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Lance, Hunk, and Pidge were silently sitting around a table in the cafeteria. Pidge was scrolling through a page of code, pretending to process it when in reality nothing stuck. Hunk had just set hot drinks in front of the three of them. Lance thanked him but only stared blankly at the steaming liquid inside. He glanced up at each of them then back to the drink. He didn’t want to see their expressions after what he was going to say. They were going to be disappointed in him.
"When we get back to Earth, I’m going home to my family's farm." The solemn air of the room turned to shock.
“For how long?” Pidge looked up from her screen.
“For good…” He braced himself for their reactions.
"What? Lance you love flying!" Hunk was quick to exclaim and jump to his feet. The table shook. Pidge nodded her agreement, giving up on her screen.
"The Garrison even offered you a job as a fighter pilot. That's what you always wanted!"
Lance rubbed at the markings under his eyes, it was a habit he had picked up on in the days since Allura sacrificed herself for the sake of reality. He had done it so often since then that it was beginning to feel raw.
It didn't take a genius to notice he hadn't been himself in that time. Lance McClain cared an awful lot for his appearance. Through living with him at the Galaxy Garrison, Hunk had learned that his self care wasn’t about his ego it was about keeping one thing constant among all of the change around him. Oftentimes, it was where most of his confidence came from. Now there were dark bags under his eyes and his skin was not as smooth as it used to be. Paired with the reddening skin around his Altean markings, the Lance everyone knew seemed to be falling apart.
"I've just been tired lately. I don't feel like myself." No one could refute his claim. It was true. "I think taking a step away from space for a while is what I need. I'm going to spend some time with my family and figure out what exactly I want now that everything is over."
As the conversation lulled, Keith and his mother walked through the door across the room. Upon sensing the mood Krolia's ears twitched. Keith's attention fell on the person who resembled the blue paladin. They hadn't had a proper conversation since the fight with Honerva. Keith had never been Lance's go to when he needed someone to talk to and as the leader of Voltron, recently Keith was constantly running around playing diplomat. What he desperately wanted was just to be there for his team, his family.
"Is everything alright?" He approached the group cautiously, taking a seat beside Lance at the table.
Pidge spoke first, "Lance is going to retire." She was clearly upset.
"Retire? Lance is barely 20, what are you talking about?" Keith turned to look at Lance and found him fiddling with his Altean marks. He noticed the way the skin under his eyes was reddened and irritated.
"I'm moving back to my family's farm. I'm taking a break, maybe for good, from space."
"Lance don't be silly, you love space!" Keith could feel hurt swelling in his chest. He couldn't lose another teammate so soon. He struggled to find more words to say and decided instead to drag Lance to his feet and towards the door. "Let's talk." He left the others in silent confusion without another word.
"Keith, come on. It's not like you guys won't see me again." Keith was still dragging Lance by his arm down the hall. Even if Lance could mask his voice, he couldn’t mask how his arm was shaking. When they reached the observatory he practically punched the keys in before stepping inside.
The observatory was fashioned after the one in the Castle of Lions. Keith let go of Lance to fiddle with the computer in the middle of the room.
"Do you really hate space that much?"
"No I-"
"You're really willing to give up on your dream!"
"That's not-"
"It is! You know Allura wouldn't want this for you! Everyone can see how much you love flying. Not to mention all of the alien species you've managed to befriend." Keith hit a button and visions of all of the planets they had visited flashed around the room. Arus, the Bulmera, Olkarion, even the Space Mall and even the Blade of Marmora. Lance sucked in his breath and reached for his marks again. Keith grabbed his wrist.
"Stop, you've already rubbed it red. Doesn't it hurt?"
At that, Lance snapped. "Yes it hurts! It all hurts! I'm tired of losing people I care about! I'm tired of all the casualties that we have to get up the next day and put behind us. I'm just... so tired Keith. And now that it’s over, we’ll all be going our own ways too. Hunk wants to join Coran, Shiro’s busy being a commander now, you’ll go back to the Blade of Marmora, and Pidge will probably be halfway across the galaxy making friends with the universe’s next Einstein! What’s the point of staying if everyone leaves?" His eyes brimmed with tears and he gave little warning before collapsing into his shoulder. "I can't take anymore of it." He cried into Keith's shoulder, face in his hands. Keith hugged him and rubbed his hand up and down his back as he sobbed.
"But now you don't have to. The Galra Empire is gone. We won."
"This isn't winning, not when we've lost so much. Not when we've lost Allura. Coran didn't even get to say goodbye." Lance lifted his arms and curled them tight around the material on Keith's back.
"Please Lance, just reconsider. I don't want to see you give up on something you've worked your whole life for.” I don’t want to lose you. “You can go home to your family, just don't go forever. We’re your family too." It seemed like Keith had finally said the right thing because Lance took a deep breath and nodded. His hair rubbed against Keith's neck before he stood straight again. Keith rubbed his eyes dry before Lance could get the chance to do it himself.
"Besides, if you don't start taking care of yourself again, I may have to do it for you and I know you don't want that." That got a hint of a genuine smile out of him. Keith let go of his face. "They look good on you by the way."
Lance almost reached for them again but stopped himself. "Coran says Allura gave me some of her magic. He thinks I might live longer now. I didn't tell him but I thought it sounded lonely." He looked down at his feet and jumped when Keith ruffled his hair.
"Well the Galra have long life spans too, so at least you'll have me." Keith bit his tongue, had that sounded like he wanted to replace Lance’s loved ones? But Lance actually smiled then. He even chuckled. It was music to Keith's ears. Lance was already becoming a bit more of himself.
"You’ve gotten pretty good at these talks. Thanks Team Leader."
He gave Lance’s shoulder a squeeze. "That's why I'm here." For a moment they stood still, unsure where to take the conversation next then Lance shuffled to the ground against the computer in the middle of the room. Keith sat beside him. “Something else bothering you?”
“Yeah, but I don’t know if I want to talk about it.” Lance propped his arms against his legs and huffed.
“Okay, then I guess we can just sit here.” He had meant what he said, but Lance spoke up again almost instantly.
“I’ve felt relieved the past week and I feel awful because of it.”
“Relieved about what?” It dawned on Keith and he felt his blood run cold. “Oh. Allura.” Lance nodded. “Is there a reason why?” There was no response and when Keith looked over, Lance was lost in thought, a grimace plastered on his face. He nudged his shoulder to draw him from his thoughts. “Go ahead. I’m not going to judge you.”
“When she said yes to me asking her out, I was so happy. I had been waiting so long for that moment, then it didn’t feel like I thought I would. I didn’t feel any happier, just like I had taken on another burden. I loved Allura, or at least I thought I did. Maybe I did at one point, but I held on to her for so long. Maybe I mistaked respect for love. Funny isn’t it? Lover Boy Lance doesn’t know what love is.” He chuckled in a way that made Keith’s chest sting and touched his Altean marks again. “I just didn’t know how to tell her how I felt when she was going through so much. She died and I was lying to her. I definitely didn’t deserve these marks.” Lance’s hand traveled up to his hair where he tugged on his curls in distress. How could anyone be relieved after their teammate, friend, and incidental girlfriend sacrificed herself to save everyone? He cursed to himself and leaned into Keith’s shoulder.
Keith felt like he should comfort Lance or something but he wasn’t sure what to do and ended up not moving. The lump in his throat made it difficult to find a response to the confession. “Honestly, I didn’t think you two were a good match. It was obvious how much respect you had for her, but she never seemed to have the same.” He paused to see if his opinion was wanted or if he should stop. He took the silence as a pass to continue. “It was out of nowhere too, the princess’s feelings I mean.” He decided against elaborating, the implications were clear. Lance had been a rebound.
“Was she ever there for you like you were there for her?” Keith heard him inhale sharply in response.
“She had a lot on her mind. She thought the Altean’s were gone and then they came back but tried to destroy Voltron and everything she cared about. Anything I was dealing with was nothing compared to that.” Keith could hear the hurt in his voice, not because he had been offended by his claims but because he knew he was right and Lance’s excuse was just that; an excuse.
“I may not be the best person to go to for relationship advice” -Lance laughed- “but I do know that relationships go both ways.”
“That doesn’t make it okay that she’s dead and I’m happy about it.”
“Lance, you’re not happy that she’s dead. You’re relieved that you didn’t have to tell her how you felt and hurt her feelings. That’s okay.”
“It is?”
“Yes, it is. You moved on from Allura, you just didn’t realize it.” The tension in Lance’s shoulders relaxed and he stopped tugging on his hair, sat up straight, and took a deep breath.
“So what do I do now?”
“Move on. However long it takes, you can’t let this weigh you down forever.”
A smile tugged on the corner of Lance’s mouth. “I’m sorry I thought you were just a grumpy, emotionless, jerk for so long. I was wrong.”
Keith smiled, “Yeah well I thought you were just a shallow flirt with no brains. Guess I was wrong too.”
“Hey!” Lance sent him a glare that held no anger. In fact, his mouth was already curled into a smile. The two laughed and Keith nudged his shoulder playfully.
“There’s the Lance I know.”