Chapter Text
It was an off-hand comment from Wilhelm that convinced him to accept the Crusch camp's hospitality for a little longer.
Specifically, a comment regarding the villagers and how not many were used to long, continuous travel.
Convincing them to stay wasn’t difficult, and Emilia was in no mood to oppose him on anything that would make him feel even a little bit better. That was how they ended up staying one night more than what they'd planned.
At dinner, he'd been once again seated between Emilia and Felix. And, while he certainly did his best to keep the conversation on her most of the time, Emilia was rather timid when there were too many people around and too much food on the table, and Felix was a chatterbox. Especially under stress, and he was under a crushing amount of stress, which certainly wasn’t helped by Crusch retiring to her chambers early, exhausted by… well, just about everything in the past few days. So, Subaru tried to split the conversation as equally as possible between the two of them.
It didn’t work as well as he would've liked. Felix still looked just a little off and Subaru didn't feel any better, eating food that, however well-made, just didn't compare to Rem's.
Briefly, he wondered if Felix would have fared any better had it been Crusch's name that Gluttony had eaten. He scrapped that thought immediately. That probably wouldn't have gone well either. Even thinking it felt cruel.
"Hey, Felix?"
"Myes?"
"I saw the kids swarming you earlier. How are you faring with that?"
"Kids fear nothing." commented Felix, picking at his food, "They were playing on the gates. You know, the sharp gates. The tall gates..."
“Did they fall?”
“Surprisingly, no.” he said, “But one did get bitten by a snake. So of course I had to go and help.”
"Ah, yes." Subaru cackled, "They're a handful, eh? But they're sweet once they take a shine to you."
For just a moment, Felix's eyes had a bit of their old spark back: "Absolutely." he grinned, "One of the girls made me a flower crown. I have never wanted a child more, I swear."
They laughed, somewhat awkwardly. Felix looked away: "The trouble with flowers is, they don't last that long, no matter how much you take care of them." he mused. The spark was gone again.
Subaru sighed: "That's true. But don't you think that's kind of beautiful? I mean, if time meant nothing, neither would life, right?"
"Mh?" Felix raised his brow.
"Think about it." he continued, "Be honest with me. If you couldn't die, or age, would you care about anything? Could you afford to? If everything but you is temporary, you're destined to be alone. If everything is immortal, then none of it has meaning, reproduction is either impossible or damaging, the air is stale, everything gets boring. Which would you prefer?"
He wasn’t quite sure where that rant had come from, but it felt good.
Felix took some time to answer.
"I think…" he murmured, "I'd go for everything being immortal. Sure, it'd get boring, but at least I wouldn't be bored alone. At least we would all know that someone will always be there. Misery loves company, a meow right?"
He elbowed Subaru in the side with a wink.
Subaru laughed from the heart: "I couldn't agree more."
Before he went to bed, Emilia came to visit.
"How are you feeling, Subaru?" she asked him, with the gentlest voice. It was nice to have her there. He was sure that, if she hadn't been there, he would've been much worse off.
"Tired." he admitted, "Talking to Felix tired me out."
"You didn't eat a lot." she observed, still just as gently, "Neither of you. Is there anything you'd like to eat?"
He smiled. She was so nice. She was being so considerate. If only she could've helped him, it would have been perfect, but her just trying was enough for him.
"Nothing you would find here." he sighed, "I know you don't remember this, but… Rem did most of the cooking at the mansion."
"Oh, did she?"
"Yes. It's just a pity you can't remember how good she was at cooking, Emilia-tan." he smiled, sadly.
Emilia's face took on a determined look: "Well, you'll just have to make me taste it again someday."
"Emilia…"
"You'll save her." she declared, "I know you will. If you find that there's any way I can help with that, I insist. Come to me. Ask and ye shall receive."
He laughed: "Who says ye anymore, Emilia-tan?"
"I do!" she exclaimed, but there was no offense in her tone.
Her gaze softened: "But really, Subaru. Promise me you'll ask for help if I can give it."
"I will."
"Promise me?"
"I promise." he said, without a second thought.
Emilia took a few more steps into the room: "I'll hold you to that."
It felt like a warning.
She didn't hug him, that time. But she did it again. She ran her hand through his hair, in a comforting gesture not unlike one a parent would use to console a child.
"You will save her." she repeated.
He thought, much later, when she left and he lay his head down to sleep, that he probably would have spent hours pacing around if she hadn't visited.
Instead, he closed his eyes and slept immediately.
In his dreams, though, there was darkness and cold.