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Before seeing just how unabashedly happy his two brothers were whenever they regressed, Wilbur had never once considered the prospect of age regression being something that could help him in any way. In fact it was pretty well known that out of everyone in the household he knew the least about his younger brother’s coping mechanism, considering how he hadn’t even been aware of its existence until he had found Tommy in his headspace.
That being said, recently, he had often found himself starring just a little too long at the little items that were often scattered around the house, enjoying the cartoons that plagued the tv just a little too much and overall taking a little too much comfort in it whenever his brothers wanted him to join in on a game.
If he was being honest with himself, he was jealous. Right now, the option to calm down and take a break from his past seemed like a task far too big for him, it seemed impossible, and yet his younger brothers seemed to do it so easily.
There was never any resentment or anger when it came to looking after Tommy or Techno, only a slight underlying feeling of jealousy at the constant confirmation that they were dealing with their emotions better than him, each and every time one of the boys cuddled with him or asked him to play he could feel the temptation gnaw at him. The urge to drop down and forget about all the horrible things he’d done was ever present, only getting worse when he had attempted to do it on his own one night (using some borrowed toys from his brothers that interested him a bit) but very quickly realised it was not as easy as they made it look, in fact he hadn’t been successful at all, instead just settling for chilling out cuddling the stuffies and daydreaming about just how nice it would be if he could just understand how they did it.
In an ideal world, Wilbur would have never made any of his mistakes, he wouldn’t still have the horrifying temptation to destroy, he wouldn’t have started a war, the server would still be dream smp and everyone would still be living in harmony. Really, He was well aware that he had caused the chaos, as much as Tommy was blamed for it, he would have never done any significant damage without Wilbur’s encouragement and now Tommy was hurting because of that. His little brother had been damaged beyond repair and the guilt of knowing he caused it weighed on Wilbur’s soul like a dumbbell.
Sometimes Wil wished he had a way of coping with all these less than pretty feelings, he wished he had an outlet he could go to when he felt like crafting up some TNT, but deep down something was holding him back, something that told him he didn’t deserve the love and care that came with each and every regressive period his brothers had.
“What movie are we watching tonight then boys?”
Phil hummed as he strolled into the room, effectively breaking Wilbur out of his trance. The fire crackled and the atmosphere was comfortable. If this was 3 months ago, Tommy and Techno would probably both be little right now but since they had become more accustomed to the fact that they could regress whenever they wanted (or needed) to, they no longer had massive drops whenever they were comfortable.
Of course, that was not to say that they were never little anymore, just that they were more aware that the comfort of their home was not going to be taken away and so there was no need to latch onto gentle environments whenever given the chance.
Right now Wil wasn’t too% sure if they were fully big but he was certain of the fact that they weren’t completely regressed, considering how they were content to just lounge on the couch instead of needing toys and blankets to relax.
“Wil? You’re very dreamy today, mate. What movie did you wanna watch? Hunger games or Twilight”
Twitching his nose a little at the idea of watching twilight, Wil nodded his head towards the former, with a little shake of the head to try and clear his thoughts.
“Hunger games, for sure”
“Okay that's 3 for The Hunger games, one for Twilight. Sorry Techno”
===
At first the atmosphere was normal, it was calm and comfortable with all four members of the family cuddled together on one couch. It was a squeeze but it was cozy. Wil could feel Tommy limp against his side as he leaned into him, legs strewn across the laps of his ‘older brothers’ and father figure, Wil himself having learnt himself generously into Phil as a result of this, who also had Techno's head on his shoulder.
It was nice and it was comfortable, in other words, it was more or less perfect, or so it was until Techno started to get a bit clinger with Phil. Really, that was the biggest tell-tale sign that the man was slipping, something in the, admittedly quite graphic, film had triggered his regression and he was dropping fast, not even leaving any time for him to convince Tommy to slip down with him as he usually would.
“Hey bud..” Phil paused the movie, gently ushering Wil off of his shoulder as he moved Techno into his lap.
That was fine, Wil decided, Techno needed a dad more than him right now.
“What’s got you upset, huh? Was it the icky film? It's okay buddy shhh shh” he continued his soothing words, bouncing Techno up and down, not even glancing up when Wilbur left to go sit in the kitchen, Tommy immediately taking his place next to their dad to try and offer some comfort to Techno himself.
In the kitchen, Wil could still hear the echoes of “my brave boy” and “my strong little piglet” coming from the living room, albeit much more muffled as he had closed the door on them.
First things first: he needed water, he needed to clear his head.
Pulling down a glass from the shelf and watching the water patter into it was almost therapeutic as he reveled in the relief that his pounding head would be satisfied soon. In a matter of seconds, after sitting at the table, he had downed the beverage and had resigned to sitting with his head held in his hands. The amount of jealousy and utter envy in him made him feel a bit sick.
Techno was upset right now, his little brother had slipped into a more comforting state of mind to deal with the stress and their father, in his kindness, was helping him calm down. To think that Wil saw such a loving scene and thought to himself ‘why not me?’ made him hate himself. He knew he should be in there, helping Techno, he knew he should be happy for his brothers for working through their feelings.
But was it such a bad thing for him to want to work through his too?
He’d been in a war too. He had things he regretted too.
So why was he the unlucky one who didn’t have an outlet?
He wasn’t sure when the sobbing had started but it had. Really, there was nothing to cry about, he was just feeling sorry for himself and he knew it.
Stiff, rigid hands were clenched into his hair as he tried to stifle any unwanted audible cries, he was already being pathetic enough as is.
It had felt like hours, sobbing alone in the kitchen, but really it must have been ten or fifteen minutes max before Phil came in to check on him, causing Wil to go silent and still as a statute, terrified at the reality of being caught.
Phil didn’t laugh though, no, instead he just pulled up a chair so he was closer to Wil and gently pet the back of his hair, trying to carefully remove his hands from pulling on it.
“Mate.. It’s okay, you’re doing fine. Tommy took Techno to bed and he’s gonna go to sleep too so it’s just us here, you wanna talk?”
It took a few minutes of sniffling and babbling incoherence before Wil found himself able to form a sentence
“I really don’t want to be selfish.. I’m being so selfish..”
“Not selfish.” Phil sighed and pulled his son into a hug, having finally detangled his hands from his hair. Despite the fact that Wil was considerably taller and had to lean down to return the hug, it was comforting. The simple action reminded him that it was okay to talk to Phil about what was going on.
“Not selfish at all. You deserve an outlet, talk to me mate”
Wil felt a little bit as if he was about to puke, the idea of admitting to all the jealousy and how he wanted some of Phil’s love too suddenly felt so silly. To take Phil’s time away from Techno and Tommy when they obviously needed it more just made him feel plane guilty, he hadn’t even been able to slip on his own yet so there was no use in asking for a caregiver, he was just being dumb and jealous.
Truly there were no other conclusions that could be drawn.
Gentle fingers laced their way through his hair as he pressed his face into Phil’s shoulder, calming him down and bringing back the feeling of safety and comfort.
“I love you Wil. When I say you’re like a son to me I mean it, I’d never judge you for anything. You three are my boys and I love you all”
“It’s…” A deep breath wrecked his frame
“It’s embarrassing...I shouldn’t want to do this but I do. They’ve just seemed so much happier since they started. I want to be happy too dad. I never stop thinking about all the damage I’ve caused, I hate myself for how I affected Tommy. Sometimes I wonder if.. Maybe if I was able to regress like they do I’d maybe be able to forgive myself for it”
At first there had been a look of confusion on Phil’s face, however it cleared up into one of undiluted sympathy once Wil graced him with the word ‘regress’. The hug got a little tighter, the head scratches a little softer.
“Wil, if that’s what you think is going to help you get through this I’ll be there with you every step of the way. I completely understand okay? I wasn’t around here for half the things you lot went through but from what I've seen, you’re all quite damaged from it. Do you want to be little right now or talk more?”
God. Wil couldn’t be more thankful for the position that he was in, he pitied Techno having to be the first one to explain to Phil what regression was and fuck, he could really imagine the panic his younger brother must have felt when wondering whether he’d still be loved or not but there was a small part in his brain that thanked whatever God was merciful enough to give the situation the way they had.
“I’ve uh..I’ve never actually done it. I can get close, I start to feel small but there’s something that holds me back from fully letting myself give in to it. Fear maybe? Or probably Embarrassment? I dunno. But uh” He shifted a little in his seat, Phil's gentle gaze felt like it was burning holes in his skin.
“I was wondering if maybe Tommy or maybe Techno could help me do it? I always see how it helps them calm down and be happier and honestly? I’m jealous, I don’t know how to do it and I want to be happy and calm too”
“Oh Wil..”
Phil gave him a half smile and brushed some of his hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear for him.
“Of course you deserve to be happy and calm, you deserve the world. And I’m sure both of your brothers would be ecstatic to help, I bet they probably had a period when they didn’t fully understand it either. plus I’m sure they’d love a new playmate”
Despite the reassurance from Phil, Wilbur was still very much apprehensive about going through with the idea, what if he just wasn’t meant to have a coping mechanism like theirs? God it would be so awkward if he asked for help and chickened out last minute. Why couldn’t he be as secure in himself as they were?
Lip quivering ever so slightly, Wil shuffled himself back into Phil’s arms as a few frustrated tears made their way down his face, silently. It shouldn't be this hard.
“Phil… Dad… What if I’m not able to? What if it doesn’t help? What if-”
“Ah ah ah! Stop with the ‘What if’s, they’ll do you no good. Wil, if you aren’t able to regress the first time they try and teach you how that’s fine, if that makes you decide you want to stop trying, that’s fine, if you want to keep working at it until you’re comfortable doing it, that’s fine. No matter what, your journey on dealing with your issues is unique to you, maybe Tommy and Techno found that specific part a bit easier but that doesn’t mean you aren’t good at things they aren’t.”
Phil felt Wilbur clutching onto him, that was also okay, everything Wilbur was going through was normal and he was going to be alright, not everyone was born knowing what to do to make things feel okay again.
“And Wil? For the record, if you regress and you end up not being able to enjoy it or maybe it doesn't help, that’s totally okay. Everyone would be fine with it if you decide you just want to do it for fun or to unwind, not everything needs to help deal with the big issues, baby steps are just as important, same goes for if you do it and decide you hate it. Either way, the important thing is you made a proactive decision to try and better your mental health”
Pressing a kiss to Wilbur’s forehead, Phil sighed, full of utter adoration and love for his boys,
“no matter what, we’re going to find something that works for you Wilbs”
With that Wilbur nodded, calmed by both the reassurance of his father figure and the soothing touches, maybe he wasn’t being selfish, maybe he deserved to be happy just as much as his brothers did.
“I think it might be a good time to head to bed huh? I’ll have a chat with the other two tomorrow and we’ll sort out when they can guide you through it but for now I think we need to focus on getting you rested.”
-----
The following morning was uncomfortably peaceful, the sun shone through the window just the right amount, the birds were chirping but not too much, his body was awake and well rested, everything was seemingly perfect and yet the weight of last night's conversation lingered in the air as Wilbur dragged himself out of bed, grappling with the fact that he might have fucked up.
After leaving civilization in pursuit of living alone as a family, routine had been a tricky topic. There was no country to run, no wars to fight, and yet things were going okay; before now Wil couldn't remember the last time he could wake up and think ‘what do I want to do today?’ rather than ‘what do I have to do today?’, In a way it was comforting but there was always something that told him off for being unproductive. That being said, there were no responsibilities stopping him from crawling back into bed and hiding from the day, he knew the goal of regression was to de-stress but God being in the inbetween phase was the most stressful thing out there.
Unfortunately he couldn't dwell in his own self pity much longer as a knock was heard coming from his door.
“Wilbur!” Tommy called, from the other side “Techno’s cooking today! Come soon or I’ll eat your share!”
So that was it, in order to keep his little makeshift family from worrying too much Wil forced himself to get ready, trying to be as speedy as possible since he had already woken up later than usual. Once he was more or less decent, wearing a big jumper and some sweats, he tidied his hair up and made his way downstairs - he didn’t need to look perfect, he was staying home after all, but he didn’t want to get into any bad habits either.
“Wil!”
Tommy was the first to react when he came down, it was always nice to see how far he had come since they’d taken him away from Dream, he was more or less back to his old chatty self, even if some of the scars left by what had happened still hurt to talk about.
“Hey Tommy, Phil” Pushing some of his hair out of his face, half considering going back to grab his beanie, he sat down at the table where his place had been set.
“Tech’ this looks really good, thank you man”
“It’s fine, Phil spoke to us already, by the way, we didn’t want to wake you since you seemed pretty tired” Techno shrugged, finishing grabbing his own plate of food and sitting down, expression softening a bit when he saw how Wilbur went rigid, knowing that his younger brothers know knew just how jealous he was of them. It was humiliating.
“God man, it’s fine you don’t need to freak out, if anyone was going to judge you for wanting this it certainly wouldn’t be either of us, hell man we do it all the time, that would be so hypocritical”
“Uh..shit yeah um.. Did Phil say how I kinda struggled with..uh”
“You couldn’t regress? Yeah he told us, we’ll help after breakfast okay? I mean, if you want to do it today that is”
With a little nod Wilbur ducked his head down and got on with eating his food, not really trusting himself to speak right now.
“Seriously!” Tommy had broken the silence “A lot of the stuff I went through, you did too! Wil! You really do deserve to chill out”
At that, Wil cracked a smile, okay maybe he was nervous about all of this, maybe it was utterly terrifying to put so much trust in other people, but they cared about him and that’s all that mattered. As always, Tommy’s persistence and confidence had lightened the mood, it was almost magical how the simple reassurance that he was valid in his experiences for needing a coping strategy changed his attitude.
“Okay. I think I’m ready,”
--
Tommy was a little too excited, it was obvious that he was slipping a bit already, anticipating the chance to have a new person to play with, Techno on the other hand had proved time and time again that he only tended to involuntarily regress if he was hurt or upset, unlike how Tommy seemed to slip into it with big emotions.
Leading them to the sofa, Techno had pulled Wilbur into his side, it felt weird to play the role of caregiver when he was so used to being looked after but for his brother? Anything. Plus, cuddles always made him feel small so he guessed it would work for Wilbur too.
“Okay I need you to relax for me okay bub?”
Again, it felt a little weird to be the one caring but he knew what helped him regress. Tommy on the other hand had decided to sit on the floor in front of them, pulling a box of toys out from under the coffee table. Since it became more common for the boys to slip around the house, there had been more little areas popping up where they left their little gear.
Pulling out his own teddy bear, he decided he was going to be a super duper kinda brother and let Wilbur borrow it.
“Wilby? Teddy makes me feel small, cuddle teddy!”
With the bear thrust into his lap, Wilbur cautiously wrapped his arms around it, letting his head burrow a little more into Techno’s side. Tommy had slipped by now, that much was obvious as he sat in front of them, playing with two generic-looking action figures, part of his brain felt a little envious but he tried not to dwell on it.
Techno said to be calm so he would.
“You’re doing really well, Can you copy my breathing? I know it’s tricky but you’re being such a good boy”
Wilbur gave a little nod and copied the breathing exercise Techno was doing, he had to admit the nicknames and praise that were peppered into his speech were definitely making him feel smaller than normal. He also felt sleepier than normal, but that was probably because he was just very relaxed.
Without realising, his thumb started to migrate towards his mouth, it started as him just biting his nail, to resting his thumb on his lip to finally giving in and suckling on it. He knew he wasn’t fully in the headspace yet but this was certainly the farthest he had ever gotten, his head felt so foggy and he was so relaxed.
Upon seeing his older brother sucking his thumb, Techno sighed and gently coaxed it out of his mouth, mentally cursing himself for not having the foresight to grab their little gear before starting.
“That’s got yucky germs on it bud. Tommy? You think you could grab Wil a paci? Remember to take it to Phil first so he can wash it”
Hopping up from where he had been playing, Tommy nodded excitedly, giving Wilbur a big hug before rushing upstairs to where most of their gear was.
“Awe but you’re only small aren’t you?” Techno sighed, brushing some of Wilbur’s hair out of his face, deciding that if he couldn’t have the admittedly easier option of regressing through little gear, he’d give him lots of affirmations. In his own experience anyway, he thought he generally enjoyed regressing a lot more and would go a lot deeper whenever it started off like this.
“Yeah, just a small baby, everyone was so so very silly to ever think you weren’t”
With the little kiss that Techno placed on his forehead, Wil was positive that he had dropped. It felt weird but good weird, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so completely safe and calm.
Thankfully Techno, who had never been good with words or comfort to begin with, didn’t need to carry on much longer as Tommy came hopping back into the room with Phil holding his hand.
“Hey you two” He had smiled as he sat next to Wilbur, the boy immediately clambering into his lap, burrowing his head into Phil’s shoulder.
“We’ve got a Tiny Wilby then huh?” The man chuckled as he wrapped his arms around him, placing what he had previously been holding next to him.
“I think he’s around Tommy’s age right now, maybe younger. He hasn’t spoken yet so I think he’s non-verbal but he could just be shy”
Tommy was quick to pounce up to where Wilbur had previously been sitting, excited to hear Wilbur was close to his little age, even if he did seem to be a lot shyer and clingier.
“Wilby!” He practically yelled as he knelt up, trying to get Wil to look at him.
“Wil! Wanna be frien’s?”
As hard as Tommy was trying to get a response, Wil seemed to close deeper into Phil, clearly getting a bit overwhelmed with everything right now.
“Now, now Toms'' Phil sighed, giving his youngest son a little head rub as he bounced Wil in his lap. “It’s the very very first time he’s been little, yeah? So things might be a bit scary for him, I’m sure he’d love to be your friend once he’s used to regressing”
Tommy gave an understanding nod and tried to mellow out a bit, sitting back down and rubbing Wilbur’s back.
“He scawed?”
“He might be, you remember the first time you were little Toms?”
Tommy seemed to think for a while and then quickly shook his head, for him regressing had never been something he had to decide to do, it was more of an instinct that he just understood more as he learnt more about regression. He was fine with that though, to him it was only natural that like how some people had always used art to cope with things, others had to be told by a therapist that they could make trauma art to deal with their feelings. Regressing was exactly the same.
“Well then, you remember when we first found out you were small?”
To that Tommy nodded happily, he loved that memory, had he nod been poorly he would have never built up such a perfect support system.
“That was new and scary wasn’t it? I remember a certain little boy being just as cuddly as Wil is now”
With a little giggle, Tommy pointed over to where Phil had left the seemingly forgotten about little supplies. The little pile consisted of a bottle and two sippy cups (he had kinda expected Techno to have slipped while helping Wil regress, the bottle was more because Tommy had come to him with a pacifier to wash so he assumed Wil was fairly young, which seemed about right), a couple pacifiers, a pack of goldfish crackers and a few cuddly toys that Tommy had wanted to bring from his bedroom (since he couldn’t cuddle his main teddy right now).
Phil gave a little chuckle and passed Tommy a stuffed dog as well as a sippy cup full of orange juice,
“Tech’ if you wanna slip too I have some juice for you here”
“Nah, I was small last night, plus one man with three toddlers sounds hellish. You’ll need someone to help look after these two”
Phil nodded, repositioning Wilbur on his lap so he was laying backwards before grabbing the bottle.
“Can dada feed you some Milky sweetie?”
Phil’s heart pretty much melted as Wil nodded, making little grabby hands to the bottle he was holding. Somehow stopping himself from cooing about his little boy's cuteness, Phil gently guided the bottle into his mouth. As much as he loved how energetic and lively Tommy and Techno could be, there was just something about the level of trust it took to let someone else feed you that made Phil’s heart swell for the boy in his lap.
And so, with Tommy and Techno quietly arguing about what Disney film to watch and Wilbur curled up on him, Phil decided he had been blessed with a perfect family.