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SIMON
Agatha is coming to visit this week. I don’t think any of us have seen her since the White Chapel, but somehow Penny’s managed to talk her into visiting home.
It’ll be nice to see her. We’re on good terms, her and I. Or I think we are, at least. There weren’t any hard feelings between us during Christmas. Penny says we both need to get over the awkwardness between us. I think she’s right, but it’s just...I don’t know. I know it’ll be good to talk to her again. Even if we were never really in love, I still cared about her. Still do, to be honest. It’s just…
I don’t think Penny’s told her about me and Baz.
She keeps telling me that I need to tell her myself, but we never really got in contact again, and I didn’t know if she even wanted to hear from me. So I just. Didn’t.
It’s not that I’m worried about her reaction. I mean, I am worried about her reaction, but not about her being...I don’t know, unsupportive? Homophobic? I know she wouldn’t be. I guess I don’t really know what I’m worried about, but I’ve been feeling really uneasy about her visit.
It’ll be fine. I’m sure it will. It’s just Agatha, after all.
BAZ
I can tell that Snow is worried about Wellbelove’s visit. He’s been fidgeting more this week, and he’s been nervously glancing around the flat all day. I think he’s looking for something to adjust or clean or something else unnecessary.
I would take the opportunity to mock him for it if I wasn’t so bloody nervous myself.
I haven’t got a clue why I’m so nervous to see her again. I was never friends with her. Her opinions never mattered to me, so I know I should have no reason to be nervous to see her.
I know that’s a lie. Obviously I’m nervous to see her; she might not have mattered to me, but she did matter to Snow and Bunce, and Snow and Bunce matter to me, though I am loath to say it.
Snow hasn’t been talking about it. I have considered asking him, but I can only see it ending in frustration and him shutting down, so I leave well enough alone.
Regardless, Wellbelove should be arriving within the hour and I can feel Snow’s anxiety rising with every passing minute. It’s doing nothing to quell my own anxiety, but even if Snow doesn’t want to talk about it, I can tell he needs me to be here right now, so I sit beside him on the couch and grab his hand to stop him picking at his nails.
He looks up at me and smiles tightly. It doesn’t reach his eyes. I smile back at him, placing my other hand on his jaw and moving to press a kiss to his cheek.
“It’s going to be okay, Simon. You’re going to be okay,” I whisper to him, still close. I can feel his hair moving as he nods.
There’s a knock at the door. Snow all but throws himself from the couch.
He stares at me with wide eyes for a moment, tense and panicked and not moving.
“Well, are you going to get the door?” I ask, hoping he can’t tell that I’m just as scared about this as he is.
Snow still doesn’t move. I don’t say anything else. We just stare at each other, our breathing too loud in the silence of his living room as another knock comes from outside the door.
SIMON
“Nicks and Slick, boys. You two are ridiculous ,” Penelope yells at us, walking swiftly to the door and throwing it open.
Agatha stands on the other side of the doorway, a backpack hanging off of one of her shoulders as she smiles and greets Penny with a hug.
She’s tanner than I remember her being, though I suppose California will do that to you. She looks...happier. Healthier. There’s something behind her eyes that wasn’t there before and it hits me all at once just how much I missed her.
She moves inside and puts her bag down by the door, looking at me with a smile that I don’t recognize from our days at Watford.
“Hi, Agatha,” I say, realizing I’m smiling as well.
“Hey, Simon,” she responds, moving closer and wrapping her arms around my neck.
She pulls away after a moment, apparently just noticing Baz off to the side and standing up a little straighter.
“Basil! Hi, I didn’t realize you’d be here,” she says. I’m confused by the way her voice raises just slightly when she addresses him until I realize that she did have a crush on him at Watford, and that might make this a little bit weird.
“Wellbelove,” Baz responds politely, now standing, one hand in his pocket trying desperately to look casual. His shoulders are too tense, and I can tell that something about this is bothering him, but it’s probably just my nerves rubbing off on him.
I realize that I should probably explain why Baz is here, but I didn’t really talk to him about whether he wants to tell her about us, so I try to play it off.
“Yeah, I guess our truce never really ended, so he’s been around here a bit.”
Baz clenches his jaw. That was the wrong thing to say. Shit.
Agatha doesn’t notice, instead continuing to answer Penny’s questions about how America is and what she’s doing now. Baz glances over at me briefly. His expression is guarded, and I can tell I’ve fucked up, but it’s a little late to fix it now.
BAZ
I suppose it shouldn’t surprise me that Snow didn’t want to tell Wellbelove why I am actually in his apartment, but that doesn’t stop it from hitting me like a knife to the chest when he claims we’re just on a truce.
I want to respect what Snow wants. I do respect what Snow wants, and if he’s not ready to come out to Wellbelove, I would never force him to.
But Crowley , must he look at her like that? As though she’s the one that got away?
I can feel the tension I’m holding everywhere. This is all far more overwhelming than I ever expected the first five minutes of this visit to be. But between Wellbelove’s reaction when she saw me, Snow and Bunce’s obliviousness, the way Snow and Wellbelove are bloody looking at each other…
I don’t know how much longer I can handle this.
No, no. I can do this. For Simon. Anything for Simon.
AGATHA
I don’t know what’s going on with Simon and Baz, but I feel like I’m probably not supposed to ask.
I mean, if they are just on a truce, it would make sense for Baz to be glaring at Simon the way he is right now, like he’s been personally offended. That is how it was back at Watford, but I’m not so sure there isn’t something else going on. Baz is offended, Simon looks guilty, so either they’re fighting again or there’s something I don’t know.
Either way, I suppose it’s not really my business. I did not come back to deal with Simon and Baz’s bullshit. I came back to visit my friends, because I did miss them.
Although, I will admit, it did surprise me to see Baz here. I never would have guessed that their truce would continue after Watford, and I’m sure my reaction to seeing him was...less than subtle.
I never really wanted to date him, back at Watford, now I think back on it, but he was this...this mystery, this unattainable enigma with a vampire aesthetic, and I think I just wanted something different.
But standing in front of him is just as I remember, even when his hair’s tied back and he’s wearing jeans. (He wears jeans?) It feels like he’s looking down on me, just like it did at school.
Penny’s ushering me into the living room, and I sit on their armchair. Penny leans against the arm of the chair, and Simon and Baz sit next to each other on the couch.
Weird.
Penny launches into a story from uni that I’m barely listening to. I can’t stop focusing on the fact that Simon and Baz are sat an uncomfortable distance from each other, and they’re both way too tense for either of them to look natural. They keep sending sideways glances to each other that I can’t read for the life of me, and eventually I’ve had enough.
SIMON
“What is going on with the two of you?” Agatha cuts off Penny, looking directly at me and Baz.
I freeze.
“What do you mean?” I respond after too long, less confident than I wanted.
Agatha shakes her head. “Baz looks like he’s about one wrong look away from strangling you, and you look like you’re covering for a murder. What is going on?”
I cough. “It’s nothing, it’s…” I look over at Baz, who does, to Agatha’s credit, look about one wrong look away from strangling me.
This is bad. I’m not sure how to play my cards right here.
I try again. “It’s just that-”
“Simon, you have to tell her,” Baz cuts me off, looking desperate.
“Since when do you call him ‘Simon’?” Agatha asks, raising her voice. “And what do you have to tell me?”
I pause. I take a deep breath. I guess this is happening today.
“Baz is my boyfriend.”
A moment passes. No one says anything. Baz is looking at Agatha like he’s challenging her, and Agatha’s looking at me as if I’m crazy, opening her mouth slowly like she can’t think of what to say.
“What the fuck , Simon,” she eventually manages. “Your boyfriend ?”
“Yeah.” I literally have no idea what I’m supposed to say here.
“But you…” Agatha seems at a loss for words. She looks at Baz. Baz stares back at her. “Back at Watford, you used to flirt with me all the time. And now you’re…” She gestures between the two of us.
“I admit now that it was immature of me, but I was trying to get Snow’s attention,” Baz says, matter-of-factly.
Agatha’s face falls ever so slightly. “That’s a shitty thing to do, Baz.” She pauses. “And also a terrible way to attract a boyfriend.”
“Well, obviously, it worked pretty well,” Baz counters, leaning forward.
This is really bad. I look over at Penny, who looks just as uncomfortable as I am. She looks like she’s trying to telepathically send me a message, so I do what Penny would do if she were me right now.
“Baz, can you come with me for a minute?” I ask, standing and offering my hand to him. He looks between me and Agatha for a moment before giving in, taking my hand, and letting me guide him down the hallway toward my room.
PENNY
I’m glad Simon got Baz out of the room before the whole situation got worse than it already was. I’m not sure what got into Baz, but I know him well enough to know that it would have gotten very bad very quickly if Simon hadn’t stepped in.
Agatha looks at me. She looks upset, and understandably so.
I have to try to salvage this, and I’m trusting that Simon is setting Baz straight right now. “I’m so sorry about him, Agatha. I don’t know what happened.”
“What the hell, Penny. Was anyone planning on telling me that Simon and Baz were together?” She sounds more annoyed than actually upset, but this is still not an ideal situation to be in.
“I didn’t think it was right for me to tell you. I tried to get Simon to tell you, but I guess he didn’t, and I don’t know why he lied. You know how Simon is,” I try to explain, hoping that it’ll calm her down at least a little bit.
It doesn’t work. “And Baz was just leading me on at Watford? Why would he do that?”
I take a deep breath. “Baz...he…” How do I explain this? “When Baz gets his mind set on something, it takes a miracle to get him out of it. He had his mind set on Simon, and I guess you were just collateral damage to him. That doesn’t make it okay, and you’re right, that was really shitty of him.”
Agatha’s hair falls over her face as she shakes her head. “I can’t believe them.”
“I know. They’re the worst, right?” I try.
She smiles, just slightly. “Yeah.” She stops for a moment, and it looks like she’s lost in thought. “I wish Simon would’ve told me.”
“I tried. I really did.”
I really hope this doesn’t get any worse. I hope Simon can talk some sense into Baz.
SIMON
I let Baz walk into the room before me and I close the door behind me as I step in.
I’m looking at him, and he’s looking at the floor, his arms crossed over his chest. We stand there in silence, until I realize that I’m going to have to be the first one to speak.
“What was that?” I ask gently.
Baz looks at me. I can’t tell what’s behind his eyes. He’s trying to guard himself. “I’m sorry,” he says instead of an explanation.
I can tell we’re going to be here for a minute.
BAZ
I watch Snow cross the room and sit down on the bed. I can’t tell what he’s doing until he pats the space next to him, inviting me to join him. I do. Reluctantly.
Truthfully, I don’t know what happened back in the living room. It was everything I was seeing in front of me combined with my own perpetual insecurity all mixing together to create a disastrous mood, and I suppose I snapped.
I look back down at the floor. I don’t want to be looking at him when he starts scolding. It’s childish, but I suppose if I’ve already made it this far with childish behavior, I may as well commit.
He surprises me by taking one of my hands in both of his. “You don’t need to apologize, I just want to know what happened.”
Why is he doing this? Why is he being so...nice? Gentle? I was a prick to his friend back there.
I don’t really want to tell him the inner workings of my mind. He’d feel guilty, or he’d get upset, and I don’t want either of those things to happen right now.
“I don’t know,” I respond, dodging his question again.
He moves one of his hands to my jaw, like I did with him earlier, coaxing me to look at him. Numpty . He knows it’ll break down every wall I’m trying to build between us.
“You can tell me,” he whispers, like it’s a secret that only I am meant to hear. “It’s okay, I won’t get mad at you.”
I’m not sure if I believe him. Crowley , I have to believe him. I’ve been trying to get him to open up to me for so long; I can’t shut down on him now. That would be profoundly hypocritical of me.
Lowering my gaze, I take a deep breath.
“I guess I was just...I don’t know. Jealous.”
He huffs a laugh. “Yeah, I got that much,” he says with a smile. “Can you tell me why?”
There’s no chance of me getting out of this.
SIMON
I can pinpoint the moment that Baz realizes that I’m not letting him get out of this, and it’s like the floodgates open.
He pauses for a moment before starting to speak. “It was the way the two of you were looking at each other, which is stupid and unfair, I know, because she’s your friend and you haven’t seen her since everything happened back at Watford, and I was handling it, but then she looked like she was uncomfortable that I was there, and you told her we were just on a truce, and I understand why you did it and I’m not mad at-”
I cut him off by pressing my lips to his, and he immediately melts into me. I’m still holding one of his hands, but his other hand moves up to my wrist next to his face, sliding down my arm to rest on my shoulder, snaking down to my waist and pulling me closer.
I’m moving slowly, trying to be gentle with him. I need him to know that he has no reason to be jealous. I need him to know that I care about him.
He’s letting me lead him, and I can feel him breathing softly against my face. I move my thumb over his cheekbone. I’m caressing him, and it might be stupid, but it makes him happy. It makes me happy.
I pull back slightly and rest my forehead against his. His eyes are still closed, and I smile and whisper, “I love you.”
We say that now, and I think it’s important for him to know in this moment. That I love him. That I always will. That I’m not leaving, ever.
He smiles back at me. “I love you, too, Simon.”
He knows I love it when he calls me by my first name, so he does it more these days.
We sit there for a moment, breathing the same air, basking in each other’s presence.
“Can we go back out there?” I ask after a while.
He smiles softly. “I think so,” he replies. “I’ll try my best not to shout at your friends this time.”
PENNY
I realize when I hear Simon’s door open that the boys are coming back. I trust that Simon’s got Baz under control, but I still worry about what might happen when Agatha and Baz see each other again.
They come down the hall holding hands, and Baz looks considerably less upset than he was when he left.
No one says anything when they enter the living room again. Simon looks at Baz and Baz looks at the floor for a moment, then looks up at Agatha.
“I would like to apologize, Wellbelove, for my...outburst. It was unwarranted, and I hope you can find it somewhere in yourself to forgive me,” Baz says smoothly.
Agatha blinks. “I don’t know, Basil, is Simon making you say this?”
Simon half-smiles. “A little, but he does mean it.”
“I can speak for myself, Snow,” Baz interjects. He lets go of Simon’s hand and takes a step toward Agatha. “I know that I am subpar at apologies, but I hope you know that I am genuinely sorry for the way I treated you at school, and earlier. It is good to see you doing well,” he says, looking Agatha directly in the eye.
Everyone pauses, waiting for Agatha’s reply. “Simon, does he make you happy?”
Simon smiles widely and looks at Baz again. “Yeah. He really does.” I don’t miss the soft smile that Baz sends Simon.
Agatha laughs lightly. “Then I suppose there’s no problems here.”
SIMON
I sigh in relief at Agatha’s response. I’m glad she doesn’t have a problem with me and Baz, and I’m glad we got all the awkwardness out of the way. I was worried her whole visit was going to be uncomfortable.
Eventually, we all lapse back into normal conversation. Agatha and Baz are throwing lighthearted side comments at each other, Penny’s laughing loudly, and I realize how much I’ve wanted this. Everyone I love, all together.
It’s been difficult. It has. But Baz and Penny have been getting me through it, and Agatha’s willing to be patient with me. I’m so happy I have all of them.
It’s nice. I’m glad we get to have this.