Chapter Text
It was a calm day. The sun was shining brightly, the clouds were just a wisp of white in the sky, and yet the chilly throes of spring left Tosh rubbing her hands against her arms in an attempt to warm herself.
On some days, Cardiff Bay looked serene and beautiful, a place to waste away a day as the public ambled around, unaware of all that went on beneath their feet, underneath the pavement and down into the depths of the Hub. Other days, such as this mid-May morning, Cardiff Bay felt empty. Children were at school, adults away doing office jobs, and Cardiff Bay felt as bereft and cold as the autopsy room now did.
Losing Owen had been one of the hardest things Tosh had ever had to go through. And she’d been put through it twice . The residual regret, the pain, the all-encompassing guilt that it was her fault and that it should’ve been her instead still lingered, fading away over the months but reappearing like a faithful dog when she least expected it to.
(“You can’t blame yourself for this, Tosh,” she remembered Jack saying, barely two days after everything had happened. “If you hadn’t done this, the whole of Cardiff would’ve disappeared, just like that.” Jack snapped his fingers. “You saved the entirety of South Wales - hell, probably the whole country, and I’m proud of you.”
“But you weren’t to blame for killing the person you loved!” Tosh had wanted to scream, had wanted to shout and punch Jack. “You still have Ianto; you don’t know how I feel-”
And then Tosh had looked up into Jack’s eyes, the same pair that had been trapped underground, buried beneath the ground and earth for two long millennia. He’d been put there by his own brother, and Tosh had realised that there was nobody else who understood more than Jack did. The brother who Jack felt he had failed, that Jack had condemned to a life of insanity and torture, and that sobering thought was enough for Tosh to cry over. She had sobbed into Jack’s arms as he held her close, protecting her because he felt it was the only thing he could do anymore.
They’d all lost so much.)
In moments like these, Tosh could remember Owen for who he really was. A grimy old bastard, she thought, making herself laugh even as the cold stung her eyes and caused them to water.
“Go on then, who is it?”
Tosh jolted from her thoughts, her face changing expression as quickly as a wink.
“I beg your pardon?” Tosh asked, turning to look at the person who had spoken.
The woman who stood in front of her was - quite simply put - beautiful. The bright sun reflected off her, turning her skin a golden brown as her eyes shone with something entirely welcoming. Her lopsided grin revealed a soft dimple on her left cheek which Tosh found herself somehow fixated on.
“You’ve got that look about you,” she elaborated, her voice warm. “That haunted look people get when someone breaks their heart. What happened?”
Tosh took a moment to consider the woman beside her, with her shoulder length brown hair that swayed slightly in the breeze.
“He died.”
The woman took a visible step backwards. Tosh hadn’t noticed that they’d gotten so close. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Tosh said. “Happened a while ago.”
“Were you… close?”
“Best friends,” Tosh said, closing her eyes in memory. “Well, some days. Other days I wondered if he even knew I existed. Which was stupid; we’d worked together for years.”
“Do… you wanna talk about it?” the woman offered.
Tosh snorted quietly. “Even if I were legally allowed to, I don’t think I would.”
“Legally allowed…?” The woman took a moment to pause. “I won’t ask, in that case.”
For a few minutes, nothing happened. The sun continued to shine, the wind picked up slightly and chilled Tosh even more than before, and the strange woman just stood there, eyes on the water.
“I think I’ve caught you on a bad day,” she finally said, breaking the silence. “If you wanna try this again when you’re feeling more up to it, here.”
Tosh watched as she reached into her bag, pulling out a sticky note and a pen.
“I’m a secretary, always prepared,” she explained, quickly scribbling something down and passing it over. “I’ll see you if I see you.”
The woman walked away with one last brilliant, world-stopping smile, and Tosh let out a long sigh. She looked down at the name and number scribbled onto the paper. The thing was, in that one moment, Tosh could see herself falling entirely in love with the glowing, wonderful Lois.
Which was why Tosh screwed up the note into a tight ball and shoved it to the furthest depth of her coat pocket, destined never to be seen again.
Two weeks later, Tosh and Jack were out on a mission. Gwen and Ianto were otherwise indisposed, dealing with the fallout from a stray traxafollicator that had wreaked havoc on the city centre earlier in the day. That had left Jack and Tosh to investigate the rumours surrounding a particularly carnivorous CEO.
Jack stormed into the building, his coat billowing behind him dramatically as Tosh hurried to follow him. By the time she had caught up, he was leaning up against the welcome desk, head resting on his hand as he plastered on his most persuasive smile. Tosh rolled her eyes and looked towards the poor worker who’d no doubt fallen for Jack’s charms immediately…
… and saw a familiar pair of eyes match her own, less warmly than Tosh remembered.
“Long time no see,” Lois drawled, her expression not betraying any hints as to her thoughts.
Tosh felt her cheeks inexplicable heat up, embarrassment flaring as a tinge of guilt twisted in her gut. “Oh, er, yes. Sorry,” Tosh said, stammering. “Bit busy at work.”
From beside her, Tosh could see Jack looking between the two of them, his frozen grin slowly morphing into a hideously gleeful smirk.
“Jack, this is Lois,” Tosh introduced. Jack thrust his hand forwards, taking hold of Lois’ hand.
“It’s so nice to meet one of Tosh’s friends.” He smirked, putting emphasis on the last word. Tosh had to hold herself back from punching him there and then.
“Tosh,” Lois said, mulling over the name as she glanced towards the woman herself. “Nice name. You never told me.”
Jack’s eyebrows immediately shot up, and yes - Tosh was certainly blushing now.
“Okay…” Jack trailed off, stepping away from the desk, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “I’m gonna go use the facilities.”
Jack jerked a thumb in a random direction, ignoring the daggers that Tosh was sending his way.
“Just down the hallway, second door on the-” Lois tried, but Jack was already walking off. He looked at Tosh and twisted his third finger inside his other palm, their non-verbal code for ‘keep distracting her’. With her back turned away from Lois, Tosh gave Jack the most threatening glare she could muster up, along with their ‘fuck you’ signal. (That signal was more universally recognisable.)
Putting her middle finger back down and plastering a smile back onto her face, Tosh turned back to Lois.
“So,” Lois spoke. “You and Jack. Looking to, er, open a joint bank account?”
Tosh stared at Lois for a very confused moment, before she remembered which business they were currently investigating.
“Oh!” she exclaimed, nervous laughter escaping her. “No, nothing like that.”
Tosh didn’t know if she was imagining the way Lois’ smile eased slightly or not. “So, what are you doing here?”
“We, er-” Tosh muttered, wondering why every thought had left her brain. They’d gone over their cover story before arriving - even if Jack had changed the plan slightly and abandoned her - so why couldn’t she remember any of the details? Briefly, Tosh wondered if it had anything to do with the practically sinful lipstick that Lois was wearing, a deep red colour that perfectly highlighted her lips and made Tosh want to find out what Lois’ wide smile would feel like pressed up against her own-
“It’s okay if you and him are - well,” Lois said, quirking an eyebrow. “I mean, he’s very handsome. I’d go for him, if he was my type. You know, not a guy.”
Tosh, jolted out of her pretty obvious stare, now chose Lois’ last few words to fixate on. “Not a guy?”
Lois gave her a calculated look, regarding her. “Yeah,” she replied slowly. “I thought I made that pretty obvious.”
“I,” Tosh began again, and then suddenly shook her head as Lois’ earlier statement registered in her head. “Oh, no, Jack and I aren’t - well, he’s gay for a start, and - no, wait, he’s not gay; we don’t think he uses labels - but he’s currently dating another guy, my coworker - in fact, we’re all co-workers, and-”
Tosh decided this was a good point to just stop speaking.
Thankfully, Lois only burst into laughter, and then - oh God, it was like the entire world had stopped spinning on its axis. The way Lois’ grin split open on her face and the crinkled laugh lines that broke out around her eyes (not even mentioning her unrestrained, musical laugh) were almost too much for Tosh.
“Tosh,” Lois said, and Tosh tried to ignore how her name on Lois’ lips made her feel. “Start again.”
Letting out a deep breath, Tosh backpedaled. “I am not dating Jack; he’s my boss. We’re here to talk about our company finance.”
“Your boss?” Lois parried, now leaning on her hand. “And you said he was dating your coworker? Interesting work dynamic.”
“Ah, it’s nothing weird or anything,” Tosh defended. “We’re a small group, quite close. More of a second family of sorts.”
“Sounds cosy,” Lois teased gently, before her smile dropped a fraction. “Your best friend - you said you’d worked together.”
Tosh’s shoulders slumped, the memory of Owen suddenly hitting her like a train. “Yeah. He was one of us, too.”
Suddenly, a warm hand was covering her own, which Tosh hadn’t even realised was resting on the table. “I’m sorry,” Lois said, squeezing her hand gently before she pulled back.
“It’s okay. Like you said, you just caught me on a bad day before.”
Tosh lifted her head up and met Lois’ gaze. “Bad day, huh? Does that mean that if I try to give you my number again, you’d-”
“Tosh!”
Tosh whirled away from the desk, turning to see Jack running at her from the opposite side of the room than he’d left out of. “Time to go!” Jack shouted, vaguely out of breath as he came to a standstill.
He looked between the two of them once more, then clapped Tosh on her back. “Well, it was lovely to meet you, Lois. You might want to send a cleaning crew up to the top floor. Bit of a mess, I heard someone say.”
With that, he was running back out, dragging Tosh away with him. “I’ll see you around,” Tosh managed to squeak out, before she was pulled through the revolving door and back out onto the streets of Cardiff.
“What happened?” Tosh asked as soon as they were out of the busy street.
“Turns out our flesh-eating friend was quite far from home - I sent him packing. He put up a bit of a fight, which I’ll never say no to,” Jack explained, opening the door to the SUV as they reached it. He stopped with his hand on the door, staring at Tosh. “But more importantly: did you get her number?”
“What?” Tosh spluttered, standing like a deer in headlights. She ducked down and got into the passenger seat, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear. “No. You barged in and ruined the moment.”
Jack let out a dramatic sigh, pulling the gear stick into reverse. “I gave you long enough,” he said exasperatedly, then flashed her a grin. “You know, Tosh, I didn’t have you down as the type to forgo introductions.”
Tosh groaned and leant her head back against the seat. “Nothing even happened between us.”
Jack raised a disbelieving eyebrow at her. “Right.”
“I swear!” Tosh defended. “We just… met once, on the Plass.”
“Okay,” Jack said, not convinced. He focused on the road for a few seconds as they started the drive back to the Hub. “But she is really pretty.”
“God, I know,” Tosh muttered, putting her head in her hands as they continued on their journey.
From her seat in the crowded bar, Tosh idly swirled her glass of wine, trying to listen in on Gwen and Rhys’ conversation. They’d been here for a few hours, the three of them plus Jack and Ianto - who’d gone to get the next round at least ten minutes ago but hadn’t been seen since. Tosh didn’t really want to think about what they were up to.
Tosh watched as Rhys clumsily slid closer to Gwen, no doubt thinking he was being subtle in his movement. Sighing, Tosh wondered if it would be best to call it a night at this point, hailing a taxi to take her home while she was still sober enough that she wouldn’t feel it in the morning.
That was when she caught sight of a familiar mop of dark hair, sitting alone at the bar with an almost invitingly empty chair beside her.
Well. Bumping into each other one time was luck, two times just a coincidence. But three? Surely that was a sign.
As Tosh approached, she noticed the dark blue, low-cut blouse Lois was wearing, a black skirt going down beneath her knees. Tosh quickly brushed down her own dress, hoping her make-up hadn’t smudged early on in the evening. She barely even glanced back at her table, drink in hand as she tried to convince herself that this wasn’t a bad idea.
“Is this seat taken?”
Lois turned her head, eyes widening with recognition before they were moving in a quick once over of Tosh’s appearance.
“You owe me a job.”
Whatever else Tosh had been expecting to hear, this wasn’t it. “I beg your pardon?”
Lois’ face cracked, her grin splitting open once more. “So,” she began, gesturing the seat next to her, which Tosh promptly sat down in. “After you and your boss’ little stunt the other day, we found something out. Turns out our director wasn’t so much a banker as he was a wanker.”
Tosh tried not to snort too loudly, masking the noise with a sip of her wine.
“He disappears off the face of the earth. Nobody can find him - and what’s worse, it turns out he’d been embezzling our funds. We go bankrupt like that.”
Tosh tore her eyes away from Lois’ moving, lip-glossed lips, instead staring at her fingers as they quickly snapped. Tosh turned back to now stare at her eyes. She’d done something very pretty to them, a shimmer of eyeshadow that turned her irises into kaleidoscopes - and since when did Tosh think idyllic thoughts like that?
“How’s that our fault?” she asked back.
“Well, your boss was supposedly the last person who saw our boss before he did a runner,” Lois explained, and Tosh shifted uncomfortably. “You wouldn’t have any idea why that would be, would you?”
“No clue,” Tosh said, trying to get the thoughts of alien spaceships out of her head.
“What even is your job, then?” Lois asked, taking a sip of her pale pink drink. It looked like some kind of gin, Tosh presumed, and resolutely didn’t focus on the way her neck moved as she swallowed. “Some kind of private investigators?”
“It’s classified,” Tosh hastened to reply, and Lois’ eyebrows raised just as quickly.
“Oh, classified ?” she asked, leaning forwards. “Does that line usually work?”
Tosh blushed. “It’s not a line. I’m being serious.”
“Well,” Lois said, leaning in close to Tosh’s ear. “It’s working, regardless.”
As Lois pulled back slightly, Tosh put her wine glass down on the table. Now locking eyes with Lois, she realised how close their faces were to each other.
And then they were kissing, and Tosh was finally finding out just what the lips that she’d been thinking about for weeks really felt like.
They moved against each other with an ease, which Tosh put down to the buzz of alcohol running through their systems. At some point, Lois had moved across and was now sitting, straddling her thighs as they shared the chair Tosh was on. Warm bodies were pressed up against each other as hands ran through hair, across arms, around waists.
“You wanna get out of here?” Lois asked, retreating from the kiss at last. Tosh groaned as Lois subtly shifted her hips on Tosh’s lap, nodding in answer to the question.
They made their way to the exit quickly, hands interlocked and drinks abandoned. As they stepped outside and the cool air hit their faces, Tosh tugged on Lois’ arm, dragging her to the edge of the alley directly next to the pub. With liquid confidence fueling her, Tosh pushed Lois up against the wall before her partner had a chance to react, Tosh’s arms holding her in place. They stared at each other, panting with dark, wide eyes, and then Tosh was attacking Lois’ mouth again with renewed vigour.
A loud yelp brought them both out of the moment, and Tosh swung her head to the side and saw-
“Tosh?” Ianto asked, his voice rough. He looked thoroughly debauched, lips pink, eyes wide, and shirt ruffled. From beside him, Tosh turned her eyes to Jack, the far-too-familiar leer already in place on his face.
“Ianto,” Tosh said, feeling as entirely mortified as her friend looked.
“Don’t let us interrupt you,” Jack said, leaning back in to attach himself on Ianto’s neck again, much to Ianto’s discomfort.
“Jack…” Ianto warned, trying to move away but only succeeding in giving Jack better access.
“The more the merrier,” Tosh just about heard Jack mutter, and that was enough to snap her out of her momentary stupor.
She turned back to Lois, who was looking unfairly attractive whilst biting her bottom lip and smirking at Tosh, leaning casually up against the wall. Tosh couldn’t help but lean back in.
“Yours or mine?” Tosh mumbled against Lois’ lips.
“Mine’s a two minute walk away,” Lois replied, satisfying Tosh with how rough her voice was
With a gleam in her eye, Tosh grabbed Lois’ wrist and pulled them back out of the alley, ignoring the jeers and “get it, Tosh!” that she could hear from Jack behind them.
Tosh woke up in a bed that wasn’t hers, in a room that she didn’t recognise, next to a woman who she very much did remember.
The bed was warm, the white duvet not too heavy nor too thin, and the pillow felt heavenly against Tosh’s head. There was a real feel of contentment about the scene, helped greatly by the soft noises coming from a sleeping Lois on her right. Her hair was loose and slightly messy as she slept on her side, facing Tosh. (Tosh suddenly got a flash of a memory of her fist in that hair, tugging helplessly against it as Lois took control. She blushed.)
As if sensing someone staring at her, Lois chose that moment to wake up. Her eyelids fluttered, muscles stretching and tensing as she slowly awoke. Tosh kept down a laugh as Lois’ eyes caught sight of her, with the duvet covering her chest but showing bare shoulders and a wide expanse of skin. If her memory served her right, Tosh knew there would be quite a few marks littered across her neck, which she assumed was why Lois was currently staring at it.
“Good morning,” Tosh began, realising how dry her throat felt.
“Mhm,” Lois groaned. “Certainly is a good morning.”
Tosh laughed quietly, a soft smile falling onto her face. She was incredibly glad that Lois’ first reaction hadn’t been to freak out - or worse, immediately show regret about what had happened last night. It had been a lot of fun, and even though she may have had a bit of alcohol to help her make a move, Tosh couldn’t deny the attraction she felt towards Lois. She certainly wouldn’t mind more morning wake-ups like this.
As if proving how comfortable she felt, Lois got out of bed, entirely naked. Tosh felt her eyes go wide and was thankful when Lois put a dressing gown on, turning to face her.
“Tea, coffee?”
“Uh,” Tosh said, eyes still slightly bleary from sleep. “Coffee would be great, thanks.”
“I’ll leave you to get ready then.” Lois flashed her a grin and left, the noise of feet going down the stairs being heard. “Spare toothbrush in the bathroom cupboard!”
Tosh immediately threw her head back against the pillow, letting out a long sigh.
By the time she’d made it down to the kitchen, dressed in yesterday’s clothes, the smell of coffee was strong. The kitchen was small, big enough for one person yet obviously lived in. There was a blue theme running through the appliances, with yellow lights giving the room a homely feel.
“Here you go!” Lois said brightly, appearing in front of Tosh with a mug of coffee before Tosh had even had time to spot her.
“Thanks,” Tosh replied, taking a small sip before deciding it was too hot to drink still. She put it down on a coaster on the small kitchen table, sitting down in a wooden chair.
“I take it you’re not a morning person, then?”
Tosh snorted. “Usually, yes. After a night of drinking wine? Not so much.”
Lois laughed, and Tosh was reminded just how much she liked the sound. “I don’t have much in, but I can scrape together some brunch if you want? How’s scrambled egg sound?”
“Wonderful, thank you,” Tosh answered, watching as Lois got up and opened her fridge to collect ingredients.
“So, have you got much on this weekend?” Tosh asked.
“Not much. Job hunting, mainly,” she replied airily, and Tosh flinched.
“Ah. Sorry again about the whole-”
“It’s okay,” Lois interrupted. “If I were really mad at you, I wouldn’t have invited you in last night.”
“You’ve got a point.”
Tosh walked over to the stove and gently knocked her shoulder against Lois’. “Can I do anything to help?”
“You can put some bread into the toaster for me,” Lois suggested, and Tosh got to it.
Ten minutes later, brunch was made.Tosh hadn’t realised quite how hungry she was until she was handed a plateful of eggs and a matching set of cutlery.
They sat in warm silence, the air around them only slightly tense with the usual awkwardness of confrontation the morning after. Though Tosh had only met Lois briefly two times prior to the previous night, she felt like she’d known the other a lot better than she really did. They made casual conversation; Tosh complemented the food, Lois argued with her when Tosh started filling up the sink and taking the dirty plates from the table, and they felt quite comfortable around the other.
“What time is it?” Tosh asked from the kitchen sink, her hands soapy.
“Just gone ten-thirty,” Lois answered, tea towel in hand as she dried up. The entire scene was oddly domestic, all things considered.
“Damn it, I need to go,” Tosh said, putting the last plate on the draining board and drying her hands on a towel. “My boss will be wondering where I am by now.”
Lois snorted. “Doubt it. That was him we bumped into last night, right?”
Tosh groaned and dropped her head, suddenly remembering what had happened. “I’m mortified. Absolutely. I can’t ever turn up to work again.”
“It’s not like he wasn’t doing the same,” Lois pointed out, grinning.
“Yeah, but that’s different. He was with Ianto.”
“Your other co-worker?”
“One of them,” Tosh replied. “You haven’t met Gwen yet, nor Ow-”
Tosh broke off and closed her eyes. Oh God. Way to kill the mood.
“That’s…” Lois offered, hand suddenly over Tosh’s on the table. “I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. I just… forgot,” Tosh said, the realisation making something feel heavy in her stomach. How could she have forgotten?
Lois didn’t look like she knew what to say, so Tosh took pity on her and walked towards the hallway. “I should go. My boss really will kill me if I’m not in soon.”
As Tosh began to pull her coat on, Lois leaned against the doorway, hands folded across her chest. “Can I get you to actually take my number this time, at least?”
Tosh froze, her mouth opening and closing a few times. “I… My job, it’s a bit full on. I don’t know if I’m ready to - well, you know. I don’t have much free time, and-”
“It’s fine. Obviously, you’re not over this guy yet,” Lois said, ignoring the weak protests Tosh started to put up. “And that’s okay. Healing will take a while. Last night was just a bit of fun, yeah? Doesn’t have to mean anything.”
Tosh nodded, eyes downcast.
“But that doesn’t mean that we can’t still be friends,” she said, taking Tosh’s hand in her own and giving her a brilliant smile.
“Friends?” Tosh managed to get out.
“Friends,” Lois affirmed, before an eyebrow raised. “And, you know, if you ever get lonely at night…”
Tosh laughed, almost nervously. “Oh yeah. Last night was pretty fun. Would be a shame not to, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” Lois teased, reaching a hand over for Tosh’s phone. When Tosh got it back, she saw it was open on a new contact page:
Lois ;-)
Work passed slowly over the next few days. Tosh had waited half a day before caving in and messaging Lois, striking up a casual conversation that got her through the long hours spent at the Hub. Jack kept sending her knowing glances as he caught her texting, and Ianto had offered one stammered attempt at asking how she and Lois were doing.
One thing had turned into another, and after checking her rift predictor, Tosh had suggested they met up for dinner on Wednesday. Nothing romantic, just a catch-up over a meal to see where the night would take them.
The only problem was sneaking away early from work without attracting her friends’ attention.
“Where are you off to, Tosh?” Gwen asked, seeing her coworker pick up her bag after tidying away her desk.
“Home early. Rift predictor said it would be a quiet night,” she casually responded. After a pause, she added, “I checked with Jack.”
“Oh, right,” Gwen said, sounding distracted enough that Tosh almost thought she was going to be able to leave unnoticed.
“You off, Tosh?” a loud, American voice called, and Jack stepped out from his office. Ianto followed a few moments after. “Have fun tonight.”
Tosh closed her eyes and cursed under her breath.
“Tonight? So you are doing something?” Gwen asked.
“Tosh has a date.” Jack grinned, voice melodic and teasing.
“It’s not a date,” Tosh defended, turning back to see three blank, disbelieving stares. “I’m just meeting up with a friend for dinner.”
“And would this friend happen to be called Lois by any chance?”
Tosh tried not to blush.
“Oh, is this where I find out why Tosh left us last Friday at the pub?” Gwen asked, catching on. She grinned widely at her friend.
“You’re finding out in a better way than I did…” Ianto grumbled.
While the attention turned to Ianto, Tosh took that as her cue to start sneaking her way towards the exit. “I’ll see you all tomorrow!” she called from the door.
“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!” Jack shouted back, and Tosh let out a snort.
Contrary to what her coworkers were thinking, the pub Tosh was meeting Lois at was in no way a posh, romantic attraction. It was perfect for what they wanted - a quick, easy meal, which had cheap enough bills that there would be no need for arguments over who was paying. And alcohol. Definitely alcohol.
“Slow day?” Lois asked Tosh over her fish and chips. Apparently, fish and chips was Lois’ way of judging a pub she hadn’t been to before.
“Very,” Tosh replied after swallowing her mouthful. She reached for her wine and took a small sip. “It’s a nice change, though. After getting used to seventy-two hour shifts, you learn to appreciate the slow days.”
“Seventy-two hours?” Lois raised an eyebrow. “You know, some days I’m glad I don’t know what your job is.”
Tosh cracked her a smile and changed the subject. “No luck with your job searches, then?”
“Nowhere’s hiring this time of year,” Lois moaned, using a speared chip on her fork to frustratedly gesture. “Nowhere permanent, anyway. I could get something temporary for a while, if I really can’t find anything.”
“I’m sorry,” Tosh apologised, pushing a piece of penne around her plate.
Lois tutted. “Stop apologising. You know I was only joking about it being your fault.”
Tosh gave a half shrug and watched as Lois ate her chip, her face turning thoughtful. “I’d give it a seven.”
“Seven?”
“Out of ten,” Lois elaborated. “The chips are excellent, but they didn’t drain the fish well enough. It’s got too much oil on it for my liking. But I’ll give the pub a bonus point for the wine and company.”
Tosh grinned bashfully, taking her last mouthful of pasta. “The wine is quite nice,” she agreed. “And it’s good to have company, for a change.”
“You don’t know many people?”
“Not outside of work. I don’t really have the time, and my job isn’t exactly great for planning ahead. I’m surprised I haven’t been called in yet this evening, actually.”
Lois laughed, though she looked vaguely discontent. “Doesn’t it ever get too much? Spending all your time at work, the unreliability of your hours, the lack of free time.”
“It’s brilliant, though,” Tosh said, her brain trailing away into deep thought. “The things I’ve seen; what I’ve achieved working there. It’s indescribable.”
Tosh snapped her eyes away from her thoughts and saw that Lois was staring right at her, a soft smile on her face. “But… it does get lonely, from time to time,” Tosh continued. “Sometimes I realise just what it’s taking away from me. I’m missing out on an entire life of normality.”
“Then,” Lois said, bending forwards and taking Tosh’s hands in hers. “Let me be your normality. Let me remind you what it feels like to live .”
Tosh couldn’t remember who paid the bill at the pub, but she could remember how Lois felt, lips on hers, bodies pressed so tight against each other that Tosh didn’t know where she ended and Lois began. And for one night, as Lois’ hand was slowly creeping up Tosh’s skirt, Tosh forgot about the world of Torchwood - forgot about the five am Rift alerts and the painfully long all-nighters - and just lived.
There wasn’t really a word for how Tosh felt towards Lois. It was a mix of everything - deep admiration of a person so kind, and yet hilariously funny and bold, who would actually listen to Tosh and choose to spend time with her . There was an immense attraction, both physically and emotionally, the same feeling Tosh had felt when Lois turned and walked away on the Plass the first day they met. This was a woman Tosh could fall in love with, if she wanted to let herself.
But they weren’t in that kind of a relationship. The promise was there, but deeper than any romantic attraction was their firmly-rooted, intense friendship, borne out of coffee shop conversations and evening pub meals (with a healthy amount of simply fantastic sex too). Through the weeks they spent together, Tosh found herself tethered to the outside world, thoughts not wholly surrounding Torchwood and her job. And finally, just finally, Tosh was beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel of her grief. She wasn’t forgetting Owen - wasn’t just replacing him - but was starting to think back on memories of him with fondness and laughter, rather than despair and regret.
Of course, there were bad days too. Healing was a process, and something Tosh had learnt she didn’t have full control over. But now she had someone to turn to, someone who didn’t necessarily know Owen, but could tell what he had meant to her.
“I’ve got an entire bloody English degree,” Lois said one evening from her sofa, her head on Tosh’s lap as idly watched some crappy TV show to pass the time. “I spent four years of my life slaving away for that, and I can’t even get a bloody job.”
Tosh combed her fingers through Lois’ hair, gently offering her own comfort. For as much as Lois was there for her, Tosh was always there in return.
“It’s not your fault. It’s mid June - nowhere’s hiring this time of year,” she consoled, feeling Lois’ body rise and fall with a long sigh.
“Is it me?” Lois asked, voice timid and quiet. “I often wonder if I’m doing the wrong thing. It took me so long to get that banking job, and I lost it within six months.”
“Shh,” Tosh said, leaning down to press a soft kiss to Lois’ temple. “It’s not you, I promise. Just wait - someone’s gonna eventually see how brilliant you are.”
Lois laughed, her shoulders shaking against Tosh’s lap. Tosh felt something stir inside her as Lois brought her fingers up to gently trace the back of her knee, fingertips pressing softly up her thigh as her hand moved. Lois rolled over so that she was no longer facing the TV but instead looking up at Tosh.
“You always know just what to say, don’t you?” she asked, and Tosh responded by leaning down and pulling her into a deep, awkwardly angled kiss.
And then there were far better things for Tosh to be saying (though, calling Lois brilliant was certainly mentioned at least a few more times that night).