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Maybe TK should feel guilty about how he acted at the market. He doubts he made a good impression on Carlos's parents, but he's not sure if that matters anymore. He just... He couldn't bring himself to pretend. He couldn't walk around acting like they were just friends - acting like he wasn't hurting.
So he'd lied and said he had to meet his dad, then left the market as quickly as possible, too late realising that he'd taken half of their groceries with him. Now he's standing on the curb, stupidly staring down at the bag and thinking about how he's ruined Carlos's plans for the night.
Well. Technically, they had been their plans, but while that's clearly not happening now, Carlos might still have wanted to go through with them. With his parents, maybe. He can't now that TK's absconded with half the ingredients. He ought to return them.
(He won’t. He can’t .)
TK starts walking, speeding up until he’s almost running, desperate as he is to put as much distance as possible between him and the market (between him and carlos). He barely pays attention to other people on the street, probably earning himself several irritated looks, but he doesn’t care. The market isn’t too far from his dad’s place, and all TK needs right now is to shut himself away for a while, away from anyone’s prying eyes.
It’s not until he steps inside and is greeted by the sound of several voices coming from the patio that he remembers his dad had planned a gathering at the house. He freezes, wondering if it’s possible to sneak out again, which is (of course) exactly when his parents decide to round the corner, a confused frown appearing on both their faces.
“TK?” Owen says. “What are you doing back? I thought you were spending the day with Carlos.”
“I, um.” TK swallows roughly. “I was. We… Something came up. I forgot you were doing this. I’ll go.”
“No, hold on a second -”
“Really, Dad,” TK interrupts, holding a placating hand up. “It’s all good. Sorry to have interrupted.”
He doesn’t wait for his dad to respond, turning on his heel and going back outside. He manages two steps away from the house before stopping, realising that there’s nowhere else he really wants to be.
No. That’s a lie. But the one place he wants to be is the one place he absolutely cannot go.
TK slumps down on the porch, resting his head against the railings. How has he fucked this up so badly? He’d really thought they were doing well, but clearly something’s wrong - else why would Carlos have lied? He doesn’t understand, and a part of him doesn’t want to. TK’s not sure if he can take one more heartbreak.
The front door opens again, and when TK turns, his mom is standing there, arms folded.
“All good, huh?” she asks, one eyebrow cocked, though her tone betrays her worry. TK turns away from her, hanging his head.
She sighs, then comes and sits next to him, one arm coming around his shoulders. “Wanna tell me what’s going on?” She pulls away slightly to look at him, and TK knows he’s not hiding anything. Even so, he waits a while before responding; he and his mom have never been ones for deep conversations. Usually, that’s his dad’s forte, but even then, he’s never felt entirely comfortable.
“His parents don’t know about me,” he admits quietly, all the pain from the market rushing back. “We bumped into them earlier and Carlos… He told them I was his friend.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” She squeezes him gently, rubbing his shoulder and TK closes his eyes, leaning in to the gesture. “I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation, though.”
TK nods, staring at the ground. “Yeah. Me. I’m not good enough for him.”
“TK -”
“No, Mom, I’m not,” he insists, pulling away from her. “I never was. You don’t know what a mess I was at the beginning - I put him through so much, and he still stayed even though I didn’t deserve it. I don’t deserve someone like him, and maybe he’s realising it. I’ve mucked it up again, just like last time.”
Tears burn the back of his eyes and TK lets them fall, past the point of caring what his mom must be thinking. “I thought things were finally going well for us,” he half-whispers. “Guess I was wrong.”
There’s a brief silence, then his mom sighs heavily. “Tyler Kennedy Strand,” she says, “that’s the biggest load of horseshit I’ve ever heard.”
TK looks up in surprise, meeting her unimpressed gaze. “What?”
She shakes her head. “You and your father. Peas in a pod, I swear. Can’t you see how much that boy cares for you?”
“I- I don’t -”
“TK, come on.” She gives him a small smile, patting his shoulder. “Any idiot can tell. You just… You need to give him time. You said it yourself, things were weird at the start, and you have only been dating for, what, four months?”
TK nods. “Officially, yeah.”
“There you go, then. That’s not a long time, TK; maybe he’s not ready yet.”
“But -”
“Have you even talked to Carlos about any of this?” She arches an eyebrow, giving him one of her lawyer looks.
He flushes as he shakes his head. “I sort of just...left.”
She looks at him in disbelief, then mutters something about him and his dad that TK doesn’t quite catch. Her expression, when she meets his eyes again, is one of fond exasperation. “You realise he’s probably just as upset about all of this as you are, don’t you?”
TK bites his lip. He hadn’t, in all honesty, though he feels guilty about it now. He’d been so caught up in his own feelings that he hadn’t stopped to think about Carlos - which really just amounts to yet another reason why TK isn’t even remotely good enough for him.
His mom sighs deeply. “You need to talk to him. Now.”
TK gives her a doubtful look, then pulls his phone out, only for her to smack his wrist.
“In person, TK!” she exclaims.
“I can’t go over!”
“Why not?”
“B-Because,” TK splutters, “what if his parents are there? I don’t want to put him in that position again.”
“Fair point,” she allows. She purses her lips, considering, then points to TK’s left. “What’s in the bag?”
TK looks down, surprised; he’d honestly forgotten about that. “Groceries,” he says. “We were planning a dinner for tonight.” Pain flashes through him again at the reminder of their plans, now completely in tatters.
His mom, however, is smiling. “There’s your excuse. If his parents are there, you can say you were just dropping them off; if they’re not, you can get over yourself and talk to the boy.”
It makes sense, TK will give her that. But he can’t stop the doubt lingering at the back of his mind. “This is a terrible idea.”
“I’m your mother,” she says. “I have no bad ideas.”
TK laughs. He knows that she’s right, that he has to talk to Carlos, and he supposes that the sooner he gets it done, the better. Ripping the band-aid off, so to speak.
“Thanks, Mom.” He smiles and she smiles back, stroking a hand through his hair. “Can you just do me a favour and not tell Dad? I don’t want to worry him.”
She frowns. “He’s going to ask.”
“Tell him anything,” he begs. “Just not this. Please?”
Gwyneth sighs, then nods reluctantly. “Alright. As long as you promise me one thing. However this turns out, even if the worst does happen, don’t let it destroy you. You’re a good man, TK, and you do deserve good things, even if you don’t believe it. Your dad and I will support you, whatever happens, and you have the rest of your team as well. Don’t bottle it up, okay?”
TK swallows, a lump suddenly in his throat. “Okay,” he manages.
She smiles and drops a kiss on the top of his head, standing up. “Now, go on. It’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.”
He nods, not trusting himself to speak. His mom goes back in the house and TK pulls out his phone again, ordering an Uber before he can convince himself that this is a mistake. It doesn’t arrive for another fifteen minutes, so he sneaks back inside (thankfully avoiding everyone this time around) and quickly changes, his mind racing too fast to be able to sit still outside.
He has to fix this. Or at least get answers.
He’ll never forgive himself if he lets Carlos go.