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Niki can’t remember the last time she ate.
They force feed her, hold her down and fill her with slop that she doesn’t want.
They can just kill her, make her respawn with full health, clean again, he doesn’t actually care about her eating, just wants her to feel pain.
To ‘learn a lesson’.
A lesson she refuses to learn.
She retches it up, of course she does.
Down the drain in the corner he makes them use to shit and piss in.
Where the water from the shower she hasn’t used in months goes.
There’s no such thing as dignity in a place like this.
She’s tired, she’s always tired, and cold as well.
She doesn’t look good, but long gave up caring.
He comes by every day, not always the same time, but always the same order. Carefully passing cells, talking and chatting like there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing. Like they chose to do this, or deserve it. She knows they don’t, but she heard his words every day, as he tells people why they’re here.
When he leaves, they talk.
Techno tells stories, she sings with Ghostbur. Phil talks about lands long lost that he visited aeons ago. Karl tells them tales of timelines, and complains that something here dampens his ability to leave. Eret talks in a rich voice about his family, he swears one day he’ll tell them about his eyes. Sapnap’s oddly chatty, putting everything aside to give some semblance of togetherness, and he talks about fire. A lot. The ways it burns, the places as well. What turns what fire what colour and the rest.
They take turns, and the others call silent when they talk.
George doesn’t talk, but sometimes he sings along with Niki, if only to stop his throat going from disuse. He’s still refusing to talk to Dream, and she favours his courage.
She had that same courage when she first arrived, though it’s more survival than courage now. She knows if she doesn’t let herself stew in the anger, it will burn her mind away until there’s nothing left.
She remembered ripping off his mask, watching the shock in his eyes. She’d thrown the mask across the room, hoping it would shatter, watching as he scrambled across her cell to grab it. A satisfying feeling that for a second SHE’D MADE him do something. She’d yelled at him then, and still yelled at him everyday like a routine. Yell in the morning, sing in the evening.
She knew he was scared of her, and pretended he wasn’t.
He pretends like he’s not afraid, like he knows her in and out, but he still doesn’t know her drive.
Her drive is a young boy who’s too far gone for help now.
If she someday can live the life he deserved, then she’ll keep yelling, keep fighting, keep trying to get out of here.
She knows he’s too far gone when he apologises for every move, for the things that make him, him.
She knows he’s too far gone when he’s excited for Dream’s visits, for minimal food.
She knows he’s too far gone when cat slowly plays, haunting her with memories of what was before.
She knows, if you went back through the history of these people, people would blame him for being here. He killed George in the community house, back right at the start, he’s at fault.
They’d forget that it was Dream from the start, taking things out of proportion. Not letting Tommy use the COMMUNITY house. The thing anyone was allowed to take from. Everyone except Tommy, who they fought for every item.
One death to George, Tommy dies back. He kills George, Dream kills Tommy. Equal.
No, they tried to take him to court, and it feels like Dream and Tommy have never been on the same side since.
She can’t remember when it started getting serious. When the wars they did for fun became Dream making ‘canon lives’ and threats and traps and things like THIS.
She can’t remember a time when the wars didn’t feel real. Feel like every step was the end. Not a black hole, but a supernova. A burst of light and destruction and rebirth that killed.
Rebirth means something has to die, they always forget something has to die.
And for the future Dream wants, they all have to die.
Tommy died a year ago. Away in exile, slowly broken down by Dream, every day. Three months to lose a boy that, at the end of it all, kept them entertained, kept them ALIVE. He’s not Tommy anymore, and she doubts he ever will be again, though she doesn’t voice her concerns, Phil would hear them, and he’d lose himself.
The anniversary of Tommy’s first day of exile is in a few days, Ghostbur keeps track of the days for her, and she won’t misbehave that day.
She’ll break her fast for one day. Shower, eat and behave. She’ll say good morning to Dream politely, and she’ll sing hymns. She’ll sing all of the songs Tommy used to love.
Castle on the Hill - Ed Sheeran
Locked Out of Heaven - Bruno Mars
Piano Man - Billy Joel
Blame it on me - George Ezra
Fireflies - Owl City
Long live the Queen - Frank Turner
Peggy sang the Blues - Frank Turner
Love, Ire and Song - Frank Turner
I am disappeared - Frank Turner
She’ll sing them all and more like a holy prayer to a better day.
She’ll teach them all how to sing those songs, teach them the words and sing them.
Take care of herself for one day, for Tommy and only Tommy.
He probably won’t recognise them, but she’ll do it for herself as well. To stay strong.
In April, maybe she’ll do it again. April 9th.
She wonders if Dream will do something special for Tommy.
He hasn’t done anything for the rest of them, but Tommy’s the only one who obeys.
Maybe she’ll ask if she can wear a new dress on that day if she promises to behave.
She’ll pretend, and keep that anger burning below her skin.
She’ll eat her lunch today, so they don’t force feed her, and then she’ll go back on fast.
Yesterday George and Sapnap cried.
Today she’ll eat her lunch.
Tomorrow she’ll yell at Dream again.
Next year, she’ll get out of this hellhole, find Minx, and run.