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"So," Anakin says, leg bouncing under the table, fingers plucking at the fabric of his pants. "Have you thought about it?"
Obi-Wan doesn't so much as spare him a glance. Content with flipping through his notes, marking off several lines before finally huffing a reply. "Thought about what?"
Anakin grits his teeth, trying his best not to feel too strongly about a matter that frankly shouldn't concern him..... but it does. Of course it does. Because anything Obi-Wan.....
He clears his throat, fingers no longer torturing his pants but now tapping a rhythmic beat against the surface of the table separating them.
"Taking on a new Padawan?"
Obi-Wan stills. The tranquil air surrounding them suddenly shifting into heavy layer of silence.
Seconds tick by and Obi-Wan says nothing. Continuing to frown at the notes strewn in front of him.
Finally, just as Anakin is about to swerve the entire conversation back before it festers into something unsalvageable, his former Master speaks up. "A little," he answers. Words slow, careful. The auburn haired man has yet to look up at him even now. "Why do you ask?"
Why does he ask---
Swallowing down the sudden bitterness threatening to spew past his lips ready to taint whatever modicum of peace they've managed to salvage after the Hardeen incident, Anakin takes a deep breath, releases the destructive emotions into the force and tries to center himself as best as he can.
"Just curious," he finally answers, proud to see his voice holding none of the hostilities he'd felt only seconds ago. "I mean, there most have been tons of initiates falling all over themselves to be trained by the great general Kanobi."
He hopes he doesn't sound as accusing as he feels. And from the way Obi-Wan only chuckles lightly, amusement dancing in his eyes, Anakin thinks he might have at least succeeded in that.
"Perhaps," his former master mutters, reports forgotten for the time being as he levels him with a knowing stare. "Unfortunately I won't be taking on any new padawans any time soon."
Anakin blinks, stunned. "No?"
Obi-Wan shakes his head. "No".
It takes a second for the words to fully register, to sink in, but when they do, it's as if the weight of the world has lifted off of his chest and Anakin feels as if he can finally breathe again. His shoulders almost slump in relief. "Why not?" He asks. He's not sure if he manages to come across as disinterested as he wants to look rather than the heart-shakingly happy person he is within knowing that his master wasn't about to replace him; at least not right now. That he wasn't about to take on a new padawan he chose. Not when he, Anakin needed him the most. But whether or not his poker face is intact, Obi-Wan doesn't react to it one way or another. Instead the auburn haired man drags a hand across his chin and thoughtfully stares at a point over Anakin's shoulder.
"I had you," Obi-Wan finally answers when the silence yet again threatens suffocation.
"What?"
"You," the Jedi Master says, giving a shrug and a sardonic little smirk. "I had you."
He says it as if that's answer enough. As if those three little words hold all the secrets to their entire relationship, their history and why in the name of the Force, Obi-Wan is refusing to take on another padawan.
But it doesn't make sense. Not really. Not to Anakin. And Anakin needs it to make sense. Needs his master to explain himself like he needs air to breathe.
Something within him burns with the aching need to know. He most know. He most understand.
He doesn't want Obi-Wan to accept another Padawan. Doesn't want his former master to actually choose someone. Point and select someone he wants (not someone forced on him like Anakin ), doesn't want a new, shiny padawan to break whatever they have right now. Because sure Anakin is a Knight. Sure he doesn't need his former master to look out for him anymore. Not really. But Obi-Wan is still there. Still just a step ahead of him or behind him whenever he needs him. Hell, half of Ahsoka's training falls on the older man's shoulders whenever Anakin is unavailable.
A new Padawan would disrupt that. Would ruin things. Would take his master away from him.
So he needs to know why. Why Obi-Wan has decided against taking a new kid under his wings. Because maybe then he could ensure that that why, that reason stays intact, forever. His confusion most somehow break through to the surface; bypassing all the other torrent of emotions swirling behind his mask of (I need to know, he is my master, why would he even consider---).
Sighing, Obi-Wan looks down at his tea. There is a tilt to his lips, almost as if he's debating with himself whether or not he wants to divulge any further information.
Sighing again he looks up to meet Anakin's eyes. A decision already reflected in that familiar gaze. "I had you, Anakin." He says again, a ghost of a smile flickering across his lips. "I image having you as my padawan has made me," here he pauses, bottom lip briefly getting caught between his teeth. "Well, it has made me a bit, biased."
Anakin stares, wide eyed.
"I don't think it would be fair of me to watch someone struggle under your shadow and deem themselves a failure because of it." Taking a deep breath, Obi-Wan shrugs again. "I suppose what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to imagine anyone else ever managing to make me as proud of them as you did. And that kind of deeply rooted bias would be unfair to any new padawan I choose to train. I believe it would be cruel to subject anyone to that kind of standard. Simply put, they are not you."
If warmth itself could explode through his chest, Anakin was sure it would. This,.... this was probably the sweetest thing his master had ever said to him. And the fact that it had been said with such a matter of fact tone, with such honesty. It makes it all the more special.
"I imagine not." He jokes back, blinking furiously against the sudden onslaught of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. "Besides me and Ahsoka are probably a handful already."
Obi-Wan snorts. "That," he says; eyes so incredibly fond it makes Anakin want to curl up against him like the nine year old kid he used to be, and cry. "That you are padawan mine. That you are."