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“I really need to head out, Wil”, Schlatt sighed, trying to pry himself away from his friend.
“You’re gonna leave me all alone? On my birthday?” Wilbur whined, holding on tight. He buried his head in Schlatt’s chest and dug his nails into his back.
“Ow- fuck, Wilbur, stop!” Schlatt hissed and pushed him away. “I’ll be able to hang out tomorrow, okay? Christ, you’re a fuckin’ drama queen. Why don’t you invite Niki over? I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
“She doesn’t have vodka”, Wilbur complained, pouting up at the other.
Schlatt faltered for a moment. “I- seriously? Is that why you wanted me here?”
“No! You’re my best friend, Schlatt! I just… y’know, it wouldn’t be, like, a party without something to drink.” Wilbur insisted.
He stared down at him. “Is that what you want for your birthday? Vodka?”
Wilbur nodded.
“Fuckin’ hell, Wilbur”, Schlatt sighed, kneeling to dig around in his backpack. He pulled a half-empty fifth out and handed it to Wilbur.
“Here. Happy sixteenth, asshole.” He huffed and pulled his backpack over his shoulder as he stood.
“Thank you”, Wilbur sang, unscrewing the cap and taking a swig.
“Yeah, whatever. If your dad busts your ass you didn’t get it from me, alright?”
“Mhm.”
Schlatt stared at him for a moment longer. He pushed the weight on his shoulders away for a moment- he was Wilbur’s best friend. He had no reason to question that. Except the reasons Wilbur gave him, of course.
The drive home was silent.
“Hi, buddy!” Schlatt grinned and swooped Tubbo up in a hug, swinging them in a circle. They giggled like a maniac, holding on for dear life.
“Thanks again, Jay. I know it’s inconvenient when I do this stuff so late minute, it’s just, they’ve been staying at the Watson’s for like a week and I would feel bad asking again.” Eret apologised, pulling her messenger bag closer to her chest.
“Hey, seriously, it’s no biggie at all. My dad is in Sacramento this week visiting his girlfriend, it’ll be good to have a bit of company for the evening.” Schlatt grinned and shifted Tubbo onto his hip.
Eret let out a little sigh in relief. “Okay, cool. Thank you. I should be back to pick them up by nine, okay? I’ll let you know if that changes.”
“Sure thing. Take it easy, alright?” Schlatt gave her a warm grin.
She returned a soft smile, before giving Tubbo a kiss on their cheek and leaving. Schlatt closed the front door behind her.
“Alright, what do you wanna do tonight, big guy?” Schlatt set Tubbo down, resisting the urge to grit his teeth as he realised they were only about half a foot shorter than him now. They were only twelve, were they going to grow to be taller than him too?
“Can we play bees?” They asked, grinning up at him with missing teeth.
“Bees? How do you play bees?” He asked.
“Okay, so, I’m the queen, and you’re a worker bee. You have to find flowers for me and do everything I say.” Tubbo explained.
“I don’t think I have any flowers in my house, bud.” Schlatt grimaced.
“Oh…” Tubbo hummed, looking around. “Could we play cats, then?”
“How do we play cats?”
“Well, I’m the leader of Thunderclan, and you can be the leader of Shadowclan. You’re evil, okay? And you have to try to kill me.” Tubbo said, an authority to their tone that made them seem older than their years.
Schlatt laughed a little. “Okay, we can do that. It’s like those cat books, right?”
“Yeah! Warriors!”
“Okay, they have special names, right?”
“Mhm!”
“Well, what’s your special name?”
“Oh! Um… okay, I’m gonna be Flowertail! And- and you’re gonna be… Bloodclaw!” Tubbo beamed up at him.
Schlatt laughed again. “Okay, that sounds good. How do we start?”
“Um, you’re gonna be in your territory, and I’ll be in mine, okay? Your room is your territory, and the bathroom is my territory. The living room is the forest, okay?”
“Okay. Do we meet in the living room to fight, then?” Schlatt grinned.
“Yes! Okay, okay, you go to Shadowclan territory, I’ll go to Thunderclan territory! Go!” Tubbo grinned and ran to the bathroom.
Schlatt kept a laugh to himself and went to his own room. He sat against the door, waiting to hear Tubbo enter the living room. His phone buzzed.
wilbur: schllaaaaaaaaattttt
jschlatt: Whats up
wilbur: i miiiiiisssss youuuuuu
jschlatt: What are you gay
wilbur: :((((( are uou sure u can’t come over again tonight
jschlatt: I might be free after nine?
wilbur: ighjyudugh ok
jschlatt: I also might still be busy. Tubbo is over bc Eret had to cover a shift for her coworker
wilbur: aw cute
wilbur: can u say hi for me :D
jschlatt: Lol sure
He paused, the topic of Tubbo shaking him out of his trance. He hadn’t heard them go into the living room yet, had he?
Schlatt stood, wincing at a spike of pain in his knee, and left his room. He stepped into the living room, looking around. Nothing. The bathroom door was shut though, and he could see the light was on inside. He sighed in relief- they were probably just using the restroom.
He rapped on the door with his knuckles. “Tubbo? You good in there?”
He heard a little yelp. “Mhm!”
Schlatt hesitated. “Are you using the restroom? What’re you doin’ in there?”
“Um, nothing!”
He felt his heart twist in dread.
“Tubbo, what are you doing? Can I come in?”
“No!” They sounded like they were talking with something in their mouth.
“Tubbo, I’m coming in, okay?” Schlatt tried the door, but it was locked. He swore under his breath and jumped to grab the key that was kept on top of the doorframe. He tried to ignore the way his hands started to shake as he unlocked the door. The door swung open, and Schlatt’s heart plummeted.
“Oh my god. Tubbo, spit that out in the toilet right now, okay?”
Tubbo scooted back, holding the nerds rope closer to their chest. “I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed to take candy without asking, I thought you wouldn’t see!” They insisted, tears already budding in their eyes.
“Tubbo, please, please just spit it out in the toilet, okay? That’s- that’s a special candy, it makes people feel weird, I don’t want you to feel weird, okay?” Schlatt barely kept his voice from cracking.
Tubbo swallowed the lump in their throat and the rest of the candy that had been in their mouth. They held what remained of it out to Schlatt.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know”, they sniffled.
Schlatt took it and stared between it and the wrapper on the sink. Five hundred fucking milligrams. And they’d eaten half. He felt sick.
“Tubbo, can you do a favor for me?” He asked, his words weak.
Tubbo stared up at him, tears streaming down their cheeks. “What?”
“Do you know how to make yourself throw up?”
They looked horrified. “Why do you want me to throw up?”
“I don’t want you to feel weird from the candy, okay? I think if you can make yourself throw up now, you won’t feel as bad later.” Schlatt knelt down next to them.
Tubbo choked out a sob. “I-I don’t wanna throw up!”
“I know, buddy, but if you don’t you’re gonna feel really really bad, okay? Can you just do this for me?” Schlatt pleaded, taking one of Tubbo’s hands in his.
Tubbo yanked their hand away, letting out a wail and shaking their head. “I don’t wanna th-throw up, I don’t wanna f-feel bad!” They cried.
Schlatt stared, horror digging at his chest. “Okay. I’m gonna call Eret, okay? She’ll know what to do.” He stood and pulled his phone out of his pocket, dialling her number and pressing it to his ear.
“Jay? What’s going on? I’m in the middle of a shift.”
He swallowed the rising bile in his throat. “I, uh… I need your help. I really fucked up.”
“What? What happened?”
“I- we- we were playing, like, some cat game or something, a-and Tubbo was in the bathroom alone-“
“Jay, what happened?!”
“They ate like, half an edible. I-I tried to make them throw up, but they just started crying, I-I dunno what to do.”
The line was silent for a moment. When Eret’s voice came again, she sounded more serious than Schlatt had ever heard.
“I’m on my way.”
The line went dead.
Schlatt let out a shaky breath and went back into the bathroom.
“Okay, Tubbo. Eret is on her way.” He sighed. “She’s gonna make everything okay, Tubbo.”
Tubbo choked back a sob and wiped their eyes. “Am I g-gonna feel really really bad?”
He bit back his nerves. “Um, maybe? But you’ll be with Eret, and she’ll make it okay, I promise.”
They stared up at him for a moment, then started crying again.
Tubbo ran to Eret the second the front door opened, sobbing into her shirt and holding onto her tight.
“Hi, darling”, she cooed, picking them up and holding them close. She shushed them, rubbing their back. “It’s gonna be okay now, okay, baby? I promise. Can you go wait in the car for me? I need to talk to Jay for a moment.”
Tubbo hiccuped and nodded, wiping their eyes as they went to the car after being set down again.
As soon as he heard the car door shut, Schlatt felt his cheek sting. He blinked in surprise, a tender hand reaching up to touch where Eret had slapped him.
“I thought I could trust you, Jay.” Eret growled, her voice cracking on the words. “They’re twelve! They’re twelve, and you let them eat a fucking edible?!”
“I… I didn’t mean to, Eret, honest, I-“
“Shut up! Fucking shut up, Jay! God! Do you have any idea how scary this is going to be for them?!”
“I t-tried to make them spit it-“
“This is going to traumatise them. Do you even understand that?” Eret’s eyes were sharp and dangerous despite the tears budding in them.
Schlatt swallowed thickly.
“You should be fucking ashamed of yourself. You should be- god, you are a piece of shit, you know that? Fuck! You really couldn’t keep them safe in your own house?”
He stayed quiet, jaw set in place, staring up at her with furrowed brows.
Eret glared down at him for another moment. “I am never going to forgive you for this”, she whispered.
Then she was turning on her heel, and Schlatt was watching the car pull out of his driveway.
On any other day, the point where he was throwing up into his toilet would be the point where he stopped drinking. But when he pulled away from the rim, he rinsed the taste of bile out of his mouth with whiskey.
The world was swimming worse than he’d ever seen, he barely managed to stumble out of the bathroom and back into the living room.
Truthfully, Tubbo was the closest thing he had to a sibling. They were really the only person he thought of as family. More so than his father. They were the only kid his father’s sister had, before she passed away. He couldn’t help but feel like they were really the only person in his life that was worthwhile.
And he had traumatised them.
It made him feel sick. It made his heart twist and rupture, blood staining his insides like ink. He took a desperate swig from the bottle as he stumbled into his bedroom and fell onto his bed. He stared at the popcorn ceiling above his head, watching the patterns shift.
Wilbur was using him for free booze, wasn’t he?
His father hated him, he knew it. The man had never once told him he loved him, only told him to shut up or get out.
And now, Tubbo would never be the same. They were going to have PTSD or some shit from his stupid mistake.
In his drunken state, when the thought of Russian roulette crossed his mind, it only made him grin. It was too easy to stagger into his father’s room, to nearly fall over as he opened the drawer of the bedside table.
Jay was partial to glocks, but his father was a revolver man to death and back.
One bullet, three shots, he decided. Idly, his brain supplied that it was 61% chance the bullet would hit.
He stared down the barrel for a few moments, his vision wavering as he felt his heart sink. Three shots, that was all he’d give it. He pulled the silver cross out from under his shirt and pressed it to his lips, closing his eyes.
He put his life in God’s hands.
The barrel was pressed against his temple. He took a deep, shaky breath, and let it out.
Click.
He opened his eyes. Irritation bit at his tongue. He whispered a prayer, his free hand holding the cross.
Click.
Tears stung his eyes, he let out a shuddering breath and pulled the gun away from his head. He let out a sob.
“Please, God, please”, he begged, his voice cracking.
“I have nothing here. You know I-I have nothing here.”
He waited a moment, as if he expected an answer. He choked back a sob and took a deep breath, before opening his mouth. The barrel slid between his teeth with ease, like it had been made for that exact spot.
Schlatt counted himself down. He gripped the cross tighter, forcing it to leave an indent in his fingers.
Three.
Two.
One.
Click.
Schlatt screamed and threw the gun at the wall in frustration, collapsing to his knees on the floor. He felt harsh sobs rip out of his throat as he pulled on his hair, curling into a ball.
He couldn't even kill himself correctly.