Work Text:
Tadashi:
im having a panic attack... call me?
Tsuuuukiiiiiiii🌙:
Give me 5 minutes.
Tadashi flopped back onto his bed, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to bubble up and swallow him whole. He understood he was lucky Tsukishima was answering him at all, but he couldn’t help but feel his chest tighten at the thought that he’d have to deal with this alone, even just for 5 minutes.
Maybe you’re bothering him. Maybe he thinks you’re a burden. You shouldn’t have bothered him. You don’t deserve him. You bother him so often about stupid things. Just stop. No one else worries about things the way you do. You need to get over yourself. You’re just pathetic.
He pulled himself out of bed. He needed to move. Picking at the hangnails on his fingers, he began to pace his room, counting the steps it took to cross it.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6.
Over and over again. Back and forth. Anything to get his mind off of his racing thoughts. He tried to keep his steps quiet so as not to wake his family sleeping below him, but all his restless legs wanted to do was to run. To just get the hell out of here.
The room was stifling. It was too loud. The room itself was silent. But his thoughts. Oh god his thoughts. At this moment he was considering a lobotomy. Anything to silence the thoughts.
“ Please,” Tadashi pleaded aloud, shocked that his voice even made a sound at all, “Just shut the fuck up for 5 minutes. Let me breathe. Please.”
His pacing was suddenly interrupted by a buzz on his phone. He all but ran to it, clutching it tightly as if it would slip into nothingness if given the chance.
Tsuuuukiiiiiiii🌙:
Come outside.
Tadashi Yamaguchi’s heart stopped functioning at that moment. This time, he didn’t bother to stop himself from running. His legs simply carried him outside to where Tsukishima was leaning lazily against his father’s car, his long legs stretching almost to the curb. Although he was dressed decently, the state of his hair betrayed the fact that he’d gotten ready in a rush. Tsukishima could’ve been wearing his pajamas for all Tadashi cared.
“Kei-” Tadashi said, his voice breaking as he ran over, almost slipping on the wet grass. He had half a mind to slow down before he careened into Tsukishima at full speed, but it didn’t do him much good. He still slammed his head into the taller boy’s chest, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist, and as he did so he felt Tsukishima sigh. Panicked by the tiny gesture, he moved to pull away, but Tsukishima calmly, but firmly, held him in place. His arms steadied Tadashi, who had now begun to softly weep. All Tsukishima could do was remain steady.
“Hey,” Tsukishima whispered several minutes later, moving his head so as to rest his cheek on the brunette’s temple, “You feel up to a drive?”
Tadashi made no attempt to speak, knowing he’d completely lost the ability anyhow, and instead opted to gently nod his head into Tsukishima’s chest. He straightened up, grieving the loss of the sound of Tsukishima’s steady heartbeat as the blond turned and unlocked the car. As his legs carried him to the car, he half wondered if this was even legal. Sure, Tsukishima was now 18, but just barely. He decided to not care.
Sitting down in the passenger seat, Tadashi felt his body relax as familiarity washed over him. He’d sat in this car hundreds of times over the years, being driven to the movie theater, to the park, back to his own house, every time with the comfort of Tsukishima and his family. He really did have a second home with Tsukishima’s family, their unwavering love for him was welcoming to say the least, with his own family being the definition of instability. Tadashi didn’t realize for the longest time that having insults hurled at him wasn’t normal, but at this point he didn’t care. Being screamed at for minor transgressions had become routine, something he’d be free from in due time. He just had to make it to university.
Even so, nights like this one cropped up, making Tadashi thankful he didn’t have to experience them alone anymore. He didn’t have to wrap himself in his comforter and softly cry alone, willing sleep to free him from his own mind. Not anymore.
The car hummed to life, breaking Tadashi from his thoughts. He glanced over at Tsukishima who had confidently begun to maneuver out of Tadashi’s neighborhood, his eyes trained on the road ahead of him. It was then that Tadashi noticed the soft music whispering from the stereo, the familiar chords causing his heart to ache. He’d forced Tsukishima to listen to this album with him dozens of times, but even so, the fact that he remembered made his breath catch in his throat.
I’m so lucky to have him. He honestly deserves better than me. I just-
“Talk to me. What happened tonight?” Tsukishima’s voice came suddenly, once again silencing his preoccupation. He’d always had a knack for interrupting Tadashi’s anxiety before it destroyed him.
“N-not much. It honestly wasn’t that bad, I’m just overreacting.” One doubting look from Tsukishima forced him to elaborate, “My dad lectured me about how I have to get over myself. How I can’t keep relying on other people forever. He said I can’t keep relying on you forever.”
Tsukishima remained quiet, but his hands tightened around the wheel, painting his knuckles stark white, contrasting against the dark faux leather of the steering wheel.
“He said I needed to man up. What is with him and wanting me to ‘be a man?’ I know I’m a nervous wreck and all that but I really don’t think I’m any less manly than anyone else. What does being a man even mean?”
As Tadashi continued to rant about his father and the insults thrown at him, the tension he had unknowingly been carrying began to ease up. He felt himself straighten up and become more animated as he continued to speak. Tsukishima never acknowledged what Tadashi was saying, but he had no doubt he was listening. Both of their eyes remained fixed on the landscape in front of them, which was transforming from suburbia to winding mountain routes as Tsukki continued to make his way through back roads. The roads had become bumpy and rough, but Tadashi would never think to complain.
The album had already played through its entirety once, making its way back to a soft, sad ballad, causing him to pause for the first time since he had begun his rant. He hadn’t realized it before, but his voice had become hoarse from all of his talking. How long had Tsukishima had to sit there and listen to him? He probably needed to go to bed, it was the middle of the night. They had school tomorrow. What was he thinking asking for Tsukki’s help?
You’re such a burden. Wow, look at you, you really are just like how Dad describes you. You’re sitting here relying on Tsukishima just to get through a panic attack. Just get through it on your own. Everyone else does it. Why can’t you?
“Still,” Tadashi sighed resignedly, “Maybe he’s right, I am pretty pathetic.”
The car screeched to a stop almost the second that those words left his mouth. Tadashi was jerked away from the seat, barely missing slamming his head into the dashboard thanks to the auto locking mechanism of his seat belt. He immediately turned and stared incredulously at Tsukishima.
“Tsukki! What the hell was that? That was-”
“Shut up, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima’s teeth were clenched and his stare bored holes into Tadashi’s skin. It was the first time Tsukki had laid eyes on him the entire car ride. He shrunk back, preparing for Tsukishima’s cutting words. But they never came.
“You’re not pathetic,” Tsukishima said, his voice coming out soft but firm. He reached over to grip Tadashi’s hand in his own. Tadashi couldn’t help but admire the way Tsukishima’s long fingers enveloped his own, the way they perfectly locked together like puzzle pieces. His hand just looked so right clutching Tadashi’s own.
“You’re one of the strongest people I know. Anyone in your situation would crack sometimes. Stop being so hard on yourself for once in your life. Please.” He tacked the word on at the end with some difficulty, his voice losing its strength as he did. Tadashi finally forced himself to look up at Tsukki, finding the blond’s eyes staring down at him softly, an unfamiliar look of what Tadashi could only think to describe as concern and something else he couldn’t pinpoint.
Tasashi’s body seemed to move on its own once again, moving towards Tsukishima as if pulled by some unknown force. His arms found their way around Tsukki’s neck, and he once again tucked himself into the other’s chest, relishing in the sound of Tsukki's heartbeat speeding up as he did so. Tears found themselves falling from Tadashi’s eyes once again, but he smiled again despite them.
“Sorry Tsukki.”
Tsukishima seemed to have recovered from the shock of the sudden closeness, and moved his hands from his sides to wrap around Yamaguchi. His right hand found its way into the brunette’s hair, where he subconsciously began to twirl it in his fingers, causing Tadashi to sigh and push himself into the touch.
The pair had no idea how long they stayed in that position for, leaned awkwardly over the center console. Neither made any indication that they were uncomfortable, the unfiltered joy and peace they felt in the other’s arms completely drowning it out. They probably would’ve stayed in that position for eternity if not for a car coming up behind them, the sight of its headlights prompting the boys to jump out of their skin, immediately splitting apart.
Tsukishima once again began to traverse the back roads, this time with Yamaguchi’s hand clutched in his own. Both were fully aware that this was mildly dangerous on the winding mountain roads, but neither would pull away. At that moment, a car crash seemed like a small price to pay for the company of the other.
The stress of the day finally took its toll on Yamaguchi, exhaustion seizing him as he stared out at the scenery, with sleep not far behind, pulling him away in its delicate fingers. Even in his sleep, however, he never let go of Tsukishima’s hand. Tadashi didn’t wake up the entire car ride home, but that was no accident. Even though it took longer, Tsukishima avoided rougher roads as if his life depended on it, knowing that these hours of sleep were precious.
When he pulled into Yamaguchi’s driveway, he turned to the sleeping boy, fully intending to wake him up. One look at his face, however, caused Tsukishima to resign himself to the quiet fate of heaving him into the house on his back.
“Jesus Tadashi, you really are heavy,” Tsukishima whispered, mostly to himself, as he lifted the boy across the yard and into the house. People always seemed to forget that Tadashi was legitimately tall, though that might have something to do with the fact Tsukishima’s towering stature made anyone he stood next to look short.
It was at moments like these Tsukishima was most thankful for his encyclopedic knowledge of the Yamaguchi house. He expertly maneuvered past the squeaky floorboard, up the stairs, and into Tadashi’s small bedroom: the first one on the right. A tiny smile played on his lips as he walked in. Everything in it was so familiar and just so… Tadashi. The posters from anything and everything he took an interest in, the stuffed animals that he refused to get rid of after all these years, and the tiny gifts given to him by Tsukishima proudly displayed around his room. The latter made his heart tighten in his chest, knowing that Tadashi deserved more than Tsukishima could ever give him.
Shaking the thought from his head, Tsukishima turned to the bed and tried to put Tadashi down as softly as he could. He ended up hitting the bed like a ton of bricks, but hey, it was the thought that counts, right?
Confirming that Tadashi managed to stay asleep after his less than graceful landing, Tsukishima pulled a blanket over the boy and took one last moment to run his thumb across the other boy’s smattering of freckles. He probably spent a little too long looking at him but, hey, he’s a teenage boy in love, what’s he supposed to do?
Finally finding it within himself to turn away, he took one last look and tried to make his way to the door. Before he got the chance to even take a step, however, he felt a tug on his sweatshirt sleeve.
“Stay. Please?” Yamaguchi looked at him through half asleep eyes, a look of serenity plastered across his face.
Well shit. How do I say no to that?
Without a second thought, he threw himself onto Tadashi’s bed, throwing his glasses in their usual spot and taking in the familiar feeling of his sheets enveloping him. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Tadashi, his lips brushing against Tadashi’s forehead. Tadashi’s breath slowed almost instantly at the touch as he relaxed into his arms with a contented sigh.
As his own body relaxed and his eyelids became heavy, Kei Tsukishima realized he cared about absolutely nothing else at this moment. He didn’t care that he’d wake up in a few hours to an angry call from his father asking him where he and the car were. He didn’t care that he’d be absolutely exhausted in the morning. He didn’t care that he’d be covered with Tadashi’s drool when he woke up.
All that mattered at this moment was that Tadashi Yamaguchi wanted him there. And so there he was.