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Barba took the drinks and thanked the bartender, turning to the squad, he handed a glass of wine to Liv, who was seated beside him. She thanked him quietly, and he couldn't help but think she wasn't being open with him for a reason, something was up, and he assumed they needed to talk. "Cheers." He said, holding up his glass of scotch.
"To what? Jury deliberates for six hours to find Mickey guilty of Man 2, and we are right back where we started." Carisi pointed out.
Barba raised his glass, "To irony then." He said, bumping his shoulder against Liv's, but she didn't look over at him, just started into her wine glass. Her body was stiff, clearly deep in thought. He sighed as he listened to Rollins, Kat, and Fin discussing the case. His phone dinged in his pocket and he pulled it out, glancing at the screen. "Sorry to cut this wake short. My mom is heading to Florida tomorrow." He said grabbing his coat, and downing the last of his scotch, glancing beside him. "Liv? Walk me out?" He asked, and she nodded grabbing her coat and putting it on, following him out of the bar. Her heart sped up at the idea of talking to him. They hadn't spoken alone since the day in her office. She was taken aback by the question, knowing he must've wanted to discuss something, and she didn't know what it was, but it definitely didn't help her heart regulate itself.
"Sure." She said, because while she was still trying to wrap her head around how she was feeling about all of the events that had transpired in the past week, he was still her friend, and she couldn't look into his green eyes and walk away from him.
Before they exited, Barba heard Fin talking about his new fiancé. He turned around and smiled, before pushing the door open, a hand on the small of Liv's back as she walked out first. "So, Fin's tying the not?" He asked, pushing his hands in his pockets as the cold air hit them.
"Yea. Phoebe Baker, she was his first partner." She said, walking down the sidewalk, focusing her eyes on the ground, the way they walked in sync.
"Good for him."
"It is. But I know you didn't bring me out here to talk about Fin." She said as they rounded the corner. The whole week felt like a blur in her mind. When she called Barba to meet with her and Fin for lunch, she hadn't expected everything to spiral the way it had, but she supposed should have. She knew the law, she knew that Barba couldn't talk to Carisi about their case, unless he was defending Mickey Davis. But in her mind, she had hoped Carisi would decide not to take the case to trial and it would all be done with.
What stung the most wasn't the fact that Barba had been on the defense. She knew he was considering doing defense work, and she had supported him in his decision. What hurt the most was when she had seen him in the squad room, but this time, they were not on the same side, they argued like old times, but they weren't arguing the same thing. It all felt different. He felt different. This wasn't the Rafael she knew, that's why she had only been able to call him Barba, the professionalism helped her keep her walls up.
She had watched him in court and he was the same attorney. Hard ass, sarcastic, loud, and even more arrogant than she remembered, all wrapped up in one of his iconic three piece suits. He looked good, clean shaven, confident, yet she knew how to see through him. He was defending himself. She knew he still harbored feelings about his trial, she knew it stung him to talk about it, but she knew that was the reason he had joined the defense, and somehow she couldn't blame him for that, but she could still be upset with him for the way he had handled this case, the way he went behind her back to take it and then made Chief Garland, of all people, tell her that her former ADA, her best friend, her confidant, had signed on as Davis' defense attorney.
"Are you mad at me about how I handled this case?" He asked, leaning into her slightly. They were so close and Olivia couldn't help but think back to when they would walk down the streets of New York together as a team, their arms would brush against each other, and now was no different, but she didn't feel like they were a team anymore.
She pulled her professionalism back on, she focused onto the case, even if she wanted to talk about their friendship. "Davis confessed on the stand. What if they found him guilty of Man 1?"
"That was never gonna happen."
"Because you're so good?" She snapped, and she could see him pull his bottom lip between his teeth as he looked away from her, continuing their stride, side by side. "Barba." She stepped in front of him, forcing his eyes to lock with hers. "You can fool Carisi. You can fool Rollins and Fin, Kat and Garland. But you will never be able to fool me." She said, and he adverted his eyes, biting his lip as he turned to look out at the street, watching a few people walk by. "How much of this was about Davis and how much of it was about you?" She asked and even though his facial expression hadn't changed, she knew she had struck something. They hadn't discussed how he left since he had walked away from her almost three years ago.
"What do you mean?"
"The way that you had to leave." She said solemnly, treading carefully through this topic. Her eyes studied the pattern on his tie, before looking back into his eyes. "Maybe you weren't defending him, maybe you were defending yourself." She said, her voice laced with emotion, the feelings that had been there all week were catching up to her, depicting just how much she had missed him. Her brain decided to hurt her by forcing memories that she had tried to lock in a far part of her brain, feelings for the man in front of her that she had tried to lock away.
"Can't change the past." He said, obviously trying to beat around the bush. But they had to address the elephant in the room, they had to do what they did best, talk.
"No," she nodded, tilting her head to catch his eyes again. "But you don't have to live in it. You don't have to prove your innocence to anyone, Rafael, especially not to me. I was by your side every day of your trial, I watched you testify, I saw you pour your heart out in that courtroom, I watched them hand down the not guilty verdict. Nobody needs you to parade around the courtroom defending someone, who a few years ago, you would've prosecuted. That trial will never define you, Rafa." She said, finally letting her guard down and calling him by the nickname that had become so natural during his last year with the DA's office.
"I'm sorry, Liv. For the way I left, for the way I swooped in with this case. You're my best friend, I don't ever want to lose that." Olivia shook her head.
"I just miss it. And you. That's all." Her eyes brimmed with tears, and he smiled at her sadly, reminding her of the way he looked at her that day outside the courthouse, right before he had placed a gloved hand on the back of her head as he pressed his lips to her forehead.
"Me too." He whispered. "This past year has been all about loss, but I'm here now. I'm back. Maybe we can get that dinner sometime?" The pandemic had cancelled their dinner plans for after the Iowa primaries, but she was glad to know he had remembered.
Olivia nodded and breathed out a sigh, "Of course." He stepped forward, further into her personal space and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into his embrace. Her arms went around his midsection, enjoying the feeling of being close to him again. "Let's hope this year is a better one." She said as they pulled back, her grabbed her hands and gave them a gentle squeeze.
"It will be. You should get inside, it's cold. I'll call you later?" He asked, hoping she'd agree. His mother had insisted he come help her pack, or he would stay with there all day, talk to her more. They were in need of a long conversation to discuss everything between them.
"I'll be waiting." She promised, they smiled at each other and let go of each other's hands.
He looked into her brown eyes, a glint of hope in them. "Happy New Year, Liv." He said, his nose crinkling as he smiled at her, something she had grown to loved to see during their video chats.
"Happy New Year." She said, and he walked past her but glanced back at her, nodding slightly. She watched him walk away from her, but this time it was different. He wasn't leaving. She was going to get her best friend back, the recent case had taken a toll on their friendship, but they were stronger than that. She knew they still had a chance, with that, she pulled on her mask and turned to go join her squad, feeling better than she had all week. Not everything was fixed between them, but there was hope, and that was a start. A new beginning would be good for them, and she was excited to see where it was going to take them.