Chapter Text
One/Four
“Suicide Hotline, This is your operator speaking-“
Hitoshi knows a lot of things he knows decaf coffee is the bane of his Existence, he knows foster parents are shit, he knows Aizawa takes the coffee before and after his mango jelly packet straight but with two sugars and a dash of vanilla creamer on a daily. Hitoshi knows that he should get some god damn hazard pay for being in the system, it’s the fucking least they could do. Most importantly Hitoshi knows Suicide hotlines are a fucking sham but days are bad and nights are so god damn horrible that maybe, just fucking maybe the operator on the other line has more practice in pretending to give a shit about him.
“My name is-“
Hitoshi never bothered to remember names or voices; he'll just be another tally on their call log all the same. But Hitoshi waits for when they ask him what’s wrong and then he spills his guts to the woman? Were they a woman? He didn’t bother to pay attention to their name or be bothered to try and dissect their voice so he moves on. Hitoshi spills about how great Aizawa is, about how much Hitoshi respects and damn near loves the man more than life itself. Which isn’t really much but it’s a lot to Hitoshi. He talks about how after the Sports festival Midoriya came up to him all bright eyed and bushy tailed his mouth moving so fast the purplette swears it blurs but Midoriya never said anything bad to him. In fact the shrub complimented Hitoshi too much for comfort but again it didn’t take much. Hitoshi spills about how for the first time in his schooling career his peers praised him for his quirk instead of making a villain out of him but then Hitoshi spills about the beating he got once he arrived at the foster home, about how Mr. Tanaka Duct taped his mouth shut but instead of cutting a strip for his mouth specifically Hitoshi spent 45 minutes trying to get the tape to release the violet locks on the back of his head as delicately as he could until he just ripped it off like a damn band aid.
Hitoshi spills a lot of things to his operator but the last thing Hitoshi spills is how much he wished that someone would whole heartily care about him as Hitoshi instead of just enough for a paycheck, just enough as a student, just enough as a peer. Hitoshi is spilling his guts but he doesn’t cry he shakes of course he does but is he shaking from the lack of food and water? Maybe it was the lack of sleep? Maybe he was cold? Hitoshi was always freezing so it couldn’t be that. Maybe he hadn’t had enough coffee today. Yeah. It was the lack of caffeine.
Hitoshi comes to an end as his eyes lock onto his bottle of sleeping pills that has never been touched but maybe no more than three times, he hates the way they make him feel. Yes the sleep is amazing but it’s the waking up that’s shit because he never truly wakes up he's more hungover. The amount of force Hitoshi has to use to even attempt to blink is too much of a pain in the ass to even think about willingly taking them for one night's sleep, in Hitoshi’s opinion they’re more of a permanent sleep type of pill a permanent sleep that Hitoshi craves but one he’s trying to cut cold turkey.. at least for tonight.
“Sir are you in danger?”
Hitoshi squeezes his eyes shut he’s not he’s not and she (she was in fact a woman it was the way her voice cut into Hitoshi that proved her enough.) she knew it.
“No.”
“I’ll be going then. Goodnight Sir.”
Hitoshi sets his phone down next to him and in his last fully functioning brain powered thought Hitoshi grabs the bottle of pills and hides them in an old pair of shoes. Hitoshi at this moment doesn’t want to look at them, doesn't want to think about them but he also doesn’t want to get rid of them. Suicidal Hitoshi did love a good scavenger hunt and maybe that Hitoshi won’t even remeber the bottle is in here or if he does it’ll take long enough time for normal brain Hitoshi to take full control again before anything really bad happens. Hitoshi would at least like to Write a note and visit the cat cafe Aizawa is always telling him about the one with the cat shaped fluffy pancakes and the to die for vanilla hot cocoa that Hizashi orders but Shouta drank most of.
Hitoshi climbs into bed and watches the ceiling. He takes notice about how his glow in the dark stars no longer glow in the dark. He makes a note to try and get another pack as soon as he can. Hitoshi doesn’t know how long he’s been laying there but he can see the night sky is lit up in purples, pinks and oranges. He can see the small traces of sunlight peeking in through his window and filling every corner of his room in a soft yellow glow.