Chapter Text
Dear diary,
I'm Atsumu Miya just a 17 years old boy who is scared to die without having to do anything in my life I'm just in this prison rotting away.
I had a special friend and they would always tell me that when your dying you don't want to accept it at first.
He passed away some time ago, he would always tell me his journey...his tale of pain.
I do treasure this knowledge before parting away he also gave me another 'gift'.
This journal...to write my story down since he would not be there to hear my stories...so I can slowly accept dying but I like to think it a small gift to my close ones.
So when I part away my close ones can see my point of view, so they have a small part of me with them.
I admit it's foolish to do this even though I don't think it will help me accept death, it's probably going to make it worse, but I did promise I would do this.
Well, I guess if I'm going to do this I'll start from the beginning.
I was never a normal childhood, I never had a childhood, my parents always told me to the same stuff, that I was a 'special boy'.
I couldn't be near other kids or them next to me, I hardly saw my brother that was until the news...before the news my mother and father used to always put me in the first place.
I didn't think it was acceptable, since I'm the older child but I guess I was...I am weak.
When we received the news my parents started to distance themselves from me.
I always thought It was unfair to my twin he had to mature because of me, he didn't get a normal childhood.
W̶e̶l̶l̶, w̶e̶ n̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ h̶a̶d̶ i̶t̶ i̶n̶ t̶h̶e̶ f̶r̶i̶s̶t̶ p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶...
'No you'll get hurt' I remember mother telling me each time I wanted to go out with Osamu.
She is ignorant and foolish, she didn't even care, her voice and eyes said it...why was she behaving that way?
Father and her gave up on me after they heard that I was dying.
Except for Osamu, he was...he still is hoping for a miracle.
Mother and father went to work overseas 'trying to make money for my illness'.
Yes, I have lots of surgeries and need lots of medication but we never had a problem with money.
Our grandparents own the hospital we hardly pay anything, after all, I'm the 'next' in line.
That is if I get better I'll take over the company... My grandparents are strict they are the old school type of people...but I hope somewhere deep down they care for me.
That they're not helping me for the sake of the company for their money.
I'm not stupid even if my parents never told me personally that information, I could tell.
I am good at reading people I can tell when it's genuine care and when it's fake.
After all, when you're special like me, people show their different sides...to put it lightly I have seen lots of things in the hospital.
I like to study all day it's the only thing that distracts me from this curse.
'Atsumu you have to rest so you can get better' I know I won't get better it's just false hope.
It's unfair to Samu I was supposed to take care of him not the other way around.
But he never cared about that...I guess he enjoyed taking care of me if it makes him happy I can't complain, I love to see him smile even if it's from small things.
I'm supposed to be in the last year of middle school with Osamu but instead, I'm in my room waiting to die.
But I pretend for the sake of Osamu, that I will get better.
Like I said our parents don't want to get too close to me, then when I die it won't have impactful but they'll probably use it for their convenience.
I'm happy they love Osamu but I sometimes wonder what if that was me? yes they give me things to 'make me feel better', pay all my bills but it still hurts I wish they would at least give me attention.
Don't get me wrong I understand I would do the same...I think...since we have the same gens I guess.
But what gets me furious is that they left Osamu dealing with all the work of putting up with me.
It's the responsibility for them to take care of me, or at least hire someone to take care of me...I'm already a burden in his life...always worrying him and giving him hope only to get crushed when I get worse.
I don't need him to become my guardian... He's just my brother, my best friend, why did you also make him become my caretaker?
He already has a school, he doesn't need to stress over a person who isn't even going to be there in his other half of life.
Is it too much to ask?
Well, that won't matter once I die I will be better for Osamu, hehe I guess this is helping me deal with death. Who would have thought?
Love,
Atsumu Miya