Work Text:
John Guk:
And that’s why you should never pretend that your penis is a jedi lightsaber in front of your boyfriend
Jin&Tonic:
I literally asked you how you were
not asking for a life lesson
Hobert:
Hi gays
John Guk:
Hi hyung!
Jin&Tonic:
Hi hobi
Hobert:
So, you know why i gathered you here
Jin&Tonic:
I have no fucking idea but im too afraid to ask something in front of jungkook again
John Guk:
:(
Chimothy:
Honestly same
John Guk:
Babe!
Chimothy:
Don’t “babe” me when I had to deal with your extra ass doing that jedi sword sound effect every time you take off your underwear!
Jin&Tonic:
Jesus take the wheel
Hobert:
Okay! Lets kinkshame jungkook another day
John Guk:
:(((((
Hobert:
And lets focus on the important thing here
i 'm being stalked
Jin&Tonic:
What?!
John Guk:
O.o
Chimothy:
By his boyfriend ffs
stop being so dramatic
Jin&Tonic:
W h a t
Hobert:
We dont know that!
Chimothy:
He had the photos on his phone!
Hobert:
I told you it was impossible for Yoongi to take them!
Chimothy:
So he hired someone to do it for him?
That’s crazy
Jin&Tonic:
Children…
Hobert:
You’re crazy!
Chimothy:
OH really?? Say it to my face!
John Guk:
Hyung
Whats going on…
Jin&Tonic:
I dont know…
Kids…
Hobert:
I’m coming to your room!
Chimothy:
I’m waiting!
Hobert:
Open the door you coward
Jin&Tonic:
JIMIN AND HOSEOK EXPLAIN YOURSELVES RIGHT NOW OR I’LL BE THE ONE COMING TO YOUR ROOM
Hobert:
…
Chimothy:
…
John Guk:
Oooh he snAPPED
Jin&Tonic:
Jungkook
John Guk:
Sorry
Hobert:
Yeah sorry hyung
Chimothy:
Sorry hyung u.u
Jin&Tonic:
Now could you explain why you think hobi’s being stalked?
Hobert:
I
uh
jimin?
Chimothy:
Got it
so, prepare for the hottest tea
John Guk:
How hot?
Chimothy:
Me in fishnets hot
John Guk:
Mmmm ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Jin&Tonic:
Where is Dead when you need her?
Hobert:
Jimin!
Chimothy:
Sorrysorry
so Yoongi hyung was really weird with his phone pingpinging all the time
Hobert:
Talk like a normal person please
Chimothy:
And hobi hyung got suspicious and thought he was cheating on him
John Guk:
Pfff as if
Jin&Tonic:
Yoongi literally worships him
Chimothy:
Ikr?! That’s what I said! But he got all whiny so he made a plan so he could take his phone and see what was going on and when he finally got it guess what he saw
John Guk:
Porn
Jin&Tonic:
A folder full of my photos
John Guk:
Hentai
Jin&Tonic:
Me as his screensaver
John Guk:
Tentacle porn
Jin&Tonic:
An instagram dedicated to my beauty
John Guk:
A folder full of MY photos
( ゜o ゜)
Jin&Tonic:
And porn ofc
John Guk:
Furry porn
omg i knew it
Chimothy:
Jungkook wtf
Jin&Tonic:
Yeah jungkook! C’mon!
Hobert:
Thank you hyung
Jin&Tonic:
We all know yoongi is a yaoi kind of guy
Hobert:
I spoke too soon
Chimothy:
Jfc
John Guk:
Yuri on ice or killing stalking?
Hobert:
Guys…
Jin&Tonic:
Yuri on ice ofc
he’s a softie and KS romanticizes a toxic relationship and stockholm syndrome
John Guk:
Like beauty and the beast!
Hobert:
G U Y S
John Guk:
Did you read wolf in the house, hyung?
Jin&Tonic:
I’m reading it right now! So good!
The art is wonderful!
John Guk:
Ikr!
Chimothy:
GUUUUYYYYS!!!!!!!!!
Hobert:
Me
being stalked
remember????
Jin&Tonic:
Sorry u.u
Hobert:
Seriously who’s the real maknae here?
John Guk:
Hey! I'm the baby of the group
Chimothy:
But
You didnt behave like one the other night ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
John Guk:
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Jin&Tonic:
ಠ_ಠ
Hobert:
Kill me
kill me now
Jin&Tonic:
If you continue like this i’ll block you and not help you with the stalking mystery
Hobert:
No! Hyung! Please! Jimin! Stop it!
Chimothy:
Sorry u.u
So hobi hyung found a folder full and when i say full
as full as my jeans trying to contain my ass right now i’ll send you a picture later babe ;)
John Guk:
I keep winning ლ(´ڡ`ლ)
Hobert:
Jimin…
Chimothy:
A folder full of photos of hoseokie hyung on different days at different places
John Guk:
???
Hobert:
Yeah! And yoongi didnt take them because, first, he could ask for a photo without having to take them from behind the bush or afar and second, he had to be in class at the time the photos were taken
John Guk:
Omg he hired someone to follow you?
Hobert:
No!
O r yes
i dont know!
John Guk:
OMG
we’ll help you hyung!
For your safety
Dont fraternize with the enemy until we solve this
Chimothy:
Stop playing overwatch please
Hobert:
So does making out with the enemy count as “fraternizing” or
John Guk:
Ofc!
Hobert:
And sleeping with them...
John Guk:
YES!
Hobert:
Oh…
i pass
thank you though
John Guk:
Stay strong, hyung
Jin&Tonic:
WTF! Hobi, yoongi would never do something like controlling you he loves you, respects you and trusts you with his heart
Hobert:
But the photos…
Jin&Tonic:
There must be a logical explanation for all this
did you ask him?
Hobert:
No…
Jin&Tonic:
Why not?
Hobert:
Because i grabbed his phone without his permission
Jin&Tonic:
Okay, you know that’s not good
Hobert:
Yeah…
Jin&Tonic:
But you had a reason to do it explain that to him and im sure he would understand
Hobert:
But if he doesnt
Chimothy:
I agree with jin hyung
We’re talking about yoongi hyung here
John Guk:
once he almost chopped my head off when i went to his room on a thursday and i almost disturbed your nap
Hobert:
Thats why you dont answer my messages that specific day?
John Guk:
I live in fear ༼ಢ_ಢ༽
Jin&Tonic:
He loves you, hobi
talk to him before doing anything stupid
you have to communicate with your partner
Hobert:
You’re right hyung
Chimothy:
wow hyung you’re so wise
Jin&Tonic:
(✿◠‿◠)
John Guk:
Because he is old
Jin&Tonic:
(✿ㆁ‿ㆁ)
Hobert:
Oh oh
John Guk:
I mean...pretty
Jin&Tonic:
(✿◠‿◠)
John Guk:
Jinnie hyung is scary
Jin&Tonic:
At least i dont use my dick as a lightsaber
Chimothy:
Actually i really like when he wears the han solo’s vest ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
John Guk:
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hobert:
ಠ_ಠ conceal dont feel
Jin&Tonic:
Wtf is going with you two horny teenagers?
John Guk:
We havent seen each other in weeks okay?!
Chimothy:
our midterms are killing us!
John Guk:
and cockblocking us!
Jin&Tonic:
God! Just take your han solo vest and your golden bikini and go play with your lightsabers so you can stop annoying me!
John Guk:
…
Chimothy:
…
Hobert:
Oh no
Chimothy:
´• ل •` golden bikini you said?
Hobert:
Fuck
John Guk:
´• ل •` jiminie?
Chimothy:
I can make a few arrangements
John Guk:
Yours? Yugyeom is studying
Chimothy:
Sure hobi hyung was just leaving
Hobert:
Ex cu se me?
John Guk:
I’ll see you in a few hours
Jin&Tonic:
What did just happen?
Hobert:
I’m sexiled now
Thank you so much hyung
I'm living on the streets tonight
Jin&Tonic:
*sigh*
Yoongi's working on a project so you can stay with me
and i'll help you talk to him like a normal person
Hobert:
(/◕ヮ◕)/