Work Text:
Rin jolts upright.
Everything about her is sudden, violent, even in death. She scrambles to her feet, looking around for any danger. But there is none.
Right , she thinks, with a wry smile. Of course there’s no danger. She’s in another life now, dead and gone. Yet still she can’t seem to relax. Her muscles are tense, her feet spread apart in a fighting stance.
But there is no one to fight. Even the Phoenix is gone from her mind, probably already finding another unlucky human to latch himself onto, to continue his battle with the Dragon. With Nezha.
Rin closes her eyes. She can still see his face as they brought the knife down to her heart together. His young, terrified face. A part of her is furious at him. We could have done this together. We could have won it all, us against the Hesperians. But you were too much of a fucking coward.
And yet, he wasn’t a coward. Nezha had taken on the burden that Rin had handed him, and more. He would do something she never could: sacrifice his body, his mind, his pride for the sake of Nikan.
Which one of them was stronger, then?
Rin doesn’t think it matters anymore.
She looks around her, taking in the terrain. It’s barren, devoid of even grass, yet she knows that it’s Speer. The island that caused two wars. It looks so pitiful now, just a random mass of land sticking out of the ocean.
She walks towards the beach, stumbling on the rocks. Where is everyone? Shouldn’t the afterlife be teeming with people?
Or maybe this isn’t the afterlife. A hazy memory of Jiang’s garden comes back to her. Her old teacher is telling her about the waiting place, the reality that spirits must live in until they make their peace with everything. Of course, there is no one on Speer. The spirits here have moved on long ago.
Rin knows she could travel the entirety of Nikan, and she wouldn’t find Venka anywhere. The girl would have cursed Rin for being stupid, maybe punched a tree, then moved on. Venka never was one to hold grudges. Her anger never lasted long.
But Kitay…
Rin’s heart contracts. He’s left her behind? Rin’s surprised at how much it hurts. What she did to him was unforgivable, worse than cutting off one of his limbs. And yet. They’re always together. She can’t fathom the idea that they won’t be for the eternity that yawns before her.
Then she sees him.
He’s on the beach, looking out to the waves. Towards Nikan. The wind tugs at his clothes, trying to wrench them off his skinny frame. She realizes with a jolt that they’re both wearing Sinegard uniforms.
Rin hangs back, not wanting to approach lest she scare him off. She wants to look at him, at least, before he leaves. She wonders what he’s thinking of, what thousand things are running through that brilliant mind of his.
“Rin,” he says, his clear voice carrying to her on the sea breeze. He doesn’t turn around, but he knows she’s there. Of course he knows.
As though her legs have a will of their own, she’s suddenly walking. She comes to a stop next to him.
Kitay’s eyes are trained on the horizon. They stand in silence for an eternity, watching the sun dip towards the ocean. She knows they’re thinking about the same things. The destruction they brought on their country. The burden of their guilt. The friends they lost. Nezha. The future that they are removed from.
At last, she can no longer bear the quiet. “You deserved better,” she says softly.
He doesn’t look at her. “I know.” His skin glows golden in the setting sun. “I wish I was still alive. I could have helped Nezha. Made the country better.”
It’s true. Without Kitay’s brain to guide it, the journey forwards for Nikan will be a lot harder. Rin understands why he says it. She agrees, even. But it still hurts.
She doesn’t apologize. She doesn’t know how. “I always had to die.”
“You did,” he says. “I didn’t. And I wish I hadn’t.”
“I wish you hadn’t too.” She feels as though she’s about to cry. But if this is Kitay’s way of making peace with himself, she owes him that. She owes him absolution. “You were always too good for all of this.”
He shakes his head. “No. If I was, I would have stopped you long ago. Before you went insane enough to break me. But I did what you wanted.” He finally looks down, meeting her eyes. “And I hate myself for it, but I’d rather be dead by your side than alive without you.”
Rin’s throat chokes up. She’s never been good with words anyway. But she places her hands on his shoulders and lifts herself onto her toes, pressing her lips to his forehead. I love you. I love you so much we died for it. He knows. He’ll never forgive her, but he loves her too.
They slowly sink down onto the sand. Alone in this plane, tied to the mortal realm by culpability, unable to move on until they face it. Tied to each other by an unbreakable bond. Rin rests her head on Kitay’s shoulder, and his arm goes around her waist. They’ve sat like this for countless nights, but this time, they’re calm. There’s no enemy hiding in the woods. There’s no dirigible waiting to shoot them down.
There is only Rin and Kitay, watching the sunset.