Chapter Text
moodboard by: nana
It’s not that they left on a bad note, but they didn’t exactly end on a good one either. If anything, they didn’t have a proper ending, at all.
Being best friends for more than a decade, Namjoon and Jungkook were inseparable. Namjoon has known the young boy ever since he was in his diapers, and Namjoon was Jungkook’s first and best hyung.
They grew up together, with only three houses separating them from each other. Two young boys growing thicker than thieves, becoming each other’s safe haven.
First sleepover, first out of town trips, first big fights, and first heartbreak—they were there for each other. Always.
Which was why it hurt Namjoon immensely when Jungkook began to drift away from him.
He gets it. Jungkook was younger than him by two years. He was undeniably more popular than him in his peers, and he and Namjoon were no longer those kids that hid behind the gigantic oak tree situated in Mrs. Im’s abandoned lot.
They’re growing up... they’re growing up and away from each other.
Namjoon watched Jungkook gradually cancel their afternoon play dates. Saying something about him studying with his friends, only for Namjoon to see him at the local arcade with his classmates. It’s fine, Namjoon’s been there. He gets it.
Even when Jungkook cancelled on him to go on dates with all those pretty girls, Namjoon tried not to be upset. While Jungkook didn’t have to lie—Namjoon mentioned it but Jungkook only got defensive, and it just ended up in a huge fight—Namjoon didn’t hold any grudge.
Jungkook also began steering clear away from him in school. Whereas the old Jungkook would happily call out for his hyung from the other end of the hallway, the Jungkook from today immediately turned around at the first sight of his once favorite hyung.
It was starting to hurt.
Still, Namjoon tried his best to reach out, no matter how much distance Jungkook placed between them. He still texted him often, even if Jungkook simply left him on read, still tried to schedule meet ups that undoubtedly ended up being cancelled, and Namjoon still tried to wave at him even when Jungkook basically refused to acknowledge his existence.
Their friendship was precious to Namjoon, he wasn’t gonna let that go to waste so easily. Namjoon wasn’t going to give up on it without a fight.
But perhaps the final nail to the coffin was on New Year’s eve during Namjoon’s senior year. These two boys had a tradition. Right when the clock strikes twelve, those two would wait for each other in that treehouse Mrs. Im has allowed them to build on her gigantic oak tree.
They used to say that it’s because they always wanted to start and end the new year with their most favorite person in the world—each other.
But this year, Jungkook didn’t come.
Namjoon had to find out from Snapchat that the younger boy had opted to go to a New Year’s party that a fellow sophomore had thrown for their entire batch.
It was then that Namjoon knew... knew that he really didn’t know Jungkook anymore.
Worse, he knew that he didn’t have Jungkook as his best friend any longer.
So when the fireworks in the air began to burst in all these vivid colors, the end of a countdown echoing in the dark but loud night, Namjoon decided that it was time to finally let go.
If Jungkook didn’t want him, then Namjoon would no longer force himself on him.
It was hard. Namjoon was so used to having Jungkook, that being totally without him seemed to leave a large gaping hole right in the middle of his chest. Namjoon so badly wanted to reach out again, but he had to remind himself that Jungkook wanted nothing to do with him anymore.
It was time to give up.
If Jungkook began to notice that Namjoon was distancing himself from him, then the younger boy did a good job in hiding any of his thoughts. He didn’t comment when Namjoon stopped texting him, stopped meeting with him, and just... stopped.
(Jungkook subtly tried to catch his hyung’s eye at the hallway last week, but Namjoon simply refused to look at him anymore.)
Was he angry with Jungkook? Maybe. Was he upset? Yeah, that’s a no brainer. But did Namjoon hate Jungkook? Absolutely not. He spent more than a decade loving and caring for his best friend, one terrible year wasn’t going to erase all his love for him.
So in the end, Namjoon decided to let go silently.
He was off to college, that’s not a secret. He was leaving their little town to go to the big city and in this prestigious university. Namjoon was a topnotcher, and everyone was proud of him for choosing an academy that honored his kind of intelligence.
He just wished that Jungkook was proud of him too.
But alas, that’s the bittersweet nature of growing up. Some people stay, some people go. For good. Their time together has run its course. Namjoon spent the better half of the year trying to accept that.
So when he leaves for college as early as the first week of the summer, because valedictorians get a special summer program as part of their scholarship, Namjoon doesn’t even bother to say goodbye.
Which sucks because Jungkook was planning to reconnect with his hyung during that very summer.
Jungkook knew what he was doing... he knew the pain he was causing to his Namjoon hyung. He watched with a tremendous amount of guilt as Namjoon’s texts got less frequent, he was aware of the fact that his hyung’s eyes filled with paramount hurt when Jungkook refused to even look at him anymore.
And he knew... he knew how much Namjoon cried in their treehouse during the New Year.
(He was there, after all, hiding behind another tree just a few steps away from their treehouse. He could hear the sobs, but he was too much of a coward to go up to his hyung and say that he’s sorry. And that he’s here. Always has been, always will be.)
Jungkook wanted to tell him that he never really left.
Instead, Jungkook had resolved to fix everything before Namjoon left for college. He planned to finally come clean and tell him why he had to keep his distance. They will talk, and Namjoon will leave without any anger and hatred for Jungkook, because Jungkook was going to say sorry.
He’ll get his best friend back.
Except, Namjoon was now gone.
“What?” Jungkook choked out, standing bewildered right in front of the Kim’s front porch. “What d-do you mean hyungie is g-gone?”
Mrs. Kim’s eyes softened, still sweet, and still so gentle. “Yes, Kookie. He left for college yesterday. I’m surprised you didn’t know.”
Jungkook choked back another sob. Of course. How will Mrs. Kim know? It seems that until the very end, Namjoon still tried to protect Jungkook’s image from everybody.
“N-no, he didn’t say a-a thing.” A fiery burn begins churning in the middle of Jungkook’s chest. “I didn’t know.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. He didn’t leave anything too. I thought you knew.”
A tear slipped from Jungkook’s face. He should’ve known. As Namjoon’s best friend, he should have been the first one to know.
But unfortunately, Namjoon didn’t trust him anymore.
Before Jungkook knew what he was doing, he was sprinting towards their treehouse. He climbs that dingy ladder, lungs feeling like it was about to lose all its oxygen. His vision is blurring with tears, chest heaving as he thinks about the fact that he just might have permanently lost his best friend.
And it was all his fault.
He didn’t know what exactly he was trying to prove when he climbed up their treehouse. Perhaps, in his fucked out mind, Jungkook thought that maybe Namjoon was just hiding there. Ready to tell him that this is nothing but a cruel prank and Jungkook still hasn’t lost his chance forever.
But of course, Namjoon wasn’t there.
Jungkook falls to his knees, sobbing out immensely as the reality begins to sink in that Namjoon really just left him without another word. His shoulders shake from the intensity of his cries, and Jungkook knows that he probably sounded like a dying whale, but he didn’t care.
Because the only person Jungkook wanted to hear and see right now was long gone.
Jungkook cries until his lungs give out. A rush of emotions gushing into his heart and mind as he ponders over the fact that Namjoon has truly left him—anger (at both himself and at Namjoon), sadness, disbelief, and mostly just, regret.
He should have reached out sooner.
Jungkook looks around their treehouse, seeing that Namjoon has tidied up before he left. He notices a book sitting on top of that mini table these two boys built when Jungkook was twelve. He scrambles to reach up for it, an ugly cry escaping his lips once he registers that it was Namjoon’s favorite book.
He had three copies of this book, one for school, one for his leisure, and one for Jungkook. Because this was Jungkook’s favorite book that he absolutely loved hearing Namjoon read to him.
Jungkook sees the folded corners, the doodles Jungkook sneakily left on the corner of a few pages. Right in the middle of the book, he also notices a piece of paper. The paper was still crisp, obviously new.
On that paper was a note written in Namjoon’s infamously gorgeous handwriting.
“Dear Kookie, I don’t know if you’ll ever see this or if you even remember me. I don’t even know if you still step into this treehouse. But if you do, then I’m sorry, because I left. I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore, and I get it. I just hope that you’ll at least keep me in your heart with this one last gift that I will leave behind for you. Live well and be happy, Jungkookie. Hyung will always, always cheer for your happiness and success.”
Another sob escapes Jungkook’s lips. Even until the very end, Namjoon still wished the best for him and that frankly hurts him more than anything else in the world.
He hates to admit it, but Jungkook feels so upset. He’s angry mostly at himself, but partially at Namjoon too. Jungkook knows that he wasn’t exactly the most worthy recipient of the best friend of the year award, but did Namjoon really think that Jungkook no longer cared about him at all?
They were best friends for more than ten years.
Jungkook knows that he put some distance between them, with (perhaps valid) reason, but it doesn’t mean that he didn’t value their friendship anymore. For goodness’ sake, Jungkook still even steps into this treehouse every night... when he’s sure that Namjoon has finally gone home.
He’s being stupid, he knows. But in the face of sadness, rationality flies out of the window. Jungkook was a young sixteen year old boy who is facing the saddest day of his life. He’s looking for someone to blame for his sorrow, even if he logically knew that he first had to look in the mirror.
Namjoon didn’t even say goodbye.
As the seconds ticked by, Jungkook’s hand around the note tightens until the paper crumples. Was their friendship really that disposable that Namjoon just ended it with a measly note? Did he really not know Jungkook well enough to know that Jungkook would at least come and say goodbye?
Didn’t Namjoon think that Jungkook deserved some closure too?
All these angry feelings began to pile up. Irrational thoughts begin to consume him until his sadness is now being replaced with fury.
He’s furious because Namjoon just left him without a goodbye, taking half of Jungkook’s heart with him.
It fucking hurts.
It was then that Jungkook decided that this would not be how he and Namjoon would end. He clings unto this anger and vows to himself that Namjoon won’t be the one getting the last word between the two of them. He’ll find Namjoon and admonish him for leaving him just like that.
Jungkook holds on to that bitterness to keep him moving. Because god knows how bad he’ll crumble if he doesn’t let that fiery flame of rage lead him.
The alternative was simply unfathomable.