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Anthony’s arrangement with Loki wasn’t conventional. In fact, it was almost political, at least from his perspective. It was certainly beneficial for both parties. It was something that Anthony had been wary about at first, but had thought fondly of over the last decade.
Loki had been the one to propose it late one night as they sipped mulled wine in Anthony’s forge.
“You have no interest in courting, do you, Anthony?” Loki had questioned.
Anthony had snorted and grinned at his long-time friend.
“You have known me how long? Why would you bother to ask?”
Loki had smiled faintly. “Perhaps merely to have my assumptions confirmed.”
Anthony had chuckled. “Yes, Loki. I have no interest in a courtship. Why else do you believe I spurn all the flowers and invitations left at my door? What people see in such a relationship has always alluded me.”
Loki had hummed. “Sex, of course, is another matter.”
Anthony had given his friend a rakish smile.
“It is not just your tongue known to be silver. You merely have to ask and I shall happily prove that to you, Loki.”
He’d winked and normally Loki would have rolled his eyes or dismissed the notion. They had always been attracted to one another, but Loki had declined a tryst. Anthony hadn’t minded, he’d always had plenty of other attractive Aesir willing to be his lover.
However, that night, Loki had remarked, “Perhaps I might make an alternative offer. What of an ongoing arrangement between us?”
Anthony had frowned. “You wish us to remain lovers? Before we have even tried it?”
“I am certain neither of us will disappoint the other,” Loki said wryly. “Additionally, neither of us are seeking a courtship. I know of your lack of interest and you can take advantage of the privilege a relationship with me would afford.”
“You’re suggesting a courtship in name only?” Anthony had questioned, feeling confused. “Why would that be of benefit to you?”
“I would have a lover who does not wish to use me for their own agenda. Someone whom I trust and can stand,” Loki had said. He’d shrugged. “Decline if you wish, but it would bring you nothing but advantages.”
Anthony had weighed his options and the benefits of agreeing. He had wanted to get the prince naked for years, and he couldn’t deny the offer was a good one. He’d hardly saw a reason to refuse – and in truth, he hadn’t.
He’d finished his wine and kissed Loki that night. They’d made their way to his bedroom and proven exactly how accurate Loki’s assessment had been. They were exceptional lovers and Anthony had accepted the proposition.
Their arrangement hadn’t proceeded without a few bumps in the road. The Queen had quizzed them thoroughly on their relationship and seemed unconvinced as to their affection. It was obvious they had some kind of relationship but she could not parse out the meaning of it. Prince Thor had also seemed perplexed if supportive.
They had shared a single row about Anthony taking other lovers. He hadn’t been fond of maintaining a single lover, worrying of growing bored, but Loki had eased those worries over the months. Anthony began to realise how useful it was having a lover who knew your favourite positions and most sensitive spots.
In fact, as the months turned to years, Anthony found himself in the ideal relationship. He was the lover of a prince which gained him no shortage of benefits. Their association afforded him more time with his best friend and allowed him more opportunities to travel the realms with Loki.
The entire situation was perfect and he’d found no fault in it– until he overheard two courtiers one afternoon.
“I’m not fond of the prince,” one man said. “But you cannot say he does not handle his suffering admirably.”
The second man snorted. “I would rather he did not. He deserves every moment of his misery and I only wish he showed more of it.”
“Well, even if it not as visible as you wish, at least it proves he has a heart somewhere!”
“Ha!” the second man laughed. “Perhaps he does and I relish each moment it is wounded.”
“You do not feel even a hint of sympathy?”
“Hardly! Let Howardson keep him for nothing but his title. Let him break the man’s heart day by day. It serves the prince right to love what he cannot truly have. And I can say with honesty that it gives more than just me a cause to smile.”
Both men laughed while Anthony tried not to let his rage on his friend’s behalf overwhelm him. It was true that he was utilising his friend’s title, but it was with Loki’s permission and encouragement and he hated the idea that people were mocking Loki for their arrangement.
It was not a standard courtship, that was true, but neither of them was suffering for it and if people believed such of Loki, then Anthony would be swift to counteract it. He would happily go give the two men a piece of his mind now, but Loki had always handled matters of the court from the beginning.
‘Leave the nature of our courtship to me. I will circulate things properly. This is the only thing I ask regarding this matter.’
Anthony had allowed it, after all, Loki’s reputation among the court was far more tenuous and important than Anthony’s.
It was that sole consideration that had him bite his tongue and leave the gossiping courtiers. He went from the town to the palace, ignoring the remaining tasks he’d planned to complete.
His steps were fast and determined and it meant no one tried to bother him as he stalked for the prince’s rooms. He was in such a rage, that it seemed to take no time at all before he was throwing open his friend’s doors. Loki glanced up with a scowl from his magic tome.
“I was reading a complex passage, Anthony,” Loki grumbled.
Yet, despite his harsh tone, Anthony noted the way he was already placing a ribbon in the book to mark his place. Anthony was not surprised, they would each stop what they were doing if the other needed them.
“It can be interrupted,” Anthony replied, still unable to check his anger. “I have just had to listen to two gossiping courtiers. People who declared I was merely using you for your title and that you were allowing it to have some scrapes of my affection. They mocked you, Loki. They considered it a great joke to see you pine for me with no hopes of reciprocation! This cannot continue, Loki.”
He finished his statement with a frustrated hand gesture. He hadn’t been looking at Loki as he pictured the men’s faces in his mind, wanting to see them plead for forgiveness. But, upon focusing on the prince, he saw Loki’s expression was blank. There was no righteous anger or dark vengeance. In fact, if Anthony was not mistaken, he looked as if he was thinking very carefully.
It was an expression he wore when treading on a delicate topic he wasn’t sure how to handle. A situation where the wrong word could prove detrimental. Anthony saw the moment he selected his answer. His shoulders stiffened minutely and he linked his fingers over his book.
"Although I am known for my lies, in this case, I see no improvement on twisting the truth. I doubt it would be believed at this point, as the facts of our relationship have been long established on Asgard - and even, the Nine Realms. What you’re informing me of bares no further discussion, Anthony."
“You knew about this misconception and let it remain?” Anthony asked, baffled.
He watched Loki’s expression tighten and a battle seemed to wage behind his eyes, but it didn’t last long.
In the end, he said, “Anthony, what you heard is not a misconception.”
It took a moment for the words to register, but when they did, Anthony’s heart fell and he was struck with a wave of horror and guilt.
“Loki… you… you.”
“Yes,” Loki said, his expression turning sardonic. “It seems in this others were quicker at catching on then you.”
“But… I do not understand,” Anthony said, feeling completely at a loss.
“Yes,” Loki said, watching Anthony with a remarkable fondness despite everything. “I am well aware that you don’t. That you never have. I was aware of it when I first made the offer a decade ago. And, if you are still happy to continue as we have been, I will see it continue with no additional changes."
“You would?” Anthony asked incredulously.
“Of course.”
“But…”
"Have you enjoyed the benefits of courting me, Anthony?"
The question demanded an honest answer. He swallowed but admitted. “...Yes."
"Do you wish to court anyone else?"
"No!" He answered instinctively.
"Then leave it be."
"But-"
"I am capable of compromise. I am also capable of choosing what I want.”
Anthony continued to stare at him until Loki sighed. He gestured at the seat beside him. Anthony didn’t even hesitate to sit down next to him.
“I declined you for years,” Loki explained, “because I was not in the habit of accepting anything but the full extent of what I wanted." He shrugged. “When I worked out you were not interested in a relationship from anyone, I re-evaluated what I was willing to gain.”
Anthony felt completely at a loss.
“But… you are in love with me. Aren’t you?” Loki winced, but he gave a short nod. “So how then can you stand it? How can you-”
“Anthony, unlike what those fools believe, I do not follow you around with heartbreak in my eyes. I understand you better than any of them. Better than any Aesir, I believe. I know that you do not see things the way I do. Despite this, I have asked you into a courtship where we share no other lover, where we have meals, days and even weeks together. You have agreed and you do not seem unhappy for it.”
Anthony blinked, feeling startled at the description. He had never thought of their arrangement through the eyes of another. He saw it for what it was: a sating of desire, a lack of complication and a mutual benefit between friends.
But, if he was to consider it from the view Loki was bestowing. They were in a courtship. The only thing they were missing were the affectionate gestures in public or private. It was true that he was not shy on physical affection, but it was done without romantic intent. Loki knew as much.
He’d never seen the purpose of romance, love or an association deeper than friendship. There was sex and then there was his friendship with Loki. The two did not intertwine. They were two separate entities.
To Loki, there was only a single thing: love.
“You are not unhappy, are you?” Loki questioned, his tone sharp and his gaze concerned. Anthony shook his head minutely. Loki relaxed further. “Good.” He nodded. “Then, shall we consider this dismissed?”
Normally, Anthony couldn’t wait to leave talks of emotion far behind him. Normally, he would leap at the chance to move on from a discussion about things he did not grasp.
But… this was Loki and he couldn’t sweep what his friend had done and felt under the rug.
“I cannot consider it dismissed,” Anthony said quietly. “I must know, Loki. Are you unhappy?”
“No,” Loki answered, swiftly and simply.
Anthony narrowed his eyes, not certain he believed it. Anthony had heard and seen the commotions and emotional upheavals that befell those whose love was unrequited or whose love faded in time. To have Loki so silently accept a lack of reciprocation went against everything Anthony had been taught to believe.
“I do not understand why you would choose this,” Anthony eventually admitted. “This cannot be what you want.”
“I want you,” Loki said with blunt honesty. “So, I orchestrated an arrangement that would please us both. The Aesir do not understand this and they never will. I do not care that they have crafted their own tale as to my misery. It is false, like many things they believe of me. What is important to me, Anthony, is that we enjoy what we share.”
“Even when I do not…care for you in that way?”
Loki smiled faintly.
“You care for me in other ways, Anthony. I do not think I am wrong in saying, you care for me more than any other Aesir.”
“I do,” Anthony insisted, not wanting Loki to doubt it. “There is no other who comes close.”
He reached forward and placed a hand on Loki’s arm, squeezing it gently. Loki’s smile spread a bit wider.
“And I am the only Aesir you would wish to share this kind of relationship with?”
Anthony didn’t have to think of it. “You are.”
“Then, in many aspects, you care for me exactly how I care for you.”
Anthony wasn’t certain he believed it. Nor could he accept Loki was truly happy with the arrangement.
“Loki,” he said softly, “There must be others who-”
“No,” Loki said simply, but fiercely. “I seek no one else, Anthony.” Loki held his gaze. “I am in love with you. No other can or will compare.”
Anthony still felt uncertain. He didn’t want to cause Loki any pain, but he knew his friend, Loki wouldn’t suffer something he wasn’t enjoying. Loki meant every word – and yet, Anthony found it impossible to go back to what they’d shared before not now that his eyes had been opened.
He let his gaze drift to his hand on Loki’s arm. He felt awkward, but he moved his hand down the man’s arm until he could cover Loki’s hand. He felt the prince twitch before he turned his arm so they were palm to palm. Slowly, Anthony slipped his fingers through Loki’s.
He looked up to find Loki was watching him carefully.
“Anthony,” Loki said warily. “I do not want you uncomfortable for my sake.”
“And I do not want you unhappy for mine.”
“I am not-”
“Perhaps you are not,” Anthony agreed, “But it will not make me unhappy if I am able to give you something that you wish.”
Loki fell silent. He also looked away, but he didn’t remove his hand. Anthony looked down at their linked fingers. It did not give him the reactions he’d heard others speak about. There was no fluttering, no excitement. He was simply holding his friend’s hand.
But Loki was swallowing and his cheeks seemed ever so slightly darker. It meant something to him, and that made Anthony smile and keep his hand around Loki’s.
“What can I give you, Loki?” Anthony questioned softly.
Loki swallowed again. He looked at Anthony, his gaze remained sharp and unsure as he searched Anthony’s features. Anthony kept his expression open; revealing his honesty and reassurance.
Slowly, Loki smiled.
“I do not seek much, Anthony,” Loki admitted. “Care for me as you do, and perhaps, if you wish it…” Loki’s raised his hand and when he was not rebuffed, he cupped Anthony’s cheek. “Kiss me on occasion. Not for sex… just to kiss me.”
It was a simple request and Anthony immediately complied. He leant forward and pressed their lips together. Loki sighed and Anthony pressed closer. He didn’t try to deepen it or climb into Loki’s lap as he might have done in the past.
Instead, he gave his friend the affection that he sought.
And although it was not what he desired himself, Anthony did feel a spark of enjoyment but it was not from the action. It was from knowing that he was giving his friend happiness.