Chapter Text
Zedaph may or may not have just given himself a concussion, but either way, he was going to call this experiment a success.
He picked himself up from the dusty floor of his cave with a groan. Finally, he’d managed to set the correct delay for maximum airtime, and the machine had launched him further than ever! He absentmindedly rubbed one of his many bruises and grinned across the room at the slime block cannon. His mind was already spinning, trying to come up with a good name for the latest addition to his base. Contraption #30: Slime block launchificator? No, that’s too Tango. Slime slapper? No, too gross….
He brushed some loose dust off his armour and leaned back, inspecting the way the contraption fit into the greater landscape of the cave. It felt like something was missing…. He had a cannon on either side of the cave, one to launch him and one to bring him back, but could he possibly squeeze in a third one? Maybe to fling him up to the ceiling?
He was still contemplating contraption configurations when he heard a rhythmic clanking noise from above. The door in his roof slid open, and a rustle of wings echoed through the cave as Impulse landed gracefully in the center of the room.
“Hey, Zed, what’s up?” He called cheerily, looking around at the new developments.
“Hi Impulse!” Zed jogged toward his storage room, where his friend was currently wandering around. “What brings you here? Here to help me test the...name incoming...Slime Slinger 9000?”
Impulse pulled a face. “Bleh.”
Zed cringed. “Maybe that one isn’t the winner.”
“Maybe not,” Impulse agreed with a chuckle.
“Well, if you’re not here to test the genius inventions, what does bring you here?” Zed struck a dramatic pose on genius inventions , ignoring the way his “genius” made his head throb as he did so.
Impulse chuckled. “Well, I was actually wondering if you had any pumpkins I could borrow, but I might as well take a look at the contraptions while I’m here. If you don’t mind, of course.”
Zed’s brow furrowed. “Don’t you have a farm for pumpkins?”
A wave of confusion washed over Impulse’s face, and for a second he looked a little lost. Then his unfailing smile returned and he gently nudged Zedaph with an elbow. “Maybe I just wanted an excuse to visit you!”
Zed burst out laughing. “Man, Tango wasn’t kidding when he said you needed more sleep. Forgetting about a whole farm...anyways, you don’t need an excuse to visit! As long as you’re willing to participate in some science!”
Impulse hesitated. “Safe science?”
Zedaph’s eyes gleamed. “Where’s the fun in that?”
He tugged Impulse over to the wall, making a wide sweeping gesture at the canon. “ This is the Slimeificator-slapper-sprayer-launcher-cannon-unnamed-thingy 9000!” He paused to catch his breath. “It can fling you across the cave at a speed of I-haven’t-measured-yet to a distance of - to a distance of I forgot!”
“And it only costs fifty diamonds a month!” Impulse laughed, finishing the sales pitch. “Get yours today!”
“For you my friend, it’s free.” Zed placed a block for Impulse to use as a step and invited him in with a bow. “Just as long as you admit I’m not legally responsible for any damages to your health and safety, mental or physical.”
Impulse begrudgingly climbed into the cannon. “I admit no such thing,” he grumbled.
“Too bad I know how to forge your signature, then!” Zed grinned and pulled the lever.
He raced to the other end of the cave to find Impulse sprawled on the floor, grinning just as hard as he was. He sat up with a slight wince and attempted to straighten his helmet.
“So? How was the ride?” Zed could barely contain his excitement.
“Fast,” Impulse said, speech still muffled by the disheveled armour.
“Great! Wonderful! I was wondering if I should maybe lower the speed, but that would lower the distance too and it wouldn’t be far enough to get to the intake of the second cannon -” he started to ramble. “ Or I thought I could lower the speed and add a third cannon, which would solve the distance issue, but then it might be boring, so I could also raise the speed and add slime blocks to prevent injury, or maybe some kind of healing potion or a resistance beacon or -” He paused, realizing he was probably overwhelming his friend. “Or we could just start with the third cannon and see how that goes. Do you think that’s a good idea?”
Impulse paused to think, tilting his head to consider the cannon that was already there.
“Actually,” he said, smile still unwavering. “I kind of think you should just tear the whole thing down.”
Zed blinked. “...what?”
Impulse stood up. “Yeah, I’m not really sure if the concept is there, y’know? You have to admit it’s a bit dull.”
“You think so…?”
Zed’s heart sank. He’d never thought of it like that before. He’d imagined a slime block cannon would be a really cool addition, but once he thought about it, it had probably been done a million times already, and by people way better than him…. It wasn’t like Impulse at all to point it out, so if he of all people was saying something, it must be really bad. Zedaph stared down at the floor, suddenly trying hard not to cry.
“Yeah...you’re right, I guess…”
Impulse slung his arm around Zed’s shoulder, giving him a friendly pat on the back. “Cheer up, I’m sure you’ll think of something better soon”
“Yeah…”
“Anyway, I’d best be off, lots of base progress to do still.” Impulse glanced up toward the door. “Before I go, is there anything else I can do for you? I feel kinda bad for bothering you about pumpkins I don’t even need.” Impulse laughed softly.
Zed did his best to shake off his gloom. After all, what kind of an inventor would he be if he didn’t take constructive criticism? Not that that felt very constructive… “I think I’m good here, actually. Thanks for asking, though!” He mustered up a smile.
“You sure? I see you don’t have a totem.” Impulse flicked his hand, and an extra Totem of Undying appeared from his inventory. “For you, I could offer a discount.” Zed might have been imagining it, but he thought his smile looked slightly apologetic.
The apology, he could accept, but the other thing…
“Even with the discount, you know I’m dead broke.” Zed laughed sheepishly. “And don’t try to give it to me for free either, man. They’re already priced low enough.”
“Are you sure?” Impulse looked concerned.
“Hey, I don’t die that often!” Zed protested. “I’ll be careful! I’m sure I’ll be just fine.”
“Okay, if you say so,” Impulse sighed. “Maybe I’ll come back when you have more diamonds. I don’t exactly trust you on the ‘being careful’ front.”
“What’s not to trust?” Zed spread his arms open, the picture of innocence, and then flinched as his bruised shoulder twinged.
“Exactly.” Impulse laughed and took off, spiralling back up through the door.
Zed smiled and went to check his storage. Even if Impulse hadn’t really needed them, he was curious now about whether he actually had pumpkins. Either way, it was always nice to have an unexpected visit. As much as he loved his chaotic cave, he had to admit it got lonely sometimes.
He absentmindedly checked the tab list to see who else might be active, wondering if he could maybe give Tango a call. It was a quiet day on the server - Tango wasn’t there, and the list only showed Zedaph, Xisuma, Mumbo, and Impulse, who was listed as AFK.
Huh. That’s weird. He couldn’t be AFK already, he had only just left. Must be some kind of glitch .
Zed finally found the pumpkin chest - empty - and realized he’d been stalling. He looked over at the cannon he needed to tear out and his heart sank once more. Sighing heavily, he readied his pickaxe. There was a lot of work ahead of him, and it wasn’t the kind he enjoyed.