Work Text:
Hoeseok:
Babe open the door please
Min Purrfect:
New phone who dis
Hoeseok:
Baaaabe I just wanna talk
Min Purrfect:
Talk? I don’t know her
Hoeseok:
Yoongi Just get out of the bathroom so we can talk like two normal human beings
Min Purrfect:
This was a boycott
I blame Jin
Hoeseok:
He was trying to help
Min Purrfect:
Jin and help can’t go in the same sentence unless there is a “doesn’t” in the middle
Hoeseok:
Can you stop fighting with him through the door and talk to me?
Min Purrfect:
No
Hoeseok:
Yoongiiii (｡>﹏<｡)
Min Purrfect:
I just…
I’m embarrassed
Hoeseok:
Of what??
Baaaabe
There’s no need
Min Purrfect:
I can hear the fucker laughing
This is for him
(attached photo)
Hoeseok:
You look so cute even with your middle finger up (ಥ﹏ಥ)
Min Purrfect:
Stop it, Hobi
I’m trying to be tough here
Hoeseok:
Hiding in the bathroom like a shy kitten?
Min Purrfect:
You can be tough and shy
Hoeseok:
I know, baby
That’s why I love you
And your tongue technology ofc
Min Purrfect:
Don't objectify me
Hoeseok:
I’m sorry u.u
Maybe you can come out so I can apologize
Min Purrfect:
Nice try
Hoeseok:
I just wanted to know why you have those photos
Min Purrfect:
You could have just asked…
Hoeseok:
I did and look where that brought us
Min Purrfect:
I mean you could have asked before going through my phone
Hoeseok:
I know! And I‘m so so so sorry
I’ll never do it again
I promise
Min Purrfect:
Why would you do that?
Hoeseok:
I..thought you were cheating on me?
Min Purrfect:
WHAT
Hoeseok:
IMSORRY!
Min Purrfect:
ILL NEVER DO THAT!
Hoeseok:
IKNOWIMSORRYYYY
Min Purrfect:
I TOLD YOU I WANTED TO HAVE YOUR CHILDREN
Hoeseok:
IKNOWWWW (；´Д｀)(；´Д｀)
Min Purrfect:
I FUCKING LOVE YOU JUNG HOSEOK
Hoeseok:
I LOVE YOU TOOOO
Min Purrfect:
YOU’RE MY SOULPARTNER
Hoeseok:
I LOVE DRUNK YOU!
Min Purrfect:
MY BATTERY
Hoeseok:
I STILL AM BABYYY
Min Purrfect:
I CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
Hoeseok:
DONT YOU DARE SAY THAT MIN YOONGI
Min Purrfect:
I mean
I can
But it wouldnt be a good life
Hoeseok:
༼ಢ_ಢ༽
Min Purrfect:
Don’t pout
Hoeseok:
I’m not pouting
Min Purrfect:
I can see your pout from here
Hoeseok:
No you can’t (ಢㅅಢ)
Min Purrfect:
Omg that’s exactly how you look when you pout
Hoeseok:
Okay...I’m pouting -ㅅ-
Min Purrfect:
Hobi
Baby
My little squirrel
I’ll never cheat on you
Hoeseok:
I know! I was feeling insecure when I saw you all the time on the phone and you never showed your messages and always hid the screen when I was around
Min Purrfect:
Because i didnt want you to realize how obsessed i'm with you!
Hoeseok:
It’s not obsession!
It’s called love!
Min Purrfect:
Our friends say another thing
Specially Jin, the fucker
Hoeseok:
Like Namjoon didn’t wrote him like a thousand songs
Remember Shoulders as wide as my love for you?
No need to eat my sandwich ill always buy one for you
Min Purrfect:
And let’s not talk about “I wanna be the little spoon this time” and “Please don’t leave me (I broke your TV) (Again)” That man really doesnt know how to deal with confrontation
Hoeseok:
Says the man that has been hiding inside the bathroom for the last half an hour so he could avoid talking to his boyfriend about those strange pictures
Min Purrfect:
This is different
Hoeseok:
How???
Min Purrfect:
I always buy a sandwich for you even if you’re not there
Hoeseok:
༼ಢ_ಢ༽ stop
Min Purrfect:
And I love to big spoon you
I’ll big spoon you in our shared grave
Hoeseok:
Baby you want to be cremated
Min Purrfect:
You remembered
Hoeseok:
OFC
I always listen to you
You’re so smart
My intelligent beautiful boyfhfjdkhfkwhdihkhcvdjhvk<hads
Min Purrfect:
Seokie?
Hoeseok:
Uegyuegfgrfyuadjfjfjekefgewhfkdsh
Min Purrfect:
SEOKIE WHY ARE YOU GRUNTING? WHAT’S GOING ON???
Hoeseok:
Okay, fucker
I can’t deal with this anymore
This is a Jintervention
Min Purrfect:
What did you do to my boyfriend, you prick?
Hoeseok:
He’s alive if that’s what you’re asking
Min Purrfect:
Why wouldn’t he be???
Hoeseok:
Now, listen to me
Or read me whatevs
Min Purrfect:
Stop trying to talk like a youngster!
You’re old
Hoeseok:
That joke is old
And stop interrupting me! I’m your hyung, brat!
Now I need
AN SWE RS
Because you don’t only have photos of Hoseok there are photos of my beautiful persona too!
Min Purrfect:
...I plead the fifth
Hoeseok:
We’re not in the States! You better start talking or I’ll do something you’ll regret
Min Purrfect:
Try your best
Hoeseok:
You’re playing with fire, kitten
Min Purrfect:
Only Hobi can call me that!
Hoeseok:
I never knew that was your cup of...milk
Min Purrfect:
I hate you
Hoeseok:
Oh yeah? Say that to the almost 100 photos of my gorgeous body on your phone
Min Purrfect:
Ugh you make it sound so dirty
Hoeseok:
No
Dirty is the folder ‘for unhopeful nights’
Min Purrfect:
THAT’S PRIVATE!
Hoeseok:
I never wanted to see so much of Little Seok or should I say…
Surprisingly Big Seok
Min Purrfect:
Fuck you, pervert
I ’m sure you have a Namjoon folder for when he’s away
Hoeseok:
Of course
Min Purrfect:
...oh
I thought you were going to deny it
Hoeseok:
Do you think that I
Kim Seokjin
am ashamed of how horny I’m for my hot boyfriend?
Shame on you
If it wasn’t a violation of his privacy I would print a few and carry them on my wallet
Min Purrfect:
Oh my God
Hoeseok:
And talking about privacy violation…
Min Purrfect:
…
Hoeseok:
Cat got your tongue?
Min Purrfect:
Stop with the feline jokes!
Hoeseok:
Stop not answering my questions!
Min Purrfect:
You didn’t make one!
Hoeseok:
WHERE DO THE PHOTOS COME FROM?
Min Purrfect:
YOUR ASS
Hoeseok:
I’LL KICK YOURS IF YOU DON’T ANSWER
Min Purrfect:
I COME FROM DAEGU I KNOW HOW TO USE THIS 凸-_-凸
TRY ME BITCH
Hoeseok:
A FEMALE DOG?
THE THING THAT MAKES PUPPIES?
NICE COMPLIMENT!
Min Purrfect:
FUCK YOU!
Hoeseok:
YOU WISH!
Min Purrfect:
IUGH NO, I DON’T!
Hoeseok:
KEEP TELLING THAT TO YOURSELF
Min Purrfect:
YOU SAW HOSEOK’S PENIS OBVIOUSLY I DON’T WANT TO
Hoeseok:
JIN SAW MY PENIS?!
Min Purrfect:
Baby?!
Hoeseok:
How did this happen?!
Min Purrfect:
It doesn't matter
He gave you your phone?
Hoeseok:
I had to give him something
Min Purrfect:
What?
Hoeseok:
My dignity
Min Purrfect:
Oh babe
Hoeseok:
I gave him my card to buy diner
Min Purrfect:
You’re poor now
Hoeseok:
I know (ーー;)
Kitten…
Min Purrfect:
Oh no you used the kitten card
Hoeseok:
Please, tell me why you have those pictures
Min Purrfect:
Can we let this go, please?
Hoeseok:
Tell me, I promise I won’t get mad I just wanna know how WHY
Min Purrfect:
Baby…
Hoeseok:
I mean, I know youre friends with Jackson since you were in high school but why did you make him follow me?
Min Purrfect:
Wait
JACKSON???
How did you know????
Hoeseok:
Wasn’t him the one in my salsa class?
I can literally see him on the reflection in the mirror with his phone towards me
Min Purrfect:
I swear you can’t send that man to rob a house cause he is gonna ring the bell
Hoeseok:
Did you put him to follow me?
You think I’m cheating on you?! I would never!
Min Purrfect:
We’ve already said that we’re not cheaters
Hoeseok:
So why?! What’s going on?!
...Min Yoongi, I can hear you pacing!
Min Purrfect:
Okay but please don’t get mad
Hoeseok:
I won’t make that promise, sorry
Min Purrfect:
Thats fair
...okay
Im part of a chat group
Hoeseok:
Okay? Another group project or…
Min Purrfect:
Well, kinda
Hoeseok:
I still don’t understand
Min Purrfect:
It’s more like a group dedicated to gather visual information of certain subjects with the only purpose of admiring their aesthetically appealing features and sometimes giving our heartfelt opinions about said subjects and sharing our emotions in a safe environment
Hoeseok:
...yoongi
Min Purrfect:
…
Hoeseok:
Are you describing a fan club with fancy words?
Min Purrfect:
...I literally copy pasted the group description that Namjoon wrote
Hoeseok:
I... dont know what to say
Wait
Are hyung and me the main subjects? That’s why there are so many photos?
Min Purrfect:
I wouldnt call it MAIN subjects...more like...the ONLY subjects
Hoeseok:
OMG
Min Purrfect:
I’m part of a 2seok fan club, Hobi
I’m so sorry you had to find out like this
Hoeseok:
A GROUP CHAT
How many members?! Who are they?!
Min Purrfect:
I cant give you that information
I cannot betray them like this
I made an oath of allegiance
A promise
My lips are sealed
Hoeseok:
No sex until further notice
Min Purrfect:
Namjoon, Jackson, Jooheon, I.M. and Chanyeol Moonbyul is there only to have a laugh
Hoeseok:
Please tell me they dont use our photos for their personal time
Hyung says that he is okay with that but im not so sure
Min Purrfect:
OFC NOT I WOULD LITERALLY MADE A PIE LIKE IN THE HELP BUT INSTEAD OF POOP WITH THEIR BALLS AND TEARS
Hoeseok:
Did you say those exact words to them?
Min Purrfect:
All i did was threaten them, not harm no foul
Hoeseok:
Did you send them a pie that looked kinda suspicious and watched how they received it from afar so they could not forget your promise?
Min Purrfect:
...how did you know
Hoeseok:
Like I said, I always listen to you even your craziest ideas
Min Purrfect:
God I love you
Remember that when I run away to raise sheeps in the mountains to forget this ever happened
Hoeseok:
Babyyyy dooont i love you and accept you
Min Purrfect:
U.u
Hoeseok:
I find it weird but as long as you are having a good time…
Min Purrfect:
I receive photos of you daily and threaten grown up men with cutting their genitals off all the time
Im literally living the dream
Hoeseok:
I just dont understand why
Min Purrfect:
Idk I guess its about them not knowing if im being serious or not
Joon has a theory actually
Hoeseok:
Not about your power kink, babe
Min Purrfect:
Again, not a kink
Just a hobby
Hoeseok:
I guess I don’t understand what’s so great about me
Jin, I get it, but me?
It’s not like Im that special
Min Purrfect:
...Im about to lose my shit
Hoeseok:
?
Min Purrfect:
I’ve lost it
Hoeseok:
Babe
Min Purrfect:
Jung Hoseok, I don’t know how to say this but im gonna say it you are the bomb i mean it the first time i saw you i suddenly was not an atheist anymore because there had to be a superior being that could design that kissable face of yours
Hoeseok:
Babeeee
Min Purrfect:
I CRIED the first time we had sex
ask Jimin
Hoeseok:
o.o
Min Purrfect:
He wasnt surprised actually cause the same happened the first time you fell asleep on my lap while we were watching tv at your dorm
Hoeseok:
Omg yoongi
Min Purrfect:
Those thighs should be illegal and don’t even let me talk about your hands because we are going to stay here for hours And your dancing...I dont even care that your grandma saw my boner when i saw those freaking hips in action
Hoeseok:
She actually congratulated me for my “healthy” boyfriend
Min Purrfect:
She’s so cool
Hobi I love you
You’re great
You’re beautiful
So perfect
Hoeseok:
You are biased, babe
but
༼ಢ_ಢ༽
i love you too
Min Purrfect:
Every person with two eyes (or less) is biased when you are around
Hoeseok:
^_^; if you say so
Min Purrfect:
ಠ_ಠ
I’ll fucking show you Jung Hoseok
Moonie:
Jackson, thank you for the offer but I have to decline
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
You told me you wanted a job
Moonie:
At a library
a museum
a cafe
not selling pictures of my bare pectorals
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
Pec pics if you may
Moonie:
Thats not gonna happen
Joo sweet as honey:
Suddenly Im Jared, 19, and never learnt how to read
MoonStar:
You would be rich though
Those are a perfect nap spot
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
IKR?
A few hours sleeping on those and no more visits to my chiropractor
MoonStar:
If you open a Patreon, count me in
Moonie:
Moonbyul, you are a gay woman
MoonStar:
So?
I like to appreciate a voluptuous chest no matter the owner
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
Preach
MoonStar:
Unless they’re misogynistic, racist, etc
In that case
no respect to the pec
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
FACTS
Moonie:
Ok, stop
Don’t PATREONize me
MoonStar:
…
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
...
Joo sweet as honey:
...
I.M.:
…
That’s it
Thats the last straw
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
Yeah, c’mon man
I love you but...thats not it
I.M.:
My day is ruined
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
I always thought that the big boobs no brain was a myth
But here we are
Moonie:
Stop!
If Jin was here he would have laughed
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
We all do concessions to keep the relationship on float
MoonStar:
Talking about my bestie
Jin would be totally on board with the pec pics, you know
Moonie:
I think thats what scares me the most
D-Boy:
Stop talking about Namjoon dangerous ample bosom and listen to me
Moonie:
I feel defiled
D-Boy:
We’re in Hoseok lockdown
Joo sweet as honey:
Suddenly I know the alphabet again
D-Boy:
I need you to praise my boyfriend ASAP
I.M.:
Umm...excuse me?
D-Boy:
That fucker thinks he’s not beautiful enough
Not that special my ass
I’ll show that bastard whats like to feel loved and appreciated
That would teach him
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
Its incredible how Yoongi sounds scary even while trying to make something nice for his boyfriend
D-Boy:
I want you to remind him how talented he is
How his smile brightens everyone's life and future
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
im sensitive
dont make me cry (｡>﹏<｡)
D-Boy:
I want him blushing and giggling, you hear me?
I WANT TO HEAR HIS GIGGLES 24/7
Thats the only music my ears need
The Wang (▀̿̿Ĺ̯̿▀̿ ̿):
Too late (ಥ﹏ಥ) thats so sweet
I.M.:
Wait, won’t that be kind of suspicious?
I mean
Moonie:
I don’t feel quite comfortable saying that to Hoseok, man
D-Boy:
DO AS I SAY
Or I will literally cut your dicks and play pinball with them
MoonStar:
You have so many ideas of what to do with male genitals
Hoseok really is a lucky man
