, but she then remembered. Oh right, I got her expelled. Lila sighed at the reminder. 

She remembered Marinette's outburst and she knew that the class wouldn't forget it either. 

"I did this." Lila said out loud. 

It was like something had clicked within Lila's brain. 

Her eyes widened. I'm really a horrible person. Lila thought to herself. 

"I'm a really a high grade bully, huh." Lila giggled at herself as she felt her eyes burn with unshed tears. I don't deserve to cry. Marinette deserves to cry. I hurt her. I hurt everyone. Lila thought to herself as the realization of her actions kicked in. 

Then, that entire thing with Hawkmoth made Lila really sick to her stomach when she had remembered that. I'm also working with a known criminal. How lovely. Lila thought as she rubbed her eyes in order to stop her tears from coming but instead, it just allowed her to cry out all of her guilty feelings as she hated everything that she had done. 

In turn, Lila started to hate herself for causing so much pain. 

After Lila had cried out all of the guilt she felt, she decided to summon the courage to talk to Marinette. I have to apologize to her. She thought. I won't get mad if she doesn't forgive me. I know that I was being too much as a person. The girl thought. 

Lila knew that she deserved Marinette's hate and if the girl tells her that she hated her, then Lila will accept that. I deserve everything bad she will say to me. She thought. Because of her self-hatred, she never noticed a peer approaching her. When Lila glanced up, she seen the shy goth girl. Juleka. She thought. "Juleka." She winced at her tone but when Juleka didn't flinch, she was relieved. 

"You're upset." Normally, Lila would have shouted at her for being able to read her but since Lila was trying to be a better person, she didn't. 

"I want to apologize to Marinette." Lila tells Juleka and the girl was shocked at Lila's forwardness. I didn't even have to ask her what was wrong. The girl thought but while she wanted to take Lila's words with a grain of salt, she could see the regret in the girl's eyes. You can't fake that much regret, even if you can lie your way out of any situation. Juleka thought. 

"I believe you." Lila raised her head in shock at Juleka's words. This can't be real. The girl thought. She can't just believe me that quick. Lila thought. 

"You...you do?" She asked. Juleka nodded her head. "Why?" Lila asked, her voice soft as she didn't want to scare Juleka off. 

"Why wouldn't I? You've been sad ever since Marinette had gotten expelled." Because of you was left unsaid, even though Lila knew that Juleka wouldn't say that to her. 

"All of the things I've done...I should have never done them." Lila didn't have an excuse to explain why she did what she did; all she knew that it made her sick to her stomach to just now realize how horrible she was. 

"You shouldn't but you regret them now." Juleka tells her as she watched Lila carefully. As much as she did believe Lila, she wanted to take her words with a grain of salt. 

"You don't trust me." Juleka's eyes widened but the girl didn't say anything more to Lila as she hugged herself. "I'm sorry, that was too blunt of me to say." Juleka then looked at Lila in shock. "What's wrong?" 

She said sorry. Juleka was shocked because the girl had never really meant any apology she would make in the past but now that one simple apology made Juleka feel grateful for it. "Nothing important but if you want to talk to Marinette, I can possibly help you with that." Juleka tells Lila as she glanced at the ground.

She really wanted to help Lila but she knew how Marinette would react to seeing her so soon and Juleka knew that she would have to help the two girls to navigate through their relationship as enemies and help smooth it out as friends. 

She wanted them to slowly repair their relationship not shred the lasting remains of it. She knew that Marinette was gentle and kind until she was crossed and Lila had managed to cross her in every single way that ever existed. 

But Juleka promised herself that she would help the two navigate through them talking to each other without no one getting their feelings hurt by the other. 

"You sure?" Lila asked of Juleka and the girl nodded her head. 

"Of course." Juleka wasn't going to the lie to the broken girl. She truly wanted to help her. When Lila had loosened up, she then sighed in relief. 

"Thanks, Juleka." She responded to the girl. 

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