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Geralt has seen a great deal of curses before.
Heck, he’s even been cursed before. Usually it is a truthteller one, a true classic, and no one thinks twice about it. Normally it’s easily solved after some awkward as fuck questions and some very intense teasing.
But this time there is something else going on.
Nothing he says is true.
Nothing.
Not the grass is green or the sky is blue. Not that his name is Geralt or that his favorite animals are bards.
(Bards are feral and therefore counts as animals. Not telling anyone they are his favorites, though.)
It is one of those times where Geralt travels alone. Of course he does. So there is not anyone to notice, not really.
When they ask obvious things, of course he gets strange looks. It makes his life hella difficult when they ask him how much he wants to get paid, which usually end up giving him nothing. Or if they ask him if he is a witcher, and he ends up saying no.
Or on a memorable occasion, someone asks him if he eats children.
Which, of course he doesn’t. So naturally the curse makes him say yes. And he is chased out of the village with torches and pitchforks of doom.
On the bright side, the curse doesn’t stop him from asking questions to others.
All of this could be funny. Some of it is, when people thinks he is being rude, sarcastic or joking. It could be, except Gealt prefers very much not to lie when he can.
He seeks help from a mage, but when he asks if he needs help Geralt ends up saying no.
And the mage slams the door in his face.
Then his path crosses with Jaskier.
Which is both a relief and a fucking pain in the ass. Jaskier talks nonstop, he asks rhetorical questions all the time, and Geralt is trying his hardest to keep his mouth shut.
“I have heard that wyverns are not real dragons, Geralt. Is that really true?”
“No.” Geralt grits out. Fuck.
“I knew it! Because I read this poem you see and-”
Ugh.
“And then there was this old professor back in oxenfurt. I swear he has never seen a real drowner in his life. I have seen a great deal of them, no thanks to you my friend. I just don’t remember what color they have when they are young, would you fill me in here Geralt? I really would like to shut that old wheezer up.”
“Pink.”
Geralt is so frustrated. His frown is deeper set that ever before.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Huh! The more you know I suppose.” Jaskier muses, tapping a finger on his chin. “You are the expert after all.”
“No, I'm not.”
“Yes Geralt, this is not the time to be humble.”
“Yes it is.” Maybe, if he lies enough Jaskier will pick up on it.
But alas, Jaskier does what everyone else does.
“Geralt are you alright?”
Fuck.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?” and oh Geralt wishes he would ask it another way.
“Yes.” He lies again. Jaskier studies him, sees his deep set frown, and lets it go.
Geralt would appreciate it any other night, but by now this is rather troublesome.
“Jaskier. I don’t need your help.” Fuck this is so frustrating.
“No, I get it Geralt. It’s alright, I will leave you be. I know I annoy you sometimes.”
“Yes you do.”
Fuck. FUCK.
The bard looks hurt and turns away. Geralt puts his head in his hands and groans. This is such a disaster.
They spend another few days awkwardly side by side.
It takes some time, but Geralt finally figures out a new strategy.
“Jaskier. I don’t want to ask you this.”
“...Alright?”
“If there was something… different with me, would you notice?” Geralt has been looking for a way to phrase this.
“I suppose? Oh no, is that why you were annoyed with me? Did you change your hair?”
“Yes. Fuck!” This is so fucking annoying. He wishes he could straight out say it, but no, why would any curse work like that?!
“You’re joking right? You haven’t changed your hair in the last few decades I’ve been with you.”
Wait. Has it really been that long? Huh.
“I have.”
He really hasn’t. Maybe he should.
Is that the cost to make someone notice? Geralt sighs and looks up at the sky.
The clouds are hanging low and preparing for a real downpour. Maybe he can use that.
“Looks like the sun is coming out.” Geralt comments, looking intensely at Jaskier, hoping he will pick up on it.
“Really? Looks like rain to me.”
“Nah, I'm thinking snow tonight. It seems cold enough.”
It sure as hell doesn’t. It is in the middle of summer, and Jaskier sure is dumb if he isn’t picking up on this.
Jaskier is picking up on something, luckily.
He shifts and get right up in Geralt's face. The bard smells nice, his intense stare is doing something to him.
“Do you want me to notice something Geralt?” Jaskier asks, studying him closely.
“No.” Geralt lies softly, heat rising to his cheeks.
It is interesting, because that is half lie, half truth. There are things he would rather Jaskier didn’t notice. Like the blush he is wearing right now for instance. Among other, similar things.
They stare at each other for a few seconds. Geralt is trying to ignore how close the bard is, focusing on how to phrase himself.
“Don’t come closer.” Geralt all but whispers, hoping the bard doesn’t hear. It slips out, and he finds it hard to understand the rules of the curse.
Jaskiers eyebrow twitch and he leans back just a little.
How does he say this the easiest way?
“Roach is a goat.” Geralt begins. Swallows. Hoping Jaskier forgets his first statement. “Bunnies can fly. The sky is green.”
“Geralt? What?” Jaskier tilts his head in confusion.
“Ask me something.” Geralt says, he is starting to feel desperate. He must look like it too, because Jaskier is looking a bit worried.
“Alright? Uh… How many fingers am I holding up?” Jaskier holds up both hands.
“Two.” Geralt lies, and finally something clicks in Jaskiers head.
He hopes.
Or that was his neck doing something unholy when he straightened up. It didn’t sound good anyhow.
“Why are you lying Geralt?”
“I am telling the truth.”
“No you are not. What is my name?”
“Sandra.” Alright that is funny. Geralt smirks a little, finding himself hilarious. Jaskier lifts an eyebrow.
“I am guessing you asked me that for a reason, Geralt, please take this seriously. Is something the matter?”
“I don’t know.” Geralt says, and oh? That is interesting.
He does know, but at the same time, he guesses it depends on what the specific matter is. There is nothing wrong with him, more than the lying. There are things that trouble him, sure, but nothing ails him really.
“Alright. I really think it is going to rain, so lets find shelter for tonight, and then lets figure this out.” Jaskier says, and sure, that sounds very reasonable.
They find a small hut, probably just a place for a shepherd to sleep from time to time, but it suits them just fine.
They settle in, feeding Roach outside and brushing her down.
Geralt makes himself comfortable on the floor, partially because Jaskier becomes a right terror if he sleeps poorly and partially because there is no way he is going to share that small space with someone that smells that good.
The only reason Geralt is alive today is thanks to his self preservation.
(Also not true, most of the time it was Vesemir or Triss….)
Jaskier comes inside and settles opposite of Geralt on the bedroll, legs crossed and eyes lazerfocused.
“So.” Jaskier begins.
“So.” Geralt echoes with a soft smile.
Hopefully they will get this sorted out and Jaskier can do the speaking with the next mage or sorceress they come across.
“Let's try to sort this out, this thing you won’t tell me. I don’t really understand what’s going on, but it seems important to you.”
Geralt shakes his head, even his body betraying him.
“What is it that you don’t want me to notice?”
Stupid fucking question Jaskier.
“My extra toes.” Geralt says sarcastically.
“You don’t have extra toes?” Jaskier asks with a frown. He has seen Geralts toes, but probably never counted them. Which makes sense, supposedly, that is a weird thing to do out of the blue.
“I do.” Geralt says, rolling his eyes.
“Alright, we are letting that go.”
Good boy, Geralt thinks. And then flushes, because that brings other scenarios to his mind.
“Why are you blushing?” Jaskier asks, tilting his head again.
Gosh, why does he keep doing that? Doesn’t he know how endearing that is?
“Because I'm warm.” Geralt lies, and thank fuck for lying and not truthing in this instance.
But it doesn’t help Jaskier figure things out at all, so...
“I want to cut my hair.” Geralt blurts, and only the thought of it stings. He cringes, despite the curse.
It really came down to the hair, huh?
“Are you sure?” Jaskier asks, lifting one perfect eyebrow.
“Yes.”
“Like, right now? You want me to cut your hair?”
“No.” Oh shit. Oh fuck. Wait, he does? This is not… what he thought was going to happen here. He did not realize that himself.
“Make up your mind, stupid.” Jaskier says, shaking his head with a smile. “Why can’t you just tell me what you want me to figure out?”
Oh that is the real question right there. What will come out this time?
“Because I enjoy hiding things from you.”
“Oh. Geralt, that didn’t sound true at all.”
Geralt pointedly raises his eyebrows and hopes Jaskier will connect the dots.
Jaskier raises his eyebrows right back.
Idiot.
“Becaaauusseee?” Geralt asks, trying to make him think.
“Oh. Wait.” Geralt waits. “WAIT!”
Finally.
“Are you actually hiding something from me? Geralt. You hate lying. Why do you keep lying?”
“I tell you everything.” Geralt says and hmmm. “Hmmm.”
He does not like that reply.
“Was that a lie too? Geralt, are you compelled to lie? And if you are, we are circling back to that fucking statement later.”
“It wasn’t a lie.” Geralt is both relieved and scared out of his mind. There are some questions he really doesn't want Jaskier to ask when he figured it out.
“I guess you wouldn’t tell me if that's so, thinking about it.”
Clever bard.
"Alright, so I am going to try to ask you a few things. Is that alright?”
Geralt is not sure how to respond to that, because of his previous thoughts. Humming and grunting seems to work, so he does that and let's Jaskier make his own conclusions.
Which, to be fair, is actually often a bad idea.
“It should be things I know to be true. Alright, tell me this.”
Jaskier lifts his left hand.
“Which hand am I holding up?”
“Your right.”
“Hm. How many rings are on my fingers?”
“Four hundred.” Close enough. Jaskier has so many rings. Jaskier squints.
“How’s. My. Singing.” Jaskier asks, leaning forward.
Geralt isn’t scard of Jaskier. Not at all. But remember that thing about bards being feral? Yeah, be very fucking careful. And of course this is what he would ask.
“Like ordering a pie and finding out it has no filling.” Geralt lies.
It was a lie back then too.
Jaskiers mouth opens and closes.
“I fucking knew it!!” Jaskier looks smug as fuck and Geralt is both emberassed and relieved. He have been wanting to clear that up for a while, but he is not sure how nor if he would be believed.
“Sweet vindication!!”
Geralt gives Jaskier exactly three seconds to bask in it and then he flicks Jaskiers forehead.
“You done?”
“Almost. Alright yes, I'm done. Geralt, is this a curse?”
“No.”
“Huh. Do you know how to break it?”
“No.”
“Oh, that’s convenient. I'm guessing you won’t be able to tell me, but curse breaking sounds magical. Do we need to visit a magician?”
“No.” Geralt smirks, happy to finally be getting somewhere.
“Alright! I guess we know where we are headed tomorrow!”
Jaskier rises up and stretches. His tunic strains across his chest and Geralt gulps.
“Are you really alright with sleeping on the floor?” Jaskier asks, and fuck.
“Yes.” Geralt grits out and Jaskier’s eyebrows rise, then shifts into a frown.
“Oh. Geralt my dear, you are allowed to tell me these things.”
Geralt looks away, embarrassed where he sits. Jaskier steps up to him, catches his chin and makes him look up and meet those blue eyes.
“Why haven’t you said something? Wait. That is not an easy question to reply to.”
Geralt does anyway.
“Because I don’t want to share it with you.”
Fuck.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
Geralt flinches back, Jaskiers mouth opens in surprise.
Time to flee. Time to fucking go.
Embarrassment and shame course through him, he rises up and storms out the door.
To Roach. To his safe place.
She startles when the door bangs open, trots a few steps away before she realizes it's him. Then she stops and allows him close.
She is so wonderful.
One of the best Roaches he has ever had. He pets her fondly, trying to calm his racing head and heart. The first raindrop hits his skin, but both he and Roach ignore it.
“Geralt.” comes softly from the door behind him. “I won’t ask any more questions. Please come inside.”
Geralt breathes in the cool, humid air. Rain has a very nice smell.
Roach tires of him and walks away towards the trees to take shelter. Clever girl. Fine.
Geralt turns, his inside like a stirred ants nest, and looks at Jaskier across the distance.
“Come on.” Jaskier urges. “We need to get to sleep if we are going to travel all day tomorrow.”
Alright, fair. Geralt breathes in through his nose slowly and breathes out from his mouths.
Bards do not scare him.
He is fine.
He steps inside again. Jaskier stands by the wall waiting for him.
“Get on the bed. It’s not like we haven’t shared before. And it is much more comfortable than the floor.” Jaskier says with a careful smile. He seems nervous too.
They strip down to more sleep appropriate clothes. Geralt lets Jaskier climb in first, so that he can place himself between Jaskier and the door.
Just to be safe.
They lie down, back to back. It is quiet. The rain pattering on the roof above, the occasional dripping from where the roof is leaking.
Thankfully not above the bed though.
“Can I ask you something?” Jaskier asks quietly behind him. Damnit. “I will respect it if you don’t want me to.”
“No.”
Yes. Fuck it all. He can barely lie to himself anymore.
“Thank you. Why do you keep pushing me away?”
That… is a very complicated question.
“That’s easy.” Geralt lies. “You stink.”
Wait. Did his brain just go with the literal reason? Not the emotional one? Handy. But also very unhandy.
Jaskier snorts in the darkness.
“You think I smell good?”
“No.”
Jaskier chuckles, and then Geralt can feel him shifting behind him.
“Really, it’s so typical for you. It takes getting cursed to talk about the important things, without talking about them.”
A hand presses against his back, sliding over his shoulder blade and across his side.
“Tell me if I'm overstepping.” Jaskier whispers, shuffling closer still and wraps his arms around him in a hug.
Geralt shivers, full body shivers. Jaskier is warm behind him, his forehead pressed against the back of Geralt's head. Every puff of breath hits Geralt's skin, and his nerves are tingling and he wants to run.
“For the record. I think you smell nice too. Good night Geralt.”
“Good morning.” Geralt murmurs, and Jaskier chuckles.
The mage they find laughs.
Long and loud.
“Would you kindly stop laughing and fix this?!” Jaskier hisses, and Geralt stands quietly behind him. The mage wipes tears from their eyes and tries to catch their breath.
“That is the best thing I have heard all day. Lying curse! I need to do that too.”
“The fuck you will.” Jaskier growls.
Feral.
Geralt smirks where he stands behind his bard.
Well. Not really his bard. He would like him to be.
It took him lying to everyone to stop lying to himself, it would seem. Interesting concept.
“You will lift this curse right this instant, or so help you I will shove my entire lute up your ass.” Jaskier growls.
The mage seems to realize the threat, finally, and takes a step back.
“Fine, fine, take it down a notch, bardling.” They say and roll their eyes. “Witcher, go sit in that bathtub while I fix the herbs. Yes, keep that stupid ab armor on. It is cursed as well.”
Geralt walks out of the mages house dripping wet, but a free man.
Jaskier waits for him with Roach on the outside, a small smile playing on his lips.
“Now that you don’t feel compelled to lie, would you mind us having a talk?” Jaskier asks him. “Don’t think I don’t remember you saying you are keeping things from me.”
Ah, shit. He had hoped Jaskier would forget about that one.
“Fine. But you have things you need to tell me too.” Geralt grumbles, trying to scare Jaskier away from it, squeezing out herbal water from his hair.
Jaskier walks real close to Geralt, right up in his face and winks.
“Oh, my sweet witcher. There are a great deal of things I would like to tell you too.”
Geralt gulps, blushes, and those ants in his chest are making a quick return.